


Well, Shit.

by Ginger_Pop, jlcamp09



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:32:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 110,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8308564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginger_Pop/pseuds/Ginger_Pop, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlcamp09/pseuds/jlcamp09
Summary: Because when you love someone, you just can’t let them go.





	1. Chapter 1

_ Shit. _

The word echoed in Varric’s head as he thought over the events of the past week. No, every moment since he had written to Bianca about the location of the Thaig where he had first encountered red lyrium. There had been no way he could have foreseen everything that would have happened, everything that had led up to Corypheus getting his spidery hands on the worst thing he could think of and use it to pervert the world further.

As soon as he thought it, a voice whispered at the back of his mind and he knew that wasn’t the truth. Memories of Bartrand locking him to die in that Thaig  came surging back to the forefront of his mind. The dwarf exhaled noisily as he paused in his thinking to drag a hand down his face as he stared into the campfire in front of him, his hand resting over his mouth as he watched the dancing flames. With as bad as red lyrium was, he should have expected the worst to happen. He should have known and seen this coming. 

A flash of hurt went through him at that as a part of his mind protested, saying that he shouldn’t have had to expect the worst. When you tell a loved one something important, you expect them to listen. To heed the warnings that he expressed so vehemently. 

But no, he had warned and he had been ignored. Again. 

What good were all the words he could write and express if the one person who was supposed to trust him, heed him, just ignored him any way?

More pain went through his frame at that. The magnitude of just how much he mattered, or rather the opposite, was rather crushing. He swallowed thickly and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly at the thought that burned his eyes and made his chest heavy with the implications. What good were all the words in the world if the one person he wanted to listen the most tossed them over her shoulder like rubbish? He sighed and scrubbed at his face as he sat up straighter, a muttered “shit” under his breath. 

Cassandra pursed her lips as she looked up from the book in her hands. She’d read the same page twice over now, and still hadn’t taken in the words. Though she wouldn’t admit it out loud, she was concerned about Varric. What they’d found out that day obviously bothered him more than he wanted to let on. He’d been too quiet, a rare thing for the dwarf. Usually she had to tell him that he talked too much. Now, well, she almost felt compelled to prod him, to try to get him to talk. 

She chewed the inside corner of her mouth, wishing Solas or the Inquisitor would say something. She cast a glance at each of them; Solas seemed almost as deep in thought as Varric, and the Inquisitor just met Cassandra’s gaze and shrugged her shoulders. 

Cassandra looked down at the book in her hands again, her eyes scanning over the page once more, but it was far too quiet. She couldn’t concentrate. She never would have believed that she needed some sort of noise to be able to read. Finally, she decided she could stand the silence no longer. “Everyone is very quiet this evening,” she said in what she hoped was a casual tone as she squared her shoulders without looking up from her book.

Solas blinked out of his thoughts at Cassandra’s voice cutting through the silence. He spared a glance at her before his gaze flickered over to the unusually quiet child of the stone. He knew that the knowledge of what they had uncovered that day had shaken them all. He himself knew all too well how the dwarf was feeling, how one’s actions from so long ago could have catastrophic events in the present day. “I believe that we all are still contemplating the events that occurred in Valammar. To discover where Corypheus obtained red lyrium completes a piece of the puzzle that was previously missing, however disconcerting that knowledge may be to some. I believe what the Inquisitor said earlier is true, the damage is already done. The only thing left to be done is to do our best to undo that damage as best as we can moving forward.”

Cassandra pressed her lips thin and looked down at her book again. So much for trying to spark a conversation. She stared blankly at the page, her mind turning over all the information they’d learned that day. It was a bit strange, to meet the real Bianca, to have a face to put with the name now. Though now she almost wished she hadn’t met her. She didn’t know if it was the way Bianca spoke to Varric, to the Inquisitor, or if it was because she’d lied about being the leak, but she didn’t much care for Varric’s love interest. Not that it was any of her business, but something about Bianca was just off-putting. And something else about Bianca bothered her as well… “Varric,” she started without looking up from her book, “Am I to understand that Bianca is… married?”

Hearing the name of the woman he was contemplating only served to irk Varric more than he already was. He could feel his companion’s eyes on him and Maker knew what they were all thinking. He felt an uncharacteristic heat flash across his cheeks as he glanced over at their expectant looks. After his conversation with the Inquisitor, some time ago, about doing better for the Inquisition after Cassandra called him out when he lied about Hawke, he felt more of a failure because he had trusted and it had been thrown back in his face. Bitterly he sat up straighter and gave a haughty look over at the Seeker. He didn’t need a lecture. He needed time to think, to process. “Oh, have we reached the state where we gossip about each other’s love lives?”

He said it with a bit more venom than he intended, but he couldn’t stop it. They had been doing better, leaps and bounds since the Inquisitor convinced him to write the next chapter of Swords and Shields for the Seeker. Part of him screamed at himself that he was undoing everything he had been working on while the other half just said fuck it. Everything was already going to hell anyway and he knew they were probably already thinking that, once again, the dwarf had fucked everything up.

Cassandra raised an eyebrow at his sharp retort and looked up from her book. It was as if she could see the betrayal, the anger, and the hurt written all over his face. And for once, she had a rare, fleeting rush of sympathy for him. This wasn’t like him. Perhaps it was best to just leave him alone. And besides, she certainly didn’t want to discuss her own love life (or lack thereof) with anyone. Least of all him. “Forget I said anything,” she said sharply and crossed one leg over the other as she looked at her book again.

Solas watched the exchange, sharing a look with the Inquisitor as Varric stood up and stalked off to a tent at the edge of camp, disappearing inside. He sat up straighter and looked to the others. “I believe Master Tethras just needs some time to think over the events that have occurred. It is never easy to have one’s trust betrayed by one who is supposed to respect it. He most likely is shouldering the weight of Bianca’s mistakes as his own.” He waved his hand dismissively in the air. “But I do not presume to know the finer details of the circumstances between the two of them.”

“I don’t need to know the ‘finer details’ to know that she’s a bitch,” Ellana said bitterly as she firmly crossed her arms over her chest. A frown pulled at the corners of her mouth. “She lied to Varric. Lied to all of us, trying to get us to fix her mistake. Did you hear how she talked to him? Then - THEN!” she said, shifting around on the log she sat on, her voice going a bit higher as anger made her cheeks flush, “That bitch has the nerve to say to me that if I get Varric killed, she’ll feed me my own eyeballs! Right, because she’s innocent, isn’t she? It’s not like she gave the red lyrium to Corypheus.” The Inquisitor paused and rolled her eyes. “Feed me my own eyeballs. Try it, bitch,” she muttered under her breath. “I’ll open up a Fade rift on your head and feed  _ you  _ to the demons.”

Solas covered a laugh as a cough. “Indeed, vhenan.” His smile fell a moment later as he spared a glance at the tent that the dwarf had disappeared into. “Far be it from me to wallow in the gossip, but this Bianca of his certainly seemed to know all too well exactly what to say to have Varric come to her aid on the matter. Hardly either one is without blame, but the betrayal on Bianca’s part must be stinging him still. It is never easy to have someone you hold close to your heart betray you in such a fashion.”

“I cannot imagine,” Cassandra said softly. She finally bookmarked her place and set the book aside, giving up on getting any reading done that evening. “I think I shall go to bed,” she said as she stood and stretched slightly. She frowned again at the suggestive look the Inquisitor gave Solas. “Ugh,” she groaned. “I know where I am  _ not  _ sleeping tonight.” No way was she going to sleep in the same tent as those two, especially with the looks they were giving one another. The night before, she’d shared the tent with Ellana. Obviously that was not an option tonight. 

She turned on her heel and strode over to the tent Varric had crawled into, and hesitated. Another irritated huff escaped her before she yanked back the flap and stepped in, throwing her bedroll on the ground. “Are you awake?” she asked when she saw him lying flat on his back, his eyes closed. He didn’t answer, but she continued on anyway, “I don’t like this, but I suspect I would like it even less if I had to share a tent with Solas and the Inquisitor.” She kicked her bedroll out flat and laid down on it with a huff. “We’ll just both pretend the other isn’t here. Agreed?” She frowned when only silence met her ears. “Good.”

Of course he wasn’t asleep yet. His thoughts were plaguing him, hounding him to make sleep impossible. The world seemed intent on throwing everything back in his face that day. His heart ached in a terrible way and he lamented that he could never have a normal relationship as it seemed everyone around him did. Normal was overrated, of course, but it would be nice to know what it was like no matter how brief. He let his eyes open and he stared up at the canopy of the tent. “So, you want to bring Bianca up after all that shit today. Does that mean I get to ask about your conquests?” he asked, the touch of venom in his voice making him wince. His anger wasn’t toward Cassandra. Maker knew what she thought of him now, but he really wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. “Sorry,” he muttered.

She’d figured he wasn’t asleep yet. So much for pretending each other wasn’t there. “I have no conquests,” she snipped back at him.  _ Especially none I would share with you,  _ she thought to herself. She rolled to lay on her back, turning her head to look at him. “I thought perhaps you wanted to talk about it. It doesn’t take much to see that you are upset after what happened today. It was not my intention to pry.” She crossed her arms over her chest and, like him, looked up at the canopy over their heads. “I am not used to you being so quiet. It was… disconcerting. I apologize, I do not know what I was thinking. I am not much good at these sorts of things. Comforting others is not my forte. I will not ask about her again. It is not my business.”

Varric gave a groan and rubbed at his face, feeling a flair of anger at her words. “You don’t mean to pry so you bring it up? Yes, very convincing Seeker. Damn right it’s not your business,” he clipped at her, feeling himself bristling, “I thought you would have jumped at the chance to enjoy my silence. How many times have you told me to just zip it and now that I finally want to be quiet, you just aren’t satisfied. I can’t win, can I?” He turned and looked away from her, muttering, “No matter how much good I try to do, it just keeps getting thrown back in my face. So sorry for the inconvenience.” 

“Are you not the one who constantly goads me for being unsympathetic?” she countered, then dropped her voice to a low growl to try to imitate him, “Oh, I’ll write this down, Cassandra had a feeling. Tell your friends, if you have any. Did you drag all of the members of the Inquisition here by force?” She stopped and frowned deeper at him, recalling all those things he’d said to her on previous occasions. “Excuse me for trying to be a little sympathetic,” she said, her voice to normal once more. “Remind me not to trouble you again when you finally decide to be quiet.” She huffed and looked at him again before she rolled on her other side. “I was trying to be nice to you, you ass.”

Varric snorted, Bianca’s words from the Thaig entrance that very afternoon coming back to slap him in the face and he couldn’t stop himself as he rolled his eyes. The words spilled from his mouth before his brain had much time to actually process what he was saying, “Yeah, well, we see what happened the last time someone tried to be nice to me, do me a favor and help me out. Better stop now or you might cause me to start up the next blight and destroy the world. Not that I don’t need anything more on my conscience as it is.” He should shut up, the voice in the back of his head nagged at him. Shut up and let her try to soothe over the wound in his soul from that day. It was too soon, too fresh for anything to help. It just made Bianca’s betrayal that more painful. 

“Oh yes, poor pitiful you. The only one with anything on his conscience,” she mocked and rolled her eyes. “Because none of the rest of us have ever made a mistake. I couldn’t possibly sympathize with you.” She snorted loudly. “I don’t know why I even bother. If you want to lay there and wallow in your misery, be my guest. Just keep it on your side of the tent.” She crossed her arms and stared hard at the tent wall, absolutely fuming. She was angry with him for being so hateful towards her, and even angrier at herself for caring. 

They had only just started to settle into a semi-comfortable angry silence when a new sound met her ears and her eyes widened. Oh, she was not going to lay there and listen to  _ that  _ all night long. Arguing with Varric had to be better to listen to than the sounds coming from the other tent. She promptly turned over towards Varric again. “Why is it that it’s okay for you to poke around in everyone else’s lives but we are not allowed to do the same to you?” she asked, a little too loud in her attempt to drown out Solas and the Inquisitor.

Varric almost had to appreciate the Seeker’s thought process, as he heard exactly what she was trying to cover up when she rolled back over and laid into him again. He was still upset, nothing having the time to settle or even scab over before the Seeker tore fresh wounds for the sake of drowning out their amorous companions. “I don’t go poking around where I’m not wanted, Seeker,” he bit back at her, “I don’t know if you’ve taken the time to notice, but I usually ask, or at least give fair warning before I go bullshitting around in my friend’s lives. Is it that much to ask that I want some Maker damned time to think over everything? I know you think I’ve just fucked up again and you are right, but that doesn’t mean you have to go rubbing it in my face this instant.”

He might as well have slapped her. That wasn’t what she was thinking at all. A scowl crossed her face as the sounds outside their tent grew louder. “You don’t go poking where you aren’t wanted? Yes, because Dorian always seems so thrilled when you ask for details about him and Bull. Blackwall is always willing to share his past when you ask, isn’t he?” she shot back. “You poke whether you’re wanted or not and you damn well know it. It was a simple question. I was only trying to start a conversation so you could get it off your chest.” She huffed at him, feeling angrier by the minute. “And I wasn’t thinking that you messed anything up, just so you know. If I did, I would have already said it by now. But it’s nice to know that you think me so judgmental.”

A headache was coming on, well on its way to making certain that along with Chuckles and the Inquisitor, he wasn’t going to get any sleep that night. He snorted. “Have you met yourself, Seeker? I am pretty sure judgemental is one of your many names,” he retorted and glanced over at her. He could practically see her eyes burning in the darkness of the tent. “And let’s be honest with each other, Seeker. You like honesty, right? The only reason you want to pry into my problems right now is so you can drown out the two lovebirds across the way. Don’t pretend you actually care.”

Cassandra propped herself up on one elbow. “I asked you about this BEFORE they started in. Don’t you remember? When we were outside the tent. Now you’re just twisting things around to make me look like the bad guy here.” She closed her eyes and tried to keep her patience as she heard the Inquisitor call out Solas’s name. “Forget I asked about it. You’re right. I should not care and so I shall stop trying to care. Just do not complain in the future if it seems I do not care then either. This is what I get for - oh for Andraste’s sake. Would you two be quiet?!” she shouted at the tent wall when she heard a particularly loud cry of passion. She glared at Varric again. “Forget it,” she said and flopped back on her bedroll.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the both of them, punctuated by sharp gasps and moans from the tent next to them. As Bianca’s voice played over in his head, pleading with him to understand why she had betrayed his trust and do the one thing he asked her to not do with lyrium, he almost wished he could keep the Seeker arguing with him. As it was, he felt exhausted and he was so damn tired of fighting. His head felt as though someone had shoved hot spikes into his temple. He pushed himself onto his side, decidedly away from the woman. “Gladly,” he muttered, the word heavy upon his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow, Varric managed to fall into a dreamless sleep. One of the reasons he was glad to be a dwarf. He couldn’t imagine how terrible the night would have been if he had closed his eyes only to be plagued in his sleep by the events of the day. He gave a heavy sigh as he stretched from where he laid and froze at the feeling of warmth against his back. Not that he was complaining at being cozy when he fully expected to once again wake up, cold on the ground as was custom whenever their little band traveled anywhere. 

Slowly, he pushed himself up, casting a glance behind him as he peered through the still grey of the morning. Somehow during the night, the Seeker had turned over to curl up closer to his back during the night. He nearly snorted as he glanced over her relaxed features, the crease that she normally sported between her brow was gone, taking years off of her features. She looked peaceful. 

He groaned and shook his head as he turned from her. He could still feel the lingering headache from the events of yesterday and last night and he had no desire to start it up again with the Seeker this early in the morning just because she woke up to find him studying her. 

Varric pushed himself away from her, scooting down on his bedroll while he reached for his pack at the foot of his bed and searched for his soap. As long as he was up, he might as well get a headstart on getting ready. The sooner they were back at Skyhold, the sooner he could forget about…

His thoughts were halted suddenly as his fingers brushed against a folded up scrap of parchment under his bar of soap. He kept all of his parchment rolled up neatly with the ink and quills he had in a special canister he wore on his belt, for when inspiration would suddenly strike. He knew that this wasn’t his and he could feel his stomach twist in knots as he pulled it out and flicked the note open. He was met with the familiar, delicate script of Bianca’s handwriting. An address was written in the middle of the page along with a quick  _ “come stop by and see my new workshop.” _

He closed his eyes at the onslaught of emotions that washed over him. Varric scrubbed at his face, stopping the groan he could feel trying to work its way out of his throat. The emotions that swirled around him, he thought, were probably enough to give him a heart attack. “Nevermind red lyrium, Corypheus and demons,” he muttered under his breath. He closed his eyes as he thought about it. No matter how angry he was, she had at the core of her actions, been trying to look out for him. Even though he specifically told her not to mess with that shit. Then, maybe they could have a chance to talk it out without the prying eyes of the Inquisitor or the Seeker judging them. 

Varric knew it was a bad idea, but that seemed to be what dictated his life now. He shoved the note back inside his pack, mentally ticking off what he would need to do for the assassins that would no doubt be coming after him in the near future. He shook his head and grabbed the soap out of his pack and headed out of the tent, cursing himself the whole way to the river.

It surprised Cassandra to wake to an empty tent. Normally, she was the first in camp to wake up and Varric the last. She wondered if perhaps she’d overslept, but no. The light told her it was still early morning. With a yawn, she stretched and got up, pulled on her armor, and headed outside. She could hear Solas and the Inquisitor starting to wake and she wrinkled her nose at their tent as she remembered all the sounds from the night before. Part of her was tempted to scold them, but at the same time, it was rather romantic and she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

She stopped in her tracks when she saw Varric on a horse, looking like he was ready to head out. “Why are you up so early?” she asked suspiciously. It was usually like pulling teeth to try to get him up when they were out on missions, and back at Skyhold he was known to sleep in until lunch. She sighed. “Give me a moment and I’ll have the tent down and we can head back to Skyhold,” she said, thinking he must’ve just been eager to get back and put some space between himself and everything that had happened the day before.

Varric looked over to the Seeker as he finished securing his pack to the saddle, picking up the reins to the horse. He didn’t much care for travel, but he was going to be damned if he rode a blasted pony. “No need, Seeker,” he said cooly, remembering their spat from last night, “I’ve got some business I need to take care of and I thought I’d be nice and give you the peace and quiet on your way back to Skyhold.” He could see the look of distrust forming in her eyes as well as the little crease back between her brow. He forced himself not to roll his eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t be giving away any Inquisition secrets. This is just… something I have to take care of,” he muttered and looked off into the distance a moment before he cast a glance at the Inquisitor’s tent as the two elves emerged, “I’ll be back in Skyhold before you know it. A few days.” 

Ellana was surprised to see him about to depart, but she gave a nod. After everything that had happened with Bianca, she couldn’t blame him for wanting some time to himself. “Alright, Varric,” she said. If he said he would be back, she believed him. “We’ll see you when you get back.”

Now Cassandra’s curiosity was really killing her, but she wasn’t in the mood for another argument. Especially with how cold he was being that morning. Part of her wondered if he’d truly return to Skyhold or not. It wasn’t like he wanted to be there in the first place. “Do you really intend to…” She stopped herself. He was no longer her prisoner, she’d tried to send him away when it all first began. He could make his own choices. “Never mind,” she muttered and turned to go back to the tent to gather up her things for the return journey to Skyhold. 

Varric heard the unspoken question in her voice and he spared the woman a look as he gripped the strips of leather in his hands tighter. “Don’t worry, Seeker. I wouldn’t dream of running off now. I’d hate for you to waste your time kidnapping me again,” he said and turned his horse towards the path and urged it forward. He could hear her muttered ‘Ugh’ and he couldn’t stop the little curve of his lips upwards. Something about getting on her last nerves just made him feel a little better. He looked at the road ahead, wondering what the hell he was doing.

* * *

 

He wondered all the way as he made his way to the address on the scrap of paper in his pack. Bianca’s workshop. She would have beaten him there, she was a bit of a night owl on a normal day. He knew she would have traveled during the night to get back home. Not too mention, it was easier to sneak in and out of the house without being seen under the cover of darkness. He shook his head and scrubbed at his face as he looked up at the afternoon sun as he neared a house on the outskirts of Val Royeaux. 

Looking around, he could admire the location and the discretion with which people could come and go. No doubt something that Bianca had specified whenever she and what’s his name were looking to build. Maybe he’d get lucky this time and there wouldn’t be any assassins to come from this little side trip of his. He dismounted with great care, still landing on the ground in a way that made his knees hurt. He gave the horse a look as he brushed the dust from his pants and stood up straighter to run a hand over his hair. He felt apprehensive about what was to come, the events of yesterday still heavy on his mind. He would hear her out. He owed her that much, he figured as he went up and knocked on the door. The sound seemed to echo around him.

As was the norm for her, Bianca was leaned over a table in her workshop, tinkering away with her newest project late into the evening. She gave a little jump when she heard the knock at the door and she nearly shouted that the shop was closed, but then her heart gave a little leap. She hurried over to the door and flung it open, a smile splitting her face when she saw Varric there. Without a word, she grabbed his wrist, yanked him into the shop, and slammed the door behind him. “Varric,” she breathed, butterflies in her stomach. It seemed ages since they’d had a moment alone together. She threw her arms around his neck and crushed her lips to his, her eyes fluttering shut as a sigh escaped her.

Varric blinked, his arms suddenly full of the woman. Her enthusiasm was enough to push him back into the closed door as she eagerly pressed herself against him. His heart gave a lurch and he couldn’t stop himself as his eyes slid closed and he held her for just a moment kissing her. He forced himself to lift his arms, grasping hers as he pushed her away. “Bianca, stop.” he said, looking at her pleadingly, “We can’t do that this time. Shit, Bianca.” He breathed and let go of her when he was certain she wouldn’t jump in his arms again. “I’m still upset.”

Bianca was hurt and confused. “What do you mean we can’t?” she asked. “Bogdan won’t be home for days.” She paused, seeing the look in his eyes. “You’re still mad about the lyrium.” She sighed and took a step back from him. “I know I should have listened to you. I never should have let anyone else know about it. I know I was wrong, I know I messed up. But I’ve done everything I can to make it right. Varric, I’m sorry,” she said softly. She felt guilty enough as it was without him being angry with her. She didn’t know if she could take that as well. “If I could undo it, I would. I would in a heartbeat. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

He felt terrible at the look in her eyes, but shit, he couldn’t even begin to stress how disappointed he was. “I wish you had listened, trusted me. When have I ever steered you wrong?” he asked, as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “I told you to stay away from it for a reason and now the damage has been done. Taking back the key after all the lyrium is already out in the world does little good to all the lives it’s claimed in the years since you let it get out. Lives that are now, by the way, weighing heavily on my shoulders again. I am sick and tired of screwing up like this, Bianca! I trusted you.”

Her eyes stung, but she didn’t let herself cry in front of him. She knew. She knew how bad it was. “It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I should have listened. I just… I wanted to know more about it. I thought I could help if I understood it better. I didn’t mean for all of this to happen.” She covered her face with her hands and drew a deep breath to calm her emotions. She should have known he would want to talk about this more, especially since they were alone. But part of her had expected for him to come in and they’d pick up right where they’d left off, just like they always did. Every time they’d met up before, it was like no time had passed and they easily just fell back into how it had been. But this time, she could see that that was not the case. “What do you want me to do, Varric? How can I make it right? Tell me and I’ll do it.”

Varric let out a shaky breath, their eyes locking together. He frowned at the way her eyes had misted up and he stepped forward, reaching up to cup her cheek as he used his thumb to brush away the wayward drops. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand why she had done what she did. She was curious by nature, always wanting to explore and take things apart until she knew how they worked inside and out. He remembered what she had said in the cave, how she wanted to help Bartrand. “Shit, I don’t know. I just don’t like to see you get hurt. If there’s a way to help Bartrand, this stuff isn’t it. It just corrupts everything it touches. If something happened to you as well, I would never be able to forgive myself. The damage is done.”

She leaned into his touch, her heart fluttering a little at the feel of his warm, calloused palm against her cheek. “I’m sorry, Varric,” she whispered and nuzzled into his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm. “I thought that if I could figure it out, maybe I could help. I know now that’s not the case. If I’d known before, I wouldn’t have done this.” She wasn’t certain what to do now, if he would be receptive to her touch, or if she should give him some space. She took a step closer, and when he didn’t back away, she closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around his neck again. A long sigh escaped her at the feel of him in her arms again. Maker, she missed him. 

Varric closed his eyes as she leaned her head against his own and he let out a heavy sigh, as he let his arms come up around her. He was so damn tired of everything. He was conflicted, of course and just for a moment he wished he could have a normal life with this woman. But she couldn’t have what she had now if she had married him. He was still a casteless dwarf and that would only hinder her brilliant mind. He just loathed being the second choice. He opened his eyes, looking into her own pleading pair. “I know,” he murmured, “I know.” He kissed her gently, studying her gaze again before he gave into his own feelings and kissed her firmly, hesitantly pulling her against him as he wrapped his arms around her.

A soft cry escaped Bianca as Varric kissed her. And just like that, everything else seemed to fade away. There was only him, just the two of them in this space all to themselves. With any luck, her family wouldn’t know Varric was there this time, and Bogdan wouldn’t be home for days. They could enjoy each other for hours and hours without a care in the world. “Varric,” she breathed, trailing kisses along his jaw to his neck where she bit at his skin, then sucked until she left a mark. She pressed herself against him and nibbled at his ear. “Take me upstairs,” she breathed hotly, “Make love to me. Stay with me.”

Oh how he was a fool. A slave to her every suggestion and his heart ached at the thought that all they had were these stolen moments. He pulled back from her, studying her face a moment before he moved, picking her up in his arms, drawing a laugh from them both as he only staggered a little bit. “Shit, I’m not in my twenties any more,” he teased, as it was whenever they managed to meet up. After tonight, he wasn’t sure when they would have a chance to meet up again. 

He kissed her again as he moved towards the stairs he had spied when he first came in. Force of habit. You had to have an escape route no matter what. He sighed against her as he carried her up the stairs, the living area of the house above her workshop. Between their kisses, Bianca managed to tell him which door led to the bed and soon, he was laying her back on the cool sheets, his hand tangling in her hair as he pushed all other thoughts and worries out of his mind. If just for a little while, he wanted to forget. His nimble fingers went for the ties on her breeches and her shirt, pushing the clothing down over her shoulders, kissing the skin as it was exposed to him. 

“Oh Maker,” she gasped as his stubble scraped against her skin, his warm lips teasing her. She pulled at his clothing, stripping it from him until they were both bare. “Mmm, I’ve missed this view,” she purred as her eyes hungrily drank in the vision of him. Her hand reached for his length, her fingers curled around it, and she bit her lip as she began to stroke him. She let her free hand run over his chest, raking her nails through the hair, catching on a nipple as she watched his face for a reaction.

Varric couldn’t stop the shiver that worked through his form as Bianca’s fingers curled around him, her quip familiar in his ear. This was just the same as always, so easy to fall into their usual pattern. At least this time, he didn’t have to make it some quick thing in the darkened corner behind some curtains. He didn’t like being rushed. He groaned as he felt himself hardening further under her ministrations as he let his hands roam over the soft skin he uncovered, cupping her supple breast in his hand, letting his thumb circle of the hardening nipple as he buried his face against her neck. “Bianca,” he sighed, his free hand slipping down to stroke at her slick core.

A cry of pleasure escaped her as he touched her. Oh, he was good. So much better than Bogdan. She nearly frowned at the thought of her husband and pushed him from her mind. Tonight was about Varric, and she didn’t want to think of anything else. She rocked her hips up into his touch, her hand moving faster over his length. “That’s so good,” she breathed and kissed at his shoulder. With her free hand, she wriggled out of her breeches and kicked them away, then pulled at him until she could feel his length against her body. “Please, Varric,” she begged. “I need you. I want you. Please.”

It would take a man with a stronger resolve than himself to resist such a request. He lifted his head, sealing his lips over hers as he trailed his hands over her body a moment before he moved to sit back on his heels as he looked her over. Her face, body was flushed, her nipples a dusky rose. The thought that she wasn’t truly his flashed through his mind, saddening him slightly before he pushed it away and reached down to stroke himself as he slid his finger over her slickness once more, parting her folds with a gentle swipe of his thumb as he moved up to circle her clit as he pressed into her tight heat. “Oh Maker, Bianca,” he groaned as he seated himself within her.

“Varric!” she cried, her throat tightening as she gasped for air. Her mind was already dizzy with pleasure, and they’d only just gotten started. His thumb on her clit was perfect, sending sharp waves of pleasure through her whole body. Her breasts tingled, her toes curled, and another gasp escaped her as his impossibly thick length stretched her body. She hooked one leg over the back of his thigh and pulled him deeper into her as she snapped her hips up to meet him. “That’s it, baby,” she purred, sliding her fingers into his hair. She nibbled at his ear again, moaning softly as his hard length moved within her. “You feel so good inside me.”

He gasped as her breath caressed his ear hotly and he gave a sharp thrust inside of her again, groaning at the decadent sensation of her breath on his ear, her muscles clenching around him just right. “Always did know what to say when I’m at your mercy,” he teased as he leaned down, stealing another kiss from her sweet lips. His blood roared in his ears at the sheer pleasure between them.It was a wonder he heard her heated words at all. “You feel amazing,” he groaned out as he thrust into her over and over.

Bianca clawed at his back, digging her nails into his skin as she bucked up harder, faster, taking him to the hilt. Her core ached with pleasure, a heat pooling and churning low in her belly. “I’m so close,” she breathed as she scratched at his back again. She wanted to make sure when he left, that he would be thinking about this for days. She sucked at his neck again, whimpering as he drove himself into her again. “Varric,” she whined, spreading her legs a little wider, letting him get even deeper inside her. “Varric…” She could feel it, her body tensing up, her muscles contracting around his cock. So close, she was so close… “VARRIC!” she cried out as she came, trembling beneath him as the hot waves of her orgasm consumed her completely.

Feeling Bianca coming undone beneath him, his name a prayer upon her lips was all Varric needed to push him over that blissful edge. His head fell back as he thrust into her once more, calling her name out loudly as he came within her, his length spilling his essence deeply inside of her as he was filled with the bliss of her body. But before he finished, the loud bang of the bedroom door flying open and slamming against the wall behind them caught his attention and he felt his blood freeze in his veins.

Bogdan couldn’t believe his eyes, the bouquet of flowers he had brought home for his love, his wife, fell to the floor as he felt anger and disbelief rush through him. Murder was in his eyes as red filled his vision as he recognized the dwarf taking his wife. “Tethras?!” he roared, his heart crushed to see the love of his life in the throws of passion with this other man. “Bianca, what in the fuck is going on here!?” So much for his plan of surprising his wife with an early return home. His mouth went dry as he tried to find more words, his eyes searching for any weapon he could use to bash in Varric’s head. “You… you’ve betrayed me!”

Bianca practically threw Varric off of her as she stumbled out of the bed. “Bogdan?” she gasped, frantically grabbing up her clothes without taking her eyes off her husband. “You weren’t supposed to be home until next week…” Shit. Shit, shit, shit, she was caught and she didn’t know how she was going to talk her way out of this one. “I… I didn’t mean to,” she gasped as she pulled her clothes on, somehow hoping that would detract from what he’d just seen. Her eyes flickered to the flowers he’d brought and her heart sank. She could see the anger and hurt in his eyes, the fury that flashed there when he looked at Varric, and she moved to put herself between them. “Bogdan, I’m sorry. It’s just, there was a problem and Varric was the only one who could help. When I saw him… I was so lonely while you were away… It was a mistake, Bogdan. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”

Bogdan felt more anger flowing through him at her words, his eyes flickering back towards Varric who was hastily throwing on clothes. “A mistake? A MISTAKE?” He growled and kicked the bundle of flowers across the room with a rustle. “Leaving one of your contraptions on all night is a mistake. Forgetting to set the cat outside is a mistake. This? This is a goddamn betrayal! What problem? You couldn’t wait for me to come back home to warm your bed? I was coming home early to surprise you and this is what I find? The two of you rolling around in OUR bed with each other’s names on your lips? I am going to kill you, Varric!”

Varric felt a protectiveness welling up inside of him. He cursed at himself for becoming so overwhelmed in Bianca that he lost focus. He became alarmed as he was finally dressed only to see Bogdan heading for the small fireplace in the room, grabbing up the iron poker resting next to it and his eyes widened. “Bianca,” he breathed, “Shit!” He felt his stomach twist as the man hefted the makeshift weapon in his hands. His mind was at a loss, drawing a blank while he screamed at himself to make up something, to bullshit his way out of it. It was really hard to bullshit when you’d been caught red-handed.

“No! Bogdan, stop!” Bianca screamed and moved again to put herself in front of Varric before Bogdan could swing at her lover. She put her hands up, stepping side to side to block Bogdan as he tried to get around her. “It WAS a mistake! I shouldn’t have contacted Varric, I shouldn’t have done any of this. Call it a mistake, call it a lapse in judgment, call it whatever, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I regret it and I’m sorry! I’ll never do this again. Just put that thing down, please!” she begged. “I love YOU and no one else. Now please, stop so we can talk about this!”

It was a lie, Varric told himself, the way that Bianca tried to explain her infidelity to her husband, but he had never heard her say that about him. Never. Not in all the years he had known her. She had never called him a mistake. Never said that she regretted anything. He swallowed thickly, his eyes glancing towards the door as he took a small step towards it. “That’s right. Send the assassins, same dance as always,” he muttered.

Bogdan grit his teeth, growling at the two in front of him. “Oh stop, Bianca,” he spat as he raised the poker again, “I know you would lie through your teeth to get whatever you wanted. You are just lying to me to save his bloody hide! He should have never touched you in the first place! Now I’ll make certain he can’t do it again! You are my wife! We took sacred vows. I love you! Does that mean nothing to you?” he asked, his voice reaching a fevered pitch as he glared at Varric. 

“You’re right,” Bianca eagerly agreed, desperate to calm Bogdan down. “This never should have happened. I should never have let him touch me. Never.” Her only thoughts were to get Varric out of there, to make sure he wasn’t hurt, to get Bogdan alone so she could calm him down. Oh, she would be hearing from her family about this as well. Damn it. But she could worry about that later. She could feel tears brimming in her eyes again. “I wish Varric and I had never met. I wish I could take it all back,” she said, trying not to choke on a sob. “I was wrong, I shouldn’t have done this. I messed up. If I could undo it, I would. I didn’t mean for this to happen. Bogdan, I’m sorry. Tell me how to fix this and I’ll do it.”

Bianca might as well have slapped him. All the air in his lungs left him in a rush as her voice cut across his mind like a punch and a doubt crept into his mind at her words. “Bianca,” he breathed, watching in disbelief as Bogdan finally dropped the poker and took the woman into his arms, soothing her hair as he held her, “Tell me you don’t mean that.” She would never say that, she knew that he could take care of himself. That he could handle whatever her family threw at her. He shook his head and firmly told himself she was just lying to save his sad ass and he grabbed up his duster and boots from the floor as he kept his eyes on the two. 

Bogdan growled as he watched the other dwarf making for the door. “You’ve crossed a line, Tethras. I’ll have your head for this! You’ll never see her again, you bastard. Never! Your days are numbered!” he shouted at the retreating form as Varric disappeared out the door and thundered down the stairs. 

Varric couldn’t breathe as he hopped, cramming his boots on before he mounted his horse faster than he could ever recall. No small feat for a dwarf. He didn’t breathe until the horse was galloping away from the house on the path to Skyhold. His mind was a flurry of activity, his blood singing through his veins as he felt tears stinging at his eyes. A mistake. Regretted it already. Wished that they had never met. He knew. He knew that she would say whatever it took to get things back to normal for herself. She would never throw her life away to come away with him. Her work was too important. More important than him. 

Unbidden, tears slipped down his cheeks at the thought as he turned her words over and over in his head. The road in front of him blurred and he gripped the reins tighter. He had a long journey back to the cold castle in the mountains to try and convince himself. To undo the damage that a few simple words had caused to him. He couldn’t help but agree with Bianca on that course of thinking. 

Going to her had been a mistake.


	3. Chapter 3

Nearly two days of traveling the road alone back to Skyhold had done more damage to Varric than he wanted to admit. With no one to talk to, to distract himself, he had done nothing but sit miserably upon his horse and think over and over the encounter. It ended up making him feel sick. He was just the second choice. The inconvenience. Never good enough to convince Bianca to come away with him. Two days of being alone with these thoughts made him feel lower than dirt. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t deal with this shit. There was one thing he needed as he passed through the gates of Skyhold and dismounted at the stables. He needed a stiff drink. 

It was that need that had him heading to the tavern in the waning evening light. He was surprised to find it rather empty for the time of day, but as always, The Iron Bull was present, out of his usual alcove and up at the bar, getting a fresh bottle from Cabot. 

Varric shrugged off his pack as he made his way over to the barstools. “Hey Tiny,” he said tiredly as he moved to take a seat next to the Qunari.

“Varric!” the Iron Bull greeted cheerfully and slid a large mug towards the dwarf. “Here, have a drink.” He lifted his own tankard and swallowed down the searing liquid, only giving one slight cough at the roughness of it. His expression turned serious when he saw the look in Varric’s eyes, how tired and just… broken the dwarf seemed. “You alright?” he asked in a low tone. “You look like someone who needs to get a few things off his chest.”

Varric snorted, but didn’t question the drink that was passed to him. He lifted it up, sniffing at the liquid and nodded at the volatile scent that met his nose. He took a long drink, swallowing deeply before he coughed from the burn that crawled back up his throat. “Shit,” he breathed and set the cup back on the bar, “You don’t know the half of it, Tiny. It’s...complicated.” He drained the rest of the cup and didn’t stop Bull when the man poured more of the strong drink into it. “I’m sure the Inquisitor filled you in when she got back from that business in the Hinterlands.” 

“Yeah, I heard about that,” Bull said as he took another long drink. A pleasant buzz had already settled into his brain. He didn’t quite know what to make of Varric’s situation with Bianca just from the little the Inquisitor had told him. He knew Varric well enough to know that the dwarf was probably blaming himself for this mess. And he also knew that Varric didn’t like to discuss himself if at all possible. He nodded to the drink in Varric’s hand. “Drink,” he said simply and took another swallow of his own. He didn’t look at the dwarf as he asked, “Anything you wanna talk about? Or would you rather just get falling down drunk?”

Varric chuckled at Bull’s words and in response he downed the liquid in his cup, relishing in the burn. As he set the empty cup down on the table, he had a fleeting flash of guilt that getting himself lost in his cups was not the best way to handle the situation. But already two drinks in and his fuzzy mind couldn’t help but to find Bull’s second suggestion very appealing. ‘ _ Just like dear mother _ ,’ his mind poked at him and he shoved that line of thinking away at the flash of fear that went through him. He really, really wanted to stop thinking for at least a few hours. 

Just for a little while.

* * *

 

It was late evening when Cassandra wandered into the tavern. She didn’t often venture in there, but she thought she’d enjoy a glass of wine before retiring to her room to curl up with a book and read herself to sleep. The tavern was rather empty that night, save for a few patrons. Bull was there, as usual, though he looked as though he’d already drank his fill and had passed out on the floor near his chair. But the one that surprised her was Varric, who leaned heavily on the bar, swaying slightly as though he might fall off the stool at any moment. 

She wasn’t sure whether she should say anything to him for fear of sparking another argument. Instead she walked up to the bar and asked for her glass of wine, thinking that it would be best if she just left him alone. Though she couldn’t stop herself from peeking over at him out of the corner of her eye. He looked miserable.

“Seeker!” Varric exclaimed. “You’re just in time,” he slurred, “I was about to order a round for the house!” He leaned heavily on the counter as he turned trying to face her. He swayed dangerously on his stool as he watched Cassandra, his vision going in and out, blurring. He blinked, thrown for a loop for a moment. “Wait, sh-ince when were there two of you?”

Cabot sighed as he wandered over to Cassandra, bottle of wine that he knew to be the Seeker’s favorite in hand. “Lady Cassandra,” he murmured, stealing a glance at Varric before he looked back to the warrior, “Bottle’s on the house if you can get him out of here. He’s been driving me nuts since he got in here and started drinking whatever that shit is that Qunari fellow insists on drinking.” He gave an unhappy look at his fellow dwarf, shaking his head at him. Normally, Varric only had a few beers and always kept his head about him. 

“Ugh,” Cassandra huffed. Part of her wanted to turn her nose up and tell them both to piss off, since Varric had been so hateful to her back at camp. But something about the way he looked pulled at her heart and she didn’t have it in her to retaliate right now when he was so vulnerable. “Fine,” she finally sighed and reached over to snag the bottle of wine out of Cabot’s hands. She turned to Varric, sizing him up for a moment as she thought about how to get him back to his room. “Come,” she said, grabbing his arm and urging him to get off the stool. “The tavern is closing,” she lied, knowing he wouldn’t know what time it really was anyway. “Let’s go have some wine.” She held the bottle up where he could see it. “We can keep drinking in your room.”

Varric eyed the bottle that Cassandra held at his eye level warily for a moment, looking between it and the woman for a moment. “Shit, you would share with me after… after that night?” He gave a groan and stumbled to his feet, the stool behind him tipped over as he reached for his coin purse, fumbling with the ties for a moment before he managed to get a few coins out and tossed them onto the counter. He looked to the fallen stool, stooping down to try and right it. He nearly fell over when he bent over and wavered a moment before he picked the chair up and righted it, holding onto it and staring at it while he tried to make the world stop spinning, “Maybe we can s...stay right here until the room sh..stops.”

“Oh Varric, what were you thinking?” she asked disapprovingly as she watched him. There was no way she’d get him back to his room. All those stairs up to the great hall and then even farther up to his room. She frowned. “Come on,” she said and helped him stand upright. She felt her face flush when he heavily wrapped his arm around her waist and leaned against her. She thought about taking him up the tavern stairs and leaving him for Sera to deal with, but her conscience wouldn’t let her. “Ugh,” she huffed again and dragged him along, thinking of the nearest place she could put him where he could sleep this off. Her room. She nearly fell sideways on top of him when he stumbled, but managed to keep him upright. “What are we going to do with you, dwarf?”

“Take me home,” he slurred. Varric clutched tighter at the solid form against him as he was led outside. The sudden movement made his stomach churn unpleasantly and briefly he wondered if he had too much to drink. He could keep it down, he was sure of it. “Hey… hey, where are we going?” He blinked several times before he groaned, “Shit, my room ish...that way.” He moved to point in a nonsensical direction before his world spun and he clasped a hand to his mouth as he bent over and threw up.  He missed the grass and ended up emptying the last drink he had all over Cassandra’s boots. “Shit,” he breathed, gasping hard.

Cassandra groaned loudly as vomit spattered all over her boots. “Disgusting,” she muttered and continued on, stomping her feet to try and knock most of it off. She nudged open the door with her elbow and paused to slip off her boots before she made her way towards the stairs that led up to her space. “Proud of yourself?” she asked coldly as she helped him up the stairs. By the Maker, he was heavier than she thought he would be. “Varric,  _ walk, _ ” she barked, grabbing onto him with both arms when he swayed heavily again. “I’m going to punch you,” she grumbled as she got him up the next stair. And then the next. “But I’m going to wait until you’re sober so you remember it.”

Varric blinked, trying to set one foot in front of the other, but his legs felt heavier and heavier with each step. He was screwing up. Again. He felt tears gathering in his eyes, stinging his face as he leaned against Cassandra as she helped him up to her level of the smithy. “Fuck, Cass. I can’t do anything right. S’all fucked up and it’s all my fault. Just leave me out in the grass. I don’t deserve anything. I mean, you don’t even like me. I was so horrible to you. You ssshouldn’t have to put up with my sorry ass,” he slurred, “I’m just a mistake.”

“Do not speak like that,” she scolded as they finally made it to her loft. The walk had worn her out more than she’d expected and she let him slump to her bedroll on the floor. “Now,” she said, a bit out of breath as she put her hands on her hips and looked down at him, “What are you talking about? This isn’t like you. Where did you go? What happened that would drive you to drink like this?” Speaking of drinking, she still had the bottle of wine in her hand. She looked at it, then tucked it over in a corner where he wouldn’t be tempted to drink even more.

Varric couldn’t stifle the groan that escaped him as he rolled over to his side, feeling the tears streaking down his face. Shame filled his senses as his alcohol clouded brain warped his world. “Shit, I fucked everything up. The lyrium. Bianca. She called me a mistake. A lapse in judgement. Wished that we never met. Fuck. He caught us. She said all of those things.” He reached out to her, grasping Cassandra’s breeches leg. “Why? Why did she say those things to save me? She could have said anything else, but she said that. She never really loved me, did she? I’m nothing to her. Never good enough. Never. I tried. Seeker, I tried. It wasn’t good enough,” he blubbered, “If she loved me, we could have run away together. Facing the world together with each other at our backs. I would have given her flowers every day, written sonnets, cooked her breakfast. And I can’t cook! I would have learned.” He sobbed, sorrow dragging him into a pit of despair that made his chest heavy. 

A sympathetic frown pulled at her lips as she pieced his words together. She sat down on the floor, her curiosity growing again, but also there was a sense of… pity for him. She’d never seen him so emotional, so torn up over something like this before. “I cannot answer for her, Varric,” she said softly, her tone kinder than she’d ever used with him before. “What you describe sounds… very romantic.” It made her swoon a bit, and she thought she would very much like to read something like that in one of his books. “When you said you had something to take care of, you mean you went to see Bianca?” It all clicked now, and her eyes widened as she figured out what had happened. “Oh Varric. Why would you let her do such a thing to you? And to her husband as well? She… seems like a very selfish person to me.”

More tears flooded his vision and several escaped, slipping down his cheeks, a few over his nose to drip onto the Seeker’s bedroll as she questioned him. His hand fell limply to the side. “It’s not fair. I loved her first. I… shit. I loved her so much it hurt. But, I’m nothing. I’m a mistake. A regret. I couldn’t give her what she wanted. So she chose him over me, but… but she loves me. She wants me. I don’t know what to do, Cass. I’m not good enough for her. She could have come with me. Just now. She could have left everything, but I’m not important enough. I’m nothing. Don’t you understand? I keep fucking up everything I touch. The lyrium, Hawke, Corypheus, Bianca. Everything is my fault and… shit…” He breathed, pressing a hand to his face as he willed the room to stop spinning. He was certain he would throw up again.

“You stop that,” she scolded sharply. “You are not nothing. And you cannot take all the blame upon yourself. You may have played a part in it, but there were others involved as well. It is not entirely your fault.” Hesitantly, she reached out and brushed the tears from his face, though more spilled from his eyes. “She does not deserve you. She is the one who is not good enough. I think you could do far better.” She didn’t know what she was doing, if what she was saying would help at all. She was never very good at this sort of thing. She remembered when she’d asked him about Bianca back at the camp and how he’d thrown her attempt back in her face. Now she thought she understood why he didn’t want to talk about it. He would never say these things if he were sober. And she suspected he would not remember this conversation come morning. “Stop blaming yourself. It’s going to be alright. Somehow.”

Varric blinked up at Cassandra in his drunken stupor, his heart pounding in his ears, and he nearly jerked from the fingers that brushed away the tears on his face. He hurt, mentally, physically, and he couldn’t believe how much he wanted that oblivion to come and take him away. “S’ my fault. You don’t have to deny it. I know you blame me too. I deserve it. I lied. She lied. Everyone lies.” He closed his eyes, feeling the tears still sliding down his face. “Now, I’m stupid and taken your damn bed. You don’t even like me,” he muttered as his stomach gave a lurch. He still felt ill, his lips dry as he laid there, spilling out what had happened at Bianca’s house.

“Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I want to see you miserable,” she said. She watched as he ungracefully sat up on her bedroll. “Please do not vomit in my bed.” She didn’t know what to say, how to make this better. She just wanted him to stop beating himself up. “Varric, you and I both know you are not the most honest person in the world. But… I do believe you have a good heart. I think you could do much better than Bianca. I think you could be happy with someone else. Perhaps it’s time to let her -” Cassandra stopped herself, her eyes wide as Varric drunkenly stripped off his shirt and tossed it aside. “What in Andraste’s name are you doing?!”

The dwarf gasped out as he tossed his tunic aside and fumbled with his belt and tossed it aside as well. “Hot,” he muttered and fumbled with his boots. “Shit, it’s so hot. How do you stand it?” he asked, reaching for his breeches next and shucked them as well before he gingerly laid back in his smalls. He couldn’t remember what he was talking about, but his heart felt so heavy. “I need to do better. I need to be better. I’m so tired. I don’t want to be a mistake. Never wanted it. It’s my lot in life, isn’t it?”

Cassandra felt as though she shouldn’t look at him when he was so indecent, and yet she couldn’t tear her eyes away. She’d never really noticed before how muscular he was, his rounded shoulders and thick biceps, the barely visible abs of his stomach. And oh, that chest hair… She shook her head to try to clear her mind. She shouldn’t be admiring such things about him. “Varric, you are not a mistake. I may not know what the Maker intends for all of us, but I believe he has a plan. And you are part of that plan. You are here for a reason,” she said. “I refuse to believe that you are a mistake. I know we may not always get along, but… I appreciate the part you play in the Inquisition. We need you.”

In his drunken state, Varric felt an indescribable warmth fill him at the woman’s words and he gave her a lopsided grin as he pushed himself to sit up again. The world spun for a moment as the words spilled out past his lips, “Aw, Seeker, you do love me!” he exclaimed as he managed to lean over and wrap his arms around her waist in a tight hug. “And here I thought you were just using me for your secret romance streak,” he murmured against her, swaying slightly when he pulled back to peer up at her. The sudden movements only made his stomach lurch more and he gave a pained groan as he licked at his dry lips. “Shit, I don’t feel so great.”

“You’re not going to vomit on me again, are you?” she asked dryly, though shock ripped through her at his sudden embrace. She knew it was the alcohol talking. She gently but firmly unwrapped his arms from around her and pushed him to lay down. “Rest,” she commanded. “You… well, you won’t feel better in the morning, I suspect, but if you go to sleep you can at least sleep off some of it.” She didn’t even want to think about what he would be like in the morning. It wasn’t going to be pretty, she knew that much. With a sigh, she reached out and brushed some stray hair off his forehead. “Go to sleep. You will be alright.”

He didn’t think he could protest even if he wanted to when Cassandra pushed him back down to the bedroll. Her fingers were cool on the fevered skin of his forehead and he turned into them. Tears brimmed in his eyes as a part of him scolded him for losing all control of his senses to the drink, but he couldn’t care. He still remembered why he had done it in the first place. What was the use of getting falling down ass drunk when you still remembered the shit you wanted to forget? “I’m sorry,” he muttered, letting his eyes close so he could at least try to stem the flow of tears, “Sorry for everything.”


	4. Chapter 4

Cassandra barely slept that night. The few minutes she managed to snooze, she did so sitting up and leaning back against the wall. Varric kept waking up to vomit and mutter incoherently until he passed out again. She offered him the bucket every time he stirred, shushed him when he began to babble again, and covered him with a blanket. Though she wouldn’t admit it aloud, she was concerned for Varric. Much more vomiting and he would be in serious trouble.

She hadn’t thought much of Bianca when she’d briefly met the dwarf. Now, she hated her.

The more she sat and thought about Bianca, the angrier she became. She disapproved of infidelity. Varric was wrong in this too, yes, but she thought Bianca the guiltier of the two. Bianca was the one who was married after all, she was the one who had broken her vows. And Cassandra rather thought a woman like that shouldn’t be trusted at all, much less nearly worshiped the way Varric worshiped her. She just didn’t understand what Varric could really see in Bianca. If she was willing to betray her husband, what would stop her from betraying Varric if they were together? 

Cassandra pushed the female dwarf from her thoughts when the first cool light of day shone through a window. She grabbed up her book and settled back against the wall again, listening to Varric’s heavy snores. She’d just nodded off again when she heard him stir. Her eye cracked open and she watched him suspiciously through her lashes. When he blinked and looked around with a bewildered expression on his face, she decided he must’ve sobered up enough to realize where he was. “Sleep well?” she asked dryly.

Pain lanced through his head at the quiet voice of Cassandra. He groaned and held a hand up to his forehead as he tried to block out the morning light. “Shit,” he muttered, “Seeker? What...where am I?” He had an inkling of the answer since she was there with him and he was laying down on a bedroll on the... “Andraste’s tits! Why am I not dressed?!” he cried and looked around for his tunic, pulling it towards him. A wave of nausea nearly stopped him and he took a moment, closing his eyes, willing the pain and sickness to leave him. This was why he didn’t drink in excess. He knew better, and now he had made himself look the fool yet again.

“You said you were hot,” Cassandra answered stiffly. She didn’t like to think that she was happy about Varric’s obvious state of hangover, but part of her did feel some small amount of smug satisfaction. Served him right for drinking that much. “You stripped yourself almost naked and then you  _ hugged  _ me.” She pushed herself to her feet, her back and hips aching from sitting on the floor all night long. Breakfast didn’t sound appealing that morning after taking care of him all night. She’d rather just go straight for her training dummies. “Do you remember anything from last night?” she asked as she started to pull on her armor.

Varric tugged on his tunic, feeling a heat on his cheeks. Not for his nakedness, but for the simple fact that he had lost control over himself so easily. He really was becoming his parents. The reason why he had drunk so much was still painfully obvious to him and he lamented that for all his trouble, he hadn’t managed to forget the reason why he had done it in the first place. “Only that I’m the biggest ass on the face of the planet,” he muttered as he looked around, wincing as he realized he must have taken her bed from her. “Shit, Seeker. You should have just left me out in the cold. I didn’t mean to take your bed.”

“At least you finally admit how much of an ass you are,” she said, the corner of her mouth twitching in amusement. She sighed when she realized he was still upset, that he wasn’t in the mood for their usual banter. A huff escaped her as she buckled the straps to her armor. She wasn’t quite sure what to say to him, but she felt there was one thing that needed to be said. “You are upset about what happened with Bianca. But almost drinking yourself to death is no way to handle it. It is not my business what you do with a married woman, but do not let it affect the way you conduct yourself in the Inquisition. If you cannot handle it anymore, you are always free to go.”

Varric found himself nodding as he grabbed his breeches and pulled them on, pausing as he sat there, rubbing at his eyes. “I know. Shit, I know. I just… thought I was doing better. Not keeping any more secrets from the Inquisition, from you, only to find out that I’m part of the reason that all of this shit is happening in the first place…” He sighed and pushed himself up, wavering only once as he got his bearings. “Thanks. I didn’t deserve it, but I appreciate it. What you did for me last night. Ah, what are the chances I could convince you to not let it slip around here that I… lost it?”

“You know I am not prone to gossip,” she said as she stood up straighter after pulling on a spare pair of boots. She’d have to have the others cleaned later. “But that does not guarantee that it won’t get out. You know how word travels around this place. It would not surprise me if half of Skyhold knows already.” Her expression softened a bit, seeing him wincing and rubbing at his face. “Drink some water and get some rest. If anyone asks where you are, I will tell them you’re not feeling well.” She wasn’t a good liar, but it wasn’t exactly a lie either; he wasn’t feeling well and she thought it was close enough to the truth that she could say it without causing trouble. 

Varric blinked, looking over to her in surprise. He had expected more of a lecture,.“No stabbed books for my folly this time?” he asked as he noticed her boots and he groaned as a foggy memory of vomiting swam in his mind. “I’ll buy you a new pair,” he muttered, “And thanks, for looking after me. You shouldn’t have had to. I should have been smarter. But after two days on the road alone with nothing but my own thoughts and memories of what happened…” He trailed off for a moment before looking back at her, “I wanted to forget. Running away from my problems again.” He sighed and scrubbed at his hair, pulling the tie out. “Some days, I wish I could be more like you.”

“No, you don’t,” she answered. “And I wanted to punch you, but you seem to be in enough pain as it is. I don’t have to punish you.” She stood there awkwardly for a moment, feeling as though maybe she should say something, but words failed her. She didn’t dare comment on Bianca again. Their argument at the camp that night had taught her better than to pry. And really, she knew more now than she wanted to know. It was doubtful that he wanted to discuss it anyway. “Well… okay then,” she said uncomfortably and turned to head down the stairs. She was tired and frustrated from her lack of sleep, but she thought maybe hacking away at her training dummies might make her feel a little better.

Varric swallowed against the dryness in his throat as he watched her go. “Cassandra,” he said quietly, watching her turn towards the steps. What could he have said in that moment to make everything right? There was nothing he could have done. “Thank you,” he said honestly, meeting her dark eyes with his own. 

He had shit to do. He had to inform Nightingale that there would be assassins showing up on their doorstep soon. He had a few letters to the guild that needed answering, a few things to Kirkwall that needed to be sent and on top of that, Cassandra needed something for taking care of his drunken ass during the night. He groaned and rubbed at his face, “Water first.”

* * *

 

Pain seemed to be all Varric knew as he slumped into his chair by the fire in the Great Hall. He cradled his head, willing the ache behind his eyes to go away. It was going to be a long day at this rate, he figured.  He groaned as he looked to the stack of unanswered letters waiting to be responded to and he tried to ignore the nausea that welled up in him at the thought of it. He eyed the tankard of water he had on the table and reached for it, drinking it down as if it would magically wash away his hangover. Maker’s breath, he’d never touch alcohol again. 

Sera skipped happily into the Great Hall, a sealed box in her hands, and stopped when she saw Varric sitting at his table looking miserable. “Dwarfyyyyy!” she sing-songed and trotted over to him. She set the box down on the table with a loud thump and plopped herself into a chair next to him. Her eyebrows waggled at him as she leaned in closer. “Soooo! Heard you spent the night with Lady Cassandra,” she drawled suggestively, a sly grin spreading across her face.

Varric winced at her sharp voice and he glanced up at the elf as she joined him at the table. “Hey, Buttercup,” he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a sigh, “Before you start, no, nothing happened. The Seeker was just making sure I didn’t keel over from sheer stupidity.” He looked over at her, seeing the look of disappointment in her eyes and the pout on her lips.

“Awww, sorry to hear it,” Sera said. “I think it’d be good for both of you. Dorian’s been sayin’ it fer weeks now. The two of you just need to get it outta your systems.” She sat back and gave him a sharp nod. “So… what? You just went an’ passed out in her room all night long and nothing happened?” she asked skeptically. She wrinkled her nose when he nodded slowly. “Well that’s the worst drinkin’ story I’ve ever heard. I expected better outta you, Varric. You’re supposed to be this great storyteller, but when it’s time for you to tell one about yourself, you waste it. That’s wasting potential.” A smug look crossed her face. “That’s right.  _ Po-ten-tial.”  _ She drew the word out slowly to emphasize it, as though he should be impressed that she used it in conversation. 

He stifled the groan that was on its way out of his throat. Of course she and Sparkler had been betting about them. What he couldn’t understand was why they were still on about it when he was still so obviously hung up on Bianca. He rubbed at his face, though considering what had happened, the prospect of seeing her again was growing dimmer and dimmer. He wasn’t sure if he could look at her again without hearing those words cut through the air, the look of her husband as he had caught them. Oh, the assassins would be coming for him for sure this time. Maybe even get a little creative for the severity of his offense. He’d have to check his food more carefully. “Nothing happened. Ruined a perfectly good pair of boots and robbed the Seeker of her bed for the night. Not something I want to turn into ridicule, you know?”

“Aw, you’re no fun anymore,” Sera pouted. She looked around the Great Hall as she drummed her fingers on the top of the box she’d carried in. “Want to pull some pranks with me?” she offered. “That always makes me feel better.” She chewed her lip impatiently as she looked around again. “Speaking of pranks, you seen any of Leliana’s messengers? I need one of them to take this box to her for me.” She grinned and leaned in closer to him to speak in a low tone, “I stole all Lady Josie’s underwear.”

Varric raised an eyebrow at her, chuckling at her antics. “You know Buttercup, if you would just give the Kid a chance, he’d make your pranking that much easier. Not to mention you could work the whole, this is good for Leliana angle and he’d be more than happy to slip your little ‘gift’ to our resident nightingale,” he suggested. “You know I’d never miss out on a chance to cause mischief, but I think I’m going to sit this one out. Nasty hangover and all that.”

“Ask Creepy to help?” she asked incredulously. “You’ve lost your mind. I’m not goin’ near that thing.” She paused and gave a violent shudder. “You must be hungover if you think I’m gonna do that. There’s somethin’ wrong with you, Varric.” Her eyes widened when she saw one of Leliana’s messengers enter the hall. “Suit yourself. Sit here and mope all day if that’s what you wanna do. I’ve got better plans for my day.” And with that, she scooped up the box and scurried off with it.

The dwarf watched her go off and stop the messenger. The young lad had the right idea looking a bit nervous accepting a package from Sera. He couldn’t stop the smirk that tugged at his lips, maybe someday she would warm up to Cole. He had his hopes. He sighed deeply and rubbed at his temples, willing the pain away. Moping sounded like the perfect pastime for him at the moment and he only felt it increasing as he glanced at the pile of paperwork waiting for his attentions. “Shit, those assassins can’t get here soon enough,” he muttered and actually thought about Cassandra. He hadn’t lied to Sera, the woman had certainly gone above and beyond to help him when what he really deserved was a good kick in the arse and a cold bucket of water over his head. 

He grabbed his tankard and downed the last of his water before he stood up again. Perhaps a trip to the kitchens for some more water. And quite possibly to bribe the cook into making something with blueberries in it for the Seeker. He seemed to remember hearing somewhere that those were her favorites. That would be an acceptable gift for throwing up on her boots and stealing her bed.

Maybe.


	5. Chapter 5

“So,” Dorian drawled inquisitively as he drew up closer to the area where Cassandra was attacking training dummies with so much gusto that he almost felt bad for the inanimate objects. “A little birdie tells me you helped our favorite resident dwarf back to your quarters last night. If you can call that ‘space’ you’ve claimed in the blacksmithy a room. How can you expect privacy when you are just out in the open like that?” he questioned her as he moved to settle down under the shade of a nearby tree, “I would suggest something more private if you are going to continue on with these late night rendezvous.”

Cassandra spun around, her sword pointing at Dorian. “Just what are you suggesting?” she asked in a dangerous tone. Oh, if there were rumors flying about what happened last night, she was going to squash them right now. “Varric was so drunk he was sick. I took him back to my quarters to rest and sober up, simply because it was closer. Nothing happened between me and Varric. And no one in their right mind would suggest that something did,” she said in a clipped tone. “I did not get any sleep last night. Do you really want to antagonize me?” She tightened her grip on her sword to emphasize the underlying threat in her question.

Dorian held up his hands, surprised at her sudden outburst. He reached out carefully with one finger and pushed the pointy bit of her sword away from his face. “Now now, no need to get hostile. I’m certainly not the source of the rumors. I like to keep them going, yes. Hours of entertainment and fun watching everyone scurrying around like ants as they try to find the culprit. Sera was very suggestive in the way she said it this morning. And Bull wasn’t much help either. Rather infuriating, really,” he said as he leaned back against the tree, patting the ground next to him, “Still, if you really did just watch out for our little friend, you have more than earned a nap at least. I have the latest issue of the Randy Dowager’s Quarterly that should put one of us to sleep.” He waved the pages of the book at her enticingly.

Cassandra raised an eyebrow suspiciously at him. “And risk being seen napping next to you?” she asked. She looked around cautiously; the invitation was rather appealing. She finally gave a heavy sigh through her nose, sheathed her sword, and sat down next to him. “If I catch any flack for this, it will be your ass,” she threatened before she leaned back against the tree and made herself comfortable. She peered over at the book in Dorian’s hands. “So what is your plan? Letting me read over your shoulder?”

“And my ass is rather marvelous,” he agreed with her as he flicked open the book, turning to the first page. “And nothing so crude. I thought to grace you with my velvety voice. I daresay that you will find trouble to go back to reading as you did before this experience,” he teased her as he cleared his throat, only to pause in curiosity as he spotted a servant running up with a cloth covered tray. His eyebrow twitched upwards as he spotted blueberry pastries and a jug of water. “Ah, order breakfast did you?”

“No, I didn’t,” Cassandra answered, surprised when the servant set the tray in her lap. “What is this?”

“From Master Tethras,” the servant answered. “He said it was an… apology-slash-thank you.” The servant stood there awkwardly for a moment, then turned and hurried away.

Cassandra blinked and looked down at the tray again. “How did he know…” She stopped herself. “Cole is helping him,” she decided finally and picked up one of the pastries. Oh, it smelled heavenly. She bit into it, unable to stop her eyes from rolling back in her head at the decadent taste. She nudged the tray closer to Dorian. “I will share  _ one. _ ”

Dorian gave her a curious look as he picked up one of the pastries, still hot from the oven. Oh, but this was just too good. He groaned softly as he bit into the pastry, flaky, sweet crust melting in his mouth with a tart zing from the blueberries. “Oh my,” he murmured as he reached up with his free hand to catch the crumbs that fell, “Perhaps he should get drunk and fall asleep in your bed more often if this is the result. He must really feel wretched for what he did to you.” He looked at her as he leaned his head back on the tree. “Something to do with his reason for disappearing on your group in the Hinterlands after that…” He sighed, trying to think of a word that would be suitable, “woman… claimed responsibility for giving Corypheus red lyrium?”

She almost nodded her agreement, but stopped herself just in time. She’d promised not to gossip about the situation. “I wouldn’t know his reasons for drinking. Perhaps Bull simply goaded him into drinking that… well, whatever that stuff is that he drinks. Varric didn’t say what was wrong, and I did not ask,” she said, looking out across the yard as she finished off her pastry. She didn’t want to meet Dorian’s eyes for fear he would catch her in the lie. “Though I will say this. If it was because of Bianca, I would not blame him. Now, are you going to read to me or not?”

Dorian eyed her a moment, catching the flash of red that briefly appeared on her cheeks, but he decided not to push the matter. Nothing worse than trying to incite romance between two oblivious people when even one was hung up on a woman who was most definitely the one who got away. Even if he didn’t realize it yet. “Ah, yes. Of course. Where was I?” he questioned no one in particular as he picked up the book again, “It twas not the first night that the maid walked into candlelight and rose petals scattered on the bed sheets. Ugh, I am regretting this already.”

“No commentary,” Cassandra scolded as she settled back a little more and bit into another pastry. A tiny smile quirked the corner of her lips as Dorian began to read again. He was right, his voice was rather pleasant to listen to. The strangest mixture of sensations filled her; she could feel herself nodding from exhaustion, she wanted to get up and continue her training simply because it felt strange to break her routine, and the story was, quite frankly, turning her on. She didn’t know what to do with herself. “This was a bad idea,” she murmured sleepily.

Dorian spared her a glance as he paused to turn the page, seeing her slumped more comfortably against the tree. “If my voice is keeping you awake, I could always go get the Mother Hen to finish what I’ve started. Though you might end up as a cloistered Chantry sister if you do that… Cassandra?” He blinked as he felt a heavy weight on his arm and debated on sighing or chuckling at her exhaustion. “Hmmm,” he hummed and looked back to the book, crossing his legs at the ankles as he settled back, “I’ll take that as you are too tired to continue rather than my voice putting you to sleep. Not my intention, I assure you. Now I have to read to myself and you know how much I adore listening to myself. Rude.”

* * *

 

If Varric had had it his way, he would still be holed up in Skyhold, waiting for any sign of assassins coming to shove a dagger in his back while he pretended to forget about his night of overindulgence, all the while answering boring letters from the Merchant’s Guild, Kirkwall and occasionally trying to do the impossible and teach Cassandra about Wicked Grace. Anything would be better than trudging out in snow that came up to his waist with that damned lyrium humming inside of his head. “Just saying, if anyone cares, but I hate the snow. And mountains. I thought I’d done my time for cold terrible places. Shouldn’t Sparkler be out here serving?”

“He should be, but he keeps bribing me to let him stay at Skyhold,” Ellana answered as they trudged along, their boots crunching in the snow. “If you want to start offering me fine wines and those fancy cakes from Val Royeaux, you can stay home too.” She paused to catch her breath and puffed out her stomach. A pout crossed her lips. “Or maybe not. I think all those cakes are making me fat.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes. The tiny elf was anything but fat, and for a moment Cassandra was tempted to kick her. “I was not aware that you could be swayed so easily,” she said. “Once again, I question choosing you as our leader.” Though there was a slight tease to her tone. 

“So Dorian thinks he’s gettin’ outta stompin’ around in the snow, huh?” Sera pondered loudly as she looked up at the cloudy sky. Her eyes narrowed slightly and her lips frowned. “He’d better watch his back, cause next time I see him, he’s gettin’ snow shoved down the back of his breeches.” She moved to walk a little closer to Varric. “We need to find out how many cakes he’s bribin’ her with and offer her double.”

“Buttercup, you read my mind,” Varric answered. The Inquisitor was a fair woman, a bit loud like Sera, but had enough sense about her to listen to those around her before she acted. She still did what she wanted, but she was respectful about it. She usually made sure everyone had their turn wandering about Orlais with her. Or she really had a soft spot for the Tevinter mage. “I’ll see if I can’t throw in some big hats to sweeten the deal. She seems like a big hat kind of person.” He cursed as he stepped into a snowdrift that had him sinking down further into the ice and cold. He rolled his eyes and tried to pull himself up, his eyes catching the elf inspecting the darkened opening to a cave. “Little help for the dwarf, please.”

Sera doubled over in a fit of giggles, pointing and laughing. The Inquisitor turned, her eyes widened, and she hurried over to Varric. “Sera, shame on you!” she hissed, though she had to bite her lips together to keep from snickering a bit as well. “Here, Varric.” She offered him her hand and tried to pull him out. “Cassandra!”

The Seeker’s long legs carried her easily across the snow and she stopped to look down at the dwarf. She tsked at him, shaking her head slowly, and finally reached out to grab his other arm. Maker, he was heavier than he looked. And something about the way he grasped her hand sent a tingle up her arm. Her face flushed and she decided she didn’t like it very much at all. “There,” she huffed when they pulled him free. She quickly stepped back from him and made herself release his hand so she could brush some of the snow off her boots.

“Thanks.” Varric couldn’t stop the shiver that worked its way through his body at the chill that had seeped into his clothes, his skin. “Shit, I wasn’t made for this type of terrain,” he muttered as he brushed off his dusters and adjusted his gloves. He made a face as the Inquisitor turned back to the cave. The only good thing he could see happening here was that the sharp wind would be blocked from them. Or maybe tunneled into a sharp line that would pierce right through them. That seemed more likely. He tightened his grip on his crossbow as he stepped carefully through the snow, the stuff still coming up to his knees. He glanced as Cassandra as he followed her; she was still giving him looks and even though he had apologized for that drunken night, he had a feeling she hadn’t quite forgiven him for her boots.  

He was working on that and had called in a favor for Ruffles to purchase a new pair from Val Royeaux. Hopefully with any luck, they would be in her room at Skyhold when they returned. “Surprised Chuckles didn’t want to head out this way. Or Tiny. Magic and dragons all in one place?” He snorted at the thought of those two here. Dragons would just be the icing on the cake. “So, Seeker. Cards tonight back at camp? Wouldn’t want you forgetting what we worked on last night.”

The corner of her mouth twitched. “I do not know why you insist on trying to teach me that game, Varric. You know I am no good at it,” she said, though she really was starting to enjoy at least trying to learn. She just could not remember which hands trumped others. It was maddening. She stood a little taller and squared her shoulders. “Or maybe I am just pretending that I do not know how to play the game. Luring you all into a false sense of security so I can blindside you when I beat you all.”

Varric laughed out loud at the thought of her trying to be sneakier than him. “And you had me fooled all this time! Better keep that to yourself so you can surprise Ruffles at the next game in the tavern. Maybe if you’re lucky you can get Curly to play again. Or make Tiny happy and cause Sparkler to lose most of his clothes. I’d stop at the small clothes though.” He smirked back at her. “Not everyone wants to see that.” He was grateful for the distraction as they entered the cave. There was red lyrium in the cave, he could hear that Maker damned singing.  

“Perhaps not everyone, but some do,” she answered, the corner of her mouth twitching again. She would never in a million years voice it aloud, but she wouldn’t object to seeing Dorian naked. “Good luck getting Cullen to play again. He’s still sour about the first game.” 

“If either of you can get Dorian or Solas naked during a game of Wicked Grace, I’ll give you a whole week off,” the Inquisitor offered, snickering at the thought. She couldn’t even get Solas to come play the game, much less get him naked while doing it. “Not that I need the game to get Solas naked,” she muttered under her breath.

“Eww! Ew, ew, ew!” Sera gagged, shaking her head violently. “I don’t need that in my head! Shame on you!” She playfully shoved the Inquisitor, who only snorted and giggled louder. Sera made a face again. “I bet he really does call out ‘elvhen glory’ when he does it. That’s just not right.”

Varric chuckled. “Well, you were wondering how we were going to get a week off,” he reminded her as he focused on stepping around the loose rocks on the ground, “Hell, any chance we could get off for the ball at Halamshiral? Have you seen the uniforms that Ruffles picked out for all of us? I say five royals that Sparkler is the only one who can pull off that look.” He reached out a hand to steady himself on the wall as his foot slipped a little on the wet ground. The area had an odd glow about it, the blue of the ice with the faint seep of red that seemed to permeate the area. It was still dark though, making the way treacherous. “And five on there being more red templars waiting for us just outside the cave. Maybe assassins too, if we’re really lucky.”

“Aren’t you just a ray of sunshine?” Cassandra asked dryly. 

“Hey,” Varric said as he quirked a smile at her, “I could have said giant spiders.”

“Yes, yes, we know. You hate caves and giant spiders,” Cassandra said as they walked farther into the cave. The glow of the red lyrium really was unsettling, but she thought the best way to ignore it was to pick on Varric if at all possible. “You also hate the deep roads, and the outdoors.”

“Slopes, taverns that are too tidy, rain, uneven ground, Orlesians, Fereldans, Nevarrans, Mages, Templars, the entire Merchant Guild, nugs…” The Inquisitor chimed in, a smirk pulling at her lips as she named off all the things she’d ever heard Varric complain about. It took everything she had not to giggle. “The dark, pretty much all kinds of weather, water in general…”

“And everything that isn’t hearing himself talk,” Sera added.

Ah hell, there was a downside to being the storyteller of the group. Someone was always there to listen to him. He had complained about a lot of stuff, hadn’t he? He chuckled at that, shifting his grip on his crossbow as he shrugged. “Look, I have to complain. If I didn’t speak up, you all would forget I was there and trip over me. Really, I should be getting paid for this service.” 

The Inquisitor snickered. “I’ll say something to Josephine about it,” she said. A chill raced down her spine as they ventured farther into the cave. It was getting colder in here, if that were even possible. But she pressed on determinedly. A frown crossed her face when they came to a fork in the passage; both ways seemed equally promising. “We should split up. We’ll meet back here.”

“I’ll go with the Inquisitor!” Sera volunteered, a little too quickly. She didn’t look at Cassandra or Varric when she said it. She and Dorian had talked about this, about trying to keep Cassandra and Varric together as much as possible. Dorian thought he was “helping” them to realize that they would make a great couple; Sera just thought it was funny to see the two of them agitated. Before either of them could protest, she linked elbows with the Inquisitor and pulled her on ahead. “C’mon, Inky, let’s see what we can find.”

“Sera, you know that irritates Solas when you call me ‘Inky.’ He thinks you’re hitting on me.”

“I am.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes as the elves disappeared down the passage, Sera’s manic giggle floating back to them. “Come on,” she huffed to Varric and started down the opposite way. She scowled as her long stride carried her over the ice. “They do this to us on purpose.”

Varric followed after Cassandra, wishing that they were anywhere but in the cave. He had more reason than most to dislike them. He suppressed as shudder as he remembered his brother’s sneering face as he tripped the thaig door closed, trapping Hawke and himself in the Deep Roads. It had been a solid two weeks trying to make their way through the rest of the ruins and back to the surface, eating deep mushrooms when their rations had run out. Yeah, he’d prefer the surface any day. He shook himself from his thoughts and focused on the task at hand. “Of course they do this to us on purpose. It’s Sera. Just be glad she hasn’t tried to lock us in a room together. Not that I couldn’t get us out, but not my point…” He trailed off as he heard an inhuman roar echo through the passage, making it shake. He turned to look behind him, the sound echoed from where they had come. “Shit, they would be the ones to run into trouble!”

Cassandra was about to ask why they would lock her and Varric in a room together, but the question flew from her mind as she heard the sound too. She drew her sword and turned back the way they’d come. “That sounds like one of those red lyrium creatures,” she said as she hurried back as fast as she dared. The ice was slippery underfoot and the last thing she needed was to fall and impale herself on her own damn sword. The very walls and ceiling of the cave seemed to shake and she stopped, raising her shield as a few chunks of ice rained down on her. “We must hurry!” she said urgently, “We don’t want this to cave in on us!”

Varric cursed under his breath as another chunk fell down in front of him, shattering at his feet as he jumped over it. “Really don’t say shit like that, Seeker!” He stumbled as the ground shook again and he could just imagine one of those giant red lyrium behemoths tearing after the Inquisitor and Sera. Another tremor shook the cave around them and up ahead he could hear Ellana’s frantic voice with Sera’s shouting to get out. Another roar and the cave shuddered even more. They must have run into it in the cave and now it was tearing after them smashing everything in his path. 

They exited the fork in the road and he could see the two women up ahead, their figures black against the white of the cave entrance. His heart pounded in his chest as he ran as fast as he could, cursing when another great tremor caused the ground beneath him to fracture and he stumbled to the ground. “Shit!”

“Varric!” Cassandra cried, hearing his shout as he fell. She skidded to a stop, slipping and sliding on the ice as she ran back to him. Her eyes widened when she saw the behemoth coming towards them. Instinctively, she put herself between it and Varric, and shouted a challenge at it as she raised her shield and her sword. If she were going to be crushed in this cave, she wasn’t going down without a fight. 

The behemoth turned its attention on her and bellowed in rage at being challenged. It raised its arms up to attack, but hit the low ceiling instead. A deep, rumbling, ear-splitting crack echoed overhead and all three of them looked up to see the deep crack in the ice ceiling growing, pieces of ice falling freely. A huge chunk of the ice fell on the behemoth, pinning it to the ground.

Cassandra didn’t know if it was dead or not, but she didn’t have time to find out either. “Go, go, GO!” she screamed at Varric, grabbing his arm to haul him to his feet as she tried to race towards the exit. Another boulder of ice fell from the ceiling, blocking their way. “Shit!” she cried, turning back again, but more ice rained down, they were trapped… they were going to be crushed… She did the only thing she could think to do and grabbed Varric, threw them both to the ground, and raised her shield over their heads to protect them from the crumbling ice that would surely bury them alive.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for being a little late, everyone! The wifi on my laptop stopped working, but it's fixed now. Sorry! ~Ginger


	6. Chapter 6

The sound around them became deafening as Varric was manhandled to the ground. The Seeker had pushed them to the nearest wall, her wide shield the only thing protecting them from the rain of ice and rocks as the entire cave fell on them. This was it. This was how he was going to die. He and Cassandra both turned their faces away from her shield, the spray of debris prompting them to protect themselves the best they could. He would have laughed if he had breath for it. As if anything would save them from this death. Pain lanced through him as he felt a rock land on his hand and he yanked it closer, feeling the weight of the rocks above them pushing Cassandra flush with his body. He lifted a hand and helped her brace the shield. Might as well try to survive. It literally felt like a mountain was being dropped on them. 

Cassandra dropped her sword and used both hands to brace her shield. Jolts of pain zinged up her arm as the ice and rock fell and hit the shield. By the time the rumbling and crashing sounds stopped, the space around them was pitch black and she was shaking. She held her breath, barely daring to speak for fear of causing a secondary cave in. “Andraste’s breath,” she gasped and ever so carefully eased her hold on the shield. She let out a heavy breath as it held in place. “Varric?” she asked through the darkness. “Are you alright?”

The air was thick with dust, darkness and a cold that seemed to seep into him. Cassandra was warm against him though and the space they shared allowed for a little bit of warmth for the moment. He groaned, the pain in his hand that had gotten hit a sharp ache that pulsed in time with his frantic heartbeat. “I think so. Shit, I thought that was going to kill us,” he admitted, trying to peer through the darkness to see her, but he wouldn’t have seen much with the way they were pressed together. “What about you? Anything broken?”

“I’m fine,” she answered sharply and wiggled around in the space to make some room between herself and him. She felt uncomfortable enough as it was in that tight space, she didn’t need to be pressed up against him as well. There wasn’t much room, but there was enough that she was able to lean against the wall and slide down to sit with her knees drawn up against her chest. “Now what do we do?” she asked in an irritated tone. “I would say dig ourselves out, but I fear we may do more harm than good.” She sighed and leaned her head back against the wall. “I hope the Inquisitor and Sera made it out alive.”

Varric managed to take in a deeper breath, feeling Cassandra sitting next to him without making it feel like they were sitting in each other’s laps. A trickle of cold seeped in between them where she made space. He looked up, trying to peer through the rubble, but it was no good. “I saw them run out the entrance before I slipped. Shit, Cassandra. I’m sorry. Dwarves weren’t made to run. If I hadn’t fallen, we could be back at camp with a hot bowl of passable stew warming up by the fire by now.” 

He shifted his legs into a more comfortable position. “And I second your thought on not digging us out. Too much ice and rock up on top of us.” He swallowed thickly as he closed his eyes, the view not changing much. He could still feel the earth pressing down around them, so much weight on top of them made his breathing quicken and his heart beat faster. “I suppose now would be a bad time to mention that I’m claustrophobic?”

“Fantastic,” Cassandra deadpanned. “I get trapped in a cave with the only claustrophobic cave-hating dwarf in all of Thedas. Lucky me.” A shiver raced down her spine from the cold, rattling the armor she wore. “I suppose there is nothing but to wait for them to rescue us.” The thought bothered her; she didn’t like the idea of having to be rescued at all. She was used to taking care of herself. In the small, dark space, she felt trapped and blind. She let her eyes close, trying to trick her own mind into thinking that it was dark because she willed it so, hoping that it would calm her a bit.

Varric felt another wave of cold settle over him as he felt the woman next to him shiver. “Lucky us. Hopefully they’ll get to clearing the cave out before we freeze,” he muttered. He tried to think over what Cassandra had to wear. The metal would turn colder faster than his leather outfit. With as cold as it was already in the Emprise, maybe they had a few good hours before they turned into statues. He groaned, reaching behind him and pulling the tie from his hair, shaking it down around his face. The warmth covered his ears before he reached over to grasp Cassandra’s arm. “Here. Move closer. Ah, if you can.” He patted the spot between his legs before he nearly smacked his own face, she couldn’t see him. “Better to start sharing warmth while we still have it,” he said as he sat up straighter to wrestle his duster off of him. 

Cassandra’s eyebrows creased. “No. I am fine,” she said and wrapped her arms tighter around herself, drawing her knees up closer. She was cold, but not nearly cold enough to  _ cuddle  _ with Varric. “It will not take them long to get to us. They know where we are. We will be fine.” A smirk pulled at her lips. “Unless of course you are too fragile to withstand the cold on your own,” she teased, though even if he said he was, she still wasn’t going to cuddle him. 

So that was how she was going to play it. “I admit, that was my reasoning all along. I may look like a dense little dwarf, but the cold actually goes right through me. You don’t want me to freeze to death before help arrives, do you Seeker?” He didn’t want to mention that her presence, or anyone’s for that matter, would probably help keep him calm and not start hyperventilating. That he needed someone grounding to keep his overactive mind from thinking up the worst scenarios and horrifying deaths. “Besides, this could be a rather interesting turn of events for the Guard Captain. What do you think if she and the Guardsman ended up trapped in one of these things? Eh, she’d probably figure a way out. Not too keen on sitting still to be the damsel in distress. Oooh, maybe I could have them stranded on some tropical island instead. Gotta watch out for those sand fleas though.”

“If you think that’s going to entice me into…  _ snuggling  _ you, you are sadly mistaken,” she said dryly. Though truth be told, she was glad for the dark that hid the smile that crossed her face. Talking about his book might distract her from their situation. “Tell me more about the tropical island,” she commanded, thinking perhaps imagining such a place would make her feel warmer. She wondered what sorts of steamy scenarios he might write between the Guard Captain and her lover. It made her smile again. 

“Not snuggling, it’s sharing heat. I wouldn’t be caught dead snuggling with a human. Not my type,” Varric chuckled as he used his duster like a blanket and leaned his head back. He closed his eyes, enjoying the banter. It was much better than the alternative. He let himself imagine a beach, pictures of Seheron coming to his mind. “Maybe an island just off the coast of Par Vollen. Broody told me about the weather there. A heat so thick you could cut it with a butter knife, probably would make my hair frizzle and puff up. Maybe not the best place for me, now that I think about it. Hmmm, there would be a dense forest around it, lush, exotic trees filled with fruits. Leading, of course, to a freshwater spring in the middle complete with a waterfall. Ah, but before we get too comfortable, a band of cutthroat pirates maybe using the island as a cache.” He made a face. “Maybe a few wild griffons to balance out the pirates. I love the whole ouroboros solution to life’s problems.”

A soft laugh escaped her as she settled back a bit more, trying to capture the picture in her mind. It was hard to imagine such a place when the cold was biting into her so deeply. Her lips, nose, and ears stung, and her rear ached from sitting on the cold floor. When Varric paused in his talking, she strained her ears to hear any sign of the Inquisitor or a rescue effort, but there was nothing. A sigh escaped her and she tried again to imagine the island Varric spoke of. “I can imagine stretching out in the sun with a good book and the sound of the ocean in the background,” she murmured, then felt her face blush at the admission. “After dealing with these pirates you mention, of course. I would say to invite Dorian, he loves the heat, but then he would complain incessantly about the ocean making him seasick.”

“Not to mention the sand getting into his breeches, but then he was the only one out of our group that managed to look prim and proper in the Western Approach.” He chuckled at the thought before pausing to rub his hands together. They were starting to go numb. The tip of his nose hurt like the worst sunburn he could think of. “And anyone in their right mind would complain of getting seasick. You’ll recall I’m not exactly a fan of the water either. Or don’t you remember our little boat ride over here from Kirkwall? I spent a good portion of that trip leaning over the railing. ‘Admiring the view’.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes. “I’ve never seen so many men bothered by water,” she commented. How long had they been trapped here now? It felt like forever. The metal of her armor seemed to make the cold seep into her bones even more. She sniffled as her nose began to run. “The first thing I’m doing when we get back to Skyhold is sinking into a hot bath. And I intend to stay there for a week.” Just the thought of a hot bath made her long for the fortress, to submerge herself in the heat until all the cold was chased away. She tried to stop the groan of misery in her throat, but didn’t quite manage it.

A pang of guilt went through him at the sound the Seeker made and he swallowed thickly before steeling himself and took off his duster, draping it over Cassandra’s chest. What he hoped was her chest, he wasn’t about to feel out the surroundings only to end up with another blacked eye. “Here. I’ll be good for a while,” he said quietly, “I’m thinking once we get back to Skyhold, that I am going to move into the kitchens. Warm fire, smell of good food. It’s a win win all around.”

She huffed loudly when he draped his duster over her. “I do not need to be looked after, Varric,” she said coldly. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And I will not have you freezing to death on my behalf.” She took the duster off and tried to hand it back, though really she didn’t know where he was even in the small space. “You claim I have tortured you enough. I would prefer not to return to Skyhold with you claiming I am responsible for your frostbite.” Perhaps she was being a bit too harsh again, but she was in a sour mood and it was worsening by the minute.

He snorted as she smooshed the leather into his nose. “Hey, I promise not to blame you for any lost extremities because I gave you my duster. Besides, I remember telling you that I’m a perfect gentleman. Even if that means I have to freeze before you do.” He shivered as he felt another surge of cold wash over him. It made his teeth chatter. He hoped that the flow of air meant that someone above was digging down towards them. There were Inquisition mages back at the camp they had left. Hopefully they would be able to levitate the rocks away before they would be frozen. He swallowed thickly, trying to come up with something to lighten the mood. “You could always think of it as you are using me for warmth.”

She wanted to retort that she didn’t need him, but kept her mouth closed. Because if it took much longer for someone to save them, it just might come to that. She shivered again, the cold of her armor really making her miserable, and she shifted around in the darkness to unbuckle it. She barely had enough room to get it over her head. It fell to the floor with a clunk and she quickly pulled on Varric’s duster. If he was going to be a stubborn ass and let himself freeze in some noble act, then so be it. “If  _ you  _ are the one who wants to cuddle me, just say so,” she teased, sniffling again as she tried to ignore the biting sting of the cold. 

“Let it never be said that Varric Tethras isn’t without some humility. Certainly not when we’re about to become ice.” He muttered the last part, “May I please hold you for warmth so we won’t die?” He tried to make the request sound playful, but the last few words wavered. He thought about it. Really thought about it. If this was it, the end of the line for him, he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. “I know you hate my guts and I don’t blame you on that. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. Caused more trouble for you than you deserve. I’ve just tried to do the right things, and I just keep managing to fuck them up even more. Let me do what I can now.”

Cassandra raised an eyebrow. “Stop it,” she barked. “We are not going to die in here. So you stop all that… whatever it is. Feeling sorry for yourself and making apologies. I refuse to listen to it.” Another violent shiver shook her shoulders and she finally decided that maybe he had a point. She didn’t know how long they’d been stuck there, but already she felt sleepy and half-frozen. “Fine,” she finally huffed and scooted closer until she felt him against her side. Despite the cold, she felt her face burn. This was beyond awkward. “Well, here I am. Hold me,” she commanded, keeping her voice level and emotionless so it didn’t sound like some sappy request.

Hearing her so determined as she reprimanded him seemed to snap him out of the fog that had started settling in his mind. It was either that or the sudden contact between them. He couldn’t stop the chuckle and he moved her a little bit. “Just don’t punch me for this,” he said, pulling her into his lap as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly to him. He could feel the difference that it made. The warmth between them was an improvement. “At least it gets you off the cold ground, yeah?” he murmured as he turned his head into her shoulder, hiding his cold nose against his own duster.

The feel of his strong arms around her was more pleasant than she would ever admit. It had been a very long time since she’d let a man hold her, even if this was becoming a life-or-death situation. “That much is true,” she said, leaning more into him. A rapid clicking sound filled the space as her teeth began to chatter. Now she really was starting to worry. She should’ve ran faster, pushed herself and him harder to get out of the cave in time. Her eyes closed slowly and her head nodded, but she snapped herself back awake. “It sh-should be impossible to be sleepy when it is this c-cold.”

Her voice was soft and it sent a pang into his heart. She may tell him to stop with the self doubt and the bullshit. It was hard to accept that and move on. It was much easier to write himself as the sidekick, the loveable dwarf with the heart of gold. Like he had told Chuckles, dwarves write things how they want them to be. “I know. Sleep shouldn’t come this easily. Just stay awake, Seeker. Stay with me. You know they are coming for us. The Inquisitor is too stubborn. She would never give up.” 

Varric could feel his own eyes growing heavy. “Shit, come on Cassandra. Stay awake. Don’t go to sleep,” he insisted, reaching between them and cupping her hands. The hand he had on her back started rubbing her, the repetition forcing him to keep himself awake. She wanted him to stop feeling sorry for himself. To stop apologizing. He had apologized, hadn’t he? He was doing what he could to atone for those mistakes now. What good would it do anyone for him to keep blaming himself? That begged the question. Where did he go from here if he stopped blaming himself? He swallowed as he thought it over. Time to leave the past behind and start moving forward. A clean break from everything, emotions, blame, and past affairs. 

Could it really be that simple? 

“Did I ever tell you what happened in the Deep Roads after Hawke and I dispatched that rock wraith? I think I glossed over some of the details. Raw deep mushrooms never end well for anyone,” he managed a chuckle, feeling how cold and chapped his lips were, “We stumbled upon a nest of nugs, believe it or not, and Hawke was so taken with the damn things that he refused to eat them. They’re pretty tasteless, but not my point. He’d get along with Leliana just fine. We actually ended up following the damned little things towards the surface. They were like little hairless compasses, leading us to water, more damned mushrooms, giant spiders. Eventually they led us to the outside. I’ve never been so happy to see the Waking Sea before.” 

Cassandra managed a small laugh. She could imagine Leliana doing the same, refusing to eat a nug because she loved her pets so much. “They are odd little creatures,” she said, the corner of her mouth twitching. “When I was little, my brother convinced me they were a cross between a rabbit and a pig. I even called them bunnypigs and got into a fight with another child who tried to tell me the truth. I was not happy with Anthony after that.” She gave another little laugh, then pressed her lips together. It still hurt to think about her brother, even after all these years. She swallowed harshly. “I do not think we will be so fortunate to have any nugs lead us out of this place.”

“If they could fit in here with us, I’d be impressed. Actually, they might be little furnaces. They should join us,” he murmured, his thoughts catching on the mention of her brother. He hadn’t personally heard the story of what had happened to her dragon slaying brother. He knew it couldn’t be good. He squeezed her hands tightly between his own. “Sorry, didn’t mean to dredge up painful memories. Your brother sounds like Bartrand, except you know, actually a decent person. He once tricked me into dressing up for the Viscount of Kirkwall, when I was really really young and gullible, mind you. So, dressed to the nines, he marched me out into the streets of Lowtown during the Festival of Fools. People were so drunk, they were falling over in puddles of their own vomit. Never quite trusted my brother after that one.”

She laughed and wrinkled her nose at the same time. Her hands felt slightly warmer as Varric clasped them in his own. It was rather… chivalrous of him to give her his coat, to hold her like this, to try to warm her hands. If it had been different circumstances, a different man holding her, she thought she might swoon because of it all. As it was, there was a slight flutter in her belly and she disapproved of it thoroughly. “I suppose that’s what older brothers are for,” she said, trying to keep her tone light. She cleared her throat and bowed her head slightly. She knew that Varric’s memories of his brother were probably as painful as her own. “Forgive me, Varric,” she said softly. “Perhaps we should speak of something else.” Once again, she was glad he could not see her; her eyes were stinging with tears that threatened to fall.

When she bowed her head, it put her forehead against his, their noses touching. At least, he thought they were. He couldn’t feel the end of his any more. The smile he had managed to work up fell as he heard the waver in her voice. He swallowed thickly as he tried to hold her tighter as he felt her shivers wrack her body. “Hey, laughing at my brother is one of the surefire ways to keep us warm while we wait in this cozy little space.” He tried to make it sound lighter, but the words came out heavier than he intended. He still couldn’t hear any signs of rescue, though their surroundings seemed to get colder. He wasn’t sure how long it had been. Surely no longer than a few minutes? “Shit, the one time I regret not growing out a beard. The chest hair isn’t doing much either.”

Though she hated to complain or appear weak, she couldn’t stop herself this time. “I’m so cold,” she admitted, her voice a whisper as the shivers began to give way to violent shakes. Maybe no one was coming for them. Maybe the Inquisitor and the others believed she and Varric were dead. The thought made her throat constrict and she took several moments to breathe as deeply as she could before she spoke again. Varric was right. They had to try to stay positive, to keep each other’s spirits up somehow. “I shouldn’t complain,” she muttered, letting her eyes close as she let her forehead rest against his, lacking the strength to pull herself away. She didn’t want to pull away. She’d never thought that she would find Varric’s company comforting, and yet here she was. “It could be worse for you, though,” she said, managing another small laugh. “You could have been stuck in here with Dorian. Think of how much he would complain right now.”

Varric managed a smile, despite the concern that he felt for her flaring up at her shudders. Unconsciously, his hands moved, trying to warm her up. His own joints were growing stiff and heavy, he couldn’t feel his rear, his back and his feet were long past numb. He clung to the warmth between them like a man dying of thirst. “Maybe I should count myself lucky, Sparkler would have tried to roast us alive right now until he was out of mana. Then we’d really be screwed. What do you call a body that’s burned and frozen at the same time? I wouldn’t,” he stopped short as a violent shiver made his teeth clatter, “wouldn’t want to be whatever that is.” He swallowed thickly, leaning his forehead against hers more securely, their frosty breath mingling between them, “It could be worse for you. Can you imagine if you were stuck in here with Ruffles? She’d have you wearing a dress by the time you both were saved.”

“Ha!” she laughed bitterly. “She could t-try.” She stopped, pressed her lips together, and swallowed again. She didn't like the way the cold made her stutter, made her teeth chatter beyond her control. Never in her life had she been so cold. She drew several sharp breaths through her nose, her body jerking in Varric’s lap, and fear began to curl around her heart. It had been too long, the Inquisitor should’ve reached them by now if help was coming. “Varric… I don’t think they’re coming for us,” she finally said, clenching her jaw to try to stop the chattering of her teeth. She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her head a little more against his. “This is not how I want to die,” she whispered.

A fear wrapped itself around him at her words, at the sheer helplessness that was in her voice. In  _ her _ voice. The Seeker, the steadfast and unshakable. She was scared. He felt tears gathering in his eyes, though they seemed to freeze on his cheeks. He tightened his grip around her and turned his face into hers. “I don’t want to die,” he echoed, wincing at how weak and pleading his voice was. He swallowed. “You aren’t going to die here. The heroine never dies before the big reveal. Dying in a cave with her trusty dwarven sidekick? It’s too easy,” he spoke softly, his lips brushing against her cold skin, “You are going to make it through this.”

“S-So are you,” Cassandra said, forcing her voice to keep as steady as she could. “You would not be a very trusty sidekick if you died on us.” She’d almost said ‘on me’ but stopped herself at the last moment. Her brain felt foggy, she feared saying something delirious. It was bad enough that she was in his lap and confessing that she feared dying. She blinked several times, barely able to see him in the darkness. She felt sluggish, like she could drift off to sleep at any given moment. “I’m so tired,” she murmured, forcing her eyes open and snapping her head up to keep herself awake. 

Varric could hardly blame her. The numbing cold was taking it’s toll, wrapping around his nerves and dulling them so the stinging pain melted into a warmth he hadn’t known could exist. He knew it would be all too easy to fall asleep like this. “Shit, no. No napping. Tell me, how did you actually see yourself dying? This...this isn’t going to get us. Nope. So, how’s it really going to happen for the famed Hero of Orlais? I think my own death is going to be much more exciting. A book stabbed in the back, by my biggest fan.”

If she’d been able to, she would’ve hit him. But all she managed was a sharp jerk of her shoulders that didn’t do much. “If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead,” she answered. She stopped and thought about it for a minute. “I never really thought much about how I would die,” she admitted. “Perhaps in battle, giving my life for a cause I believe in. Now that I am part of the Inquisition, I suppose this might be that cause. Though I certainly do not want it to be.” She could feel her lips beginning to chap, her nose already frozen, her cheeks beyond the point of stinging now. “I would like to think that my death would mean something instead of just being trapped helplessly beneath a pile of stone and ice.”

“S’why you aren’t going to die here, Cassandra.” His words were starting to slur together and despite his best efforts, his mind was starting to be pulled under a fog. “You got this, you know? I know I’ve given you a lot a shit since we first met. I wish I had the chance to do better. I could have done better,” he repeated, softer. Speaking was becoming too much of a pain so he turned his face into Cassandra’s neck, holding her as tightly as he could. If this was his time, then he would do what he could to make sure that she survived this. His fingers numbly stroked her hands. “Maybe I’ll get a chance in the next life.” 

She wanted to argue, but it was as if she’d lost the will to keep talking. She slumped more against him, her eyes heavy and stinging with exhaustion. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad way to go, as peaceful and simple as falling asleep. With the last bit of her consciousness, she sent up a silent prayer to the Maker to save them both, then slipped off to sleep in Varric’s arms.


	7. Chapter 7

Varric woke with a start, not knowing where he was for a moment, blinking furiously as he realized he was looking up at the top of a tent. Heavy fur blankets were piled on top of him and he could scarcely move, his limbs felt so heavy. He clutched his hands involuntarily as his eyes were pulled to the side, spying Cassandra laying on a cot next to him in a similar get up. He relaxed again, letting himself sink back into the blessedly hot covers. He was sore all over his body, it was almost as bad as waking up hungover on the Seeker’s bedroll. Almost, not quite. At least he was warm here. He could feel his skin stretching in a few key places. Some areas where he and Cassandra hadn’t been touching. His back was killing him, like a few places on it were rubbed raw. 

He could feel bandages on his feet and hands. Panic washed over him at the thought of losing digits and he lifted his arms so he could look at his fingers. He sighed out as he wiggled all ten of them. 

Only a slight touch of frostbite then. 

He swallowed thickly, closing his eyes as he tried to push the darker thoughts from his mind. Maker help him if he had lost the ability to write. Might as well cut off his arm if that happened. Another thought went through him and he glanced back over to Cassandra, but couldn’t see any of her hands or feet to tell him her situation. Her nose looked raw and her cheeks blistered, but asides from that, she looked perfectly fine.

Cassandra didn’t know how long she’d been laying there, staring up at the canvas ceiling. She barely remembered their rescue, the mages finally lifting away the rock and the ice to reveal her and Varric huddled in such a small space. She knew she’d drifted in and out of consciousness. She knew that Varric had fallen asleep and hadn’t woken at all when they pulled him from that Maker-forsaken cave. And she was worried for him. He hadn’t moved or made a sound since they’d been found. Until now.

His movement was caught in the peripheral of her vision and she turned her head too quickly to look at him. It nearly made her cry out in pain; all of her joints still felt frozen solid. “Varric,” she croaked, her voice harsh and ragged. Her lips cracked as she spoke, making them sting with a splitting pain. She’d listened to the healers as they’d tended to both herself and Varric; they’d been far more concerned with him than her. And it made her worry. “You’re awake,” she managed to say softly, her tone relieved, as she tried not to move her mouth too much. “You should have kept your coat on, you damn heroic idiot.”

Despite himself, the way she looked at him, the softness that seemed to take over her face, shocked him and for a moment he honestly believed she was looking at someone over his shoulder. “Think you needed it more than me. You can’t be feeling well if you’re trying to tease me,” he chuckled, the laugh turning into a groan of pain, “Sorry. I think my brain is still in the process of thawing.” He closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them again. It must have been the cold, that’s what he would blame anyway, that had him thinking that the sight of her like this was absolutely stunning.

If she hadn’t felt like her reflexes were still frozen, Cassandra would’ve jumped at the way Varric looked at her. There was a warmth in his eyes that she’d never seen before. An affection, almost, and she didn’t know what to make of it. “Why are you looking at me like that?” she suddenly demanded, instantly regretting it as her lips cracked again. She winced slightly and narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m still going to punch you, dwarf,” she growled through her teeth.

He couldn’t stop the painful laugh that managed to work it’s way past his lips at the threat and despite himself, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. It was an odd feeling. Maybe the side effects of nearly freezing to death. The world felt a little different. Near death experience, he figured. “Seeker, I’d be worried if you didn’t,” he managed as he turned his head back, looking up at the roof of the tent. He tried to recall all of what he had said in the cave. It was fuzzy to him even now. “Game of cards when we get back to Skyhold? In the bathes. Or in a volcano. Preferably where ever it’s the warmest. We could see just how big that fireplace is next to my table.”

Something in Cassandra’s stomach squirmed and she looked away from Varric. Something he said, or the way he said it, made the offer sound a little too intimate for her liking. “You are delirious,” she accused, looking up at the ceiling as well. She had to look anywhere but at him. Because some part, a very small part, of her wanted nothing more than to curl up with him just as he suggested. And that was just asking for trouble, on so many levels. “Perhaps you shouldn’t speak any more until your brain is thawed and working properly again,” she said. The corner of her mouth twitched upwards. “Though if I ever have to interrogate you again, I will remember to freeze you first. Somehow I think you would be too slow to lie to me right now.”

Varric snorted at that, the grin splitting his lips. “Well, it’s seemed to have done wonders for your wit. Look at you taking jabs at me like you were born to do it. I didn’t know you had it in you, Seeker.” He closed his eyes again, feeling an exhaustion tugging at him. “Did they say how long we were out in the cold?” he asked, thankful at the very least that they hadn’t been near any red lyrium. The thought of that stuff keeping them warm sent a shiver down his spine. He remembered what the Inquisitor had told them she had found when she and Sparkler had been sent one year into the future. How the lyrium had taken over his body. He vowed that would never happen. “Gotta get the details straight when I write this into something heroic.”

“You will not!” she scolded, feeling her face sting with blush at the thought of him writing them all into one of his stories. She scowled at one of the healers who hushed her and told her to lie back down. “That is all they say to me,” she said with a jerk of her head at the healer. “They tell me to lay down, and to be quiet. They have not said anything else to me.” She huffed and let her head fall heavily back against the pillow. “I did hear them saying that the Inquisitor was very upset and worried. But I have not seen her yet. I’ve only been awake about thirty minutes longer than you. Now please stop making me talk. My lips are going to shred themselves.”

“What? And leave you in a world of silence? Perish the thought. For a woman of action, those little words have to be grating on the senses.” He chuckled and turned his head to her again, sleep was tugging at him again already. Being cold took a hell of a lot out of you, that was for damn sure. “Tell you what, I’ll only put in the best parts. Could make one hell of a novel.” 

* * *

Cassandra moved as quickly and quietly as she could, keeping in the shadows of the high walls. Her heart banged against her ribs; she didn’t want to get caught. She’d planned this one well this time. Surely no one would notice her. It was nearly sunset, most people would be eating their dinner, and it was a popular night for many of them to be in the tavern. She drew a deep breath, the cool air stinging her throat and her lungs, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t stand it anymore.

She peered around the edge of the wall, her eyes searching for any sign of movement, and a little smirk pulled at her lips when she saw no one. She was going to make it this time.

“Lady Cassandra! What are you doing?!”

Cassandra jumped with a sharp gasp and immediately regretted it. She turned to see one of the healers staring at her with an unimpressed expression. “I am fine,” she stated fiercely, though the bite was somewhat lost with as hoarse as her voice was. “I’m returning to my quarters.”

“Oh no you’re not,” the healer stated and strode forward to grab the taller woman by the elbow. “Back to bed with you. You’re still terribly ill. You need rest and we need to keep you for observation.”

“This is absurd!” Cassandra protested, planting her feet firmly. “I am going crazy in there, doing nothing but lying around completely useless. I am not going back. Now let go of me.”

The elf heaved a heavy sigh through her nose and stared up at the Seeker. “You’re going back to bed, or so help me, I will go find the Iron Bull and make him carry you back to bed,” she threatened. She narrowed her eyes. “And then I’m telling the Inquisitor.”

Cassandra narrowed her eyes in return. “Tattletale,” she spat, but allowed the healer to march her back to the infirmary. She sulked as the healer opened the door, and stomped over to her bed and threw herself down, crossing her arms over her chest. “Ridiculous.”

“Two minutes and twenty-three seconds,” Varric hummed from his own respective bed, the furs were piled high over his lap and he was relaxing with his arms behind his head. “I’m impressed, Seeker, you made it twice as long as you did the last time. You’re getting better at this.” He smiled at her, despite the scowl she gave him. He took it as a good sign. “You really need to learn how to just sit back and enjoy the breaks in life. I mean, we nearly died out there. We should consider ourselves lucky that the only thing we caught out there was these colds. Minor skin abrasions, all of the above.” He was well nested, warm, in a semi dark place with a good fire going nearby. “I can think of worse places to be right now.” 

“Can you?” she asked dryly, the same sour expression still on her face. She eyed the healer as the elf moved about the room, then gave a great huff as the elf pushed at her to lay down on her bed. “I am not a child!” she protested. She rolled harshly to her side as she was covered with the blankets. “Get that look off your face,” she spat at Varric. “You’re actually enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Me? Enjoy your torment? Never. I am a gentleman after all and would never take pleasure from a woman’s distress,” he said as he gave her a wink. In truth, he was right at home. Pen and a sheaf of papers on a small desk to his side. A deck of cards on top of that. He didn’t even mind the case of pneumonia that he and Cassandra had been plagued with since they returned. They were alive and the future seemed so much brighter and sweeter than it had been. He wasn’t going to complain about this. 

“Our dear Cassandra try to make another break for it?” Dorian quipped as he shouldered the door open carefully, kicking it closed as his hands each held a steaming hot mug. “And here I thought you would both still be busy keeping each other warm. I was hoping for a visual or at very least a diagram.” He gave the Seeker a look, “You need to learn to take more time for yourself, my dear. And don’t look at me that way, your face will get stuck like that and then where will you be?”

It wasn’t physically possible for Cassandra to scowl any more at the two of them, but if it had been, she would have. “I don’t know what I did in the Maker’s eyes to deserve this,” she muttered, taking the mug from Dorian. In truth, she knew she was still too ill to try to go anywhere. But she didn’t see why she couldn’t rest in her own room just as well. “You would think we were prisoners in this place,” she said, sipping at the warmed wine. “And that one,” she said, nodding at the healer who had dragged her back to bed, “She is like a bloodhound. If I felt better, she could not order me about so.”

“If you were better, I wouldn’t have to,” the healer said in an almost too-cheery voice.

“Ugh.” Cassandra rolled her eyes and sipped from her mug again, eyeing Dorian over the rim. “And you. Stop with the insinuations. Varric and I did what we had to do to stay alive. There was nothing more to it.”

Varric gratefully accepted the hot mug from the mage, taking a long drink from it as he relished the soothing heat on his sore throat. He sighed and leaned back as he tilted his head at the other man. “Don’t mind her, Sparkler, she’s just upset that she can’t go out and punch a tree to make herself feel better.” He looked over to the Seeker, “And the healer wants you here because, let’s face it, that bed of yours isn’t really up to par with your illness.” 

“Punching a tree works!” Cassandra insisted. “If I could do that, the sneezing would stop!” She huffed again and downed the rest of her wine before she set the cup aside and rolled to lay flat on her back. “And there is nothing wrong with my bed. How do you know anyway?” she demanded, looking over at Varric again. She raised an eyebrow at him. “If you’ve been snooping around up there…” She left the threat hanging as she glared at him.

Dorian restrained himself from rolling his eyes and reached over to draw the covers up around Cassandra. “My dear, it’s no secret that your bed is no more than a glorified pile of furs on the hardwood floor above the smithy. While warm, it is hardly the place to recover from your experience,” he said as he picked up a spare pillow and fluffed it before he offered it to her. “Now if you behave, I’ll see what I can do about getting some templars from my homeland in here,” he said with a smirk. 

Varric couldn’t stop the groan that passed his own lips as he finished his own glass and set it on the table next to him. “Please, don’t tempt her. It might improve her mood, but it’ll do nothing for me,” he muttered as he settled back into the squishy mattress. “So, did you just come all this way to try and get us drunk enough to spill any details of events that didn’t happen? For shame, Sparkler, have some respect.”

“Rude,” Dorian said as he shook his head and pulled a chair over to sit between the two beds, “I came to see how my two dear friends were doing after their near death experience.” His expression softened and the upward turn of his lips fell a little. “It should come as no surprise that everyone else in our little band of misfits is concerned for your wellbeing. Sera and the Inquisitor have been in a right mood ever since you’ve returned. I think they blame themselves for what happened to you both.”

Cassandra softened a bit at that. “They didn’t do it on purpose,” she said. That made her feel bad, to hear that they blamed themselves for it. She shivered and sneezed, then pulled the blankets up over her shoulder a bit more. Oh, being sick like this was just miserable. “They haven’t been by. Tell them we don’t blame them,” she said. “The Inquisitor has far more important matters to worry over than us. Just… keep Sera entertained. If she gets the idea to come around here, she might decide we’re easy targets for a prank.”

Dorian laughed at that and reached over to pat her knee. “I think even she draws the line at frostbitten and sick. Though, I daresay Solas found himself with a couch filled with lizards the other night. It was quite amusing, I wish you both could have heard the uproar on that little discovery.” He laughed with them, wincing when Varric’s laugh turned into a bout of coughing. “Oops,” he muttered and ducked his head when the healer gave him a stern look, “You remind me of my nan. She got the same sour expression on her face when I tried to poke fun.” 

“Then you’d think you would have learned your lesson by now if you’ve been scolded for it since you were a child,” the healer said, then turned away to grab up her paper and quill, going over the potions she had stocked there.

Cassandra ignored the healer and heaved a sigh. “It’s a wonder anyone accomplishes anything around here with Sera running about,” she said. She didn’t mind Sera most of the time, but really, would it hurt the elf to be a little more mature? The pranks were really getting old. “One of these days, someone is going to get her back. Cullen already wants to, since she messed with his office.” She had to force herself not to smile or snicker at the idea; of all of them, he was probably the least capable of pulling off a prank. “Someone will get her eventually.”

Varric chuckled to himself as he rubbed at his throat. Damn, that was getting old. “She just better be careful if she’s picking pranks with Chuckles. I get the feeling he’s got a rebellious side to him as well. I mean, come on, an apostate mage with no ties to anyone? Shit, he’s bound to have pissed someone off.” He gave them a tired smile before another coughing fit caught him off guard. That was going to be a problem if he couldn’t talk at length with anyone. And he was beginning to miss telling stories at the tavern every night. He just didn’t have the energy for it at the moment. The most fun that they’d been able to have were a few games of Wicked Grace… which ended up into a few games of Shepard Six so he could reteach a few basics to the Seeker. “You know, I’d suggest moving the weekly game into here, but then the Inquisitor would have my head for getting everyone else sick as well.”

“Which it might be an interesting way to get out of missions,” Dorian mused, stroking his mustache, “But I think I am going to have to pass on the offer. Unless Ellana suggests going back to that cursed bog. Then I may very well be back in here trying to catch whatever it is you two have.” His spine shivered at the thought of going back to the mire. “Ick. Anyway, onto better topics for discussion. Anything else I can get you two? And, no, Cassandra. I cannot bring a sword in here.”

“Then what good are you?” she deadpanned. A long sigh escaped her as she thought over his offer. She usually didn’t like to ask for favors, but since the healer-turned-guardsman wouldn’t so much as let her look out the window… “I suppose if you wanted to bring me a book or two, that would be nice,” she finally said. “And more wine. Lots more wine. I will need it if I am to tolerate being cooped up in here.” 

Varric chuckled and shared a look with Dorian. “Hey, don’t look at me. It takes time to write a good book. She keeps asking me to read after I’ve barely written a sentence,” he teased, flashing a smile at Cassandra. “Don’t worry, Seeker, I promise to not be so unbearable that you have to continue your escape attempts.” He looked at his own pile of things to do. He knew letters from the guild were piling up and he’d just as soon as toss them into the fire rather than answer them. “I think I’m good for now. More of that spiced wine would be great. Maybe a hot bowl of stew?” 

Dorian managed a smirk at them for that, stealing a glance over at the healer before he made a show of standing up and holding a hand to his mouth as if he were telling them a secret, but spoke loudly anyway, “I’ll check with your caretaker to see if solid foods is appropriate for you in this stage of the healing process. And you should both be sharing a bed. Confine the sickness in one area.” He managed to duck in time to not be beaned in the head by the inkwell that had been sitting on top of Varric’s papers. “Ah! I see you are out of that as well. No fear, I’ll bring you some more so you can continue writing Cassandra that romance book!”

Dorian may have dodged the inkwell, but he wasn’t fast enough to escape Cassandra who bolted upright and began beating him with the pillow he’d fluffed for her. “I - have - had - it!” she cried, her every word punctuated with a whack of the pillow. Dorian’s teasing was going too far now for her liking. She pulled back, preparing to hit him as hard as she was capable, but cried out when the pillow was snatched from her hands. “Give it back!”

“NO,” said the healer, her hands on her hips, the pillow hanging from one. “You, back in bed,” she barked at Cassandra and pointed to the bed. Then she rounded on Dorian. “And you! Get out of here if all you’re going to do is cause trouble.” She pointed at the door, then tossed Cassandra’s pillow back on her bed and turned to start cleaning up the mess of ink. “I’ll be so glad to get rid of you lot,” she muttered under her breath as she scrubbed the floor. “Members of the inner circle behave worse than anyone else here. I swear to the Maker…”

Dorian held up his hands as he was backed to the door and he shook his head as he opened it. “Ah, such blinded friends I have,” he murmured before he laughed as a pillow smacked him in the face and he vanished outside.

Varric rolled his eyes as he lamented the loss of his pillow as he leaned back against the headboard of the bed. He and Cassandra shared a knowing look and he couldn’t stop the grin on his face. “Let’s put ink in his next cup of tea. Maybe that bottle of brandy he keeps under his chair in the library.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I think a few words to Sera should accomplish that,” he reasoned.

“Works for me,” Cassandra grumbled as she punched her pillow into a comfortable position and then flopped down on it again. A pained groan issued from her throat; she shouldn’t be flopping about with so much pressure and congestion in her head. She scrubbed at her face with the heel of her hand, but it did little to relieve the discomfort. “Get Bianca, take me outside of the walls, and shoot me, Varric,” she muttered. “Put me out of my misery.”

Varric rolled onto his side, taking the pillow from the angry healer as he propped his head up and pulled the covers up tightly under his chin. He sneezed as he looked over at the Seeker, chuckling at the pout on her lips. “Okay, but only if you promise to shoot me first. Dwarves aren’t supposed to get sick like this. Still,” he said, catching her eye, “It sure as hell beats being dead. So I think I’ll take that as a win. Guess you’ll have to put up with my frostbitten ass a little while longer.”

“So long as I don’t actually  _ see  _ your frostbitten ass,” Cassandra said, the corner of her mouth twitching in amusement. She sighed, almost feeling sorry for the healer who was trying to scrub the ink out of the floor, but not that sorry. Served her right for keeping her here like this. “If you’d ever finish writing one of those books, I wouldn’t have to pester you about it so much,” she said to Varric as she wondered which books Dorian would bring her. “It isn’t my fault. You are the one who is taking his sweet time. You should be flattered that people want to read your writings.”

Varric chuckled at that, watching as the healer stood up and disappeared into one of the side rooms. “One of the burdens of being me. Though, in my defense, they make it really difficult to write one of my trashy romance novels,” he mused before he gave her an understanding look, “So, sorry about all the teasing. I’ll see what I can do to douse that fire when we get out of here. You know friends just like to meddle. If they didn’t care, they wouldn’t do it, so there’s that I suppose.” He thought the whole thing over, their entrapment, what had been said between them. The way she had felt, half frozen in his arms. The things they had said. If they hadn’t been on the verge of dying, it would have been something. What, he didn’t know or didn’t really want that part of his brain to connect dots. 

Cassandra went quiet. Why did Dorian insist on teasing them so? It was painfully obvious to anyone that she and Varric weren’t interested in each other like that. Really, only recently had they started to tolerate each other. She spent several minutes trying to figure it out before she finally spoke aloud, “I just do not see what Dorian thinks he sees. We don’t even like each other. What in the world would put it in his head that you and I should be… romantically involved?” She scoffed at the very idea of it, then turned her head to look at Varric. A laugh escaped her. “Can you imagine it? Us? Together? We would kill each other before the week was out!”

He felt as though someone had tossed a bucket of ice water on him as he listened to her. She actually had a pleasant voice. The accent, Maker help him, was rather adorable. What did Sparkler see between them? Hell, what did everyone else see that they couldn’t? A pang in his chest echoed through him at the thought of who his supposed love was supposed to be. He pushed that from his mind, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Five sovereigns says we could last longer than that. If we were going to kill each other, it would’ve been on the boat ride over here.”  

It wasn’t a question of if they would survive each other, well, not entirely that. He had felt something in that dark, cold cave. Then again when they had both woken up alive. Behind the cold harsh Seeker was a passionate romantic who devoured his books without a second thought. Who put him on the path of the somewhat straight and narrow. Who expected him to be better because he could be. Who was brutally honest to the point of blurting out exactly what was on her mind and where she stood on a matter. It was oddly refreshing to think about. “We would probably drive each other crazy,” he muttered.

“We already do!” she said. “So what about being in a relationship could possibly improve that?” She stopped, pursed her lips, then laughed. “Listen to us, even entertaining such an idea. It is laughable.” She snorted in amusement again and shook her head. “I am going to punch Dorian for even sparking this conversation.” She rolled to her side again and looked over at Varric. “I’m sorry for even talking about it. I know you… care for someone already. This conversation is probably in poor taste. I will be quiet now,” she said, suddenly feeling guilty for even discussing romance with him at all, especially after he’d gotten so drunk and all of that mess with Bianca. She felt her face flush with embarrassment. “I always speak before I think,” she muttered. “At least you have someone to care about.”

It was like a spark that went off in his mind at her words. It hurt to think about Bianca, but now comparing her side by side with the Seeker, it was like shining a bright light on all of the flaws. He met her eyes, studying them for a moment. Her eyes were questioning as they met his own. “Considering that I am used to people guarding their words around me, it’s not a bad trait to have, Cassandra.” He tested the name out as he spoke softly. He sighed out and studied her some more.

“I’ve been alone on that ship for a while. It’s just taken me so long to see the truth of it because I didn’t want to. I’d gotten used to it, you know? She,” he sighed and closed his eyes. Admitting the truth aloud hurt more than he thought. “She cares more about other things than me. I’ve been wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship where, you know, I don’t have to worry about assassins coming after me because I tried to send flowers or some shit like that.” He lifted a hand and rubbed at his face. “We shouldn’t be together because everyone else thinks we’d be great together.” He looked back to her, “But, it would be one hell of a ride.”

Cassandra’s eyes went wide and her mouth pressed to a thin line. “I’m going to blame the potions they have you on for that one,” she said, instantly regretting saying anything about this at all. She didn’t like thinking or talking about Bianca. Something about it made the muscles in her shoulders tense, her stomach twist, and the slightest sense of… well, she wasn’t sure what it was, but she didn't like it. She didn’t like it and she didn’t understand it. Nor did she like the direction this conversation was heading. “I am going to murder Dorian,” she vowed quietly. Something pulled at her heart when he admitted he’d wondered what it would be like to be in a healthy relationship. “You will find the right person someday, Varric.” The corner of her mouth twitched again. “You are too damn charming not to.”

Despite the heavy conversation, the last few words out of her mouth had his own curling up in a smile and he chuckled, “Aww, you think I’m charming!”

Cassandra narrowed her eyes at him, then rolled to turn her back to him. Oh, he was impossible. “Ugh,” was all she said as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to fall asleep so she could ignore his laughter.


	8. Chapter 8

Varric wasn’t certain what exactly it was that he was doing. Well, literally, he was pacing a hole into the floor of his room, occasionally glancing over to the book on his desk. The last page was open to let the ink finish drying. Another blasted Swords and Shields novel. After they had been released from the infirmary, they had still been on strict orders to take it easy for the next couple of days. Just like he knew the Seeker had been outside with the practice dummies, he had been sitting at his desk, unable to rest until the story had gotten out of his head. 

If only it were that simple. He had been mulling over Cassandra ever since that day Dorian had visited them. He nearly snorted, remembering the very first time the mage had brought up the subject of the warrior and himself. It had just been so outrageous an idea, he had scoffed at it. This is why thinking was a dangerous pastime. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be thinking so much about such an infuriating woman. He sighed and stopped his pacing, moving over to slump onto his bed, his head in his hands as he bent over. 

He didn’t even give women a second glance because of the promise he had made to Bianca. And for what? Time and time again, she took that promise and broke it, leaving him standing out in the cold like some lost puppy wondering when they would be allowed back inside. For a time, that had been enough, he took what he could get. It was all anyone could ask for. 

Then he had become selfish. He wanted more. Was that such a terrible thing to want? To want someone he could give himself completely to and to have just as completely in return. To have someone with whom he didn’t have to share, where he could be the only one in their world. The only one they had eyes for. Was that being selfish? Was it asking too much of someone else? Probably.

Still, he was a free man now. He could pursue whomever he wanted, maybe even without the chance that assassins would be sent after him. Wouldn’t that be a novel idea? He sighed and stood up again, going over to the book that had finished drying and he closed it. Staring at it for a moment, he shook his head before he reached for a small length of leather cord that he used to bind the book, tying a bow in the front. He also knew that he didn’t want to go jumping into the first bed he saw. He was getting too old for that and he had never been one to jump from person to person like it was going out of style. 

He looked down at the book, it was ready to be delivered. Testing the waters. That’s what he was doing. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to come of this, his mind sweeping over the image of the Seeker that he had in his head, whose cheekbones were as sharp as her eyes. Her faith rivaled only by her passion for life, duty, and books. One who challenged him, demanded the truth from him since they had first met. Who was brutally honest it was almost refreshing. He enjoyed riling her up almost too much, but really it was for her own good. She needed to relax and enjoy more of life, even if it were only for a few moments at a time. 

Varric swallowed as he looked down at the leather bound book, remembering when he had given her the second chapter of Swords and Shields. The way her eyes had grown soft, the gentle and genuine smile of her lips, looking for all the world as if he had just given her the most precious gift of all. He didn’t love her, they were barely friends and had just started getting along well enough that he tried to teach her cards, but oh, there could be potential. He shook his head and turned to the door. Before he got ahead of himself, he reminded himself how opposed to the idea she had been when Dorian had loudly announced himself. Okay, so maybe he was reading too much into the whole thing. Maybe he was just damaged goods only fit to be the dwarf everyone pitied.  

He let himself out, locking his door behind him before he looked out over the gardens of Skyhold, his eyes catching on some of the more colorful flowers there. Something nagged at him that the Seeker was fond of flowers and really, that shouldn’t surprise him. She was a romantic at heart, hell, she probably loved for someone to shower her with all those gifts. He stopped and looked down at the book in his hands, blinking slowly as he looked at the bow on the book he had tied. It looked a bit lopsided now. He shook his head and paused to straighten it. “You’re losing it, Tethras,” he muttered to himself and forced his legs to start walking towards the training area before he could change his mind.

Oh, it felt so good to be free from that Maker-damned healer’s gaze, able to train with her dummies once again. Cassandra knew that she was supposed to take it easy, but she’d been cooped up for far too long. Let them try to pry the sword from her hands right now. Her brow creased with concentration as she swung again, satisfaction coursing through her with every thunk of the sword against the wooden dummy. Movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she whirled around, pointing her sword at the person who dared intrude upon her space. “If you’re coming to tell me - oh!” Her eyes widened when she saw it was Varric and she relaxed her posture, sliding her sword back into its sheath. “I thought you were that healer coming to scold me.”

Varric couldn’t stop the chuckle that made it past his lips at the sight and he drew the book back a little, watching as her eyes focused on it. “Careful, nearly stabbed the newest book of your favorite series,” he teased, “And anyone who would come over here to scold you while you are turning those dummies into toothpicks has lost their mind.” He watched her for a second, taking a moment to shake himself free of the butterflies that suddenly invaded his stomach. This was ridiculous. “Thought you might like a peace offering for having to put up with me again for another length of time in an enclosed area.”   

A gasp escaped her and her eyes went wide at the book in his hands. Completely forgetting herself, she lunged forward and snatched it from his hands. A huge smile split her lips as she looked down at it, running her hand over the leather cover. Excitement filled her chest and curiosity nearly consumed her. She’d been wondering what would happen next to the knight-captain, how the romance would continue to unfold. She felt his eyes on her and her face immediately blushed as she realized she was acting rather childish. She cleared her throat, but was unable to stop smiling. A suspicious look flashed through her eyes and she hugged the book a little closer and turned slightly from him as if worried he might try to take it back. “Thank you.”

The warmth that spread in his chest was just the good feeling of seeing an avid reader enjoy his work. That’s what he told himself anyway, he was still trying to decide if he believed it or not. A smart retort was on the tip of his tongue, but it died away at the softness he saw in her eyes, the way she held the book so carefully. He smiled softly in return. “You’re welcome,” he said honestly, giving a mock bow to her. “I remain a humble servant to my faithful fans,” he said as he stood back up straight. “That and the near death experience does wonders for motivating the plot along,” he said, giving her a wink.

Cassandra bit her lip, looked around to make certain no one was looking, then plunked herself down on her stool and tore away the ribbon around the book. Her heart felt like it was going to leap out of her chest with sheer excitement. The cover of the book crackled as she opened it; oh she loved that sound, the sound of a new book. She took a moment to inhale the scent of the fresh parchment and… was that a hint of rose she smelled? Odd, but she was too eager to start reading to concern herself with it. She turned the first pages, pausing when she saw the rose pressed between the pages of the book. So that explained the perfumed scent. But what she didn’t understand was why he’d put the flower there to begin with. For a moment, her heart went all melty, thinking Varric was a terrible romantic, until she remembered that it was Varric. She mentally kicked herself, even as she appreciatively touched the rose with her fingertips, then gently picked it up. “Why…?” she asked, looking up at him questioningly.

Varric blinked at the rose held between her fingers, an invitation to a game of Wicked Grace later that night died on his tongue as he stared at the flower that had absolutely not been in that book when he left his room. Cole. He felt a flare of annoyance at the Kid. Shit. The Kid did good work around the Inquisition. There was no denying that, but this? Shit, why couldn’t he have just let it be? So, now what? Call the spirit out on it, or take credit? He swallowed thickly, meeting her eyes as he made his decision, letting a faint smile tug at his lips. “What? A rose?” He grinned as the tone of his voice made her narrow her eyes slightly at him, but the smile was still on her lips. “How’d that get there? Guess you have a secret admirer, Seeker.”

“You’re mocking me, aren’t you?” she deadpanned. She could hear the overt innocence in his voice and it confused her. Did he mean he himself was her secret admirer? Or was he trying to tell her someone had put him up to this, that someone else was trying to win her affection somehow? Or was Varric just having a go at her? It was probably the latter, and she felt her heart sink slightly. For a moment, she’d been truly flattered. “I seriously doubt anyone secretly admires me,” she said as she set the rose back in the book and turned the page. Joke or no, the rose was too pretty not to be kept. 

He managed a chuckle at that, taking a step closer, peering down at the rose she tucked in the last page before turning to the first chapter. “Well, you never know. Maybe you’re more admirable than you think,” he suggested, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve managed to catch someone’s eye.” He hoped his voice was steadier than he thought it was. “I’ll be sure to keep an extra lookout for any would be noble suitors trying to win your affections.” 

“Oh, so now you’re going to defend my honor?” she asked, the corners of her mouth twitching in amusement. So maybe it wasn’t a joke. She felt her heart skip again. Maybe there was someone who had a secret crush on her and Varric was helping this mystery person out. The idea excited her more than she would ever voice aloud. She tried to press her lips together again to hide her smile, but didn’t quite manage it. This whole thing was terribly romantic and she rather liked the idea of it all. “I suppose we shall see if it is true,” she said, deciding to play along as if he really didn’t know who this secret admirer was. “And if this gentleman turns out to be some pompous noble, I will rest easy knowing I can sick my trusty dwarf on him.”

He couldn’t stop the bright laughter the escaped from him at her words. It was genuine and felt good. He could work with this and see how he felt about her along the way. He just hoped that she didn’t count this as him lying to her again. Technically, he wasn’t, so there was that. “Sounds like a plan to me,” he agreed and scratched at the back of his head for a moment, “So, Seeker, there’s a game of Wicked Grace tonight at the tavern. You want to meet an hour or two beforehand for dinner so I can give you a refresher course over the cards?”   

Cassandra thought about it for a minute. “I suppose that would be alright,” she said. A sudden thought struck her that maybe she shouldn’t be seen spending too much time with anyone for fear of discouraging her secret admirer. But then again, Varric was helping whoever this person was, so it wouldn’t be damaging to this potential relationship if she had dinner with him. She looked down at the book in her hands again, trying very hard to concentrate on the words on the page. But try as she might, she had something else even more pressing on her mind. She kept trying to picture who this person might be. Was it someone she knew, like Cullen or Blackwall? Or was it one of the soldiers, someone she hadn’t even noticed before? She looked to Varric again. “I’ll meet you there this evening,” she said, the hint of a smile still on her lips. She paused, then added, “And tell this… secret admirer… that he’s caught my attention.”

The look on her face was something so pure, Varric had to work to clamp down on the fluttery feeling in his chest. She’d never see this coming. It would give him the time he needed to see if whatever it was between them had a shot at working out. Or if he was just doomed to be  _ that _ friend. He mentally shook his head and flashed her another smile. “Oh, I’ll let him know,” he said smoothly and nodded towards her lap, “Enjoy the book, Seeker. I’ll see you tonight.”

* * *

 

Cassandra would later deny that she’d spent the rest of the afternoon sitting on that little stool, her nose stuck in the book. She knew she needed to train more, she had duties to do, but she kept telling herself,  _ ‘One more chapter, one more chapter.’  _ Even when Dorian walked by and teased her about it, she couldn’t seem to pull herself away from the story. It was just that good. And before she knew it, it was too dark outside to continue reading.

She looked up in surprise when she could no longer see the words on the page. “Oh Maker’s breath,” she gasped, realizing she’d wasted the entire rest of her day. She blushed, even though no one was around to see her, and tucked the book under her arm before she headed to the tavern. She gave a wave to Bull when he shouted a greeting at her, then sat herself at one of the smaller tables to wait for Varric. She looked around, didn’t see him, and shrugged to herself as she set the book on the table and opened it. No point in being bored while she waited. 

Varric managed to pull himself away from his work when his stomach growled at him for the hundredth time that evening and he winced when he noted that the sun had sunk below the mountains. Hopefully Cassandra wouldn’t have thought that he stood her up. It wouldn’t be the best foot forward in this new, crazy venture. He had to be a masochist for doing it. That was his reasoning. So, it was to a great relief that he spotted Cassandra sitting at what was deemed his usual table in the tavern. He gave a half wave to Bull before he went to Cabot and ordered a mug of ale for himself and a glass of wine for Cassandra. Some Nevarran red. As a second thought, he ordered food for the both of them before he headed over to the warrior and he nearly stopped short at the sight. She was nearly finished with the whole thing. “Color me impressed, Seeker. I thought it would have taken you at least two days to finish the new chapter,” he teased her as he slid her glass across the table towards her before he sat down across from her.

She raised an eyebrow to indicate she’d heard him as she finished reading the paragraph she was on. It took a great deal of will to tear her eyes from the page and bookmark her place with the pressed rose. “I… read fast,” she lied. She didn’t want to tell him she’d done nothing else all day long. She accepted the glass of wine and took a long sip of it before she raised her eyebrow at him again. “Don’t over do it tonight,” she warned, thinking of the last time she’d found him in the tavern. “Or you will owe me yet another new pair of boots.” She almost frowned at herself the next moment for bringing up a bad memory. Here he was trying to help whoever it was that was interested in her and all she was doing was being snarky with him. “Or at least let me get drunk first so I don’t remember it.”

Varric held up a hand, shaking his head. “No need to worry about that. I’m planning on keeping my head about me. I’m never drinking that much again. Shit. I get a headache just thinking about that night. There are better things I’d rather focus on and spend my time with instead,” he admitted, taking a long drink of the frosty beer before placing it on the table and reaching up his sleeve to take out his deck of playing cards to set on the table. “And don’t say that around Nightingale. You know how she is about shoes. She would find a way to ruin every pair you ever owned just so she can buy you something with frills and gemstones.” 

“Only if she wants to find all of her birds stabbed to death,” Cassandra muttered darkly. She sipped her wine and warily eyed the deck of cards in his hands. A long sigh issued through her nose and she sat up straighter as she set her glass back on the table. “I’ve never understood this game,” she said, her tone already defensive. It bothered her greatly that she was so bad at it. Why did it seem everyone else could always remember the rules, yet she couldn’t? She set her face determinedly as Varric dealt her a hand of cards. “Just you wait. I will win this hand. You’ll see.”

He couldn’t stop the smile on his face. He preferred this. A game, a talent that he had the, pardon the pun, upper hand on. She gave it a good try, he gave her that, she just couldn’t seem to retain any information on the cards. Which ones were better. He had tried several tactics, but to no avail. If he could teach Merrill how to play cards, by the Maker, he was going to teach Cassandra. 

Somehow.

“Maybe if we associated the cards with different types of sword attacks?” he offered as he picked up his own hand and moved a like pair together before looking over to her, “Remember what I said about announcing your hand to the table. Try not to tip your hand too much either, Sparkler has a wandering eye.” He discarded one and picked up a new card. “Do you want to start out on Shepard’s Six?”

“We already played that. Several times, might I remind you, when we were recovering from that illness that took us,” she stated, holding her hand of cards closer to her breast. She peeked down at them, a frown creasing her brow as she looked at them. Now which were the better cards? Drakes? Or was it swords? Surely swords were better, weren’t they? She decided to keep the sword cards, and discarded the drakes. “Don’t try to add in even more information,” she said, peeking at the new card he dealt her. “I have enough in my brain about this as it is. I will figure this out,” she said curtly, wishing she could pick the drakes back up. Of course she’d drawn another drake now that she had discarded the originals.

Varric couldn’t stop the smile on his face as he reached over and gently pushed Cassandra’s hand down so he could see it. He picked up the two cards she had discarded and let out a low whistle. “Shit, you would have had me beat if you had kept these two. Three drakes trumps just about anything. Multiples can trump just about anything, actually. On it’s own, a sword card is going to beat a drake card. Think about it in terms of real life. Say you take Tiny over there and put him up against that dragon we faced on the Storm Coast. If Tiny is the sword, then yeah, he’s going to kick that dragon’s ass. If you had two or more dragons there? Well, they can handle one measly sword, don’t you think?”

Cassandra thought about it for a minute. “If Bull goes up against a dragon single handedly with one sword, my money is on the dragon,” she said and let out a huff as she tossed the cards back onto the table. “Maybe I should just sit and watch. To hell with this.” She narrowed her eyes accusingly at him. “How much must you play this game to be as good at it as you are? It boggles the mind.” It irritated her to know that she had been so close to beating him and then had thrown it away. No, she wasn’t going to give up so easily. “Deal again,” she ordered.

He chuckled as he picked the cards back up again and shuffled them with expert ease. How long had he been learning how to play cards? “Oh, Bartrand said I was born with a deck in my hand. I had to learn how to be good fast. Best way to swindle my brother out of a few coins. He’d always get this little twitch in the middle of his forehead whenever he was losing.” He gave a sad smile at the thought before he shook his head. “Eh, I won’t bore you with those tales. I can come up with something far more entertaining, as you well know.”

She caught the note of sadness in his voice and quickly nodded her head. She wasn’t in the mood to be sad tonight. She wanted to enjoy an evening with her friends, the first evening she’d had with them since the ordeal with the cave, and she wanted to figure out how to play this game. Plus, she wanted to see if anyone was acting any different, to see if she might be able to make a guess at who her admirer would be. “Tell me something funny,” she said, picking up her cards again and holding them to her chest once more. She wasn’t about to listen to him scold her for showing her hand again.

Varric tilted his head at her, sparing a glance at his own cards. It was for show, really. Watching her glance around was much more amusing. Endearing almost. He could watch from right next to her and she wouldn’t catch him. A pang went through his chest at that. Was he really going to sit on the sidelines again? No, his own mind scolded him, but he was testing waters. Seeing if this could even work. It was hard, even sitting so close, to imagine what it would be like if they were “together”. She was the Seeker. Cassandra Too Many Names Pentaghast. Hero of Orlais. Right Hand of the Divine, Stabber of Books. 

It just didn’t seem like it was a match. Though, the image of her curled up in the armchair in his room by the fire, devouring his latest book came to mind and sent a warmth through him. It ended with him shaking his head, mentally slapping himself.  _ ‘I’m not even into humans. The hell are you thinking, Tethras?’ _ His eyes flickered over to Dorian, who looked like he was having an animated conversation with Tiny. Damn you, Sparkler. Damn you. “Funny, huh? Did I ever tell you about the time that Daisy took an entire cartful of nugs to Broody’s mansion in Hightown because she thought he was lonely and needed the company? Took us weeks to catch them all.”

Cassandra nearly snorted with laughter and quickly clapped a hand to her mouth. But the laughter wouldn’t stop. The mental image of Varric chasing nugs through a mansion was too much for her. “No she did not,” she laughed, gasping and laughing all over again when Varric nodded. She wiped a tear from her eye and tried to school her expression when she noticed Dorian and Bull looking at them. “I imagine he was not happy about that,” she chuckled, running a hand over her face again. She bit her lips and drew a sharp breath to calm herself. “The mental picture you paint is too funny.”

* * *

 

“You’re reading way too much into this, Kadan,” Bull said as he watched the Seeker and Varric practicing the card game. “I’m much better at reading people than you are. And I’m telling you, I. Don’t. See. It.” Really, if anyone spent more than five minutes around Cassandra and Varric, it was painfully obvious that the two tolerated each other at best. “Okay, so maybe they had a change of heart after being trapped together and almost freezing to death. That doesn’t mean they’re going to fall in love and run away to live happily ever after or whatever crap you’ve gotten into your head.” He stopped and turned his head suddenly to look at Dorian. “Since when did you become such a sucker for romantic crap anyway?”

“Ugh, are you even looking in the same direction I am? I’m starting to doubt just how keen your remaining eye is,” Dorian pouted as he stole another glance over at the two. Varric holding Cassandra’s gaze as he told her something, exaggerating with his hands and causing the woman to burst into laughter, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “She was reading his book all afternoon. A new book that he specifically wrote for her. And did you see the rose that she’s been using as a bookmark? I suppose it just accidentally showed up in there.” He looked back to Bull, the other man’s arm around his own shoulders. He was getting better at public displays. “And you are one to talk, you big sap.” 

Bull sighed in exasperation. “You realize she could’ve had that rose all along to use as a bookmark,” he said flatly. “And Varric would write a book for anyone who asked. He likes the attention too much.” He paused and watched the two of them for a few moments. True, he’d never seen anyone make Cassandra laugh like that. But still, he’d spent too much time listening to them bicker at each other. His eye narrowed slightly. He was trying to see whatever it was Dorian saw, but he sat back and shook his head a moment later. “You’re imagining things,” he finally said, grabbing up his tankard and taking a deep swig of ale. “Fifty royals says it’s never gonna happen.”

Dorian raised an eyebrow at his amatus. “I’ll take that bet,” he agreed quickly as reached out to lift his own mug, sipping at the absolutely terrible Ferelden beer as he looked over to the couple in question, “And I’m surprised you didn’t realize this, but that is Cassandra. She wouldn’t dare ask Varric to write her another book. She’d die of embarrassment. Same reason for the flower. I’ve never seen her use one as a bookmark before. Always bits of string, a piece of leather, spare bit of parchment.” He snorted, only convincing himself further this was what needed to happen. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I am going to see to it that it happens.”

Bull snorted into his mug. “Now that I’d like to see,” he said skeptically, then drained the mug. He set it aside with a loud clank, then let the arm around Dorian’s shoulders slip down so he could slap the mage on the ass. “C’mon. Let’s go play some cards.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reviewing! We love hearing from you.


	9. Chapter 9

Cassandra left the tavern that night feeling more confused than ever. She’d thought perhaps she might discover who had left the rose for her, but no such luck. Neither Cullen nor Blackwall had acted any differently towards her during their game, and in her mind that ruled them out. It obviously wasn’t the Iron Bull or Solas. So that pretty much ruled out the inner circle, unless it was some type of joke Sera had decided to play on her. But somehow, Cassandra didn’t think Varric would let Sera get that carried away with a prank, much less be part of it.

So that meant it had to be someone else here at Skyhold. She tried not to be conspicuous about catching the eye of any soldiers or scouts who entered the tavern that night. Most of them did little more than give a nod or say a general hello to the table as a whole. None of them even remotely seemed to acknowledge her. And it was starting to drive her nuts.

All night long, Cassandra tossed and turned, unable to think of anything else but this mysterious man who’d left her such a simple but swoon-worthy gesture. She cursed herself for it. There were far more pressing matters that needed her attention, and yet she could think of little else. She kept trying to picture this man. What would he be like? Tall, dashing, handsome? Someone like Regalyan, perhaps? Was he a mage or a soldier? A human or an elf? Would he be the stoic, serious type, or would he have a warm, charming smile and a sense of humor? So many questions that she just couldn’t pin down and it drove her mad. 

By the time she woke up the next morning, she felt as if she hadn’t slept at all. “This is madness,” she muttered to herself as she dressed for the day. And even as she grumbled about how this secret admirer had ruined her night’s sleep, she started picturing all the ways he might eventually reveal himself to her. Every vision her mind conjured up was more sappy and cliche than the last, and she felt herself swooning over the possibilities.

It was so bad that she could barely focus on her training that morning. She stared at her training dummies for far too long, lost in a daydream and picturing this man’s face on the dummy before her. By the time lunch rolled around, she’d barely accomplished a single thing and she decided she’d had enough. 

She marched up the steps to the Great Hall, and found Varric settling himself at his usual table. Without hesitation, she made a beeline for him. “Varric,” she said, her tone a little harsher than she meant for it to be, “Tell me who left that flower in the book. I must know.”

The quill in Varric’s hand suddenly skittered across the page at Cassandra’s sudden demand and for a fleeting moment, the dwarf was certain that he had been found out. Looking up at her, her sharp eyes pinning him to the table, demanding answers, he almost thought he was back in Kirkwall being interrogated. She didn’t know it was him, he realized, and relief washed over him and he sat back, letting an easy smile tug at his lips. “Why, Seeker, are you asking me for spoilers? I thought you would appreciate the mysterious, romantic gesture your admirer did.”

“Well,  _ of course  _ I appreciate it,” she said emphatically, “That’s why I want to know who it is!” She could feel her frustration growing, especially with the way he smiled at her like that. He was enjoying her frustration. Her hand flinched towards her knife, thinking of stabbing the stack of papers on his table. She refrained, and drew a deep breath through her nose in an attempt to control her temper. Threatening him rarely got her what she wanted. “Please, Varric,” she growled through her teeth. “Tell me who it is. I’ve tried to think of who it may possibly be, and I cannot figure it out.”

“So that’s why you were having such a hard time with the card game last night,” he mused, but he had figured out that was why she had royally failed and ended up owing Dorian a bottle of wine. “I don’t know if I should tell you, Seeker. What if you don’t like whomever has decided to be your admirer? You should know I’m a dwarf of honor. I would never violate the trust placed upon me by some poor lovesick man,” he said with great flourish. His only plan to throw her off was to annoy the everloving shit out of her. Maybe she would stomp off and attack her training dummies. 

Cassandra’s eyes widened. “What do you mean he might be someone I don’t like?” she demanded. A small panic rose up in her. “Why would you do that? Why would you agree to help this person if he’s someone I won’t like?” A scowl crossed her features. “You’re screwing with me again,” she accused. Surely he wouldn’t do something like that to her. “You just don’t want to tell me.” They stood there in silence for a minute or two, Cassandra glowering at him and Varric smiling smugly back at her. “Ugh!” she cried. With a step forward, she punched him hard in the shoulder, then turned and stomped back outside, muttering angrily to herself.

Sera pressed herself into the shadows of the wall as Cassandra stormed by. Oh, this was too good to ignore. After making sure the Seeker was gone, she tiptoed over to Varric, a big grin on her face. “So what was all that about, dwarfy?” she asked, trying not to giggle. She leaned down a little closer to him, her hands behind her back, holding a burlap sack that wiggled and squirmed suspiciously. “So someone has a crush on the Seeker, huh?” She waggled her eyebrows at him.

Varric rubbed at his shoulder that throbbed painfully, raising an eyebrow at the elf who was grinning wickedly. “I have no idea what you are talking about, Buttercup. Now, are those snakes for the Iron Lady or lizards for Chuckles?” he questioned, hoping to throw her off his trail, but when her grin only grew wider, he sighed, “I’m not sure I should tell you anything. You forget, I know how the rumor mill works around here. Usually, I’m the one instigating it. If I tell you, everyone in Skyhold will know by dinner time. And shit, I’m just… I don’t know.” He paused and ran a hand through his hair, a tired sigh escaping his lips.

“I can keep a secret!” Sera insisted. She blinked at the look he gave her. “What? I can. I know how to… you know what? Shut it.” She looked around to make sure no one was really paying attention to them. “It’s you, innit?” she asked in a hushed tone. When he didn’t immediately deny it, she gasped loudly and her eyes lit up with glee. “Dorian was right! You  _ do  _ like Cassandra!” She giggled manically and clapped her hands, making the sack hiss and writhe even more. “Oh this is too good! I have to tell Dorian.”

“Shit,” he cursed and shook his head, “No, Buttercup. Just… no. I don’t know what it is. I’m just...” He sighed, it sounded even more pathetic when he spoke the words out loud, “Testing waters. I don’t want to invest anything if it’s just going to turn out to be another situation where I’m not even the one she wants. She hates my guts anyway. So don’t go saying things to anyone. Especially not Sparkler. I just… I need to do this on my own. I can fuck it up enough with my own wit and charm, remember?”

“But we can help you!” Sera almost seemed to pout when he told her not to say anything about it. “C’mon, Varric! Dorian and I have a bunch of good ideas. We’ve already talked about it! Well… he had good ideas. I was just s’posed to go along with ‘em. My ideas usually involved pies…” She trailed off, lost in her own thoughts for a moment, before she snapped out of it and grinned again. “Why do you think Dorian kept bribing the Inquisitor to take you and Cassandra out at the same time? Wait. Wasn’t supposed to tell you that… Forget I said it. Anyway, we could help you!”

“No! And Maker’s breath, that was his fault?” Varric grit his teeth and rubbed at his face. “I’ll give you five sovereigns to put whatever that is into his bed for that. I don’t need help. If things are going to work out, then it has to be me. Not anyone else.” He paused in that line of thinking, Cole coming to mind and the thing he did with the flower. He would have to have a word with him and the forgetting thing. “If I get really desperate, I’ll ask the Kid, but please. No help. If there is a chance, I don’t want to fuck anything up with making her think that this is all some big joke by including you and Sparkler.”

“Fiiiiiine,” she sighed, disappointed. She looked from Varric to the bag in her hand, then back to Varric. “You want these in Dorian’s bed?” She thought about it for a moment. “Make it ten sovereigns and you have a deal,” she said, holding out her empty hand expectantly.

“Seven and I’ll play stupid when he comes asking who did it.”

Sera drew a long breath through her nose. “Deal.” She pocketed the coins as soon as he slapped them in her hand. With a grin, she ran off giggling, the sound echoing through the rotunda, followed by a “Hey Solas!” and a “Don’t worry, the bag’s not for you!”

* * *

 

She only felt slightly guilty when she found Dorian later, after having emptied the contents of the bag into his bed. Maker, was he in for a surprise later when he turned back the blankets. She giggled again, then tried to rearrange her expression as she approached him. “You’ll never guess what I found out today,” she sing-songed at him.

“Sera, my dear, for the last time, I have no desire to learn of the color of our First Enchanter’s underthings,” Dorian said as he marked his place in his book before he looked over to the bubbly elf. “But, my you do look pleased with yourself. Should I be on the lookout for more of those legged snake creatures?” he asked as he leaned forward and refilled his glass, “Or were you working more on that plan for Commander Cullen?”

“So many ideas, each one better than the last. Lock them in a room, send them naughty letters to each other and pies. No, cookies. Cookies is more romantic,” Cole said as he appeared on the small table in front of Dorian and Sera, “She found out that he likes her. Tentative, hopeful, scared. She’s new and refreshing, someone who could be so much more. Mend the hurt caused by a trusted heart.” He looked to the elf and held up a sack to her. “I found more of the bees you wanted.”

Sera clapped a hand over her heart, panting as she tried to recover from the surprise of Cole appearing between her and Dorian. “I wasn’t talkin’ to you!” she snapped at the spirit. Maker, she hated that thing. “Go away!” She looked to Dorian again, huffing as she straightened her top, and side-stepped a bit around Cole. “Like I was sayin’, before Creepy here interrupted me, our Seeker has a secret admirer! And you’ll never guess who it is!” She gave an excited little wiggle and a wicked laugh. “It’s Varric! And she doesn’t have a clue.” She suddenly sobered and shot another look at Cole. “No, I need the  _ hive.  _ It won’t work without the whole hive.”

Dorian tilted his head at the spirit who tilted his head and looked at the bag of bees he held before he grinned at looked at Sera. “What’s this? Is he really? So that flower in her book really was from him. I knew it! You’ll have to be with me so I can rub Bull’s face in this. First round of drinks will be on me once he pays up.” He grinned and leaned back in his seat. “Now, how to help them realize their potential.” He tapped his fingers against his lips.  

“No, no, no, no, no!” Sera exclaimed, slapping at Dorian’s arm. “I promised Varric we wouldn’t. He made me promise. An’ I don’t wanna piss him off. He’s one of the few here that I like. Him and you and Bull. And sometimes Blackwall. So we can’t go pushing or we’ll screw something up.” She paused and bit her lip in thought, wanting to be involved and at the same time wanting to keep her promise to Varric. She looked suddenly at Cole again. “Creepy here could do it. You’d help Varric win Cassandra’s heart, wouldn’t you?” She paused and wrinkled her nose as if she really disliked the idea that suddenly struck her. “I bet you’d be damn useful for all sorts of things.”

Cole nodded at her. “I helped. He wanted to see what would happen if he gave her a flower. I put one in his book so she could have it. It didn’t mind helping him out,” he said quietly as he turned his head to the other side, “And Cassandra doesn’t have any under things to leave as a token for him. I am sorry. It is harder to read his thoughts, I’m not sure what he would like in return from her. Touches, feelings, simple acceptance.” He sighed, “It is all very confusing. Are you supposed to know if you like someone touching your feet?” 

“Eww! Don’t need to know about Varric’s foot fetish,” Sera said, her nose wrinkling in disgust again. Her expression softened a moment later as her mind already jumped from one topic to the next. “Forgot she doesn’t wear underpants.” She frowned in thought, trying to think of a way to help Varric without breaking her promise. “We could,” she started excitedly, but then stopped herself. “No, that’s no good. Or maybe… well… hmm.” She looked up at Dorian again. “Cassandra likes really sappy stuff, right? Like, make-you-gag romantic shite. We need to get Creepy here to put an idea like that in Varric’s head without Varric knowing it came from us. You said something about talking to Bull. Maybe we should go find him?”

“First of all,” Dorian started as he drained his glass, setting it back onto the table with a little thunk, “Having one’s feet massaged can be both relaxing and romantic. Second of all, the word ‘courtship’ is not in that lummox’s vocabulary. Oh, he is great during and after sex, but there is hardly any prelude. The situation with our resident storyteller and Seeker requires a bit more tact. Anything Bull might suggest would end up getting Varric another broken nose.”

“He thinks of things to do for her already. They are just tangled in with his thoughts that it’s hard for him to figure them out. Little cakes on her pillow, a rose scented bath oil, flowers scattered over her bed with little poems scratched out on bits of parchment,” Cole said. His voice deepened and he sat up straighter as he imitated the dwarf’s gruff voice, “No, that shit sounds worse than my romance serial.” 

Despite herself, Sera let out a shriek of laughter at Cole’s impression of Varric. “Ohhh, that shit’s too good,” she giggled as she calmed herself again. “Well if he had more planned for her, why didn’t he just say so?” She finally sighed and rolled her eyes. “Whatever. If he wants to do it all on his own, then fine. But I still say we’d come up with better shit. At least we’d be funnier.” She scuffed her shoe against the stone floor, shrugged, then looked up at Dorian with a wicked grin. “Hope you have a good night tonight, Dorian!” she said, then turned and ran off, giggling all the way down the stairs again.

Dorian blinked after the elf, his mind suddenly coming up with all the reasons why Sera would give him such a terrifying look. “What? It’s not even… Sera! What did you do?!” he cried out after her, already on his feet in alarm. He sighed as she blatantly ignored him and he cursed under his breath, “Vishante kaffas. I’ll have to stay in Bull’s room tonight. I’m sure whatever she’s done won’t be pleasant.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short silly chapter this week. Enjoy!


	10. Chapter 10

It was a few days later that found Varric walking back to his room after dinner on one of Skyhold’s more milder evenings. How Chuckles found a place in the mountains where they could have a full garden in the dead of winter and not freeze to death outside was beyond him. Elf magic, he supposed. He knew there was a story there, itching to be figured out just under the surface. He was grateful that over the past few days, he had seen no interference from Sera or Dorian about his personal problems. 

One small miracle. 

He sighed as he unlocked the door to his room and pushed the door closed behind him, walking to the fireplace to add another log before he would settle in for a night of writing. His editor was still waiting on a few things from him and he really didn’t want to test her patience. 

His mind was so distracted, it took him longer than usual to notice the way the hair on the back of his neck stood up and the quiet around him wasn’t quite right. He curled his hand around the fire poker he had picked up, his muscles tense before he turned, swinging the metal iron as hard as he could. 

The vibrations traveled up his arm as the poker hit another dwarf, dagger in hand. His eyes widened as he counted two of them and suddenly he was reminded of the other price he had to pay for being associated with Bianca Davri. “Shit!” he cursed as he swung the metal again, trying to hit the other assassin, but it was knocked from his hands and he had no choice but to jump back as a wickedly curved dagger was aimed for his throat.

The assassin lunged again, growling when Varric grabbed his wrist to keep the blade away from his throat. “We’ve got you this time, Tethras,” he grit out, each of them struggling to overpower the other. “You’ve… been lucky in the past. You’re not getting away this time.” He pressed harder, his wrist aching in Varric’s grip, but determined to complete the job others had failed to do. 

A knock at the door momentarily distracted both of them, and the assassin moved quickly, turning to put Varric’s back against his chest. It would be easier to slit his throat this way and be done with the whole mess. He clapped his free hand over Varric’s mouth to keep him from calling out to whoever was on the other side of that door. With his partner unconscious on the floor, he didn’t know if he could take on a human on his own, much less escape unnoticed.

“Varric!” Cassandra said loudly when he didn’t answer the door. “I know you’re in there and I know you’re awake. I just saw you!” She held a little tray of cakes in her hand; someone had left them in her room. Now she really had to know who this secret admirer was. And she didn’t intend to leave until he told her. She banged on the door again. “Varric! You can’t just hide from me!”

Panic rose in Varric’s chest as he was suddenly turned around, a hand muffling his cries for help as soon as he heard the knock on the door. The flash of the blade had him raising his hands without thinking, grabbing the dagger anyway possible to stop it from drawing across his throat. Pain filled his senses as the steel bit into his palms and the heady scent of copper filled the air as his own blood slicked his hands. His arms shook with the effort to stop the other dwarf, to force the hand down away from his throat. Not like this. He couldn’t go like this. Even though, he had to admit to himself, for the better part of his life, he thought that this was how it was going to end. 

Cassandra’s jaw worked side to side in irritation. “Do you really think I can’t hear you moving around in there?” she called through the door. Still no answer. Now he was just being downright insulting. She sighed heavily. “I’m not here to… rough you up… or whatever it is you’re always accusing me of. I just need to talk to you. I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure out who sent me that rose and now these cakes…” She pressed her lips thin when she heard more movement inside, and he still didn’t answer her. “Varric! For Andraste’s sake, just open the door!”

Varric could feel the blade slipping, cutting into his hands further. Any more and he would be a dead man. He could feel tears slipping down his cheeks and his muscles growing weak from the strain of keeping the dagger from reaching his throat. For once in his life, he wished the Seeker would just kick down his damned door. The dagger slipped in his hands again and he made a choice then, opening his mouth wide to bite down on anything he could to free his mouth. He tasted blood and the assassin jerked behind him, still not letting him go, but the hand on his mouth was loosened. “CASSANDRA! HELP!” he shouted desperately.

Cassandra’s eyes widened and the tray of cakes slipped from her hand. She grabbed the doorknob, but the door was locked. Without a second thought, she raised her foot and kicked the door as hard as she could. The wood cracked and splintered; with a second kick it burst open. What met her eyes startled her. Varric trying desperately to keep a blade away from his throat, being held by another dwarf, and a third unconscious on the floor. “Varric!” she cried and lunged forward to grab the forearm of the assassin, pulling it away from Varric’s throat.

Shit. The assassin had no choice but to let go of Varric as he struggled to fight off the human who had interfered. He shoved Varric away, instead trying to turn the dagger on the Seeker. As they struggled, they tripped over the unconscious man on the floor, both of them falling. A grin split his face as he landed on top of her and he moved over her, trying to use his weight to press the knife to her throat instead. She may have been taller and in a fair fight she could probably have taken him, but he outweighed her and their position gave him the advantage. “Big mistake,” he growled at her.

Varric’s hands throbbed and he could do little more than clutch them to his chest. His eyes were wide with worry as he watched the woman fight back against the dwarf, her lips pulled back in a snarl, her eyes tight with anger as she roared at the assassin as he tried to push the knife into her throat as he had just tried to do with him. He couldn’t seem to make his feet work as he tried to stumble back up, he needed to help her, he needed to do something! He’d rather die than watch Cassandra take the damn hit that was meant for his stupid ass. 

Cassandra struggled against the weight that pressed down on her arms. The sneering grin on the dwarf’s face only angered her further. He was too confident, she could see that. She drew a sharp breath through her nose and let one of her arms fall. The blade slipped closer to her neck as the assassin closed the gap between them, the grin on his face widening. A scowl crossed Cassandra’s features as she grabbed the knife on her belt and in one sharp movement, drove it through the dwarf’s eye and out the back of his skull. She saw the shock and disbelief flash through his other eye for an instant before he went slack and she rolled him off of her. 

“Varric!” she cried, getting to her knees and hurrying to him. “Are you alright? What was all this? What happened?” She took his hands in hers, frowning at the deep cuts across his palms. She looked up to him, concern in her eyes, still holding his hands. On her knees like this, he was only slightly taller than she was. “Who are these men and why did they try to kill you?”

A multitude of emotions were flowing through Varric as he watched as the dwarf slumped to the side, bleeding out on the floorboards. Relief coursed through him as he lifted his eyes to Cassandra’s, looking her over for any cuts or injuries she might have sustained, but found none. Her hair was wild about her face, the concerned look in her eyes had him dumbfounded as he let her hold his hands as if they were made of glass. The pain was a hot throb, but he pushed it to the side as his heart gave a thud in his chest as he looked her over. He couldn’t explain it as the threat of the situation, he found himself slumping forward, his head resting against her shoulder as he tried to sort everything out. 

“Shit,” he breathed softly, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat, “I was really in trouble there. If you hadn’t…” He trailed off, not wanting to say what he saw so clearly in his mind’s eye. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If anything had happened to you because of me, again…” He shook his head, closing his mouth. He had to stop apologizing. “Just some… remnants of a mistake. Should be the last time they try to bother me. I hope. Shit. You aren’t hurt, are you?”

Cassandra blinked when he laid his forehead on her shoulder. The briefest flash of butterflies filled her chest, quickly replaced by a warm sense of… familiarity? Perhaps from their time trapped in that damn cave. Either way, she found she didn’t much mind this closeness with him. Maker help her, if she hadn’t been so upset about these assassins, she might’ve actually enjoyed the moment. “I’m not hurt,” she said, then gently pulled back to look at his hands, which were bleeding freely. “But you are. We need to take you to a healer.” 

She stood and grabbed the sheet on his bed, ripping off two strips of fabric to wrap around each of his palms. “Josephine will get you new sheets,” she muttered as she tied them. She stood to her full height again, sneering down at the dead dwarf and then then unconscious one. “We should have someone take him to the cells,” she said. “Come, I saw that healer that works for Bull going into the tavern. Let’s see if he’s as good as Bull says he is.”

It struck Varric how calmly she wrapped his hands, and in a rare moment, it was him who was at a loss for words as he listened to her speak. He let her help him to stand up and stood close to her until he was sure he wouldn’t fall over on his feet. It was as if his brain was wrapped in warm, fuzzy cotton as he observed the mess in his room. His eyes went back to Cassandra, his heart still thudding away behind his ribcage. He was alive because of her. The way she was so protective, attentive, he was having trouble believing it was really her standing next to him. Unbidden to his mind came the thought that was the answer to the question that had been plaguing him. The waters had been more than tested and he knew that he wanted to give this woman a chance. A chance to mend something that had been abused, time and time again. The fierceness in her gaze, the sheer loyalty and respect she commanded. He was drowning in her and he didn’t want to surface.

“Yeah. Should let the Nightingale know what happened as well. She won’t be too happy these guys slipped through the cracks,” he said, his tone more sober than usual and he let out a long sigh in hopes of taking away the tension he felt. “I am really sick of things trying to kill me. Guess I’d better stop pissing them off.”

Now that the adrenaline of the moment had passed, Cassandra thought she understood where the assassins had come from. Bianca’s family, most likely. “Do you know how to stop pissing off everything around you?” she asked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. She set her hand on his shoulder to steer him out of the room. A frown crossed her features when they had to step around the tray of cakes splattered all over the floor. She hadn’t had the chance to eat a single one of them yet. Oh well. At least she appreciated the gesture from whoever had sent them. “Let’s hurry. We don’t want him to wake up and escape before someone can question him.”

They stopped on their way to the tavern to tell a couple of guards to go and take the unconscious dwarf, and ask for the room to be cleaned up. Cassandra looked worriedly at Varric’s hands as they walked to the tavern. The cuts were deep and she hoped that no permanent damage had been done. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like for him if he couldn’t write anymore. No, the healers had cared for worse injuries before, and the healer in Bull’s company was supposed to be one of the best. “It will be better soon,” she promised as she pushed open the door to the tavern and found Bull sitting in his usual chair, having a drink with some of his chargers.

“You know, I think I like this soft, caring side of you Seeker,” Varric said, trying to match her joking tone earlier to ease the tension that had settled around them. He managed to give a smile to the Qunari before the larger man reached across to the healer and thumped him on the shoulder. The man came over to look at him before he was ushered to a chair so he could sit down. He chuckled at the curious look on their faces. “Believe me. The other guy looks worse,” he said and he winced as Stitches unwrapped the makeshift bandages over his palms.

Bull’s eye widened. “No shit?” He pulled a face when Stitches unwrapped Varric’s hands, revealing the deep bleeding cuts on his palms. “Damn, I know that stings.” He shook his head and took a long drink, not worried about Varric’s injuries too much. He knew Stitches could handle it. “You really want to get healed up quick, drink that stuff Stitches makes. Tastes like shit, but it works.”

Stitches didn’t try to suppress the groan that escaped him and he shook his head as he sat opposite of the dwarf in front of him as he inspected the cuts on his palms before he reached for a tankard on the table. “Water,” he murmured as he splashed some on the cuts, using his thumb to wash away most of the blood so he could see how deeply they wen., “Deep, but it looks like no ligaments or bones were damaged. Lucky.” He moved to the pouch on his belt and he pulled out a jar of thick, green paste that smelled of elfroot when he unscrewed it. “This is a poultice. Do not drink it no matter what the boss says,” he advised as he moved to smear the mixture into the cuts carefully. “Twice a day, clean and wash these cuts with hot water before you put more paste on them. Wrap with clean bandages and you should be back to writing in no time,” he said with practiced ease, “If it’s still not closed by this time next week, come see me again and I’ll seal the wounds up.”

Cassandra tried not to appear overly worried as she watched Stitches wrap Varric’s hands again. She could see the relief on the dwarf’s face. She turned to Bull when he asked if they’d like to stay and have a drink. “No. Thank you,” she said a little sternly. She blamed it on the stress of the situation. “I think I have had enough for one day. I should… return to my quarters.” She hesitated a moment to make sure that Varric was taken care of, then turned towards the door. She felt like she should say something to them, or at least talk with Varric about what had happened, but didn’t know what to say and decided to just keep her mouth shut as she started to leave.

Varric opened his mouth to call after her, but snapped it shut a second later. He owed her his life and he didn’t even say so much as a thank you for it. Granted, he had a few more things on his mind at the moment. He thought back over the incident, if she hadn’t been walking by… no. She hadn’t been just walking by, she had been pounding on his door.  He remembered the smashed cakes on the ground outside of his room and since he sincerely doubted she would do something as romantic as actually bring him cakes for no reason. She must have found them in her room. Cole must have left her the present then and she had come to his room to demand to know who it was.  

He thanked Stitches and ordered a round for the Chargers before he left the tavern, his feet carrying him towards the smithy. His room probably still had a blood stain on the floorboards. It would give the room character, he supposed, but in any case he wasn’t ready to go back to it. He climbed up the stairs, pausing at the top to knock on the banister to get the attention of the woman who was unstrapping her armor.

Cassandra turned sharply, relaxing when she saw Varric there. She’d been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t heard him climb the stairs. “What do you need?” she asked, looking him over as if expecting him to be injured somewhere else. She finished unbuckling her armor and set it aside, letting out a small sigh of relief. “Does it hurt much?” she asked, her tone slightly softer as she looked at his hands. Thank the Maker for Stitches. 

For a moment, he stood there, his hand held out as Cassandra briefly touched them. “Only when I laugh. I should be able to start up writing again next week.” He looked up at her, giving her a faint smile. “You ran off so fast I didn’t get a chance to thank you for saving my sorry hide back there. So, thank you,” he said, “Though you’ll probably come to your senses in the morning and finish off what they started. At least, before you do that, let me buy you some more tiny cakes as yours were destroyed in the attempt. Which begs the question, what were you doing outside of my door at this hour of the night with tiny cakes to begin with?”

Cassandra felt her face go hot. It seemed sort of imposing now that she thought about it. “I was going to ask you who sent them. And how you managed to sneak up here with them and leave them without me seeing you,” she admitted. She pulled back from him, wondering if now was the appropriate time to pester him about it or not. Oh who was she kidding? She couldn’t stop herself. “So who did send them?” she asked. She narrowed her eyes accusingly. “And you are far sneakier than I give you credit for.”

Despite himself, he couldn’t stop the laughter that escaped him. The look in her eyes, the teasing light he could see behind the harsh look. Words that it was him all long died on his lips. Wasn’t that what he was going to do? Come clean. Confess to her what he was thinking? Then again, she deserved something more than some poorly thought out confession, blurted out while he was still shaken up from the scuffle. No, she deserved something more, something sappy and romantic that she would fall head over heels for. “I am sneaky,” he admitted, giving her a warm smile, “And I have it on good account that the secret admirer is close to telling you who he is.”

She felt her heart leap into her throat. “He is?” she asked, far more excitedly than she wanted to sound. She quickly cleared her throat, trying to school her expression, but she failed miserably. She never was good at hiding her emotions. “Well at least give me a hint!” she insisted, feeling the butterflies in her stomach all over again. But this time, they stayed. It made her feel jittery and impatient. She huffed at him. “Varric, tell me! Don’t just stand there with that smug little smirk on your face.” She nearly pouted at him. “You are enjoying this far too much.”

He was. He really was. He shouldn’t take such pleasure from just seeing her face light up, the little blush that spread across her nose, making the light freckles on her face stand out just a little bit more. “Ah ah, you know how I am about spoilers, Seeker. There’s no fun in it and you would just beat me up for telling you what you want to hear.” He chuckled as a pout formed on her lips and his heart thudded in his chest, he swore she could hear it. “The trip to the Winter Palace is coming up, I’m sure he will be looking to impress you there.”

Now that caught her attention. Her mind suddenly played out the scene, the faceless yet handsome stranger doing some romantic gesture to sweep her off her feet and reveal his identity to her. All the details were a bit fuzzy, yet it made her heart swoon all the same. “The Winter Palace?” she asked, just to make certain she’d heard him right. She turned away so he couldn’t see the huge smile that split her face. She wondered if she should have something special prepared for this mystery man. For a moment, the thought of wearing a dress even crossed her mind. It didn’t last long. The very thought of that was enough for her to school her expression. Surely this admirer would know her well enough not to expect such a thing, wouldn’t he? She turned to Varric again. “Varric… you… obviously know this man. Do you honestly believe he and I are a good match?”

He was caught off guard on the question, his eyes catching the look in her eyes and he honestly thought about it. Did he think they were a good match? They could definitely give each other a run for their money. Yeah, they had a rocky start, but hell, he could see where she was more than making up for that. Their time together had started to smooth over the edges and he knew that they could keep each other on their toes. She wouldn’t put up with his bullshit and he knew that she would always be honest with him. He admired her strength, her resolve to do what was right even when the whole world was against her. The way she read his books as if they were water and she was dying of thirst.

His heart was pounding again and he nearly scolded himself for it. Instead he met her eyes with a smile. “A good match? Maybe,” he said, watching her carefully, “But it definitely deserves a chance. There’s just something there that would be a terrible thing to just let slip through your fingers. I think he will surprise you.”

Excitement bubbled up in her all over again, but she tried not to let it show on her face. “You know the suspense is killing me,” she said dryly. But he didn’t look like he was going to budge on the matter. If he hadn’t already been in pain, she would’ve punched him again. An exasperated sigh escaped her and her shoulders slumped. “Fiiine. Don’t tell me. Just keep walking around with that smug look on your face. The trip to Halamshiral isn’t far away. You won’t be able to keep looking at me like that for long. Not after I finally meet this gentleman,” she said. She didn’t mean for her voice to go all dreamy like that at the end of her sentence. Oh, this week was going to be the slowest in her life, she was certain of it.

Varric couldn’t stop the small chuckle that escaped him. He felt nervous. He actually felt nervous. She was probably going to hit him hard when he finally manned up and told her the truth. He would just have to sweep her off of her feet before she had the chance. Prove to her that this deserved a chance, that they deserved a chance. He had a few ideas on what he could do to make her night. He wasn’t about to tell Sparkler he might have been onto something, not until he was sure this wasn’t going to blow up in his face. “I’ll go and tell him you’re my hero for the night.” He sighed, wincing as he thought about his room. “Shit. I doubt they’ll have fixed the door to my room.” It normally wouldn’t bother him, but then again, he normally didn’t have assassins around who just tried to slit his throat. 

She sensed his hesitancy to return to his room. “Are you afraid?” she asked, wondering if it sounded too much like she was teasing him. To be fair, he had almost been killed. She mentally smacked herself. Here he was, his hands torn to shreds from that blade, his room broken into, his life nearly taken, and all she wanted to talk about was some stranger who had a crush on her. She really did have a one-track mind. And she did feel sorry for him. If it had been her in his position, she wasn’t certain she’d want to return to her room. Or be alone for the night. “You can sleep here if you like,” she blurted out. Oh Maker, couldn’t she ever think before she spoke? “I mean… if you feel unsafe, that is. I wouldn’t blame you.”

He laughed at that, but it sounded a little hollow. He was shocked she would offer to share her, ah, room with him. “What? Offering me to stay in your room after the last time I was in here went so well?” He managed a small smile at that and looked around. “Yeah. Shit, sure as hell I am afraid. But if I stayed here, where would you sleep?” He had been thinking he could disappear somewhere, find a room in Skyhold that was unoccupied and had at least an only slightly dusty bed, but shit. After that night, he wasn’t too proud to admit that he would sleep a lot better knowing someone had his back. “But if you think you can put up with me, I’ll go get a bedroll.”

A sigh of relief escaped her. She’d almost offered to share her bed, though it felt highly inappropriate. “Yes. Your own bedroll. That will work,” she said and turned away, feeling her face going hot again. What was the matter with her? “Go. I will wait up for you.” It sounded more affectionate than she meant for it to, and she silently scolded herself for not having more control over her own tone of voice. She waited to hear the sound of his boots on the wooden steps before she began to undress, preparing to turn in for the night.

Varric paused on his way down, turning to ask a teasing question about how domestic she had sounded just then, but his mouth snapped shut as his eyes were drawn over her bared skin. A golden caramel skin that glowed in the candle light. The defined arch of her spine marked her skin down to the gentle curve of her buttocks and he abruptly tore his eyes away from the sight. Little silvery lines of scars were up near her shoulders, battles past, he figured and couldn’t help but wonder about the story behind them. 

Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. 

He swallowed thickly and made his way down the rest of the steps quietly, so as not to give away that he had stopped at all. He walked in a daze back to his room, the vision of Cassandra burning into his mind and he wanted to slap himself when all he could think of was wondering what it would be like to run his hands over that golden expanse of her skin. He shook his head as he arrived back to his room. As he predicted, the door was a ruined mess as much as the inside was. The blood stain looked like it had been scrubbed, but it was still there. Suddenly, the decision to stay in Cassandra’s room became the best idea he had ever had. Better to err on the side of caution than wake up dead.

Cassandra had just slipped under the blanket on her bedroll when she heard Varric’s footsteps on the stairs to her loft. She felt a little awkward, offering for him to sleep there, but she reminded herself it wasn’t the first time. Although he probably didn’t remember much of the last time. She turned away after he’d laid out his bedroll rather close to her own; she wanted not to gawk at him as he dressed for bed. She heard him give a soft groan and she turned over to see him settling onto the bedroll. A frown pulled at her lips again. She didn’t like the bandages on his hands, the way it had taken him a little too long to roll out his bed and change out of his clothes. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry you got hurt. I’m sorry those men came after you,” she said softly, lying on her side to face him.

To say that his hands were in agony would be the understatement of the year. He was surprised at how much they ached and stretched. Still better than being dead he reasoned as he rolled over on his bedroll, pulling the covers up over his chest a little as he looked to the Seeker. He nearly laughed at the apologies she offered him; wasn’t it her who told him to stop saying sorry for the things he had done? This was different, but it still struck him as a little odd to be hearing it. He gave her a tired smile and reached for the boot he had taken off, retrieving the dagger concealed inside of it so he could slip it beneath his pillow. “Not sure if I deserve it, but thank you,” he said honestly, “It’s my hope that’s the last time that they’ll try anything. I’ve decided to close that chapter. For good.”

Her eyebrows raised at that and a small smile pulled at her lips. She wanted to praise him for making a good decision, but she wasn’t sure if it would be welcomed or not. “I think that is a wise choice,” she finally said, deciding it didn’t sound too patronizing. Though she didn’t mean to, she couldn’t help but to let her eyes travel over the muscles of his arm as he stashed the knife beneath his pillow. She didn’t normally see him without his jacket or shirt. Maker, it should have been criminal to have muscles like that. She jerked her gaze away a moment later, her face turning red and her mind screaming at her that she was an idiot when he looked at her again. No, she shouldn’t admire Varric like that. Especially if she were about to start a new relationship with her admirer. “W-Well,” she stammered and cleared her throat. “Let’s hope that even if they try, they won’t get past our guards this time.” She almost winced; that sounded rather pathetic and barely did anything to hide the fact that she’d been ogling him. 

He managed a small smile at that as he reached up and tugged his hair tie free before tossing it to the side as he laid down, tucking his arm under his head. “Been trying to make better choices. Nice to know someone is around to kick my ass when I screw up.” He liked the way she tried to not roll her eyes at him and he knew that he was doomed,.“Thanks, again. You know. For saving my life.”

“You’re welcome,” she said a little too quickly. She’d never really considered before how handsome Varric was. But him lying there shirtless, his hair a mess all around his face… She felt a heat pool low in her belly and she knew it could lead to nothing good. “Goodnight,” she said suddenly and turned over, squeezing her eyes shut and praying that sleep would take her soon.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! You get an extra chapter this week!

The Winter Palace was a small piece of hell on earth, Varric was sure of that. After the assassination attempt a week ago, it wasn’t easy for him to let his guard down. Here? It was as if they were just waiting for it to happen, to strike when he was least expecting it. Well, except they were all trying to kill each other and not just him. Really, he was finding his time in the palace a very enlightening one as he found himself surrounded by fans wanting his autograph for his crime serials. He was going to have a long ass talk with his publisher later. Judging by how popular he was, the man must have stolen a small fortune from him. 

He sipped from his wine glass, thinking of what he was going to say to Cassandra once they had a moment alone. Half of him was ready to run and hide, it was a terrible idea to try and win her over in the middle of this shit. She had taken to hiding in the main hall, but she would have to eventually move to the ballroom when the Inquisitor and her merry little band were finished running around in the background trying to figure out who was working for Corypheus. They had leads, now they were just waiting for the last signal while the Inquisitor checked out the noble quarter. Hopefully, this whole evening wouldn’t turn into a bloodbath. Then again, it wouldn’t be a game at court if it didn’t. 

An idea came to him as a servant brought him another drink on a tray and he thought it was perfect. After they saved the day, so to speak, he’d have a servant find Cassandra with a note. Hopefully, this wouldn’t blow up too badly in his face. For a man of many words, he was having trouble finding the right ones to say.

* * *

 

It was over. The fighting, the speeches given, and though Cassandra didn’t exactly approve of the Inquisitor's decision, she was glad for it to be done. Far too much backstabbing and politics for her liking. It took everything she had not to wrinkle her nose at every noblewoman who strolled by. How they enjoyed parading around in such impractical dresses all day, she didn’t know. 

“For you, Lady Cassandra.”

She raised an eyebrow at the servant who offered over a sealed letter. “Thank you,” she said, her heart skipping a beat as she accepted it. All night long, she’d wondered when her secret admirer would approach her. She’d thought about it so much in fact that she realized she probably hadn’t paid as much attention to the goings on in the palace as she should have. She waited for the servant to leave before she turned and hurriedly tore open the letter. Her eyes widened at the instructions for her to wait for him out in the garden. 

Cassandra looked around, trying to hide the excitement on her face as she tried to see if anyone in particular was looking her way. She saw no one. Sliding the note into her pocket, she headed straight for the gardens. But when she got there, she saw no one of any interest, save for Dorian across the way, who was thoroughly engaged in a conversation with Iron Bull. Well, the note did say for her to wait for him. With an impatient sigh, she found a spot to stand and wait, anxiously turning her head to look at any man who even walked her general direction. 

Varric approached the balcony, his heart hammering away in his chest as he saw Cassandra leaning against the balcony looking irritated. His fingers tightened on the rose in his hand behind his back, twirling it once as he tried to work up the nerve. It felt like someone gave him a little push when he started walking towards the Seeker, but a quick glance behind him showed no one. “Figures,” he muttered to himself as he forced himself to keep walking towards the woman. He spotted Dorian and Bull making a tactful retreat, probably to watch from somewhere else. Shit, did everything he did have to be a spectacle? He wasn’t far from her when he stopped and cleared his throat. “Turned into a nice night once all the backstabbing was over, wouldn’t you say?”

“Hmm? Oh. Yes, I suppose,” Cassandra answered, surprised to see Varric there. She felt as though she’d been waiting for days for her admirer to show up. It didn’t make sense. She had the note he’d sent, she was waiting right where he told her to meet him. She gave Varric a pointed look. He knew who the mystery man was. “Well, where is he?” she suddenly demanded. Her patience was wearing thin and she didn’t know how much longer she could stand it. “I’ve been waiting all night to meet him. He sent me a letter, told me to wait for him here, and I have yet to see him. What is taking him so long?”

He almost felt guilty for that, but he pushed it aside and looked up at her to meet her gaze. “Ah, yeah. About that,” he said as he withdrew the rose from behind his back. “He was busy working up the courage to give you this,” Varric said as he offered it over to her, swallowing thickly as he watched her expression, “After our talk in the healer’s hut, I wasn’t sure you’d take anything I did seriously.”

Of all the things she’d expected, Varric being her secret admirer was definitely not it. For a moment, she thought it had to be a terribly cruel joke. But the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice, told her otherwise. “You?” she asked in surprise, her eyes widening. All this time, she’d been begging him to tell her who it was, to give her a hint or a clue, and all along it had been him. Conflicted emotions ran through her and she didn’t know which ones to act upon. “You little shit!” she cried and punched his shoulder, hard. And in the same movement, she managed to snatch the rose from his hand. It was perfect, a deep crimson color, and she felt her heart swoon. “You’re so romantic,” she sighed dreamily as she looked at the rose.

It was so hilarious, Varric couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face as a relief washed over him. “Well, I do try, despite what some may be led to believe. I know we’ve had our rough patches. Near death experiences, fights to rival some of the greatest wars ever told, but even with all that, I am still here. I still want this. I want to try. You’ve made me into an honest man. Mostly,” he said with a wink, “I’m a better person today because of you. I’d like to see what else could happen, if you’d be willing to put up with my bullshit.”

Cassandra didn’t know what to say. A romantic relationship with Varric? Most of the time they’d spent together had been… antagonistic... to say the least. But she had to admit, over the past few months, things between them had definitely become easier, friendlier. And he had gone out of his way to write a new book just for her, had given her flowers, those little cakes, had given her the excitement of a secret admirer. Really, it all sort of made sense now that it was him. Hiding in plain sight. And to her surprise, it made her heart race and butterflies flutter in her stomach. “I… suppose we could try,” she finally said, completely filled with disbelief that she was agreeing to this. “On one condition. If Dorian gloats, I get to punch him first.”

The smile on Varric’s face only widened. “That might be the first thing we agree on, Seeker,” he admitted and looked around. The area was devoid of people, quiet save for the soft music from the ballroom that drifted out and around him. He supposed he could make another exception as well. Why not? He straightened his posture and did an embellished bow, extending his hand towards her, “Care to dance, Lady Cassandra?”

She felt her face blush, and a smile spread across her lips as she gave a nod. “I’m not one much for dancing,” she warned him as she took his hand. Her stomach nearly flipped when he put his arm around her waist. This wasn’t what she’d expected, but… Oh who was she kidding? This was probably the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her. She let him lead her in time with the music, enjoying the dance with him more than she thought she would. She felt like she should say something, but she was incredibly tongue-tied at the moment. 

Varric usually had two left feet when it came to dancing. It wasn’t really something he enjoyed that much because it felt like everyone was waiting for him to trip up, but this? This wasn’t half bad. He let his arms relax, holding Cassandra to him as though she would slip away from him at any moment, that he had somehow fallen into a coma and this was just some trick of the mind. She was warm, solid and very much real. He let his fingers curl more securely around her own as he gave her another smile. “I think I could get used to this.”

“I suppose this isn’t terrible,” she said, then immediately felt like kicking herself. That wasn’t very romantic on her part. And she could tell that he was trying. The dancing really wasn’t bad, she just didn’t know how to relax. Especially with Varric. Was this really happening? Had she actually agreed to this? Her head kept posing questions and her heart kept screaming for her mind to just shut up and enjoy it. 

She had just about convinced herself to relax and let go of her worries for a moment when the song ended. She broke away from him with a nervous little cough, her throat feeling rather parched. “I apologize. Dancing was never something I was very good at,” she said, feeling a blush touch her cheeks. She let her hand linger in his and she made her way back to the balcony with him. Why was her heart so fluttery? Oh, it didn’t matter. She liked this and she just wanted to enjoy it. She perched herself on the railing of the balcony, feeling foolish and flustered like a giddy schoolgirl. She twirled the rose slowly between her fingers, admiring it. “I should have known it was you,” she said softly. “With the way you write about such things, you’re the only one who could do such a romantic gesture and pull it off.”

Varric let her lead him back over to the balcony, leaning against it next to her as she perched on the railing. He managed a laugh at her comment. “You are the first one to actually appreciate any kind of ‘romantic’ gestures from me. Probably why my romance serials are so terrible. They are sweet enough to make your teeth fall out.” He let his hand slide over the one she had on the railing, letting his thumb slide over her knuckles. “But I’m glad you like them.” 

“They aren’t terrible!” she protested, a little too strongly. “They’re… wonderful.” The corners of her mouth twitched in a smile again as she thought about it. “The last one you wrote me, I couldn’t put it down. Your stories are captivating.” She chewed her lip for a moment. “Does this mean now that I can ask you to write more for me?” It sounded a bit selfish, perhaps, but she couldn’t stop herself. She loved his books so. “I promise not to stab any more of your writings,” she added, thinking it sounded like a fair trade. 

He snorted at the thought and held a hand to his chest as if he were hurt. “I knew it. Just using me to feed your obsession with my books. I would so hate to see any more get stabbed, so for their sake, I suppose I could write a few more to appease you. I’ve been thinking about adding in a trusty dwarven sidekick. I figured he could provide some small measure of comic relief for the hard working knight captain. She needs to learn how to take a day for herself without feeling guilty. I have a feeling he’d be just the one to show her how,” he said as he threaded their fingers together, his heart felt much lighter and he didn’t give a damn what anyone else said about them.

“Oh?” she asked, raising an eyebrow curiously. She felt her heart skip again, her mind replaying the night she’d let him sleep in her room. The look of his hair all a mess, how she’d wanted to reach over and run her hands over the rounded muscles of his arms… It suddenly felt hard to breathe and her throat was drier than ever. She had to swallow before she could speak again. “And just how would he show her?” she asked in a hushed tone.

He stood up straighter at the quiet tone and he could see her leaning forward so slightly. He smiled warmly at her, lifting his free hand so he could reach up and cup her cheek. It was warm, soft beneath his callused fingers. Maker’s breath, she licked her lips as she looked at him and his heart gave another jump. “Oh, he’d probably start off with something simple. Something like this,” he murmured as he drew her down, sealing his lips against hers. They were firm, but eager and he couldn’t get enough, a soft moan escaping him as he let go of her hand to slide it around her waist, pulling her closer. It was different than what he was used to, but not in a bad way. Knowing that he was the only one she had eyes for, that he was the only one she saw, it made his heart pound so fast, he was almost dizzy from the sensation.

Cassandra’s eyes flew wide, then fluttered shut as Varric’s firm, warm lips pressed against her own. Oh, she could lose herself in this moment. She wrapped her arms around his neck, part of her still in disbelief that this was happening. He tilted his head slightly and she deepened the kiss, tasting the sweetness of his mouth. Her pulse raced, her mind dizzy, and for a moment she thought that if they hadn’t been holding onto each other, her knees might’ve given out. “Oh Maker,” she breathed when their lips parted, her eyes still closed as her lips throbbed with heat.

Varric pulled back slightly, only for the sheer fact that his lungs burned with the need to breathe. “See? Very persuasive, wouldn’t you say?” he asked as he smiled against her, pecking her lips before he took a deep breath and searched her dark eyes. Shit, the emotions he could see swirling there were enough to steal his breath all over again. “This could be dangerous. We might never get anything accomplished ever again.” 

An uncharacteristic giggle escaped Cassandra and she clapped a hand over her mouth. She blushed furiously and stood up straighter, trying to calm herself. “I would not complain,” she admitted, unable to stop herself from smiling. Every moment just seemed to get better and better; she barely dared to believe this was actually happening. She was so flustered, she didn’t know what to do with herself.

“Master Tethras. Seeker Cassandra,” the servant greeted the couple. She held out a tray with two wine glasses to the pair of them. “A Master Dorian Pavus asked me to bring you this. And he said to tell you congratulations.”

Varric raised his eyebrow at the elf and looked behind her, trying to spot the mage as he took a glass and offered it to Cassandra before he took his own. “That shit,” he muttered. “Thanks,” he said to the servant before he shook his head and gave a look to the woman standing next to him. “I don’t know, I think this counts as gloating. Can I be there when you punch him?” he asked, a grin on his face. “Figures he would do something like this just to say I told you so.”

“I’ll get him on the way back to Skyhold. I imagine the Inquisitor will want to head out soon. She’s had a long night,” Cassandra said, gratefully accepting the glass of wine. She watched as the servant gave them a slight bow, then scurried off. “He has impeccable timing, though. I’m thirsty,” she admitted, swirling the wine once in her glass before she lifted it to her lips and began to drink it down.

Varric chuckled, raising his own glass to his lips. “It would figure that he…” He trailed off as his eyes caught movement by the doorway and he felt ice crawl through his veins as he saw a dwarf’s head vanish past the frame. Shit, the dwarves he had spotted at the beginning of the evening. He hadn’t figured they were… did they really send more assassins after him? He felt his heart lurch as his glass slipped from his fingers, shattering on the floor as he turned quickly and smacked the glass from Cassandra’s hands. His stomach turned to lead as he saw she had already downed half of it. “Fuck! I’ll be damned if that shit wasn’t poisoned!” He looked up at her in worry, “We need to get you to the healer.”

“Varric!” Cassandra cried, looking at the shattered glass and spilled wine on the floor. “What has gotten into you?” His words sunk in a moment later and a skeptical look crossed her face. “Why would anyone here want to poison us?” She looked down at herself, as if expecting to see something wrong with her body. “I’m fine,” she insisted. “I think you’re being paranoid after those assassins attacked you. Not that I blame you,” she added quickly. “But really, we’ve dealt with the threat here. Everything is fine. I don’t need to see a healer.” She frowned at the wasted wine on the balcony stone. It really was a good vintage; there was no doubt in her mind that Dorian had sent it. “Besides, it came from Dorian.”

He rubbed at his face before he turned to her, catching her hands in his almost pleadingly. “And if Sparkler had been the one to pour the wine and hand it to us himself, I wouldn’t even question it. But I just saw some dwarf peering over here as if he was waiting for something to happen. What better place to catch me off guard than here where we are so focused on other shit?” He rubbed his thumbs over her palms as he searched her face, looking for anything that might be wrong with her, the slightest hint of poisoning. “Drink a health potion. Just humor me. It might slow down whatever shit was in that.” He had a few in a pocket in the terrible jacket he was wearing.

“I’m not drinking a potion. I don’t need it,” she insisted. An almost sympathetic frown pulled at her lips. He really was still bothered by what had happened back in his room, and she really couldn’t blame him, but this seemed a bit much. “Just because you saw a dwarf doesn’t mean it’s more assassins. They tried to kill you, but they failed. Surely they would leave it alone now. They wouldn’t risk more of their people, would they?” She turned when she heard someone calling out to them; it was the Inquisitor saying that everyone was ready to go. “I will be fine, Varric. Come. It’s time to go back.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips, feeling her heart flutter all over again. It almost made her dizzy. She took his arm as she stood up again, the dizziness still in her brain, and she smiled at him. 

Varric held her arm tightly as he escorted her back to the front of the palace where the carriages waited to take the members of the Inquisition back to Skyhold. His eyes darted around, looking for anything out of place, but there was nothing out of the ordinary and he couldn’t see the dwarf that he had spotted on the balcony. Maybe Cassandra was right. Maybe he was being paranoid. But there was a difference between being paranoid and being alive. He trusted his gut. “Shit, I just don’t want to screw this up. After all that time, something happens now?” he said as he opened a carriage door for her. He had spotted Bull and Dorian down the way, but thankfully the Qunari had more tact than Dorian and was holding the mage back from joining them. “Just be honest with me, Cassandra. If you start feeling something, anything, you have to tell me.”

“Fine,” she huffed impatiently. It was sweet that he was concerned, but a little over the top at the same time. She didn’t like being fussed over. That was probably why she’d hated being trapped with the healer for so long after they’d been rescued from the cave. “If I feel strange, I will tell you.” She climbed up into the carriage and sat across from Solas and the Inquisitor, scooting over to make room for Varric to sit next to her. “Dorian is lucky he’s not in this carriage. I would punch him for this. Not just for gloating, but for causing you to worry.”

Varric couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Her dry sense of humor was calming and he hoisted himself up into the carriage, settling next to Cassandra as he reached up and loosened the collar on his uniform. “Andraste’s tits, I’ll be happy when we can get out of these hideous things,” he muttered as he looked at Cassandra. Was that a sheen of sweat he could see on her brow? He shook his head. “Yeah, let’s just blame Dorian for what happened. You can’t blame me, can you?” He looked over to the others in the small space. Chuckles looked much too at ease as he reclined against a corner of the carriage, his arms full of the tired Inquisitor who looked pleased with herself.

“I  _ could  _ blame you. But I’ll blame Dorian this time,” Cassandra answered.

Ellana chuckled as she laid against Solas. She always enjoyed the banter of her companions. Especially Dorian, Varric, and Cassandra. She rarely took all three of them with her though, preferring to use missions as an excuse to share a tent with Solas. A screeching met her ears and she sat bolt upright, turning towards the open carriage door. “Oh… Hi, Josie!”

“Don’t you  _ hi Josie  _ me,” Josephine growled. She drew a sharp breath through her nose to compose herself. “Inquisitor,” she said, the strain in her voice betraying her attempt to be polite. “I thought we agreed that it was important to impress the court while we were here. And that included everyone being in fashion.” She waited for the Inquisitor to nod before she continued, “Then tell me, why did I find THIS stuffed in a flower pot?”

“Oh look, Solas! That’s where your hat went!” Ellana exclaimed and leaned forward to snatch it from Josephine’s hand. “Thanks, Josie! Sorry, we’re all full up here! You’ll have to share another carriage!” And before Josephine could say a word, Ellana snapped the door shut and thumped the roof with her hand, signalling their driver that they were ready to go. She sat back with a giggle as the carriage gave a lurch forward and she tossed the hat on the floor. She looked back at Solas as she leaned against him. “I saved you again.”

Solas chuckled, smiling down at the Inquisitor as he spared a pained look at the dirtied hat on the ground. “A shame. I thought we had lost that for good,” he murmured, “I am in your debt once again, Inquisitor.” He leaned down and caught her lips in a tender kiss, pulling back with a playful smile tugging at the corners of his own. “Remind me to repay you once we return to Skyhold,” he said as he shifted in his seat once more, letting Ellana recline more comfortably against him. 

“Ugh,” Cassandra huffed softly. “Just please wait until we actually get there.” Sometimes Solas and the Inquisitor were even too sappy for her tastes. She wiped her brow with the back of her hand. She wished she could take off her jacket. The inside of the carriage seemed unusually warm. She shifted in the seat, trying to get a little closer to the window in hopes of it being a bit cooler. She didn’t want to voice it aloud, but the sweat was starting to run down the back of her neck. “Is it hot in here?” she asked, fanning herself a bit. “It seems… a little too warm to me.” 

Varric’s ears perked at that and he let his eyes dart back over to her, worry evident in them. “Shit,” he grumbled and reached over to her, laying his hand on her forehead. He almost wished he hadn’t. “You’re burning up.” He tried to suppress the groan of irritation that worked its way up his throat. “I told you that glass had been poisoned.” He looked worriedly over at the Inquisitor, “You remember those dwarves I pointed out to you at the start of this mess? I think they were after me. Poisoned our wine glasses. Shit. The servant who brought them to us must have done it.” He looked back to Cassandra, seeing the sweat becoming more evident on her face. “Should take your jacket off. We’ll need to keep you from overheating,” he muttered, reaching for his potions pouch. He wasn’t sure what good a healing potion would do against poison, but it had to do something.  

“What?” Ellana asked, sitting up straight again, looking at the seeker with concern. Cassandra looked paler than usual as sweat beaded on her forehead. “Shit.” 

Cassandra didn’t care if it was improper, she had to cool down. She felt like she was on fire, it was so hot in that carriage. She sat up a bit and quickly took off the stifling jacket, letting out a sigh of relief at the wash of cooler air on her skin. She cursed herself for not wearing any underpants or she would’ve stripped off her breeches as well. “Varric… I’m starting to think you were right about that wine,” she said, feeling thirsty and nauseous at the same time. She grabbed up a skin of water and gulped thirstily from it, and she regretted it a second later. Her stomach churned and there was no stopping it. She flung herself across Varric to throw open the door, and vomited onto the ground outside.

Varric cursed and reached out holding onto her waist as she wobbled dangerously from her position. “Fuck, I should have insisted. I should have done something more. You are so stubborn!” He was mumbling now, he doubted Cassandra was making heads or tails of anything at the moment and he looked over to the others. Solas was already digging into an herb pouch on his belt and the Inquisitor looked mad enough to spit nails.

Solas watched as Cassandra finished and finally was pulled back inside. Varric stood up and made Cassandra lay down on her side. “Here, give her a health potion. It should slow the poison’s effects. I have some crystal grace leaves she can chew on to help with her nausea as well,” he said as he passed the items to Varric, watching as he cradled her head to tip the potion into her mouth. “I believe I can help with the heat as well,” he said as he moved past Ellana and knelt on the floor next to the dwarf as he channeled an ice spell over his fingers, reaching out to place a hand on her forehead and moved the other one around her shoulders, her neck, down her arms. 

Varric numbly stepped back to sit next to Ellana as he watched Solas work. He cursed at himself. Was he not allowed to even have one moment of happiness? He couldn’t have anyone close to his heart. “Shit, if I get my hands on the assholes that did this...” he growled.

“She’s going to be okay,” Ellana promised, putting an arm around her friend’s shoulders and rubbing at his back. “Solas will take care of her.” A determined look crossed her face and she moved carefully in the carriage to open the door and stick her head outside. She shouted at the driver to hurry the fuck up, that Cassandra needed help. She nearly fell as the carriage gave another lurch, and she threw herself back into the seat next to Varric. “We’ll get her home soon. She’ll be okay,” she said again, though she didn’t know if she trusted her own words.

Cassandra gave a soft groan as Solas’s cold hands touched her. Maker, that felt good. Well, better anyway. Nothing felt good at the moment. She bit down on the herbs Solas pressed to her lips, hoping that she wouldn’t be sick again. She looked to Varric, the concern in his eyes warming her heart. “Should’ve… thrown up… on your boots,” she tried to joke, though the words came out raspy. Her throat felt like it was closing off. “Then we’d… be even.”

Varric gave a watery laugh at that, reaching up to wipe away the tears in his eyes as he reached over and gave her knee a tight squeeze. “Shit, you should have done us all a favor and thrown up in Chuckle’s hat,” he said before he met her eyes. She seemed to be doing better, Solas was able to keep his hands cold for her, gently swiping his fingers over the planes of her face and brow. The carriage ride had turned into a bumpy one and he gave her a sad smile, “You might get your chance here in a little bit if your stomach rebels again.”

Cassandra clenched her jaw and shook her head adamantly. She arranged the leaves in her cheek with her tongue, then bit down on them again, forcing herself to swallow the juice that welled from them. She was still sweating profusely, despite the cold that Solas swept over her forehead and the back of her neck. Her vision blurred and she blinked her eyes, swallowing the whimper in her throat when she could not clear them. And despite the fact that she felt like her skin was burning up, she started to shiver. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Ellana whispered, holding Varric’s hand, though she wasn’t certain if it was to calm him or herself. Seeing Cassandra like this was, well, frightening. She’d always thought Cassandra capable of handling anything. The Seeker was so strong and confident. It had been bad enough to find them almost frozen to death in that cave, but now this? “Creators help us, I swear you two catch more shit than anyone.” She looked down at Varric’s hands, still wrapped in bandages from the attack of the assassins. “That’s it. I’m locking you two in the tallest tower for your own safety.”

Varric was ready to agree with the Inquisitor on that front. “Shit, but it wasn’t her they were after,” he muttered as he swallowed thickly, lifting a hand to run it through his hair, tugging out the hair tie along the way as he kept his gaze on Cassandra, as if she would disappear right in front of his eyes. “I could have done more, I had… have healing potions in my belt. I could have insisted she take one. I should have made her understand!” He almost cut off when he remembered the words, but in the Seeker’s voice after she had sent him away from their scuffle over Hawke. For five minutes, he had something wonderful before the world once again tried to rip it from his hands.

“It’s not your fault,” the Inquisitor tried to comfort him. She knew she should say something better than that, but nothing came to her. She was far too worried over Cassandra, whose shivers had given way to violent shakes. The Seeker’s limbs jerked unnaturally, and all Ellana could do was sit there and chew at her nails as she watched. It was horrifying. “Shit, shit, shit,” she whispered, feeling tears brim in her eyes. This wasn’t right. And all because, what? Because Varric had seen Bianca? So they sent assassins and Cassandra had been caught in the middle. “If she dies…” Ellana drew a sharp breath through her nose, not certain that words could even begin to describe the wrath she would unleash. “I’ll feed that little sawed-off bitch her own fucking eyeballs,” she snarled, once again reminded of the threat Bianca had thrown her way.

He winced as he watched as Cassandra thrashed, Solas carefully holding her still with his longer body. He knew that Ellana and himself would get in the way in such a tiny space, but shit, he hated sitting around watching the Seeker die in front of his eyes. She was in his place and he felt sick because of it. Here, he had just risked everything, threw caution to the wind and this happened. An icy lance of fear went through him at the Inquisitor’s words.  _ If she dies… _ Oh Maker preserve him if Cassandra died because of him. Because of mistakes he made. He felt something in him harden and he felt a strong surge of bitterness towards the family that did this to him. “We need to go faster,” he said, but knew they were already going as fast as they could. 

Cassandra was only vaguely aware of the way Solas wrapped around her, trying to still her body. Everything hurt, every nerve was on fire, her breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps. Oh, she should’ve listened to Varric, should’ve taken the potion, should’ve made herself sick sooner. Something foggy in her mind told her that this was it, that she was going to die, and the only thing she could think about was what a shame it was because she’d just started this new relationship with Varric. Now she’d never know how that story, her love story with him, would end. This was it, there was a vise around her chest, her body was giving up, and her eyes rolled back in her head, making everything go black.


	12. Chapter 12

Solas wasn’t often one for a bedside vigil. The Inquisitor had been an exception as he tried to find a way to somehow unbind the grip of his magic from her. This one was a personal request and one he was only too happy to oblige. He respected the dwarf and had come to care for the two of them as much as could be expected. Seeing both in pain and suffering was something he had to remedy. He sat where he could keep an eye on the door to the infirmary at all times, his staff reclining against him and ears alert for any more would-be assassins. He glanced away when movement on the bed caught his eye and he smiled as Cassandra opened her eyes. “Ah, I am pleased to see that you are still with us,” he said genuinely as he marked the place in his book and scooted closer to her. 

It took Cassandra a minute to even realize she was awake. She blinked at the elf next to her. “Solas?” she asked, her voice soft and raspy. A wince crossed her features - she felt like she’d been trampled by brontos. After waiting for her vision to clear, she looked around, trying to recognize where she was. Oh Maker damn it all. She was back in that same room, probably under the watch of that same bossy little elf healer again. But how had she ended up here? She remembered the Winter Palace, dancing with Varric, a glass of wine… “Mmmmph,” she groaned. “The wine really was poisoned, wasn’t it?” 

The elf gave her a sad smile. “I am afraid it was. You gave us all a scare on the way here. You had a seizure soon after we left Halamshiral. You have been in a coma for three days now,” he informed her before he nodded down to the other side of the bed. “He hasn’t left your side once. Don’t worry, between Dorian, Sera, the Inquisitor and I, we have been able to convince him to eat at least once a day.” He smiled at her, “How are you feeling?”

“Like I let our entire army use me as a training dummy,” she muttered, turning to look at Varric whose arms were folded on her bed, his head resting on them as he slept. It warmed her heart to see him there, to know he cared enough to stay with her. Really, it meant the world to her to know that all of them cared, but especially Varric. She looked to the elf again. “Thank you, Solas, for watching over me. And him. You are a true friend,” she said softly. She let her hand reach out and gently brush a few stray hairs from Varric’s forehead. “I don’t remember leaving the palace. I… hope I didn’t make much of a scene.” She almost winced as she wondered if she’d done anything embarrassing. She let her fingers trail through Varric’s hair again. Something about the silky soft feel of the strands comforted her.

Solas smiled at that. “It was nothing of note. Far many more nobles made the fools of themselves by partaking in more than they could handle. Particularly Sera.” He gave a small frown at her. “I am sorry to say that the Inquisitor has had little luck tracking down who poisoned you, but Leliana has made changes with her people and Commander Cullen has changed the guard.”   

Cassandra nodded sharply, then stared up at the ceiling. It was ridiculous that they had to worry about such measures in the first place. Obviously security was of utmost importance, but that was because of Corypheus and the threat he posed to the Inquisitor. Not because some family decided to send assassins after the lover of their less-than-innocent daughter. And the more Cassandra thought about it, the angrier she became. “I cannot believe this,” she said in a harsh whisper. Her throat hurt to try to talk too much, but she was angry enough that she had to say something, had to vent to someone. “Why would they try to kill him for what he did? Bianca is equally at fault in the situation. Possibly even more so because she invited Varric to come see her. He is not solely at fault here. Yet he is the one to suffer all the consequences.”

“It is far easier for them to blame an outside party rather than point the finger at their own daughter,” Solas said, “And for awhile, he had no one else to care for, so he convinced himself that it was acceptable. Certainly not anymore now that he has you. I have not seen Master Tethras so upset about anything before. You have shaken his world.” He looked down at the sleeping dwarf who turned his head into Cassandra’s hand. “At any rate, I believe Ellana has written a… strongly worded letter to the Davri family. Something to the effect of calling them children and promising the action of the Inquisition should they send more assassins. She wanted them brought here for judgement, but I suspected Varric would be less than impressed with that decision.” 

A strongly worded letter? Cassandra nearly snorted at that. That didn’t sound like the Inquisitor she knew. The Inquisitor was more likely to confront someone face to face, every sentenced laced with the word  _ fuck  _ and vulgar mentions of body parts. “I assume the letter was Josephine’s influence,” she muttered, trailing her fingers through Varric’s hair again. A scowl crossed her face. “Let them try to come here again. I will end them the same way I did the ones who snuck into his room. They are cowardly, trying to poison him like that at the Winter Palace. If they show up here again, I will hunt down their family myself. This is beyond the point of being ridiculous.”

“Of course, Lady Josephine was rather persuasive. Ellana was prepared to ready every soldier and force the Inquisition has to defend Varric and yourself. Most of the Inner Circle was ready to join her once they learned of what had happened,” he said as he set his book off to the side. “But they are not worth the conversation. Your health is. Do you feel like eating anything? I can see if the kitchens have any soup?” He saw the look she gave him and he only chuckled. “And I am afraid that now you are awake, I will have to go find the healer.”

“Solas, no!” Cassandra protested, her voice cracking. But she pressed on anyway, not caring how hoarse she was. “Can’t you just help me back to my room? I’ll be fine. I… I just need rest. That healer is insufferable. I think she delights in irritating me by fussing over me like I am some sickly child.” Really, the healer wasn’t bad at her job. It was almost that she was too good at it. And Cassandra hated being fussed over. She seemed to deflate on her bed, her outburst draining her energy. It made her feel pathetic. “Soup would be good,” she finally muttered, looking rather sour as she stared over at the wall with a huff.

The mage chuckled as he stood up. “You misunderstand, Lady Cassandra. Once the healer deems you well enough, she will release you to bedrest to an area of your choosing. Preferably somewhere with a proper bed, I believe were her words.” He shook his head. “I would not lose any sleep over it. I will return shortly,” he promised as he headed out the door. 

“Damn it,” Cassandra hissed, realizing that Solas would not take her side on this. She looked to Varric, not wanting to wake him, but desperately not wanting to spend more time with the healers. “Varric!” She poked him harshly in the shoulder, attempting to wake him. He snored softly and she gave a frustrated groan. “Varric!” she tried again, poking him harder and jumping slightly when he jumped and looked around. “Help me get out of here,” she said, throwing the blankets off herself as she sat up. She swayed slightly, her body feeling heavy and sluggish as she moved. She would need his help to even get to the door at this point. “Quickly, before the healer or Solas return. I want to go to my room.”

Varric was startled awake, his fingers twitching as they wanted to go for the dagger on his belt, but he stopped when he heard the familiar voice. He was drawn to Cassandra, trying to get up out of the bed. Relief washed over him to see her not only awake, but trying to move around as well. “Shit,” he said softly, “You… you’re awake.” He wiped at his eyes, remembering her convulsing in the carriage ride over. “Fuck, I thought I had lost you. You just laid there.” He breathed as he reached over and caught her hand, urging her to lay back down. “The poison you drank...” He swallowed thickly, trying to shake off the lingering grasp of sleep, “It was enough to kill you. If Chuckles hadn’t been in the carriage with us...” 

She didn’t want to lay down, but already her exertions had exhausted her. She laid back, her heart moved by the concern she could hear in his voice. “I’m still here,” she said softly, reaching over to trail her fingers along his jawline. “It will take more than that to kill me.” Really, she thought it would be rather pathetic for her, the hero of Orlais, to be taken out by dwarven assassins who weren’t even targeting her in the first place. She hated the worry and the guilt she could see in Varric’s eyes. “I’d at least like to go out fighting,” she tried to joke, lowering her voice to a whisper again to ease the pain in her throat. “Corypheus, preferably. Or at least a dragon.”

He couldn’t stop himself from leaning into her hand and he pushed himself up so he could sit at her side, looking down at her as he brushed her matted hair from her forehead. “I’ll talk to Tiny and see what we can do about that,” Varric said as he managed a smile for her. “Maker, but I thought you weren’t going to wake up.” His thumb traced the scar on her cheek a moment before he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I promise I’ll get you out of here as soon as you can stand without falling over.” He looked over to the table and reached out for the pitcher of water and the mug that was there. “Are you thirsty?”

She nodded and let Varric help her to sit up as she downed the cold water. It eased her throat and she flopped back against the bed with a sigh. “I am getting very tired of feeling so useless,” she muttered. Physically, she didn’t have the strength to get up or to care for herself, and it was driving her crazy. She’d never been lazy in her life and she didn’t like the idea of becoming that or being seen as that now. But his promise to help her leave as soon as possible gave her some hope. She reached for his hand, twining her fingers with his. “I’m sorry to have worried you.”

“Shit,” Varric breathed as he set the cup aside and turned back to her, squeezing her hand lightly, “I should be the one apologizing to you for dragging you into the middle of all this mess. The last thing I wanted to see was you getting hurt because of me. You shouldn’t have to suffer because of my mistakes.” He brushed her hair off her forehead before he cupped her cheek in his hand, looking into her eyes that still held life. “I hope that you’ll let me make it up to you. This isn’t how I pictured the rest of that night going.”

“Oh, you’re going to make it up to me,” she joked. A laugh tried to escape her, but she ended up choking instead and fell to a fit of coughing. “Ugh,” she groaned when she could finally breathe again. “Just go get your crossbow, take me outside, and put me down.” She managed a weak smile for him. “I should have listened to you. I should have taken that potion when you told me to. You… you were right,” she admitted, not meeting his eyes. “I should have trusted your judgment.”

“I wish I hadn’t been right. I wish I had been overreacting. Isn’t that what normal people do? Overreact over nothing?” He squeezed her hand. “And it’s not like I’m the best person around to trust.” He sighed and tilted his head at her. He didn’t like how weak she looked, how pale her skin was. “You’re past the hard part. It’s all downhill from here. Plus, you get people to wait on you hand and foot. Namely yours truly.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to be waited on hand and foot. I want to be able to take care of myself,” she said. “And I want to hunt down the little bastards who poisoned that wine.” She went quiet for a moment, daydreaming about tracking down the dwarf that had poisoned her, envisioning herself stabbing him. It made her feel better. She jerked her head towards the door when she heard someone fumbling with the knob. “If it’s anyone but Solas with a bowl of soup, tell them I fell back asleep. I don’t feel like a lecture from that healer,” she hissed and let her head fall back against the pillow, feigning sleep.

Solas chuckled when Varric opened the door for him. “You do not need to pretend to be asleep, Lady Cassandra. The healer is busy with a few others, but she is making her rounds. I have a few potions from her along with your meal though and a reminder for you to stay in the infirmary until at least tomorrow. At which point, I imagine, she will release you into the care of Master Tethras, or one of the more responsible of the Inner Circle until you are feeling more like yourself.” He moved to the bedside and set the tray on the small table there. “I’ll go and see about stalling her a little further, shall I?”

Varric managed a small chuckle as he went back to Cassandra’s side. “Thanks, Chuckles. I owe you one for this,” he said, waving at the elf as he left them alone again. “For an elf who’s spent his life living out in the woods alone, he has a lot of tact,” he observed as he looked over the potions and the bowl of steamy soup, “So, what would you like first? The potions?”

Cassandra suspiciously cracked an eye open to make certain she and Varric were truly alone. A relieved sigh escaped her. “The potions,” she said, thinking she’d rather wash them down with the soup to get the taste out of her mouth. She reached for one, frowning as she fumbled with the cork. “Oh this is maddening,” she hissed. “What next? Will I be unable to feed myself?” She glared at Varric as if daring him to offer to do so for her. She set her face and pressed her thumb against the cork, gritting her teeth as the damn thing stayed stuck. After several minutes, she finally let her head fall back against the pillow with a frustrated huff. “Here,” she said and handed the potion back to him. “But if you tell anyone I needed help opening a simple potion, you will find more than just your books stabbed.”

“Perish the thought, Seeker,” he said as he took the potion and popped the cork out before he handed it back to her. “You loosened it for me.” He reached for the next two bottles and uncorked them as well. “Besides, I told you that I’m a perfect gentleman. I would never try to ruin your reputation while you are sick in bed. And mostly because of me,” he said, his lips pulling into a frown as he did so. “And don’t worry about anyone else. They’ve all seen you punch a tree. They wouldn’t dare make fun of you now.”

“They better not, if they know what’s good for them.” She swallowed down each one in turn, but nearly spilled the last. Her arms felt heavier than usual, her fingers clumsy. It felt as if she could sleep for days on end and still be tired. Even the thought of sitting up made her feel worn out, but she forced herself to move, managing to sit up on the bed. She didn’t feel particularly hungry, and the soup looked rather bland to her, but she knew she needed to eat. “Give it here,” she said dully, blinking a couple times when a wave of dizziness washed over her.

Varric frowned as he picked up the soup, the heat seeping into his hands as he picked up the spoon. “No offense, Seeker, but I’d rather not see you wearing this soup and sporting a few new burns because of it.” He lifted a spoonful up and looked at her expectantly. “Scout’s honor I won’t be teasing you about this later,” he swore. He meant it as well. He didn’t like seeing her like this, especially after the confession on the balcony that he’d like to see where their relationship could go. “Though, this isn’t the romantic dinner I had planned,” he said as he held the spoon out to her.

She wanted to crawl under her blankets and die. Being spoonfed? And not because it was some sweet, romantic gesture, but because it was  _ necessary.  _ The idea of being that dependant on anyone made her skin crawl. She scowled and crossed her arms. Surely the Maker was having a go at her now. She wanted to protest that she wasn’t hungry, but then that seemed rather rude to have sent Solas to get her a bowl of soup she wasn’t going to eat. “Just a few bites,” she grumbled, sulking again. “I’m not that hungry.”

He managed a smile, he could almost hear her thoughts. “I don’t think Chuckles will be that upset if you don’t eat all of this. The kitchens could do better,” he said as he dipped the spoon into the broth and carefully blew on it before he offered it over to her. “Hey, let’s not have that look now. It’s just me and you in here. I’m not going to think less of you for this. Hell, if I hadn’t glanced to the side, we’d be sharing the bed having Sparkles and Tiny spoon feed us. Then we would never hear the end of it.”

Cassandra wrinkled her nose. “I think Bull would enjoy that a little too much.” She finally gave in and let Varric spoon feed her a bite of the soup. She’d been right, it was bland and mostly tasteless. She forced herself to swallow it down. At least the hot broth felt good on her throat and warmed her belly. “I’m certain this is that healer’s doing as well,” she muttered, leaning slightly forward to take another bite. “Making certain I only have tasteless liquids for food.” Of course, she didn’t much feel like eating to begin with, but she was feeling rather sour and blaming the healer made her situation a little more tolerable.

Varric chuckled as he fed Cassandra bit by bit. “I promise to make it up to you. Import something from Val Royeaux or Nevarra if you’re feeling up to that level of spice in a few days. I still have that blueberry pastry recipe I can throw at the cooks as well,” he said, finally stopping and setting the bowl aside when she shook her head at another spoonful. “I’ll see if I can’t find something else for you to nibble on when you wake up next.” He smiled and pushed himself up to stand, helping Cassandra lay back in the bed as he picked up the covers to tuck them around her shoulders. “I’ll be sure to work on another book for you too,” he said with a wink.

A small groan escaped her as Varric tucked the blankets around her. It wouldn’t take much for her to fall asleep. She curled up on her side, the potions and warm soup making her even more sleepy, and she suddenly found that she didn’t want to fall asleep alone. Without opening her eyes, Cassandra reached out and caught Varric’s wrist in a weak grasp. “Stay.”

Varric paused as he moved to sit back in the chair he had fallen asleep on. He turned back to her with a small smile. “I hadn’t planned on going anywhere, Cass,” he assured her, covering her hand on his own. She didn’t let go and he chuckled. “You know, if I crawl into bed with you, it’ll cause a scandal. The healer won’t let me hear the end of it and Sparkler will have that smug look on his face for a month,” he reasoned, but the smile didn’t fade away as her grip tightened on him even more. “Okay okay. Don’t say I didn’t give you fair warning,” he said as he moved to tug off his boots, putting them under the chair where his duster was draped over the back before he climbed into the bed with her. 

His weight in the bed, the warmth of his body, was more of a comfort than she could’ve put into words. She didn’t give a damn what anyone would say. It made her feel safe, which was something she wasn’t used to feeling because of another person. “Let them talk,” she murmured and reached back to weakly tug at his arm until he wrapped it around her middle. A tiny smile pulled at her lips and stayed there until she drifted off to sleep.

He knew it shouldn’t have felt as good as it did, laying in bed with Cassandra curled up at his side fast asleep. The little puffs of her breath against his shoulder were adorable and he found himself tightening his arm around her as he looked up at the ceiling. Sleeping in the bed was a hell of a lot better then falling asleep at the side of it. His back was going to thank him later for that one. He wasn’t as young as he used to be. That thought alone had him rubbing at the Seeker’s back as he tried to think of ways to repay her for what she’d suffered through, what he should have been suffering through in the first place.  _ ‘Think some bath oils would do the trick,’ _ he thought to himself before he let his eyes drift closed.


	13. Chapter 13

Varric wasn’t certain how long he was asleep, but years of being a rogue, dealings with the merchant’s guild and assassins had taught him to sleep lightly. When he woke with a start, he wasn’t sure at first what caused him to do so until he spotted Cole with a vase of flowers he was setting on the table next to them. He relaxed back into the bed, his arms tightening around Cassandra as he let out a relieved sigh. “Hey Kid.” He looked over the colorful assortment of roses and lilies from Skyhold’s garden. “Bringing her flowers?”

“I knew you wanted to give her some, but you didn’t want to leave her side. The flowers didn’t mind helping,” Cole said as he reached out to touch a petal of a large rose before his hand went to his belt where he produced a small ornate vial and set it next to the bouquet. “She wants to take a bath later. This will help keep her relaxed. It’s lavender and spices. She’ll need your help, she’s not strong enough and she hates that. She won’t mind if you help her though,” he said as he looked over to Varric.

The dwarf lifted a hand and rubbed his face. “Kid, we have to talk about those boundaries again. I’m not sure if now’s a great time to offer her a bath. She’s already feeling self conscious. That and I’m fairly sure stripping down and jumping into the baths while I’m standing a few feet away to make sure she doesn’t fall over and drown isn’t high on her list of priorities. I’m a gentleman anyway, I couldn’t do that to her.”

“She knows you won’t look.”

Cassandra stirred, hearing voices but not quite making out what was said. She didn’t feel like she’d slept much at all, even though the light in the room told her several hours had passed. Varric’s arm was still around her, and it made her smile to know he’d stayed. Her eyes widened at the flowers on the little table next to her bed. They were breathtaking. “Varric,” she said, pushing herself up on her elbow a little to get a better look. She looked around, but it was only her and him there in the room. “Who sent those? Did… did you bring me flowers?” she asked, her heart fluttering all over again.

Varric chuckled. “Well, technically Cole brought them, but he said it was because I was thinking about bringing you flowers, but I didn’t want to move,” he said as he pushed himself up as well, lifting a hand to rub at her back, “So, I guess I did?” He looked to the little vial next to the vase. “He also might have mentioned that you were itching for a bath. A real bath, I am assuming, and not one of those sponge baths the healer likes for everyone to take. I think she just wanted to see the chest hair on me actually,” he muttered. 

“Ugh,” Cassandra huffed, rolling her eyes. One more reason for her to dislike the healer. She was surprised at the jolt of jealousy that shot through her at the thought. But it was quickly forgotten when she looked at the flowers again. “They’re perfect,” she breathed and moved to press a small kiss to his lips, her stomach turning pleasantly. She wondered if the butterflies would ever go away. She hoped not. “A bath sounds nice, but I don’t know if I can manage it. I don’t think I can even stand right now,” she admitted, blushing furiously with embarrassment. 

Varric smiled against her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. Shit, if this was what it could be like, he was sorry he waited so long to tell her. “I could help you out. I’ll be a perfect gentleman about it too. Or if you’d rather, I can go find Nightingale. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind either. Probably would tell you all the goings about Skyhold too. Don’t women like to gossip like that?” he asked as he rubbed at her back before he turned to nuzzle her hair.

Cassandra wrinkled her nose. “Since when have you known me to enjoy the same things as most women? I do not gossip,” she said, her nose slightly in the air. Which would she rather have help her? Leliana? Or Varric. Really, if she had her way, she’d do it herself. But she knew that wasn’t an option right now. She hadn’t even been able to open a potion bottle on her own earlier. Somehow, she thought that if Leliana started filling her in on everything going around Skyhold, it would just exhaust her more. “I… suppose you could help me,” she finally said, feeling her cheeks flush again. This really wasn’t the way she envisioned him seeing her naked for the first time.

“Well, I could get Buttercup, or the Inquisitor. Ruffles? But she’s likely to talk more than Leliana would.” He groaned as he pushed himself up and out of the bed. “Okay, so, I can’t imagine this is how either of us thought this was going to play out. Shit, it’s awkward and I know if it isn’t easy for me, it’s ten times as harder for you. I know you like to be independent and all that, I get it.” He rubbed at the back of his neck as he held her gaze. “I also know you’re in this mess because of me. So, it’s whatever you want.”

She was a bit confused. She’d said it would be okay for him to help her. “If you’d rather someone else help me…” She trailed off, thinking maybe she should just wait until she could do it herself. He was right, though. Josephine would be far too chatty, and as far as the other two… “If you let Sera anywhere near me while I’m this vulnerable, I will punch you again. And I don’t think Ellana would be much help. She’s half my size.” She sighed and laid back again. “It is alright, Varric. It can wait.”

He chuckled. “Cassandra, I’m not sure you understand. I would like to help you. I might like it too much, is what I am saying. I just don’t want you thinking that I’m taking advantage of you in your weakened state,” he said.

“Oh!” she said in surprise. She hadn’t thought that was what he meant. But hearing him say he’d like it a little too much was, well, flattering. 

He moved to pluck up the vial Cole had left and opened it, the heady scent of lavender and vanilla reached his nose and he raised an eyebrow at it appreciatively. “This will put you right back to sleep,” he said as he offered it over to her so she could sniff at it.

She smelled the oil, a small smile on her lips again. The scent was heavenly. “You may be right about that,” she said. A slight chuckle slipped from her throat. “I may fall asleep in the bath. You’ll have to save me from drowning.” It wasn’t funny, not really, but at this point she felt that perhaps it was better to laugh at herself than to sit around feeling sorry for herself.

Varric laughed at that and nodded. “Come on then, I’ll bet Cole will meet us in the baths with everything you’ll need,” he said as he tugged on his boots again before he moved to help take the covers off of Cassandra. He took his duster and draped it over her shoulders before he helped her to stand up. “Easy does it now. I’m not much of a support, but I’m short enough you could use me as a walking stick?”

The potions must’ve helped more than she realized, because she was able to stand without falling, even though she leaned heavily on Varric. “You’re lucky I don’t make you carry me,” she teased, tugging his duster tighter around her as they headed out the door. It was slow going, her footing unsteady, and her mind kept going dizzy as she walked. “The healer will murder you if she catches us,” she warned, looking around for any sight of the elf. 

“Ah, I’m too charming. I’m sure I could talk our way out of it,” he said as they made their way to the baths. The area was blessedly devoid of people and the last tub in the place had a bucket with a towel, fresh clothes, and soaps. Hot steam already rising from the filled tub curled invitingly. “See the Kid already visited for us,” he said as he led Cassandra to the nearby bench, “I’ll turn around while you get situated, okay?” 

She wasn’t wearing much to begin with, so it only took a quick moment for her to undress. She gripped the side of the tub and shakily stepped into it. Her knees wobbled, her arms shaking with the effort, and she cursed under her breath. Stupid poison, affecting her body like this. It made her feel disgusted with herself. And just when she thought she was going to manage getting into the tub without incident, her foot slipped and she fell with a loud splash straight into the tub. “Maker damn it!” she cursed as water slopped over the sides and she pushed herself up on one hand, her face burning furiously again.

Varric turned around so quickly, his head nearly spun before he focused on her. “Shit, are you alright?” he asked as he hurried over to her, looking over her body to make sure she hadn’t hurt herself. “Damn it all, I should have just helped you in,” he muttered. And agreeing to help her wash was not one of the better ideas he had. Certainly not seeing her golden skin covered in diamond water droplets that slid down over her curves. He shook his head, scolding himself. She was ill and weak and this was no time to appreciate that. “Well, at least your hair’s wet,” he said as he reached for the bucket, pulling out some soap so she could wash her hair, offering it over to her.

At this point, she really didn’t care how much Varric did or didn’t see of her. The only thing hurt and bruised at this point was her pride. She moved to settle back in the tub, and snatched the soap out of his hand. She didn’t mean to be harsh with him, but she was so embarrassed. “I will murder the little bastards that did this to me,” she snarled as she plunged the soap into the water and began to scrub harshly at her skin. All she wanted was a nice, relaxing bath and now it was ruined. A frown crossed her lips and she scrubbed harder, knowing she would be exhausted by the time she was done, and not caring. At least when she was asleep, she didn’t have to think about it.

Varric gave her a lopsided smile as he reached into his pocket and took out the oil that Cole had given them and he tipped it over to pour a healthy measure into the bath water before he stoppered it up again. He leaned over and took the soap from her fingers before she knew what he was doing. “Now what’s that look for?” he asked as he stepped behind her and worked up a lather into his hands before he let the soap slip back into the water before slipping his fingers into her hair, scrubbing carefully at her scalp. He paused to undo the tangled braid still somehow wrapped around her head with two pins. “You should relax. The stress you are putting on yourself right now can’t be good for your health.”

“Don’t scold me, Varric. I’m not a child,” she growled, grabbing the soap again to continue washing. She didn’t mean to snap at him. Really, she didn’t blame him for this. She let out a sigh and rested her hands in the water, letting him scrub at her hair. No one had ever done that for her before and she found she rather liked it. It did help her to relax, at least a little bit. “I am frustrated. Can’t you tell?” she asked, almost sarcastically. “I’m not used to this. And I don’t like it. I think that gives me the right to be grouchy if I want to be.”

He chuckled at that. “I think I can agree with that. You be as grouchy as you want to be. At least you haven’t stabbed anything yet. Then again, we haven’t given you any sharp objects either,” he observed as he slid his fingers through the soapy strands before dropping his hands to her neck where he massaged the muscles there. “I get the feeling you’ve never let yourself be pampered before. Shame for such a lovely creature as yourself to have never experienced that before.” He said smoothly as he ran his hands over her shoulders before moving upwards to slick back her hair. 

Ohhhhh, he was good at what he did. Cassandra’s eyes fluttered shut as his strong fingers massaged her neck and her scalp. She leaned into his touch, trying to swallow a moan in her throat, but failing. “You charmer,” she accused, though her tone was soft. The scent of the oil wafted up on the trails of steam from the water. She slipped down a little more in the tub, reclining back against it, a contented sigh escaping her. If she could’ve, she would have stayed there and let him wash her hair for days. Her embarrassment began to ease, and she lost herself in the moment, just enjoying what he offered.

A shiver went down Varric’s spine at the sigh that escaped her lips. He shifted his hands, slipping them underwater as he followed her shoulders, still rubbing at the muscles. He rather enjoyed this. He hadn’t been able to really indulge in the romantic aspect of a relationship. At least, not quite like this. It was rather nice and he was finding he rather liked watching Cassandra enjoy herself after such a trying time. “You going to fall asleep on me, Cassandra?” he murmured as he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

Despite the warmth of her bath, a cold chill ran down her spine at the feel of his breath on her ear, the stubble of his cheek brushing against her skin. “I don’t want to,” she murmured, “but it is a strong possibility.” She reached back to thread her fingers through his hair, turning her face to kiss him again. She suddenly wanted him to touch her everywhere, to feel his hands on every inch of her skin. Her face blushed again; it was too soon for that, but damn if she didn’t want it.

He sighed out against her as she turned to kiss him on the lips fully and he tilted his head to make the angle easier, it was a bit of a feat for someone of his size. The feeling of her lips on his, her fingers in his hair made it completely worth it. “Thank you,” he murmured, pulling back just enough so he could look into her eyes, “For giving me a crazy chance.”

Without a second thought, Cassandra wrapped her arms around Varric’s neck and pulled him into the tub. She didn’t know what she was doing, the effort nearly exhausted her, but she didn’t give a damn. She smothered his mouth with hers, loving the feel of his weight on top of her. Even his surprised cry didn’t deter her. And when he kissed her back, it made her mind go dizzy and the butterflies fluttered in her stomach stronger than ever.

Varric’s eyes widened and he yelped out as he was suddenly tugged into the water, very much fully clothed. He ended up chuckling the next moment as Cassandra’s lips were back on his again and he pushed himself up to a sitting position as he rearranged her in his lap. A feeling was growing in his chest, a playfulness he couldn’t recall being there before and it was refreshing. “Mmm, apparently you have more strength hiding away then I thought,” he purred as he cradled her in his arms and let himself sink into the hot water with her. 

She cradled his face in her hands, wiping away a stray droplet of water with her thumb. Why hadn’t she seen this in him before, the attraction she felt now? Perhaps it was the potions, but she pushed that thought aside. No, it was him she wanted, the charm, the romance, everything. She leaned down to kiss him again. “I might have more hidden away,” she murmured suggestively, her lips brushing against his as she spoke. Maker, where was this coming from? There was something in those potions… or the bath oil… She ran her hands through his hair, tugging the tie from it, and smiled when it fell loosely around his face. 

He chuckled as he felt his hair fall free. He knew they should stop, she wasn’t well enough for this activity. She needed help washing her hair for the Maker’s sake, but it felt so good and after the near brush with death, he just enjoyed holding her, reminding himself that she was still there to give this whole relationship thing a go. He didn’t think he could have ever felt this way for a human. He was glad to have been proven wrong in this matter. He swallowed thickly as he rubbed his hands over her curves, groaning at the softness, the gentle swell of her breast as he brushed carefully upwards. 

She nearly whimpered at his touch. How long had it been since the last time she’d been with a man? She honestly didn’t want to know the answer. But all thoughts of that vanished from her mind as his rough hands traveled up her skin, cupping her breasts, making her skin tingle. “Oh Maker,” she breathed heavily, tilting her head back and leaning her chest more into his touch. Her hands traveled down his neck to his chest, raking her nails through the hair there. She was losing herself to the moment as she settled more over his lap, feeling his hard length pressing up against her…

“Oh!” came a startled cry that drew both their attention; Josephine stood there with a towel and fresh clothes in her arms, her eyes wide at having accidentally walked in on them. And she seemed frozen in place from pure shock.

The sound Josephine’s voice startled Varric and his grip tightened around Cassandra as he looked over his shoulder to see her standing there with a ruby blush on her cheeks.  _ ‘Shit,’  _ he cursed in his head before he offered a wave to the woman. “Ruffles,” he acknowledged, trying to figure out the best course of action for this. It was probably for the best, the interruption, as much as he loathed it. He wondered if he could smuggle the Seeker back to his rooms, maybe her rooms. Guilt poked at him as he knew that he should get her back to the healer’s.

Cassandra stared at Josephine, who still seemed unable to move. “Josephine!” she barked, her face going ten shades of red. This was not how she pictured her bath going. Any of it, to be truthful. 

“I… Forgive me!” Josephine squeaked, finally snapping out of it and feeling her face burning hot. She stumbled as she turned, but regained her footing and quickly rushed from the room, closing the door behind her.

“Ugh,” Cassandra groaned, the mood completely killed as far as she was concerned. She let her forehead drop to rest against Varric’s. “Perhaps that was a sign that we should slow down,” she said disappointedly. She moved out of his lap, feeling tired again. Tired and weak and horny. It was a miserable combination.

Varric managed a chuckle against Cassandra’s skin. “It seems to be my lot in life. You can always run away now,” he said as he turned towards her again. There was just enough steam that left little to the imagination, but he could see the frustration on Cassandra’s face, the blush on her cheeks. He felt his length ache between his legs, pressing uncomfortably up against his soaked leggings. He could ignore that well enough, but to see Cassandra so disappointed… well, he was nothing if not a gentleman.

In public. 

“C’mere. This is about you and making you feel better. I can help you out. All you have to do is just relax and enjoy. I think I could manage to carry you back to bed. My room is just around the corner. There you’ll be able to sleep to your heart’s content while I chase away the healer,” he offered, letting his hand brush over her knee. The other hand cupped her cheek. Andraste’s tits, he was becoming addicted to the rare smile she showed. It was quickly becoming his new mission to bring it out. 

The offer to avoid the healer sounded wonderful and Cassandra eagerly agreed to his offer. “Anything to avoid going back there,” she said and pushed herself to stand, wavering only slightly. With more care than she used getting in, she stepped out of the tub and grabbed one of the towels to dry herself off. She shouldn’t have exerted herself so much. Her body felt heavy and clumsy as she dried off and attempted to pull her clothes back on. “Oh, Maker damn it all,” she muttered in frustration. Her face burned again when Varric climbed out of the tub, his clothes and boots soaking wet. “I… should not have done that,” she said, a guilty look crossing her face. “You will freeze on the way back to your room.”

Varric thought that freezing was the least of his worries when Cassandra had stood up, unabashed of her nudity to try to pull her clothes on. Definitely the least. He chuckled as he bent down and picked up the large fluffy towel that was draped over the bucket Cole had left them and held it up for her. “Pretty sure you are going to be the one to freeze before me when you aren’t wearing anything at all,” he said as he bundled her up and led her to sit on the nearby bench while he got the simple shoes she had been wearing from the healer’s and slipped them on her feet before he gathered up their things and offered his free arm to her, “M’lady?”

Though she knew he always claimed to be a gentleman, she’d never really seen it before firsthand. And now that he was being such a gentleman to her, it made her swoon all over again. She took his arm and stood up, determined not to lean so heavily on him this time. “Charmer,” she accused lightheartedly. She let him lead the way, and tried not to snicker as his boots squished with every step. “Now we are even,” she said. “You ruined my boots, now I have done the same to yours. We’re square.”

Despite himself, he snorted and laughed, grinning up at her. “I knew you were just biding your time. I should have known this is what it was all about,” he said as he led them to his door and he easily opened the complex locks, bowing with an exaggerated flourish to let her enter in before him. He winced as he followed after her, the room was slightly chilly as he hadn’t been in it in three days to start a fire. “Shit. Let me get you settled into bed and I’ll get that going.” He moved, setting stuff down in a nearby chair before he led Cassandra over to the edge of his bed, pulling down the clean sheets for her. Thankfully, the cooling walk back from the baths eased up on the raging passion they had managed to work up.

She offered him a soft smile and let him tuck her into bed. She was glad to see that the bloodstains on the floor were mostly gone now. A shiver made her shoulders shake, and the cold sheets made her want to curl up and sleep for a week. Maybe it was better that she sleep so she and Varric wouldn’t get carried away again. Her eyes widened when he started to undress from his wet clothes and she turned over, not wanting to gawk at him. Though it was probably a little late for modesty now. 

He chuckled at Cassandra’s reaction and he moved over to his wardrobe, opening the door to pull out a pair of his lounge pants before he stripped completely out of his pants and soggy clothes. It felt better to be in dry clothes. He went to the fire and knelt in front of it, taking the logs piled next to it and started stacking them carefully. “Mind if I join you in bed, or do you want the whole thing to yourself?” he asked over his shoulder as he struck a match and held it to some kindling, watching as the hungry flame licked at the dry grass. 

Cassandra lazily stretched her arm and one leg across the bed. “Mine,” she muttered sleepily. The corner of her mouth twitched and she looked back over her shoulder at him. “I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed, Varric.” She paused and snuggled deeper into the soft mattress. “Though the idea is tempting.” She was so used to her bedroll on the floor or the stiff beds in the infirmary, that this was like heaven. She felt her eyes growing heavy again and she blinked several times to keep herself awake. 

Varric pushed himself up once the flames had grown considerably and the fire was crackling merrily. He turned back to see Cassandra with her nose down, covered in the blankets as she sleepily peered over at him and he imagined her as a large, content cat. “Hmm, I don’t know. Looks like you’ve taken over the whole thing,” he mused, watching as she made a few efforts to move over for him. “Really, it’s no trouble. I’ve fallen asleep in chairs before. Had an entire romance scene pasted over my face because I fell asleep before the ink dried. Hawke thought it was hilarious,” he muttered, thinking about the incident before he moved to lift the corner of the bed, ignoring Cassandra’s nakedness as he slipped between the sheets. This was still nice, he thought, as Cassandra curled up into his side. “I’m just waiting for you to come back to your senses and punch me for seeing you in such an indecent state.”

Cassandra balled up her fist and weakly thumped his shoulder with it. “There. You have been sufficiently punished,” she muttered, then wrapped herself around him, her arm across his chest, her cheek on his shoulder, her leg draped over his. The fire crackled, the bed was cold, and Varric was warm and solid at her side. It was perfect. A yawn split her face and she snuggled a little more into him, feeling sleep pulling at her harder than ever. “Just keep that healer out of here,” she breathed quietly.

* * *

 

Varric wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep, his room thankfully had no windows. A burden and a blessing all in one. He let his arms curl around Cassandra briefly, quickly reminded that she wore nothing under the covers. She was warm, soft, curvy against him. His body quickly responded and it took great effort on his part to push that urge away as he untangled himself from the woman, slipping out of the bed before padding over to the door to take a look outside. It was close to midnight, if not right after, judging by the position of the moon and the shadows on the ground. “Perfect time for writing,” he mused as he went over to the fireplace and tossed another log onto the embers, stoking the fire back up. He lit the candle on his desk before he sat down in the well worn chair and pulled some papers to him. 

He paused for a moment, his gaze drawn over to the still sleeping figure in his bed. The sight was enough to make his heart ache for something he had long given up on. The domesticity of the moment wrapped around him and he felt a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he watched Cassandra curl around a pillow, her hair all askew, golden skin practically glowing in the firelight. Yeah, he could get used to this.

Cassandra slowly blinked her eyes open, feeling rather alone in the bed when Varric got up. She didn’t know what to think when she saw him sitting at his desk, watching her. It was late, she didn’t know how she knew, but she could just feel it. “What are you doing up at this hour?” she asked sleepily, raising her head just enough to rest her chin on the pillow. It was then that she noticed the papers on his desk. A small burst of excitement shot through her and she raised an eyebrow curiously as she peered at him over the pillow. “Is that a new Swords and Shields?”

Varric chuckled at the excitement in her voice and made a mental note to try and write another chapter of his shitty romance novels. “I wish. Letters and various other terrible things. I should be writing the new chapter. I’ve got so many things to put the Knight Captain through now. So much scandal I could delve into.” He smiled at her and finished the sentence he was on before he stood up, carefully putting his quill back in the inkpot. “How are you feeling? Need me to run and get some more potions? Food?” He knew he was rather chipper for how late it was, but midnight might as well have been noon for him. 

He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, looking her over. He was struck by how… domestic it was. Andraste’s tits, and it was only days ago that he had admitted that he felt something and wanted to give this whole thing a try. He gave her a hesitant smile and reached up to brush a few locks of her hair out of her eyes. “Is this okay?”

She gave him a soft smile and leaned into his touch. “It is,” she answered. She laid her cheek on a cool spot on the pillow and sighed softly. “It is… surprising… how easy it has been with you,” she admitted. “I expected, well…” She paused and chewed her lip, not exactly certain how to put her feelings into words. What had she expected of this? She wasn’t entirely sure. “More bickering,” she finally said. It sounded horrible as soon as it left her lips and she felt her face flush. “Not that that’s what I wanted when I agreed to… I mean, we’ve always…” A frustrated groan escaped her and she buried her face in the pillow. “Ignore me. Just… forget I said anything.”

Varric chuckled as he rubbed at her shoulder. “Expected it to be like when we first met when you kidnapped me?” he teased, “And stabbed my book. Okay, I was being an ass, but yeah. It could have gone better. I don’t know, it’s just easier, knowing that the waters between us are at least clearer than when we started out.” He paused, the next few words heavy on his tongue and he wondered if he should speak them. “It’s nice to know I’m actually exclusive. I think I’m almost as bad as my books, sometimes, but there you have it. Maybe neither one of us will get stabbed or poisoned for a few months and we can actually enjoy ourselves when we go out into the world.”

Her heart ached for him. Hearing the way he said it, the hint of longing in his eyes when he talked about being exclusive. She couldn’t fathom having to share a lover. And she silently vowed to never do that to him, no matter what might happen between them. “Maybe it is better this way,” she said softly, turning to look at him again. “Not that I enjoy being sick or attacked or threatened, but it  _ has  _ given us a chance to spend a lot of time together. Maybe it is what we needed.”

“If it’s all the same to you, I think from now on I’ll stick to the tried and true ‘I don’t need a reason’ to spend time with you. Now that the nug is out of the bag, so to speak.” He chuckled before he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Yes, the sap factor had definitely gone up a notch and he was fairly sure it was the reason he was such a horrible romance writer. He pulled back and rubbed at her shoulder. “Why don’t you get some more sleep, Seeker?”

Though she would have rather stayed up and talked with him, listened to one of his stories, she still felt incredibly tired. She was ready to be back to her normal self, full of energy and determination, but perhaps the only way to get there was to get as much rest as possible. With a small nod, she settled back down into the bed and let Varric cover her up. “Don’t stay up too late,” she said, knowing he usually was awake most of the night. “And if you do, you’d better have something interesting for me to read in the morning.”


	14. Chapter 14

The next few days were actually calm. Well, save for the moments when Varric had to assure the healer that he was making Cassandra take her potions and spend her time in bed and not with any strenuous activities. He was proud to admit that he had refrained from anything like that with Cassandra. No need to jump too quickly into things. Much to the dismay of Sparkler and Buttercup. Mostly the mage though. He just wanted to make sure he did this right, that the Seeker knew she wasn’t a one night stand, an itch to be scratched, but something that would last. 

He was a bit lonely in his rooms when Cassandra was finally better enough to go back to her own quarters above the blacksmith. The tender kisses they had shared while he watched her recover warmed his heart and more than fueled the words for his next book. He smirked to himself as he gathered up his papers from the table in the Great Hall. It was nearing dinner and he was looking forward to a hearty meal in the tavern with the warrior. He looked up as he saw a courier hurrying towards him and he nearly groaned, torn between running with what he had or accepting what would no doubt be more letters from the merchant guild. “Well, at least it’s kindling for the fire,” he muttered to himself as he reached out to take the letter from the agent. 

His heart stopped when he flipped it over, seeing the letter V, elegantly scrawled out in the middle of the envelope. After fifteen years, he knew the writing well. “Shit,” he muttered and looked around at the relatively empty hall before he gathered his things and headed towards his room, the letter sitting atop the pile in his arms glaring at him.

* * *

 

Cassandra had intended to stay a little longer at the tavern, enjoying her conversation with Dorian and some of the others. It had been quite a while since she’d felt like socializing. But the wind outside started to pick up, a low rumble of thunder rolled across the sky, and she decided she’d rather get back to her room before the storm hit.

A slight pout crossed her lips. She supposed she could stay in the tavern, but then again, almost everyone in Skyhold would have the same idea and soon the tavern would be full of soldiers. She may have felt better, but not that much better. She wasn’t in much of a mood for a party. When the door banged open and five or six soldiers hurried inside talking loudly about the dark clouds rolling in, she made up her mind. 

She downed her glass of wine, letting it roll over her tongue for a minute, enjoying the sweetness. It really was as good as Dorian had claimed. The newly opened bottle still sat on the table and she wondered if she could take some with her. Curling up in her loft with good wine and a good book while the storm raged outside sounded wonderful. “I should be going,” she said as she got to her feet. She hesitated only a moment, then pointed excitedly across the tavern. “Oh Dorian, look!” As soon as he turned his head, she swiped the bottle and hurried towards the door, feeling only slightly guilty as Bull’s roar of laughter followed her outside.

“I’ll make it up to him,” she told herself as she climbed the stairs to her loft. The rain started to tap against the window and roof just as she settled herself on her bedroll. A happy sigh slipped from her lips as she pulled out a copy of Swords and Shields from beneath her pillow. She’d already read it twice, but no matter. It was one of her favorites.

* * *

Varric swallowed as he sat in his room. The candle he lit when he had first returned to his rooms was now considerably lower as he read over the letter that now laid open on his desk. He could hear a loud crack of thunder starting to mix with heavy raindrops that pounded on the roof, but it was nothing compared to the roaring of his own blood in his veins. The anger he could feel as the words on the page taunted him. He stopped his pacing and went over to the desk, reading the words again:

_ V _

_ I hope this letter finds you well, despite what has happened. I know it was troublesome for you, but was it really necessary to involve the Inquisition in our private affairs? The Inquisition is causing quite the embarrassment to my family, asking questions, stirring up controversy, and frankly it’s unnecessary. You know this happens every time, why should this time be any different? We both knew you would be okay.  _

_ I don’t think you understand how much trouble this is causing. It’s humiliating my family, and it’s hurting business. Fewer customers are coming to my shop and Bogdan is finding it harder to sell my inventions. This must stop. _

_ You have to tell the Inquisitor to withdraw her people and to publicly announce that it was all a big misunderstanding. That’s the only way to stop all of this. I’m afraid people are going to end up hurt because of the Inquisition’s involvement.  _

_ ~B _

_ P.S. Next time, we’ll have to be more discreet. _

 

Next time. 

_ Next time. _

As if it were a sure thing. And normally, yes, that was how it went. Not this time. This time was different. This was the first letter he had gotten from her since that night and it was to scold him for ‘letting’ the Inquisition investigate her family for the attempt on not only his life, but Cassandra’s as well. Anger surged through him; he could hardly see straight. Never before had he been so angry towards her. Before, he supposed, he had been alright with waiting. He had been alright with being the second choice. The backup. He had waited for the drop of a hat to go to her, for that one chance to be with her. But this letter only made him see red. 

He could hear her voice in the words as if she were standing in front of him saying it. It wasn’t a matter of, yes, it was what she had to say in the situation and that she probably didn’t mean that he was a mistake in her life, but the fact that she had to say it in the first place. And to be honest, if he had been in her shoes, he wouldn’t have dared say that about her. He would have owned up to it. Probably.   

Fact of the matter was, he had someone now. He had the chance to have a normal relationship, where assassins weren’t sent after him because he held her hand. Where he didn’t have to worry about the jealous husband coming home in the middle of the night. Where he wasn’t a screw-up. 

He stopped and grabbed up the letter before he could think better of it and crumpled it in his hands, throwing it into the dying fire. His heart was pounding as he stood there, watching the page burn, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath to calm his anger. He clenched his hands into fists as he swallowed thickly. The storm was appropriate, the thunder and lightning seemed to match his mood perfectly. He closed his eyes, realizing that once again, he was letting the past control his life. He was standing in his room because of a letter she sent when he could have been having a hot meal with someone who was honest with him and expected nothing less or more from him. 

Cassandra’s image swept through his mind and he felt a desperation sweep through him. An ache that didn’t want to go away. He wanted to go to her. He didn’t want to be alone. Not right then. Not with such depressing thoughts. She had taught him that despite his mistakes, he deserved better. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he was too, but he didn’t care. He breathed out through his nose and turned on his heel for the doorway. He was out of it in five steps, the storm sweeping around him and soaking him in seconds as he headed towards the blacksmith’s.

Cassandra jumped when she heard the door downstairs burst open, and for a moment she thought the storm had done it. She jumped up and hurried over to lean over the railing, her eyes widening when she saw Varric standing there, absolutely soaked to the bone. “Varric!” she cried and hurried down the wooden steps to him. Her heart raced, her mind convinced that something urgent must be happening. Why else would someone venture out into this storm? “What is it? What’s the matter?” she asked, seeing a look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite place. She shoved the door shut against the raging rain and wind, then turned to him again. “Is everything alright?”

For a moment, Varric thought he had made a mistake. Showing up at this hour, unannounced just because he had felt like it? He had never had the luxury of doing that before, he supposed it would feel awkward. Seeing her standing there, concern evident in her eyes, face flushed. It made everything else seem unimportant and he could forget about everything. He realized with a pang that he wanted this woman. He wanted her in every sense of the way. To have her that he could show up whenever he wanted without any repercussions. He reached out for her as he met her eyes, catching her wrist as he gently tugged her to him and pulled her down into a desperate kiss.

A muffled cry of surprise escaped her before she melted into the kiss. Had he braved the storm just because he wanted to see her? It made her heart swoon all over again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply, thinking how impossibly romantic it all was. She could feel a neediness in his kiss, the way he held her, the sounds from his throat. She held him tighter, her fingers slipping through his sopping wet hair, the rainwater from his clothes bleeding through onto her own. And she didn’t give a damn. 

The way she responded was more than he expected and he wrapped his arms around her tighter as he tilted his head as he reached up to cup her cheek, his other hand fisting in the nightclothes she wore. With the contrasting warmth of her and the cold soaked clothes he wore, he shivered against her and pulled back only so he could rest his forehead against hers. He felt like he mattered with Cassandra. Everything clicked into place with her, he was a better man because of what she had done. What she had forced him to do. Stay the course and all that shit. He looked up and met Cassandra’s eyes as he smiled, his hand rubbing at her back while he brushed his thumb over her high cheekbone.

There would be no next time with Bianca. 

“Hey Seeker,” he said in a hushed whisper, “Just couldn’t get you out of my head.”

“You’re soaking wet,” she stated. She took his hand and tugged at it. “Come upstairs. Let’s get you out of those clothes.” It didn’t even register to her how that might have sounded, the invitation of it. She kept hold of his hand as she led the way up the stairs. “I don’t know that I have anything you can change into,” she said. Her own nightshirt was soaked through, making it almost see-through, the cold making her nipples harden beneath the thin fabric. 

He chuckled as they reached the top and he tugged her back to stand in front of him. “Shit, I ruined your clothes too. Not one of my better moments,” he murmured as he let his hands fall to her hips as he tugged her down for another kiss. He brushed his hands over her curves, finally dipping a hand down to slide under the garment and up over her skin. He could feel goosebumps under his fingertips, the hard jut of a few ribs as he moved upwards, finally the gentle swell and curve of her breast. He met her eyes for a moment before he lifted the shirt over her head and tossed it away. 

The sight nearly took his breath away. In the firelight above the forges, her skin seemed to glow a beautiful golden color. He shivered again, becoming aware of his own sodden clothes and his hands went to his belt, fumbling with the soaked knot there and tossing the long cloth away before he couldn’t resist any more and he stepped closer, burying his face against her soft skin. His lips found a pert nipple and he covered it with his mouth, laving his tongue over the cold nub. He was fairly sure Cassandra would punch him for being so forward, but he didn’t care. He wanted her. He ached for her. “Please,” he breathed against her desperately.

Cassandra’s eyes flew wide a second before a soft moan escaped her throat. His hot mouth on her cold flesh sent a jolt of pleasure through her. It was rather forward, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to protest. Her core throbbed for him and she found the only thing in the world she wanted was him. She was certain the wine and the smutty book had something to do with it. She was three pages into a love scene when Varric had burst through the door. Her fingers quickly worked to unbutton his shirt, sliding it from his rounded shoulders. Oh Maker. She leaned her chest into his touch, gasping out when he turned his face to pay attention to her neglected breast. “Yes, Varric,” she encouraged as she raked her nails down his back, shivering at the feel of his muscles beneath her fingers.

His eyes fell closed as she swept his shirt from his wet skin, her fingers leaving trails of fire along where she touched him. It was a little slice of heaven, he was certain. He couldn’t believe just how intimate it was to stand there with her, both shirtless as they kissed and explored each other. He pulled back from her, lifting both of his hands to cup her face in them. He could remember the first time they’d met, the utter distrust both had for each other. It was gone, not a trace to be found and it was like a balm to his wounded heart. 

Good gods, why couldn’t he turn off the shitty romantic stuff that was in his head?

He smiled against her and pulled back, his eyes locked with hers as he unlaced his breeches, letting them fall to the floor with a wet plop before he tugged the tie out of his hair, the drenched locks falling down around his face. He looked to her then, bared in his entirety to her, body and soul.

Cassandra’s breath caught in her chest at the sight of him. Maker, she’d never felt like this before. Her knees felt weak and her heart surely would burst out of her chest at any moment now. She let her eyes roam over him, the strong, sturdy muscles of his body, his length hard and thick. Without a thought, she threw herself at him. She gave a cry of surprise when he fell back on her bedroll, he gave an “oof!” and she smothered his mouth with her own. It was like her whole body was on fire for him, and she moaned longingly as she tangled her tongue with his, her hands roaming over every inch of his skin that she could reach.

Varric nearly laughed when she toppled them to the bedroll, but when her mouth sought his out, his laughter turned into a soft moan. She was perfect, he thought as he raised his arms around her, holding her tightly as he kissed back just as passionately. His body ached, throbbed as he ground against her hip, thrusting up against her slicked skin. He could feel the heat between her legs against his thigh and he shuddered as he rolled them over so he was seated on top of her before leaning down to suckle a hickey to life just below her ear. The thunder clapped over their heads, the rumble seeming to shake the foundation, but it only seemed to augment their actions.

It was music.

Cassandra hissed as he sucked at her neck. It was all so perfect, his body over hers, his breath against her skin, the sounds of the storm raging outside. Part of her couldn’t believe this was happening, yet she wanted it like she’d never wanted anything before in her life. She raised her hips to his, moaning as she rubbed her wet center against his hard length. The intimate contact made her shiver. It had been a long time since she’d been with someone. She drew her nails down his back as she raised her hips again, a soft whine escaping her as she tried to impale herself on him. “Please,” she breathed, grasping tighter at him as she tried again.

“Shit,” he gasped, feeling her desperation as he clung to her, feeling her tighten around him. Next time. They could go slow next time. He had to be joined with her, had to enjoy her while he had the time. He leaned back, sparing a heated look with her as he grasped himself to hold steady as he finally pressed into her. He let out a deep groan as his hard flesh sank into her silken heat. It was sheer bliss. “Cassandra,” he breathed out as his hips became flush with the Seeker’s. “s’Good?” he managed to ask as he used all of the self-control he had to keep himself from spending too early. 

“Mmhmm,” was all she could choke out, her breath stolen away at the sudden feeling of being filled so deliciously, her body stretched to accommodate his thick length. She writhed beneath him, rocking her hips back and then up, moaning softly as she took him even deeper into her body. “More,” she commanded, though her voice was slightly airy. Her hands trembled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers sliding through his hair. 

His body tingled where it was pressed up against Cassandra, pleasure from feeling her rocking back against him, trying to be an active participant. The way she felt when she squeezed her muscles around him was decadent. Way better than anything he could ever dream up. Where her fingers grasped his hair sent a delicious thrill down his spine and he pressed his face into the corner of her neck as he tried to keep up the pace, his hips thrusting against her to match the upward rock of her own. He had to remind himself that he wasn’t some fresh teenager, he should have more control. “Cass,” he moaned against her ear, the heat sinking into his cock making it throb, “I’m not gonna last much longer.” He pulled back slightly so he could press his thumb to her clit.

A yelp of pleasure escaped her when he touched her and she could feel her own control slipping. Jolts like lightning shot through her body, making her throw her head back and her toes curl. It was perfect… so perfect… “Varric,” she cried, her body tightening around his cock, “Harder…” Her eyes went wide when he complied, driving his cock deep into her body, faster and faster. She cried out again as her orgasm hit, wave upon wave of pure bliss washing over her body. She clung tighter to him, riding out her pleasure, her mind struggling to stay aware and in the moment. “Oh Maker!”

It stole his breath when Cassandra came. The look of sheer bliss on her face had Varric swearing that it was going to be his new mission to see that look as often as he could, if that was what she wanted as well. He couldn’t stop the gasp of pleasure as she clenched tightly around him and he renewed his thrusts as he slipped over that decadent edge after her. Every nerve in his body grew tight as he wrapped the warrior in his arms, holding her tightly as he thrust into her as he rode out his own orgasm, pressing kisses to her skin. As he stilled, a flash of lightning threw the both of them into sharp relief and a crack of thunder made them both shudder against each other. He smiled against her skin, groaning as he pulled out of her and rolled to her side. “Completely worth the walk in the rain.”

Cassandra laughed lightly and turned on her side to rest her head on his shoulder. To hell with the wine and the book, this was a thousand times better. A smile crossed her lips as his arm curled around her shoulders. “That was wonderful,” she murmured as her eyes drooped. She was sleepy now, satisfied and warm against him, the sound of the thunderstorm outside lulling her. She pressed a kiss to his shoulder just before she slipped off to sleep.

She couldn’t have been asleep long when a loud clap of thunder startled her from her sleep. She jumped and blinked, then relaxed on her bedroll again as her breath eased. “Just the storm,” she muttered softly and reached for Varric. Her eyes widened when she realized he was gone. She sat up and looked wildly around, but he was gone. “That dwarf,” she growled, getting to her feet. Why would he sneak off like that? Anger and hurt shot through her. He could have at least told her he wanted to leave, could have said goodbye. “When I get my hands on him,” she muttered under her breath as she yanked on her now-dry nightshirt. She smoothed it down and stomped down the first flight of steps, fully intending to march through the storm to his room just to punch him for this.

She stopped when she saw him on the lower landing, sitting on the table there, watching the storm. If lightning hadn’t flashed at that moment, she might’ve not noticed him at all. He hadn’t left her, and she felt curiosity replace the anger and hurt she’d felt just moments before. “Varric?” she asked, walking closer, wondering what he was doing. “What’s wrong? Why are you sitting down here?”

Varric was jolted from his thoughts at the sudden voice of Cassandra from behind him. He pulled his gaze from the storm to see her standing there in nothing more than a nightshirt. It sent a shiver through his bare skin and he tugged the blanket tighter around his shoulders. At least he had thought to put on his pants before wandering around. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m just not used to...” He sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck, unable to meet her eyes, “Not used to sticking around after the fact. I just wanted to give you some space in case you,” He trailed off, the words catching in his throat, “Just in case. I didn’t want to ruin a good thing.” He finally gave her a half smile before he looked back out of the window. He had never had a night where he spent it entirely. Something to ponder.

“What? That’s ridiculous. Why would you-?” She stopped herself mid-sentence and pressed her lips to a thin line.  _ Bianca.  _ Anger and hurt of a new kind rose in her chest. She hurt for Varric, to see it firsthand how he’d been trained to make himself scarce after lovemaking. And it angered her that Bianca had done such a thing to him. She set her jaw and moved to stand in front of him, taking his face in her hands. The uncertainty she saw in his eyes made her heart ache for him. “You do not have to do that with me,” she said firmly. She held his gaze, her eyes intense. “I will never treat you like that.”

Even wearing only a nightshirt, Cassandra might as well have been in full battle ready armor with how fierce she looked in that moment. He swore he could see the fire that was ablaze in her eyes and he couldn’t recall a moment when he had seen a look of protection so strong that was meant for him and only him. He felt a heat raise up in his own cheeks as he leaned his head into her hand, nuzzling at the calloused flesh there before he looked up at her, ashamed. “Can’t say I’m used to that, Seeker. I honestly can’t remember a time when I’ve stayed the entire night. I guess I was just getting antsy for a moment. I just wanted to make it easier for you if, you know, you had any second thoughts.” He met her eyes again, steeling himself. “I don’t. Not one.”

“And what would make you think that I did?” she asked, still holding his face, searching his eyes. She wanted to break him of this now. It was horrible, to see him so insecure. Varric was always so sure of himself, so cocky and charming. It broke her heart to know that he’d been treated like this for so long that sneaking off after a romantic encounter had become the norm. No, this couldn’t continue. “Come. Now,” she commanded taking his hand and tugging at it. “You’re coming back up to my bed and you’re staying the night. I don’t have any second thoughts about us. And I do not want you to wonder if I do. I will not hide our relationship. I will not send you away. I am not like her.”

Varric had no choice but to follow her, but it wasn’t as if she had to twist his arm to do it. He pulled her to a stop, digging his heels into the floorboards when she finished speaking. He tugged her to him, lifting a hand up to cup her cheek. There was definitely fire there in those eyes now. “I know you aren’t like her. Andraste’s ass, I am glad for that. I don’t know if I deserve you, after everything that’s happened.” He smirked as he could see her getting ready to protest and he let his finger cover her lips, feeling the soft warm skin beneath the pad of his index finger. “But I want you. Maker’s breath, do I want you. You are…” He paused, his voice catching in his throat as he bowed his head, “Everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman.”

The corner of her mouth turned up in a smile as her heart warmed. Oh, he was a charmer and he made it so effortless. She touched his chin to raise his face to hers. “And you are everything I want in a man,” she answered, leaning down to press her lips firmly to his. They deserved each other, she was certain of that. In fact, she hadn’t been so certain of anything in a very long time. Not the Inquisitor, the direction of their cause, the choices made, her part in it all. But this, her relationship with Varric, of that she was very certain. She knew she was falling hard and fast for him. And there wasn’t a damn thing about it that she wanted to change, other than making sure that he knew that. She never wanted him to doubt her, or himself. It occurred to her that he’d never really had this, had never been able to call a woman his own. He’d always had to share Bianca, to hide his love and affection for her. 

Well, this relationship was not going to be like that one. “I am yours.”

Unbidden, tears appeared on his cheeks at those three simple words. The tears were stupid, silly, but Maker they did wonders to heal something he hadn’t known needed fixing until she said exactly what he needed to hear. He pulled back so he could look up at her, his eyes shining with unfallen tears as he searched her face and found only acceptance there. Truth. He knew she would never go back on her word, that was just who she was. “You can have what’s left of me. Every last bit,” he swore to her, “And I’ll do the best that I can to, probably, always tell the truth.” He winked, the movement sending a few more of the tears slip down his cheeks.

“That is good enough for me,” she said, wiping away the tears in his eyes with her thumbs. It bothered her to see him so emotional like this. She silently vowed to spend every moment she could showing him that he didn’t have to worry like that with her. If her words alone could not do it, then her actions would. She cared deeply for him, more than she previously realized. Was it love? If it wasn’t yet, it was damn close. But there was no need to question it, to analyze it to death. She cared about him, and that was good enough. She leaned down and kissed him again. “Let’s go back to bed,” she said, her tone softer now. “You’ll feel better when you wake up in the morning and I’m still here.”

Varric chuckled, slipping his arm around her waist as they walked up the stairs together, back to her bedroll. “Of course you’ll still be here, Seeker. It’s your room. What remains to be seen is if you toss me out the window before morning.” He let himself enjoy it. Tentatively hopeful as he climbed into the bedroll and looked expectantly up at her before he patted the empty space beside him, “Need me to read you to sleep?”

Cassandra’s eyes lit up and the snatched the book from beneath her pillow. “Yes!” She couldn’t stop as she shoved the book against his chest, then laid down on her side, propping her head up on her hand. She looked like a child at storytime as she eagerly waited for him to begin reading on her bookmarked page. Reading the story on her own was amazingly good as it was. To hear him read it with that rough, deep voice of his? She had to bite her lip to keep herself from giggling. “Read. Though be warned, I might not fall asleep.”

Varric’s eyes only widened a fraction as he found his hands full of his book. His worst novel ever and Cassandra was looking at him as if he held the key to life’s greatest mysteries. The way she chewed on her lip as she watched him expectantly was too adorable to ignore and he found himself chuckling as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips. “That so, Seeker?” he said teasingly as he flicked the book open to the marked page, faking a gasp of surprise. “Hiding this under your pillow? What would the Revered Mother think?” He gave her a wink as he skimmed over the words, a terrible, horrible love scene. One of Cassandra’s favorites if the worn pages were anything to go by. He let his voice drop lower, one he knew the warrior favored whenever he told his stories, “Hmm, let’s see if I can make you a late riser like me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a day late! I'm so sorry guys. My children were hell on wheels all day. It's totally my fault. I'll do better next week. ~Ginger


	15. Chapter 15

The next few weeks passed by alarmingly fast, but Cassandra enjoyed every minute. In the mornings, she woke to Varric sleeping peacefully by her side. As she trained, she often found her mind wandering, thinking of when she would see him next, if he was awake yet (they still had off sleep schedules, though hers was quickly starting to match his own.) They ate lunch in the tavern, and he would spend the afternoon sitting in the shade writing away as she continued her training. And at night, they stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, worshiping each other. It was bliss.

“If you put the Knight-Captain through more peril, I swear…” Cassandra warned as she swung at her practice dummy. From the corner of her eye, she could see him smirking as he settled himself with a book in his lap and a quill in his hand. “You’ve done enough to her.”

Varric couldn’t remember a time when he’d been more content with the way things were. Dare that he might even say he was happy with what had blossomed between himself and Cassandra over the past month, since that fateful stormy night. Everything he had wanted, Cassandra gave him, showed him what he had been missing out. He found that more and more mornings, he would sometimes wake up just before she did, watching her sleep. This ridiculously cute little smile tugging at her lips, her hair wild about her face. She would always wake him up with a kiss goodbye before she started her day, to let him know that she hadn’t left him. 

He felt his playful nature surface as he listened to the warning in her voice, the smirk unable to be wiped from his face. “Now now, Seeker. We’ve been over this before. How else am I going to keep my reader hooked and begging for more?” he said slyly as he glanced up at her, watching her land a particularly hard blow to the dummy’s… lower region. “Well, maybe I won’t maim her too badly,” he agreed. If someone had told him four months ago he would be like this, happier than he could remember with the Seeker at his side, he would have sent them off to the infirmary without a second thought.  

Now?

Now he had someone to look forward to at the end of each day, that he personally went out of his way to see her smile. Blackwall had given him a clap on the back the last time he had ventured down to the stables to talk about the recent jousting events in Markham. Dorian had left a bottle of wine for them with a neatly tied bow. The teasing had fallen away and dare he say, it was rather enjoyable. “You could always come over here and supervise,” he drawled as he took an ink pot out of his pocket and balanced it in the grass before he dipped the quill tip inside.

“I may have to,” she said dryly as she grasped her sword with both hands, considering the dummy before her again. Damn him. Now she really couldn’t concentrate on her training; she was far too distracted with worry about what might befall the Knight-Captain now. A frustrated huff escaped her. “Maker damn you,” she muttered and dropped her sword, deciding to go sit by him and see if she could sneak a peek over his shoulder as he wrote. She frowned when he leaned slightly away, hiding the paper from her view. “Varric! You have to let me see now! You can’t say things like that and then keep it from me!” She reached for the paper and accidentally bumped the ink pot. A few drops splattered over his hand before she managed to catch it. She pressed her lips thin, her eyes wide with an innocent look that clearly said  _ oops.  _

It was as if time stopped and Varric looked from his hand to her face, an eyebrow raising up. “Well, Seeker, if that’s the way you want to play it.” He grinned and dipped the feathered part into the ink pot in her hands and before she could move away, swiped it across the tip of her nose. The bold black smear stood out on her honeyed skin and he chuckled as he took advantage of her surprise and wrote _  I love you  _ on her arm while she sputtered incoherently at him.

Cassandra blinked rapidly, nothing but pure shock freezing her in place as she stammered. “You little shit!” she finally cried and yanked her arm away, streaking the ink of the last letter. She pressed her lips thin, a mischievous look in her eyes, and she suddenly lunged at him, grabbing his face and trying to pull him closer. “Let me kiss you,” she playfully growled, laughing as he struggled. She leaned closer, finally managing to plant a kiss on his rough cheek, and she rubbed her ink-stained nose back and forth against his skin. She sat back with a laugh, nodding in approval at the smear across his cheek.

Laughter bubbled up as Varric suddenly found himself thoroughly retaliated against and he could feel the ink smeared across his face, cheek, nose. He couldn’t stop the smile on his face as he looked at the Seeker, her smile more than worth how silly they both had to look, sitting in the grass and giggling at each other like children. “What’s this? The great Hero of Orlais is goofing off with her dwarven lover? Oh the scandal!” he teased and reached out to her, cupping her face as he drew her back in for a proper kiss. “I’ll have to mark the occasion,” he murmured, rubbing his thumb gently over her cheekbone.

The messenger cleared his throat uncomfortably to draw the attention of Varric and the Seeker. He felt his face go hot at having caught them like this, but the matter seemed rather urgent. “M-Master Tethras,” he stammered and cleared his throat again, “There’s someone here to see you. They want you to meet them in the stables. Alone.” He saw the suspicious look in Varric’s eyes. “Sister Leliana has her people standing guard. She said to assure you it’s safe.”

Alone. It was as if that word sucked away all the fun and contentment that Varric had managed to gather together. He exchanged a look with Cassandra before he pulled back and looked up at the messenger, “Who is it? Not that I don’t trust our Nightengale, but I’ve had enough people trying to kill me over the past few months to last a lifetime. I’d rather not take any chances.” He paused to rub at the ink on his face with his sleeve before he pushed himself up to stand, extending a hand down to help the Seeker up.  

“I… was told not to say,” the messenger confessed, shifting his weight from foot to foot. How did he get stuck being the one to deliver this message? There had been rumors around Skyhold for some time, it was no secret that there was a history between Varric and this visitor. He really didn’t want to be part of any of this. “They mean you no harm. That’s… all I’m allowed to say.” He stood there awkwardly for a moment, then gave a sharp nod and scurried off, muttering something about more work to be done.

Cassandra watched the messenger leave, a sharp look in her eyes. “I will come with you,” she said as she picked up her sword again. “I trust no one.” She sheathed the sword and turned expectantly to Varric. “I can wait outside the stables. Blackwall should be there as well. No one will get to you. Just… do not drink or eat anything. If someone tries to attack, we will stop them.”

Varric couldn’t stop the smirk that worked its way across his face at her protectiveness. It was rather refreshing. Hell, everything about Cassandra was refreshing. “What? And break the wishes of a guest of the Inquisition? Why Seeker, I think I may have rubbed off on you.” He gave her a wink before glancing towards the path to the stables. “Might just be some stuffy noble looking for an autograph, but I would feel better knowing you had my back. Not that I’m saying I doubt Leliana and her resources, but after what we’ve been through? Shit. I’d rather not take any chances either.”

She gave a sharp nod. “Go on,” she said. If someone was watching, she didn’t want them to see her and Varric walking together. She’d rather have the upper hand and be able to jump someone by surprise if she needed to. “Let them think you are alone. I will be right behind you.” She leaned down to press a long, firm kiss to his lips. Her own tingled at the contact. Probably because her senses were on high alert, her every muscle prepared to spring into action at the first sign of trouble. “Go.”

He sighed as she pulled away from him and he was torn. “Maybe I want to blow them off and rub off on you in a different way. Over there. Alone,” he muttered and chuckled at the look she gave him before he held up his hands in defeat and turned to head down to the stables, his rogue training coming to take over his actions. He watched his steps, the surroundings, eyes scanning the battlements in case this was some elaborate ambush. He could only see Leliana’s agents keeping an eye on him. “Need to have a word to Nightengale about the word ‘undercover’,” he muttered to himself as he entered into the barn, stopping short as he saw the person who summoned him standing at the fire in the back. 

“Varric,” Bianca breathed in relief. It felt like forever since she’d seen a friendly face. She rushed over to him and threw her arms around his neck in a tight hug. The comfort she felt in his arms made tears burn the corners of her eyes, and she had to swallow very hard to keep them from falling. She pulled back, her eyes narrowing slightly in concern at the ink smeared across his face. “So who won? You or the ink pot?” she asked with a slight laugh. A sad, half-smile made the corner of her mouth twitch. “I know I don’t look much better,” she admitted, indicating her worn and road-weary clothes, her dirty boots. And under her hood, she knew her hair was a tangled, dirty mess. But none of that mattered. She was here, and he was here, and they’d both be safe. “It’s so good to see you.”

She might as well have slapped him in his face. This was the last thing he had been expecting and he stood there, his arms not sure what to do. Any other time he would have embraced her, felt relief to see her, but after what had happened between them? His heart gave a lurch, the wounds that Cassandra had been trying to heal ripped open once more and he pulled away from her, staring at her incredulously. “Bianca,” he started, astounded that she had shown up here. He was certain that more assassins would be after him this time. “Andraste’s ass, what are you doing here? You shouldn’t even be here.”

She blinked in shock when he pulled away from her. Well, okay, to be fair, her family had sent the assassins  _ twice  _ this time. He had a right to be wary. “Don’t worry. They… I don’t think they’ll come after you again,” she said. She wondered how much she should tell him. It was probably better to be truthful, as much as she could anyway, and get it all out in the open. “My family isn’t exactly speaking to me at the moment,” she admitted, looking down at the dirt floor of the stable, drawing nonsensical patterns with the toe of her boot. “After the Inquisition got involved, they were really angry. They made me write that letter to you.” A lump formed in her throat, but she made herself look up at him again. “Bogdan threw me out.”

It was a whirlwind of information and a slew of emotions went through him at the words she spoke. He screwed his eyes shut and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “Fuck. Bianca. First of all, I could care less about the assassins on my life, but they very nearly killed someone other than me and there will always be assassins that they don’t tell you about, believe me on that one. Second, what do you mean that what’s his name threw you out? He’s over the moon in love with you, isn’t he? What are you doing here? I’m tired of playing games. I’ve been tired for a long time.”

Bianca shook her head. “Not anymore,” she said softly, her voice almost broken. Everything she’d worked so hard for was lost to her now. “He closed down the shop. Told me to get out. He doesn’t want to see me again.” She had to swallow again to keep her voice as even as possible. She’d had a plan in her mind of how this was going to go, Varric happy and excited to see her, the two of them sharing a hot meal, her telling him the news. But the reality of this reunion was far less than she’d hoped. “I have nowhere else to go. I thought that maybe here… with you… was the safest place for me. And the baby.”

If someone had pulled the floor out from under him, it would be an accurate description of how he felt in that moment. His world suddenly thrown for a loop and his heart stopped before starting again in pain. Cassandra went through his mind before it went blank and centered on that one, heavy word. “Baby? What baby?” It couldn’t be his. There was no way. “Why did he throw you out when you are pregnant with his child?”

Bianca pressed her lips thin and barely shook her head. Her heart hammered against her ribs, fearing his reaction now. She’d been nervous enough as it was, but she didn’t expect the pain and anger she saw in his eyes, that she could hear in his voice. “It’s not his, Varric,” she said softly. She took a step towards him, but stopped when he took a step back. No, no, no, no, she had to fix this. “This is our chance. What we’ve always wanted. My family isn’t interfering, Bogdan and I aren’t together anymore. You and me, we can finally be together. Start a family. I can work for the Inquisition here, help the cause, keep making my inventions. We finally have a chance to be happy. This is a good thing!”

He had to be dreaming. It was the only explanation he could come up with, but then dwarves didn’t dream. Or rather, have nightmares like this. He looked to her and he could see the woman that had been his first and only love for the longest time. Who had hurt him and challenged him in ways he couldn’t have predicted. Now she was here, pregnant, and offering him everything he’d ever wanted and damn him, the only person he could think about was the Seeker standing just outside the door and hearing every word of this. It was breaking his heart all over again. “Are you out of your mind, Bianca? This isn’t a good thing. If your parents know that that…” He trailed off and pointed at her, “Shit, is it really mine? If they even think that it’s mine, they’ll not only send more assassins after me. They might try and do something to hurt you or the baby! You couldn’t make up something and tell what’s his name that it’s his?” He was torn. Varric Tethras did not know how to handle this situation. 

She shook her head again. “The second he found out, he flew into a rage. Wouldn’t even entertain the idea that it might be his. It’s probably best anyway,” she said, looking down at the floor. “I’m so tired of the lies.” She drew a hand over her face, then slicked the hood from her head. “My family wouldn’t send anyone to harm me. Or my child. Like I said, they’ve stopped talking to me. At least for now. I don’t think they’re going to send anyone after you. And after what happened the first couple of times, I don’t think anyone here in the Inquisition will let them through the gates anyway.” She paused and tipped her head, confused. “Why aren’t you happy I’m here? I don’t understand. We’ve always talked about being together, somehow, someday. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Because I moved on, alright?” he said bitterly, hating himself for it. It was a promise, one that he had now broken, but he couldn’t give two shits for. He was torn between marching out of the stables and never looking back, thus leaving the once love of his life and quite possibly his child alone and fatherless.  _ ‘Way to screw up, Tethras,’ _ he thought to himself as he rubbed his hands over his face, reaching up to grab at his hair. “I was tired of being your mistake. I was tired of waiting around for a day that would never come. I don’t,” the words stuck in his throat, his eyes tearing up, “I don’t care for you that way anymore.”

He might as well have punched her in the gut. “What?” she asked breathlessly after a long pause. Panic rose up in her chest and she swore she could feel her heart breaking. “Varric, what do you mean you don’t care for me anymore? You don’t love me?” Tears really burned her eyes now and she blinked several times to clear them, a couple spilling down her cheeks. Her throat felt tight. “A day that would never come? That day is here! Now! I threw my whole life away just for one night with you, and now that I’m here, you’re just… what? Telling me to piss off?” Hurt and anger surged through her as she turned sharply to grab up the pack she’d carried with her. The last of her belongings. “I thought family meant something to you. Apparently, I was wrong.” She struggled to adjust the heavy pack before she gave him a glare. “I’ll remember this when our child asks who his father was. That I came to you when I needed you the most, and you threw us both out on the street,” she spat and stormed past him, wondering where in the world she could go now.

“Stop twisting my words!” he said, turning around and watching her head for the door. “Dammit, would you just wait a moment?” He couldn’t stop his legs as he went after her, catching her wrist. “Stop it. Shit. You can’t drop something like this on me and expect me to handle it well. Hello Varric, haven’t seen you in four months, by the way, you are going to be a father and I was thrown out of my house all at the same time. Shit,” he cursed again and dropped her hand, turning around to drag his hands through his hair again. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, feeling a despair clawing its way through his chest. “I’ll take care of you. You know I will. Whatever you need, want, you know I can get it for you and the kid.” 

She looked at him through watery eyes. Every beat of her heart seemed to make it ache more. No matter how distant they’d been, no matter what she’d been through, the arguments with her family and husband, the headaches, all of it, she’d never stopped loving Varric. “What I need… What this  _ baby  _ needs… is a roof over our heads and you in our lives,” she whispered fiercely. Her bottom lip trembled and she sniffled. “And yes, forgive me for being mistaken, but I thought you would handle it well. I thought you’d be happy to hear we’re free to be together. That we’re starting a family.” She nearly choked and her voice broke on her next words, “I never in a million years expected to come here to hear you say you didn’t love me anymore.”

He turned back to her, his eyes full of unshed tears. He felt broken in that moment. Unable to live his life how he wanted to when he wanted to. “I accepted that life was the way it was. I was finally moving on, I was finding happiness I didn’t know I could. I don’t not love you, Bianca. A part of me will always love you, but I can’t… shit,” he muttered and let out a heavy sigh that said more than words could. “I can’t do this. I’m in love with someone else. I’ve finally found someone who lets me love her, whose family doesn’t send assassins after me for being in the same country as her. Who I can actually spend the night with and wake up to. Someone I don’t have to share with someone else.”

That was twice now that Bianca felt as if Varric had struck her. Her eyes widened in surprise and her heart sank even more. She’d never felt so heartbroken. Damn hormones. “Someone else?” she asked, not even able to wrap her mind around the thought of Varric being with another woman. “You… you can’t mean that, Varric. I understand that you’re upset about everything that’s happened. I… can even understand just having a warm body in your bed…” she admitted grudgingly, “But you can’t love her. Not like you love me. You can’t replace all the years we’ve spent caring about each other like that.”

An anger surged through Varric at what Bianca said and he never thought he’d ever be angry with her. The love of his life? And now in less than a year, she had managed to bring this out in him twice. She betrayed a trust that had been between them since they first met. Granted, being who they were, trust was a bit hypocritical of them considering what they had been doing over the years. “Cassandra isn’t just a warm body!” he said a bit more forcefully than he intended and he found himself swallowing harshly as he let out a breath through his nose, “She’s more than that. Just like you were.”

He had a sense of dread that was sneaking up on him. Like this was something he wasn’t going to be able to talk his way out of. Bianca knew his tricks. She had once known his heart. Cassandra had what was left of it. She deserved more, but it was all he had. “But she is mine and I don’t have to worry about what time her husband will be home.” He met Bianca’s eyes, the little voice in the back of his head pointing out the irony that his life was as bad as the romances he wrote. He nearly snorted. His romances were so terrible because of his own prime example. “I said I would help you and the kid. What more do you want from me? Are you absolutely certain, beyond a doubt, that the baby is mine?”

“Of course it is,” Bianca insisted, a fire in her eyes as she spoke. She didn’t believe a word he said about this other woman. He loved her, she knew he still had to. He was just angry. Now that she was here, she was free to be with him, she could show him how much she still loved him. And then he would realize that he still loved her. “And what I want is  _ you.  _ I’ve always wanted you. You know that. Varric, you were always the one that had my heart. I just… there were circumstances beyond my control. You knew that, too. I can’t believe you’re being this cold to me.” She breathed heavily through her nose, her eyes still stinging, but a tiny bit of hope still flared in her heart. “All I want is you.”

He needed time to think all of this out. Shit, what would Cassandra think of him now? He was completely torn. He didn’t want his kid to go wanting, he wasn’t about to let the baby know what it was like to go without a father, or to live with a distraught mother. He had seen first hand what that would do, but shit. “You know that between the two of us, we could have run away together, started a life back when I asked you to marry me. To run away with me. You chose differently. You called me a mistake to his face, you could have defended me, you could have come with me, but you didn’t. You wanted more. More of what he had to offer you. Now, I finally start to move on, start to have a life I could call my own and you come here with this news? I do still love you, Bianca, but not like that. Not anymore.”

It hurt. Oh, how it hurt to hear him say that. But even she had to admit, she had just dumped a lot in his lap. He just needed time to cool off, calm down, and then it would all be okay. She nodded, hoping to pacify him. “It’s a lot to take in,” she murmured, not quite meeting his eyes. “I didn’t mean to just break all this news to you at once. I don’t want to keep arguing.” Maybe if they both had a moment to calm down, rest, things would be better. She was tired and hungry from traveling. “If… if I could just have somewhere to sleep…” She’d really hoped to share a bed with him, but she realized that right now was not the time to ask that. 

However energized Varric had felt before Bianca arrived, he felt that tired now. He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling sick as he heard Bianca speaking in such a sad voice. “Yeah. Come on. I’ll take you to the Great Hall and talk with Ruf-Josephine. She’ll get you set up with a room. You can get something to eat up there too. I need some time to think,” he muttered as he reached out, taking the heavy pack from her shoulders as he turned towards the hall. His mind was swimming with everything that had been passed on to him and he dearly hoped that this was somehow a dream. 

Cassandra pressed herself back into the shadows as Varric led Bianca out of the stables. She didn’t know what to think. First she’d been on high alert, prepared for an attack. Then she’d been distracted by the things Varric had written on her arm, making her deliriously happy. But now that she’d heard the conversation between him and Bianca, all she felt was a sense of dread. What would happen now that Bianca was here, she was free to do as she pleased? And she was carrying Varric’s child. 

A knot formed in Cassandra’s throat. She should’ve known her happiness would be short-lived. It always was. No matter what happened, she promised herself she wouldn’t break down in front of him. She wouldn’t cry or beg or throw a fit. If Bianca hadn’t been pregnant, Cassandra would’ve marched in there and told the female dwarf to piss off. But a baby changed things. She understood that Varric had to do what he had to do.

* * *

 

It took much longer than Varric would have preferred to get Bianca calmed down, fed and into a spare room in Skyhold. It was nearing time for dinner by the time he found himself heading towards Cassandra’s room. He hadn’t seen her all afternoon and that put another sense of dread into the pit of his stomach. He had no doubt that she had heard every word said and he could only imagine what she thought of him in that moment. He noticed that the dummies were vacant of their usual tormentor so he pushed open the door to the smithy instead. As he climbed the steps, he ignored the urge to turn heel and run away. He swallowed the hard lump in his throat when he reached the top, seeing Cassandra sitting on her bed with a book open in her lap, but she didn’t appear to be reading. 

Cassandra still chewed at her nails, though in truth she’d bitten them all off hours ago. The book in her lap didn’t interest her at the moment and the words on the page just seemed to blur together. All afternoon, she’d been trying to figure out how this would work. Herself, Varric, Bianca, the baby. She’d never thought she’d be in such a position. If she and Varric tried to make it work, could she handle that? Having his first love so close all the time, the baby… She felt very selfish for wishing she could keep Varric all to herself. 

She looked up when she saw him standing there, somehow her heart sinking even more. So here it was, the conversation she was sure neither of them wanted to have. 

Varric wasn’t sure if he could read the look on the Seeker’s face. She looked about as good as he felt at that moment and whatever he had planned to say, to do, it left him in that moment and he moved over to her bedroll, sinking to his knees just short of it. “Cassandra,” he started, feeling that lump in his throat again, “Shit... I never meant for you to be sucked into this madness. I thought I was done with it.” He sighed and rubbed at his eyes, pinpricks of pain searing through his eyes. 

She felt like her tongue was glued to the roof of her mouth. Though usually, she was able to look at things pragmatically, to just forge ahead and do what she saw needed to be done, this time she saw no such course. Or perhaps she just didn’t want to see it because her heart and her emotions were so tangled up in the situation. Maybe it wasn’t even her decision to make. Really, it was up to Varric at this point. She didn’t like having so little control. “What will you do?” she asked, her voice more even than she anticipated it to be. She feared her voice might crack; she was screaming on the inside for this to all be a nightmare and that at any moment she would wake up.

There might have been a time when Varric would have relished in seeing such a defeated Cassandra, but it was a time long passed. Her voice sounded very much like how he felt in that moment and he swallowed harshly as he tried to think over the situation. What would he do? What did he want to do? What should he do? Had it just been Bianca, he would have set her up with a place to stay, hell, maybe even sent her on her way. But with a baby on the way? “I want to run away with you,” he muttered, reaching out to take her hand in his own, brushing his fingers over the back of her knuckles, “Funny thing is, knowing you and what you expect of me, I should stay the course. I can’t run away from fatherhood. My own parents, well, were less than prime examples.” He looked up to meet her hard gaze. “But I stand by what I said to you back when we started this.” He gestured between them.

He let out a heavy sigh, his voice near breaking when he spoke again, “It’s stupid. I finally have a shot at everything I ever wanted,” he squeezed her hand tighter as he studied her face, “and I would rather throw it all away for something with you. Shit, I don’t even know what’s ahead of us, but I’d be damned if I said I didn’t want to find out. I’m selfish. I don’t want to share. I don’t want to share you with anyone. I don’t want to share myself with anyone.”

“And I don’t want to share you with anyone,” she said, a bit of hope flaring in her chest. She remembered what she’d told him after that first night that they’d slept together, how she reassured him that he didn’t have to run off after making love. She squeezed his hand tightly and held his face with her other hand. “I am yours,” she reminded him fiercely, deciding right then and there that she was not going to let Bianca come between them. They would make this work somehow. “And you are mine.”

“I am yours.” Varric felt a surge of affection for the woman in front of him and he could never recall a time when he had been on the verge of tears so much in his life before. He gave her a smile, reaching up to brush her cheek with his free hand as he drew her down, resting her forehead against his. “And you are mine,” he echoed in a softer voice, but just as fiercely as her own before he pressed a desperate kiss to her firm lips. He pulled back a few moments later, looking up at her. “Just… bear with me for a little bit on this.  I need to do right by that kid, but I need to do right by you.”

Oh, thank the Maker. She still didn’t know what to make of it, the thought of Varric being a father, but she had to trust that it would all work out the way it was supposed to. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. Her stomach turned nervously, she wasn’t sure earlier if she should say this or not, but she decided that if she was going to say it, now was the time. “I love you too,” she breathed and pulled back her sleeve, showing the  _ I love you  _ he’d written on her arm earlier. 

Varric looked down to the words he had scrawled across her arm in a fit of playfulness. The smear of the ink as she had jerked away to retaliate. He reached out and brushed his thumb over them reverently. Another stark difference between her and his first love. She was willing to try and work it out. To stay with him through the difficult time that was no doubt ahead of them. He felt an even deeper connection to her now than he had before. He smiled softly at the words. “I was wondering when you’d notice,” he finally said, lifting her hand and kissing at her fingers, “Now you know why my romance novels are so terrible.” 

Cassandra smiled softly. “You said ‘wonderful’ wrong.”


	16. Chapter 16

Bianca woke the next morning with a mission on her mind. She had to fix her relationship with Varric. It still boggled her mind that he hadn’t welcomed her with open arms. But to be fair, she had arrived unannounced and she had dumped quite a bit in his lap. Maybe he just needed to sleep on it, to have some time to process it all. Yes, that had to be it. Today would be a better day.

She moved slowly as she got ready for the day. Partly because she felt queasy with morning sickness and partly because she knew Varric wouldn’t wake until at least noon. She washed up and dressed, then took the time to brush her short hair and carefully braid the longer pieces that hung down to frame her face. It was late morning by the time she left her room. And she had a plan.

The first time she’d come to Skyhold, Bianca thought it was massive. But now, trying to find her way through the fortress made it seem even more intimidating and maze-like. She finally found her way to the kitchens and, after a rather terse conversation with the cook, she made her way up to the great hall with two covered plates. Varric’s spot by the fireplace was vacant, but she went to the table anyway and set down the dishes. He’d be along shortly, she was certain of it. 

Impatience had started to creep into her chest by the time she finally saw him. But she smiled brightly as he entered the great hall. “Sleep even later than usual?” she asked teasingly as she waved him over to the table and uncovered the dishes with a flourish. “Your favorite,” she grinned.

If there was a sight that could have hurt him more, Varric wasn’t sure he ever wanted to see it. Seeing Bianca sitting at his table with two plates of food, a fire crackling merrily behind her as she smiled up at him and knowing that she was pregnant with his child was a torture all of his own. Knowing that his heart was with Cassandra made his chest ache in a way he hadn’t known possible. He looked down at the meal she uncovered sitting next to a frosty mug of ale. 

Yeah, if there was a hell, he was in it. 

He rubbed at his eyes, trying to see things from her point of view, maybe she was trying to clear the air between them. Trying to be civil. He could be that, couldn’t he? They used to be a dynamic duo, one he was sure could face anything the world would throw at them. He underestimated the stuff they could throw at themselves. He pulled out his chair and sat down, giving her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “The Seeker and I were up late, you know. Talking about things,” he explained as he reached for the cup to take a long swallow, “Did you sleep okay?”

The Seeker. That rung a bell, but Bianca had to think about it for a minute. Varric had written to her about that, when he was first taken and questioned. “The woman who interrogated you about Hawke?” she asked. It confused her. “Why were you talking to her?” She tried to think back about everything he’d mentioned about the woman. Everything he’d said in his letters about Seeker Pentaghast was negative. “Is she still questioning you about everything? What did you tell her?” She felt a protectiveness rise up in her chest. If this human was causing problems for Varric, she would have words with her.

Varric could see the calculating look in the other dwarf’s eyes and he shook his head, taking in a deep breath. “No Bianca, just… no.” He realized that he hadn’t mentioned that the Seeker and Cassandra were on in the same. “Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast and I were up discussing what you being here, pregnant with my kid would mean for our future,” he answered her, studying her eyes. They were beautiful blue eyes, ones he had once wished he could fall asleep gazing into. It made his heart ache and he was sick of feeling that sensation. It was the story of his life, to go around with an aching heart. Figures.

Bianca pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him for just a minute, trying to understand what he was saying. It hit her full force a moment later. The Seeker was the woman he was currently involved with? Her eyes went wide, then she threw her head back and laughed, a full, throaty sound that filled the air around them. “Varric, you’ve got to be kidding!” she laughed. “You said nothing but bad things about her in your letters. And she’s  _ human.  _ Honestly, out of everyone I thought you could be seeing, she was the absolute bottom of my list. Not even on the list, actually.” She giggled softly and wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes before she took a bite of her lunch. “Well at least I know you two aren’t serious.”

Bianca might as well have slapped him in the face. Varric sat up straighter, a frown pulling at his lips as he pushed his plate away and crossed his arms as he sat back in his chair. “Things change,” he said, thinking over how it happened. How they just tumbled into each other after his last night with Bianca, since he had finally started to move on. “She just doesn’t have much time for bullshit, but at least she’s always been honest with me. Yeah, she did kidnap me and she’s human, but let’s face it. No one’s perfect,” he said honestly, pressing his lips thin for a moment, “And it’s very serious.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him. It sounded to her like he was trying too hard to make her believe him. She so wanted to call bullshit on him. But maybe he was still stressed out and touchy. She shrugged her shoulders in a non committal sort of way. “I seem to remember you  _ complaining  _ about how she roughed you up when you first met,” she said. “I didn’t realize that now you were into that sort of thing. I guess things do change.” She gave him a seductive little smirk. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she teased. 

“Shit,” he breathed and ran a hand over his head, “Bianca, stop. This isn’t some game. This can’t be like it was before. I finally allowed myself to accept things they way they were. That you would always be out of reach, that I was the mistake in your life. Once I realized I could have something with Cassandra...” he trailed off, “That I could have someone I didn’t have to share. Who doesn’t care that I’m just a businessman. Who actually, for some crazy reason, likes the worst thing I’ve ever written.”

Varric sighed heavily, stopping his rant, “I’m going to help you raise the kid, but that doesn’t mean that Cassandra is going away. I’m not going to be that person and to be honest, I don’t want to be that person. She’s not going to be punished because I didn’t use my better judgement.”

Bianca was thoroughly confused. “But Varric, you don’t have to share me anymore. Everything we always wanted, talked about, dreamed about, it’s right here. We can have it now.” She had to pause and swallow, feeling herself getting a little choked up. It made her heart swell to think about finally having a life with him, raising this child together. Carefully, she reached over and set her hand on top of his, lightly curling her fingers around his palm. “I’m right here and I’m all yours.”

“I seem to remember trying to give you the same pep talk back when I asked you to marry me,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze before he forced himself to pull back, shaking her hand from his. “Shit, I must have thought about this a thousand times. Everything I would say, do. Now the only thing I can think of is to tell you the truth,” Varric looked over her face, a sadness in his own, “I don’t want that any more.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said in a small, hurt voice. She set her jaw, her lips went tight, and she drew a heavy breath through her nose. It stung more than she wanted to admit, Varric saying these things to her. She didn’t understand how he could be this way towards her. It made her stomach turn unpleasantly and she could feel the muscles in her shoulders and neck going stiff with tension. He wouldn’t even hold her hand. “I don’t think I’m very hungry anymore,” she said quietly and pushed her plate away as well. She got to her feet, swallowing to keep herself from getting sick. “You can keep lying to yourself if you want. But I’m not giving up on us.”

Why was everything he touched a mess? Varric seemed to be asking himself that question more and more as the years went by. He watched as Bianca pushed in her chair, looking at him expectantly and he only shook his head, rubbing at his eyes before he met hers. “You gave up on us when you left me standing at the altar. Shit. It figures that I would get that now when all of this happens.” It wasn’t going to be a good situation to raise a kid together with all the shit between them. 

“I thought we’d already talked about that,” she said, more of the bite back in her voice. He knew how much of a hold her family had over her at that time. She hadn’t had a choice. If she’d married him then, they’d have had to spend their whole lives on the run. He’d have had to give up all the things he loved so much, and that wasn’t the life she wanted for him. Why couldn’t he see that? But that wasn’t the case now. Now it just felt like he wanted to punish her. “You know there were things out of my control. And I’ve tried to make it up to you. Apparently I’m the one who’s the screw up.” 

“You know that’s not true. You were the one who wanted so much more than I could give you at the time. I would have been able to keep us safe. Things are no different now than they were back then. It’s even more dangerous now because I got you pregnant. I know you say your family doesn’t care, but let’s be honest. They despise my guts. It might not be now, but sometime in the future, they’re going to send more people after me and the ones I care about. Now I finally give myself the chance to be happy, and the shit hits the fan. I loved you, Bianca. That should have been enough for you. You should have trusted me.”

The way he said “loved” in the past tense made her heart ache. The idea was starting to dawn on her that perhaps he was serious. No, no he couldn’t be. She couldn’t even begin to wrap her mind around a world where Varric didn't love her. She felt the tears brim in her eyes, felt her lip tremble, and she mentally screamed curses at the hormones raging through her body. She hated feeling so emotional, though in all honesty she didn’t know if she could rightly blame it all on her hormones or not. “Fine,” she said. “If you’re so afraid of what my family might do, then I suppose I shouldn’t stay. Just having lunch with you has probably put your life in danger,” she said bitingly. Her jaw clenched and she stood a bit straighter, a bit stiffer. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.” She ever so slightly shook her head at him, then headed off toward her room. Or at least, the direction she hoped her room was in. 

Varric sighed and stood up, following after her into the empty hallway she had started down. “You aren’t a burden to me. It’s just complicated, isn’t it? That’s what it’s always been.” He rubbed at his head and looked at her. “Try to see it from my point of view.” He tilted his head at her as he thought over her situation, the fact of why she was there in the first place. “If what’s his name hadn’t walked in on us, would you still be here? Would you be asking to share your life with me and our kid? Or would you be with him? With my kid.”

Bianca pressed her lips to a thin line. In truth? Yes, that’s probably what she would have done. She and Bogdan had talked about starting a family, she’d stopped drinking the tea to prevent pregnancy, and that’s how she’d ended up in this mess. But there was no way she would admit that aloud to Varric. “I’m not going to base my life on what-ifs and could-have-beens. The fact of the matter is, he caught us and he knows the truth. So either you want me and this baby in your life or you don’t,” she said. “Don’t worry about me, Varric. You’ve obviously got your own life going on now. I’ll get by on my own.”

Varric nearly snorted, but held it in. He had his answer and it made him feel lower than he thought he could feel. He remembered Bianca calling him out on running away from his mistakes. He really didn’t want to be that person any more, but what could he do? He had fallen hard for Cassandra. Harder than he should have. She had given everything he had been craving, started to mend whatever it was that remained of his heart. “I want to be a part of the kid’s life. I’ll make sure you get the best care here, you know you won’t want for anything. Cassandra...” he shook his head, “I love her.” 

She still didn’t want to believe him when he said that. It truly broke her heart to think of him being in love with someone else. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and chewed at her lip in an irritated sort of way. “So my life gets turned completely upside down, and you just get to walk away and go on with your life,” she said in a bitter, hushed tone. She looked at him and narrowed her eyes. “It’s so easy for you, isn’t it? Just play nice and give us enough to survive, while you’re off romancing this…  _ human.  _ You aren’t the one who’s going to be up all night losing sleep, or taking care of a sick kid, or any of that shit.” She shook her head at him again. “I’m so stupid. I really thought…” She trailed off and looked at the floor, unable to repeat it all over again. 

“Don’t you see this is turning my life upside down too? Shit.” He exhaled before reaching out to her, cupping her cheek. “What more do you want me to do?” Though, as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he had an inkling. He just wasn’t sure if he could do it. He didn’t want to tell Cassandra that it was over between them because four months ago he couldn’t. He couldn’t break her heart because he knew he would be in the same boat. How the hell did he get himself into this mess? He should quit while he was ahead and just give up on the hope of ever having a successful romance.

“I wanted you to marry me!” Bianca blurted out. “I wanted us to be a family! I wanted us to finally, after all these years, be together and happy. Bogdan’s out of my life and my family’s all but disowned me. This is our chance and you’re just pissing it away on some human! How could you fall so in love with her over such a short amount of time?” She scowled, searching his eyes. “Were you with her when you slept with me?” she demanded. “Because if not, it’s only been a few months that you’ve been with her. And you’re going to throw away all our years together, for a few months with her?”

“Surprisingly enough, we were getting along before you showed up here with your supposed hunch where Corypheus got his red lyrium. Then wouldn’t you know after I got back from your place? We bonded more after assassins tried to kill me. Sent by your family, by the way.” He stood up straighter and he felt lower than shit as he saw the look in her eyes. “She’s shown me in a few months something I’ve been waiting fifteen years to have from you.” 

Bianca’s eyes widened. “Oh, well isn’t she just little miss perfect? Maybe if I kidnap you and slap you around, I’ll win your heart back,” she spat sarcastically. “And would you stop acting like  _ I’m  _ the one who keeps sending the assassins? Shit, Varric.” The longer this conversation continued, the more it seemed to break her heart. And upset her stomach. “Well I’m so sorry about those wasted fifteen years. You’re right, that didn’t affect me at all either. I didn’t spend every night thinking about you, wondering where you were, if you were okay.” Her voice cracked, ruining the bite of her sarcasm. “Just forget about it, Varric. I meant what I said earlier. I can manage on my own. Now get out of my way before I vomit on you. Pregnancy does that, you know.”

So does poison. And booze, but he didn’t dare say that. He needed to calm down and so did she. He could only imagine what she felt with all the pregnancy hormones. He knew he was a headache for a normal person, at least according to Cassandra. “I’ll have the kitchen send you some toast and get a healer for you,” he said quietly. He hated himself for what came out of his mouth next. “I’ll think about what you’ve said. I know it isn’t easy for you and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

At this point, she really didn’t know what to think or say. Her stomach was really turning and it had been a long time since she’d felt this heartbroken. She didn’t want to argue anymore. Pressing her lips to a thin line, all she could do was nod, then turned and hurried down the hallway. Tears slipped from her eyes and she hastily brushed them from her face, wanting to reach the privacy of her own room before she really gave in to her tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is jlcamp09, I made a grave error in communication and tact and ruined a good friendship. I'm not certain what the future will hold for the story.


	17. Chapter 17

Varric made his way back out to the training dummies, as was usual for him. He felt out of sorts after sending Bianca away and he would be lying if he didn’t feel guilty for making the soon to be mother of his child cry. He looked up to see Cassandra working hard and he took a moment to appreciate the concentration she had, the focus. She and Bianca couldn’t be more different than the other. He didn’t think that he could ever let Bianca go and he knew that she would have a piece of his heart that he couldn’t get back. You couldn’t forget your first love. The innocence, the passion. Made for terrible romance novels.  

But Cassandra. Maker, Cassandra was real. An opposite of him, really in every way. It almost didn’t make sense why or how they had ended up falling for each other, but there you had it. The whole mess with Bianca made him sick to his stomach and he was sorry that he had to put the both of them through this. They deserved better, “Hey, beautiful.” He murmured as he walked up.

Cassandra turned, a smile on her face as she heard his words. “Flatterer,” she accused in a lighthearted tone. Her expression darkened when she saw the look in his eyes. “What is it now?” she asked and stabbed her sword into the ground, massaging her palm and knuckles with the thumb of her other hand. She hadn’t slept much the night before, firstly because she and Varric spent a good deal of it together, and secondly because even after, she couldn’t seem to turn her brain off enough to actually get to sleep. To say the least, she was in a mood already. “If someone is bothering you even more today…”

Varric managed a small chuckle at that, reaching over to take her hands in his own, “Nah, mostly fighting with the cooks. You know how they hate being told what to do. Not that I can blame them.” He turned and led the Seeker over to the shade, into a more secluded area, “It’s not like she doesn’t have reason to. Female hormones and all of that.” He sighed out as he sat down against the wall of the smithy, “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, Seeker.”

The corner of her mouth turned up in an amused smile. “Do any of us?” she countered. She gave a sigh and slid down the wall to sit next to him, threading her fingers through his. “I cannot imagine what this must be like for you,” she said softly. She still wasn’t sure how to feel about it. She kept wondering how this would affect their relationship, what sort of a role she might play in all of this. It was strange and awkward and uncertain to her. “Varric, I…” She paused, not knowing what exactly she wanted so say. “Whatever you need me to do to make this easier on you, all you have to do is ask.”

“Shit, I should be the one asking you that,” He said as he leaned his head back, looking up at the blue sky above them, “You shouldn’t have to pay for my mistakes. No one should,” Varric managed a tired look at her before looking to their joined hands, “You know she just asked me to marry her? Just a little while ago in the main hall.”

Cassandra’s eyes widened and her eyebrows nearly touched her hairline. “She what?” she asked. An almost possessive jealousy roared in her chest. Varric helping Bianca and taking care of their child, she understood that. That was the right thing to do, and she admired him for that. But Bianca trying to take Varric back, now that was another story. She narrowed her eyes and studied him for a minute. The tiniest of smirks touched her lips when she realized she knew he’d turned Bianca down. Of course he turned her down. “Did you squeal like a blushing bride and accept?” she asked teasingly.

It was so unexpected and in Cassandra’s deadpan voice, the only thing he could do was laugh, “Shit, Seeker. I think I’ve rubbed off on you.” He squeezed her slim fingers before he tilted his head, “Though, I think the joke loses it’s luster when we’re into complicated. I did warn everyone that it was complicated.” He sighed and rubbed his face with his free hand, “I want you, but the thought of making you have to watch me help her, be there for her and the kid. I don’t know. It feels wrong.”

Cassandra’s eyes narrowed and her lips pinched as her heart unpleasantly missed a beat. She didn’t like where this conversation was heading. It sounded like he was trying to let her down gently, to break up in order to spare her some imagined-hardship. “If you are trying to tell me something, then say it,” she said as she slowly but firmly withdrew her hand from his and crossed her arms over her chest. “I said I would stand by you no matter what. But if you want to go back to her, have the decency to tell me so. I think I at least deserve enough respect to not be strung along.”

He gave her a sideways smile as he sighed out and reached back over to her, sliding his hand over the curve of her shoulder, “No, thank you, I think I’ve learned my lessons. I know better than to string you along. Stabbed books and all that,” He licked his lips as he looked down at the grass he could see just above where their feet bumped together. Varric nudged her slender booted foot with his own larger one. He supposed it mattered a great deal on what he wanted and for a moment, he imagined how it would be. Break up with Cassandra and go back to his first love and unborn child. Get married, grow old together. It was everything they ever talked about. Planned, safe. Well, as much as he could make it. 

Fact of the matter was, once the novelty of the idea wrapped around him in the warm dream of the future, he felt the cold sting of betrayal, untrust, lies hidden in truth and told three different times. She would focus on her inventions. He would focus on his books. Write about a happily ever after that finally came true. It left a hollow feeling in his chest. It felt like it would be a lie. He looked up to Cassandra’s dark eyes, they were so fierce he was certain that he could see a flame flickering from within. He was always the sucker for a good story, “I just don’t want either of us to get hurt. Shit, I know we’ve done plenty of that haven’t we? Stabbed, poisoned, trapped in an avalanche…”  

Varric slipped his hand back into hers, what seemed to become their personal little secret motto echoed through his mind and a brought a faint smile to his lips. She had been the first woman to say it do him, “I don’t want to give you up, Seeker. Now that I’m seeing the hidden soft side of the Hero of Orlais, I just have to find out how far it goes.”

_ ‘Until the end of our lives,’  _ Cassandra thought to herself. She blinked in surprise, startled at her own thoughts, and relieved she hadn’t said that outloud to him. That might’ve been a bit much. Still, she couldn’t help but to smile and she scooted even closer to him to tip her head to the side and rest her cheek on his head. “We shall see,” she answered softly, squeezing his hand in her own as she playfully nudged his boot back. Her lips twitched again. “You know I’m too stubborn to give you up without a fight anyway.”

Varric snorted, his own lips twitching upwards, “No shit, Seeker. No shit,” He echoed as he let himself hold and be held in one gesture. It was good to know that after all the people, friends and loves he had looked after, there was at least one person who wanted to look after him, “If I’d seen this coming, I would have made a bet with you. Bet that was the last thing you had on your mind less than a year ago. Funny.” He said with a small smile. The dwarf let out another sigh, “I think we need to organize another Wicked Grace night. I’m feeling out of sorts. Need to tell a few tales, get a few in return and watch everyone else try to figure things out for a while.”

“I think we could all use a night off,” she agreed. She’d enjoyed the last round of Wicked Grace at the tavern, even though she still wasn’t very good at the game. At least she’d gotten a little better at it. Though she had to agree with Varric; the conversation was the best part of the game. She looked up and nearly groaned when she saw a messenger approaching them. “What now,” she muttered flatly in such a quiet tone that only Varric would hear her.

The messenger came to an abrupt stop and squared her shoulders as she looked down at the pair. “Master Tethras, Lady Montilyet would like a word with you. Regarding your… new guest and her… demands,” she said. 

He should do more to stifle the groan that was working it’s way up his throat at the thought and he turned his face into Cassandra’s shoulder, “Of course Ruffles does,” He felt exhausted already from their small conversation that afternoon. Reluctantly, he pulled away from the Seeker  pressing a kiss to her cheek before he stood up, “Alright, take me away.” He told the messenger, heading to follow the agent as he called over his shoulder, “Dinner tonight? My treat.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” she answered as she got up with a sigh. She didn’t know what Bianca might have been demanding, but she figured it must have been pretty ridiculous if Josephine thought it necessary to speak to Varric about it. She rolled her shoulders forward, trying to work some of the tension out of her neck and back, then grabbed up her sword to face the training dummies. Just as she lifted her sword to swing, she saw someone standing off to the side, watching her. “Solas?”

Solas supposed he should have been trying harder to remain unseen. He had been on his way to the rotunda from a secluded spot he had found to go to sleep. His thoughts had been troubled as of late and he had sought the counsel of his friends, but their suggestions had left him wanting. He had paused when he had spotted the couple taking respite in the shade of a tree near the training dummies.

It was perhaps terrible of him to draw similarities between himself and a child of the stone, but there it was. While his mistakes were much more grave, couldn’t help but wonder what Cassandra was thinking. She had been able to forgive Varric, despite everything that had happened. Despite the lies he told, the blood on his hands, the child on the way between him and the other woman. He gave her a friendly smile as he walked over, “Seeker Cassandra. I trust you are faring as well as can be under present circumstances?”

“More or less,” she answered. She felt the slightest heat touch her cheeks; she hadn’t given much thought to the others knowing about the situation. Bianca had only arrived yesterday. She mentally scolded herself. Of course everyone knew. This was Skyhold and gossip spread faster than wildfire. “It is an adjustment. For everyone,” she admitted. She looked at him curiously, there was something in his eyes that made him look older somehow. “And you, Solas? How are you?” she asked, feeling compelled to do so.

He managed a smile for her, though, it didn’t meet his eyes, “This war has been weighing heavily on my mind. With word of Corypheus’ armies turning south, it only brings about more questions.” He studied her for a moment, tilting his head slightly as he studied her. Before he had met them, he thought everyone had been made dull, tranquil. Cut off from everything that made them who they were. The longer he stayed, the more he loved, the more he saw, the greater the doubts started pulling at his mind. He wondered if it would be so bad to come clean about the truth to Ellana. He wasn’t certain if his heart could take losing her though. She made him question everything he had ever believed, “If I might ask a personal question, Seeker Cassandra?”

“A personal question?” she echoed, tipping her head ever so slightly. Solas usually didn’t discuss such things, at least not with her. She wondered where this conversation could lead and it made her stomach squirm slightly. Most of the time, she avoided talking about herself or her past. Though she doubted Solas wanted to discuss the stories of how she “single-handedly saved the Divine” or any of that nonsense. “I suppose that would be alright,” she said as she sheathed her sword.

The elf gestured back over to the secluded bit of shade she had just been and moved to settle down against the building, bending his knee so he could rest his hand on it while he thought. Half of him was screaming that this was a mistake, that he needed to push himself away from these people and to not get further attached. He couldn’t do it. Some part of him had grown fond of these good people. It gave him hope. He would be damned, “I am curious as to how you felt regarding Master Tethras when you found out that everything he had told you during your questioning was a lie.” 

“How do you think I felt?” she asked, a slight laugh in her voice. She schooled her expression a moment later and walked closer to Solas.  “I was furious. He claimed he could not contact Hawke, at a time when I believed that the Inquisition needed him the most. But he knew where Hawke was all along. I… attacked Varric,” she admitted, breaking contact with Solas’s gaze. She messed with her gloves, adjusting them on her fingers as an unpleasant squirming filled her stomach. “I wanted to wring his neck. I probably would have, had the Inquisitor not intervened.” She managed to look up at him again. “Why do you ask?”

He felt his heart sink a little at that as he turned her words over in his head. Cassandra was like that though. So forward, not willing to put up with anyone’s bullshit. He nearly smirked as he remembered when she accused him of being Ellana’s secret accomplice when the breach first opened up. If she had only known the truth of that statement,  “I was merely wondering how you have managed to forgive him. On top of that, to find out everything that has happened since that. The red lyrium, his dwarven friend, the child along the way. I know that it cannot be easy. For either of you. Would you not be happier if he just let you go? Sent you away from all of the heartache that is sure to come?”

A small smile pulled at her lips and she leaned her shoulder against the wall. “I didn’t want to forgive him. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. Hawke wasn’t what we needed. Ellana is. And the more time I spent working with Varric, the more he grew on me,” she said softly. “Our time trapped in that cavern…” She trailed off and shook her head. “I do not know what will become of our situation with Bianca. I will not claim that it is easy, because it is not. From an outsider’s perspective, I suppose it would seem the easy path to walk away from it, from him. To save myself from whatever pain may come of it. But there will always be heartache in this world. I’d rather face it with him by my side.”

“Would you really?” He asked softly, tilting his head back when he looked up to her, “And if it were his wish not to see you in any pain that was caused by his actions? By the consequences he now has to face? You would face what is to come with him?” He pressed his lips together and shook his head slightly. Her admission did nothing to calm his own mind and he was even more troubled than before. They weren’t the same at all. Well not entirely. 

“I would,” she said as she sat down next to him and leaned back against the wall. “And if he tried to send me away, to ‘spare me’ or some such nonsense… Well, I think he fears my temper far too much for that.” She laughed softly, knowing if Varric truly wanted to break up that she would not throw such a fit. “If he did not care for me as he does, of course I wouldn’t try to hold onto what we have. But for him to do it because he is trying to save me from something? No. That is not fair to either of us. Why be with someone if you just give up when things get complicated?”

Her words stung true and for a moment. One brief, shining moment, he thought he could do it. Tell Ellana the truth about himself. Maybe it could work. If Cassandra could forgive Varric...His thoughts trailed off and he gave the woman a small smile, “You speak of more wisdom than I am accustomed to hearing from most humans. It helps that you have not threatened to have me executed this time.” He said with a laugh. It was the same thing that the spirits had been telling him, more or less. But there was only so much he could ask before even Cassandra cottoned on to the double meaning of his words. Then again, he had come this far, “Cherish your time with him while you can. I have seen women like Bianca within the Fade before. They will stop at nothing to get what they believe is theirs to take.”

Cassandra scowled slightly. “She cannot take him if he does not want to be taken,” she said. “Let her try. But I will not put up with much.” She wondered then what tricks Bianca might try to pull. Varric had told Bianca that he would take care of her but that he was no longer interested in a relationship. Surely Bianca wouldn’t keep trying, would she? “I will never understand women who chase after what they cannot have. Why? Why would any woman put herself through that? Don’t they realize how pathetic they look? It certainly doesn’t make them more attractive,” she stated, a hint of venom in her voice. “I think Varric is smart enough not to fall for such things.”

“You would think so. Varric’s wit is sharper than most I’ve met, but it seems he has a blind spot when it comes to certain people. Bianca, Hawke, you,” He mused, looking at her profile from the side, his eyes tracing over the sharp line of her cheekbones, “From Bianca’s point of view, she may view you as the woman chasing after what she cannot have. For all her faults, that dwarf cares deeply for Varric. It is possible that she has hopes that the child would be the deciding factor in winning him over. While he has decided to not pursue her romantically, he still has fatherly duties that may put a strain on your relationship with him. It is underhanded, I’ll admit, and I think you are a better match for Varric. You can see the change in him whenever he is near you. He is glad you keep him honest. That you give him something real.”

She gave a long sigh and leaned her head back, staring up at the sky. “You are not saying anything I have not already considered,” she said. “I already question what part I might play in all of this, what I might be to Varric’s child. No matter which way I think of it, it all seems awkward.” A slight frown tugged at her lips. She didn’t want to voice it aloud, but part of her wished that the child had never been conceived. And then she felt a tremendous amount of guilt stab through her heart. It was not her place to decide such things. “The best I can do now is trust that this is somehow the Maker’s plan. Whatever happens, I hope some good comes of it.”

Solas gave Cassandra a smile, “That is all anyone can really ask for, but remember that faith can only take you so far. After that you need action.” He said before he pushed himself up to stand and reached down to the Seeker, “I fear I did not help at all, but thank you for sharing your insights with me. Keep fighting for him. You both deserve whatever happiness and comfort you can provide each other in the years to come.” 

She took his hand and allowed him to help her stand. The whole conversation seemed strange, why he would be so concerned about her and Varric. “I will,” she said. It felt good to have someone to talk to about it. “Thank you, Solas,” she added as she finally released his hand. She watched as he gave her a slight bow and turned to leave. She wanted to call him back, to ask him if there was more that he wasn’t saying, but before she could form the words in her mouth, he had gone and she was left wondering what in the world had prompted him to have the conversation with her in the first place.


	18. Chapter 18

If the kitchens wouldn’t prepare food the way she told them to, Bianca thought perhaps the tavern might. She’d gotten into several rather heated discussions that day with the servants, the cooks, even the lady Ambassador. Why they thought she was being unreasonable, she just couldn’t understand. The spices she asked for on her food weren’t  _ that  _ rare or expensive. And really, would moving that little but too-tall bed out and replacing it with something larger and dwarven-made be really all that hard? They were the ones who were hard to deal with, not her. 

She tromped down the steps from the great hall, noting that Varric wasn’t by his fireplace, and headed to the tavern. Perhaps he was there, eating his own dinner, and she could join him. Though would it have killed him to wait for her? That was rather rude of him. And she still couldn’t figure out why he was being so cold towards her. She knew he claimed to be in love with this Seeker, but Bianca didn’t buy it. Not for one minute. It was a rebound relationship, his attempt to make her jealous, to make her feel like the outsider for a bit so she could see what she’d done to him. Well, he could’ve at least chosen another dwarf to do it with. And it really wasn’t working anyway. He couldn’t possibly be serious.

The moment Bianca opened the door to the tavern, a large table caught her eye. It was mostly occupied by humans, save for two elves and the biggest Qunari she’d ever seen. And there, amongst them, was Varric with his human “friend” at his side as he dealt the cards and told them one of his stories. 

Okay, so if he was trying to make her jealous, it was starting to work. 

No one from the table had yet noticed her and Bianca decided she’d like to keep it that way. She moved quickly to sit at the bar and drew her hood up to hide her face. Varric’s back was towards her, and she was just close enough she could eavesdrop on the whole table. A little smirk touched her lips. Now this was perfect. From here, she would be able to watch them for as long as she liked and be able to decide for herself just how “serious” this relationship of theirs was. 

Cassandra snickered as Varric told the punchline of his story. Now this was nice. This was just what they needed. An evening without the worry and the stress, surrounded by their friends, enjoying a few drinks. She looked back down at her hand, trying to school her expression when she saw her own cards. Those were good ones, weren’t they? She was pretty sure they were. She held her cards closer to her breast, hiding them from Varric who tried to peer over her shoulder. 

Dorian chuckled, shuffling his own cards around in his hand, leaning them slightly away from Bull when he thought he saw the man’s eye flicker his way. He looked up to Cassandra, the look on her face was priceless. “Varric, you will have to teach Cassandra how to hide her tells. She looks like the cat that just got the cream,” he said as he finally gave up and put his cards face down and pushed them away, “I fold.”

“Eh, it’s a work in progress, Sparkler,” Varric said as he let his gaze flicker over Cassandra’s cards. She was getting better at hiding them from prying eyes. Namely his. “At least she’s starting to remember which cards are good ones.” He smirked and shared a look with woman at his side. Card night had been a great idea. He needed the break from the stress that seemed to fill every aspect of his life. “Normally, Seeker, this is where you would lie that you have a bad hand to drive up the pot.” 

Blackwall shook his head and folded his hand as well. “As much fun as that would be, I’m going to fold. Not going to be caught off guard again and end up with nothing but a bucket for my bits,” he said, leaning forward to grab his mug of ale, “Do not play cards with Solas, by the way.” How an apostate hobo had learned how to play cards like a damned bloodthirsty wolf, he would like to know. 

The Inquisitor giggled to herself and drew a card, frowning at her hand. She’d heard that story from Blackwall before. But she didn’t have time to comment on it. She was too busy trying to figure out her cards. Two pair, that was a fairly good hand. But Cassandra looked so smug across the table, she wasn’t sure if it was good enough or not. Had Cassandra improved at this game since playing with Varric so much? She heaved a sigh. “I fold,” she muttered and slapped her cards face-down on the table. The stakes in this round were already too high to gamble any more; the pot was too large. “Damn it.”

Cullen frowned, wincing as he looked over at Lady Josephine and then back to Cassandra. He felt a wave of heat surge over his face as he realized many were waiting for him to make his move. He was absolutely determined to not lose to her again like that. Another walk of shame back to the barracks and he wasn’t certain if he’d get the damned recruits to stop talking about it this time. “I would like to know, Varric, how you convinced me to come back for another round.” 

“That was Dorian’s doing,” Bull said. “He really has his heart set on watching you get naked again.”

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen muttered as he rolled his neck, hearing a few cracks before he looked back around the table. “I fold. I still need enough coin to bring down the dear Lady Ambassador.”

Bull took a deep swig of his ale, looking at his hand. It was a shit hand from the start and hadn’t gotten any better, but he’d kept betting in the hopes that he could bluff the others into folding. But Cass had something up her sleeve, and he decided he’d rather not lose any more coin this round. She wasn’t going to fold no matter what cards she was holding. “Fold,” he said and set the cards and his ale down. He kept his expression serious, though on the inside he was snickering. “You know, Cullen,” he said, fixing the commander with an intense gaze, “If you’re looking for an excuse to get out of that armor, you don’t have to wait for card night. You could always just join me and Dorian some night.”

Cullen sputtered into his drink, feeling his face go ten shades of red. “I beg your pardon?” He groaned and lifted his hands to his face, trying to block out the images that were forming. He was still having trouble getting the picture of Bull’s, ahem, asset, out of his mind from when he had accidentally walked in on the two trying to get the Qunari’s opinion on some of their newest recruits. “No. Thank you. No.” 

Varric laughed, with the rest of the group. “Oh now that would be a story. I could call it the Wayward Magister, the Templar edition.” He grinned at the look that Dorian gave him. “Hey, just be happy I’ve decided not to lump it in with Swords and Shields. A romance this good deserves its own series, Sparkler. Tiny even gave me the go-ahead.”

“Ugh, how many times have I told you to stop helping the dwarf!” The mage cried as he thumped the larger man on the arm, “Barbarians. All of you.” He pinned Cassandra with a look, “And it’s your fault. Don’t think we don’t know why our resident storyteller has upped his romance novels in the past four months.” He leaned back, crossing his arms. “Though, I suppose you can’t help it when I am this spectacular.”

Cassandra took a sudden interest in the rafters overhead. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

Sera wrinkled her nose. “The three of you? How would that… Never mind. Don’t want to know,” she interrupted herself and took another long drink of her ale. She was already heavily tipsy and had lost track of the game. “Don’t need to see none of you lot naked. Well… ‘cept maybe Inky,” she teased and shot the Inquisitor a drunken wink. She only regretted that Solas wasn’t there to see it; she loved watching him puff up every time she flirted with the Inquisitor. “Are you still playing cards or are we just sittin’ here listenin’ to Bull trying to put together an orgy?”

“Oh! My turn!” Josephine squeaked and looked back down at her cards. She’d completely forgotten they were playing a game, she was so distracted with the imagery Bull had put in her mind. If everyone else was folding, that meant she had a better chance of winning against Cassandra. Although the Seeker did seem rather pleased with herself. Perhaps she should fold like the others, maybe they had a better read on Cassandra than she did. She decided it was best to not push her luck. “I fold,” she said and set her cards down, only to return to her daydream. 

“Your turn,” Cassandra purred, leaning closer to Varric as she pressed her cards to her own chest to make sure he couldn’t see them. She tried very hard to stop herself from smiling, and didn’t really manage it at all. 

Varric playfully hid his cards from view, leaning over to press a quick kiss to her lips before he finally tossed his cards to the table. “Guess that means I’m folding too.” He grinned and leaned back looking around the table, catching the looks from their friends before his gaze landed on the large pot in the middle and he looked back to Cassandra. Andraste’s tits that smile of hers was dangerous if he couldn’t even form a complete thought because of it.

Cassandra let out a little giggle, her face turning hot, and she realized it was her turn. She looked around the table, shocked that everyone else had laid their cards down. “Everyone folded?” she asked, blinking in surprise. “But… what does that mean?” She couldn’t remember ever seeing everyone fold their cards like that before.

“That means you won this hand, Lady Cassandra,” Josephine answered with a slight laugh of amusement. 

“Oh! I did!” Cassandra said happily and laid her cards out bare on the table for everyone to see before she scooped the pile of coins to herself. “I’m getting rather good at this game,” she boasted as she began arranging the coins in neat little stacks.

Bull leaned forward so heavily, the tankards of ale and piles of coins on the table rattled. “THAT is your hand?” he asked, refusing to believe that Cassandra, of all people, had managed to trick him so badly. There was nothing good about the hand at all! Two red, unmatching cards, and three drakes. It didn’t make sense at all. He sat back in his chair with a scowl. “Well I suppose it makes sense,” he snarled at Varric. “Since you can’t teach her to play, you did a damn good job of teaching her to bluff.”

Varric was too busy trying to comprehend what just happened. On the one hand, Cassandra had finally won a game. On the other, it was probably one of the worst hands he had ever seen and he looked back to the woman who was counting up her winnings. “Ah. Tiny, I didn’t. Haven’t. I’ve been too busy trying to teach her the value of the cards, hoping that would stick before she needed to learn how to bluff.” He scratched at his head, giving the warrior a worried look. “Ah, not that I want to pry into your strategy, but what exactly did you think you had, Seeker?”

She looked at him as if he’d grown a second head. “A full house,” she stated, pointing at her cards. “Two of one kind and three of another, right?” She pulled the hand back closer, not understanding what he didn’t see about it. “Two red, three black. Isn’t that a good hand?” She could feel her cheeks getting hot as a couple of her friends at the table snickered. “I didn’t have the hand I thought I did, did I?” she deadpanned.

The groan that went around the table was collective and Varric was no exception as he dragged his hand down his face. “Well, that’s part of it, but no. No you didn’t. Usually your full house will have three of one kind and then a pair of another. Color should never be part of that factor.” He chuckled, despite himself, “On the other hand, you fooled everyone here into thinking your hand was too good to beat. So, congratulations on beating Ruffles, Seeker.” He gave her knee a squeeze under the table. Part of him was rather proud, but he really was going to have to work on her card playing skills.  Desperately.

There was nothing for it now but to laugh. Cassandra let her head fall forward to rest on Varric’s shoulder, her face burning, but laughing at herself all the same. So many times she’d played this game, trying to understand it, and she just couldn’t. There were too many rules to remember and it was all so confusing. Oh well. “I won. It still counts,” she declared without lifting her head. 

“Even  _ I  _ understand this better than she does,” Sera muttered as she got to her feet. She swayed badly and had to grab onto Cullen to keep herself from falling. “We need more beer!” she cried, still holding onto the commander to steady herself. “It’s okay. ’m not drunk. Not yet,” she insisted as she finally let go of him and blinked a couple times to clear her vision. “I’ll get more. Be right back,” she said and clumsily began to make her way across the tavern.

Bianca watched as Varric kissed and flirted with the human woman at his side. A jealousy rose up in her chest that she just couldn’t press down. This was more than him just flaunting this other woman in her face. This was behind her back, where he didn’t even know she was seeing it. And it was then that she realized he was more serious about this woman than she knew. How could he do such a thing? She was right there, he could have her, this child, everything they ever wanted. But no, he’d set her aside for this other woman.

Well, that wasn’t going to last long if Bianca had any say so in it.

She watched as the drunken elf got up and made her way across the tavern, leaving an empty seat beside Varric. Perfect. She slicked the hood from her head and walked over, a big smile on her face. “Varric! You didn’t tell me you were playing cards tonight,” she said cheerfully. She looked around at the table, oblivious to the surprised looks of a few of the people there. “Mind if I sit down?” she asked to no one in particular and plunked herself down in the seat between Varric and the blonde man, whatever his name was. She really didn’t much care to learn their names. “It feels like ages since we’ve played cards together,” she said.

Any good mood that might have been working up, the pleasant buzz between friends, good stories and cold drinks was whisked away as Bianca sat down next to Varric. Dorian picked up his own mug of ‘terrible’ Ferelden beer and took a long swig as he looked over the rim at her. He was surprised that she had the nerve to invite herself to the game. Not that he had anything against the woman. The pregnant woman. Yes, she deserved a small amount of due, but this was boarding on the ridiculous. He noticed the lack of a reaction from Bull and noted that the ex-Qunari spy must have had some inkling that the woman was around. “Ah, Bianca. Are you well, my dear? A woman in your delicate condition should be getting plenty of rest.”

Bianca managed a smile for the human. “As well as can be expected around a place like this,” she answered in a civilly polite tone. Varric seemed to like the place well enough and she didn’t want to insult him, but at the same time, there was much that could be improved about it. “I could do with a nicer room. Or better food. That’s why I wandered out here to the tavern. I’d hoped maybe they had better food than the hall does. If I’m going to be eating for two, I’d at least like it to be good food!” she said with a laugh. “I think I got a bit spoiled to the food in Val Royeaux.”

A muscle twitched in Cassandra’s jaw, but she managed to hold her tongue. She’d almost forgotten about Bianca, at least for the evening. And now here she was, right in their faces. She sighed and sat up a little straighter, thinking that she didn’t want to make things difficult for Varric. That would be unfair to him. But damned if part of her didn’t want to just throw herself at him, to make a very public display of affection right there in the middle of the tavern for all - especially Bianca - to see. 

Bull had seen Bianca enter, of course. And maybe he should’ve at least given Varric a heads up, but he wanted to see how she acted when she thought no one was looking. He’d give her this much - she was a sneaky little thing. But he wasn’t quite sure what to make of her just yet. The whole concept of families, of parents, was still hard for him to wrap his mind around. Such things just weren’t important under the Qun. So it was difficult for him to understand why it was such a big deal.

Still, it was easy to see how uncomfortable everyone at the table had suddenly become, especially Cassandra and Varric. He could see the possessiveness in Cassandra’s eyes (which amused him greatly), and he could see the exasperation in Varric’s. Dorian’s attempt at engaging her in conversation was a good one; keep her distracted from Varric. “So you’re the smith everyone’s always talking about,” he said. “I’d like to see what else you can turn out besides a crossbow.”

Bianca beamed at that. It always made her proud to hear that others were singing the praises of her inventions, that people appreciated the work she did. “That’s me,” she grinned. “I have a few new designs up my sleeve that I haven’t shared yet. I’d started working on them in my shop…” She suddenly stopped herself as her heart panged. Her shop wasn’t her shop anymore. It was Bogdan’s, along with the house. Really, the loss of her shop hurt more than any of the rest of it. “Well, it’s all still here in my head, which is what really matters,” she said, recovering her words as she tapped her temple. “I’ll just have to start over from scratch if I can find somewhere here to work.” 

“Should you be working in your condition?” Josephine asked as she paused in her shuffling of the cards. Bianca had worn her out that day with her demands about a better room and food, among other things, but she wasn’t about to see a pregnant woman come to harm. The baby was innocent and deserved a well-rested and well-fed mother. “I would hate to see you overexert yourself, Lady Davri.”

Bianca laughed. “I’ll work as long as I can. I don’t know what to do with myself if I’m not tinkering with something. Just ask Varric,” she said as she laid a hand on his forearm. There was a familiar comfort that curled around her heart at the simple gesture. It was so nice to be able to be this close to him without looking over their shoulders and she thought that she could live a truly happy life if she could just spend every day of it with him by her side. “He knows how determined I can be. When I get something in my head, I don’t stop.”

Varric remembered a time, late at night in the house he used to share with his brother. Bianca over for drinks, talking late into the night. Her hand on his arm, fingers brushing his face. Whispered words of love and adoration. It made his heart ache and he forced himself to reach out, patting Bianca’s hand before he tactfully slipped his arm from her grasp under the guise of reaching for his drink. “Headstrong to the very end. You should tell them the story about when you were working on that catapult for four months solid and your family had to throw a bucket of water on you to get you to take a break.”

Blackwall raised an eyebrow, looking across the table at the Inquisitor and Dorian, sharing a look with them before he turned back to the pair. “Maybe we can speak with Lady Dagna. I’m sure she would jump at the chance to have another eccentric mind around her workshop under the waterfall. Might be enough space in there to put in an extra bed, some furniture.” He scratched at his beard, as if he were thinking deeply on the matter. He had a lot of respect for Varric and Lady Cassandra. They’d both been through enough shit as it was and they didn’t need anything more. Yes, Varric had gone off thinking with the head between his legs, but what man hadn’t? He would do what he could for the kid, but if he was happy with Cassandra, then Bianca needed to respect that.

Ellana was chewing her lips so much that she tasted blood. It made her blood boil that Varric even wanted Bianca here in Skyhold, especially after the way the Inquisition had told her family to knock it off with the assassins. She adored Varric as a friend, but part of her couldn’t help wondering if his judgement was still clouded when it came to Bianca. Several times she opened her mouth to say something, but she kept snapping it shut because every sentence she thought of started with  _ ‘You little bitch.’  _

“Who’s this now?” Sera slurred slightly as she returned to the table with mugs of ale in each hand. She frowned at the dwarf. “You took my chair,” she growled before she looked to the Inquisitor, “Scoot over. We’re skinny enough, we can both fit in this chair.” She plunked herself down in the chair with Ellana and set a mug of ale before the Inquisitor, then took a deep drink of her own. Her eyes narrowed over the top of the mug at Bianca. “What’re you doin’ in the tavern? Shouldn’t you be layin’ round bein’ pampered or some shit since you’re knocked up?”

“I’m not an invalid,” Bianca laughed, not quite sure what to think of the blunt question. She decided she already didn’t like this elf. It was probably best to avoid talking to Sera; she might easily lose her temper and say something that would piss Varric off. That was one thing she definitely didn’t want to do right now. She decided to answer Blackwall instead. “If there’s a workshop here, that would be fantastic for my work,” she said. “But I don’t think I want to sleep there.” She couldn’t stop herself from wrinkling her nose. “That sounds like a step down from the room they gave me. Under the waterfall? Much too damp for the baby once he’s born,” she said, shaking her head. She looked to Varric again as she placed her hands in her lap, then discreetly moved her hand over to squeeze his knee. “I’m sure you want better for our child than that.”

Cullen glanced over at Bianca. He wasn’t certain how he felt towards the dwarven woman. She was the reason why so many templars had fallen to Corypheus’s red lyrium. That wasn’t something easily forgiven. Then on top of that, she just couldn’t seem to let Varric go. She was clearly in love with the man. 

“I’m sure Ruffles will find you a better place to stay, but we are in a war. Supplies aren’t growing on trees around here and it takes a while for the post to go in and out. Let alone on deliveries,” Varric said. He wanted to pull his hair out. How many times had he tried to explain this to her? He couldn’t just give her whatever she wanted, he couldn’t pamper her when other people less fortunate than themselves needed more. “You know I won’t let the kid go wanting,” he reasoned, hating himself. Hating the way her hand on his knee felt. He remembered a time when he was happy to play that game, but then Cassandra wasn’t sitting on his other side trying to pretend she was being respectful. He resisted the urge to pull away and resigned himself to his fate.

Josephine pursed her lips as she shuffled the cards one last time and began to deal them out. Thankfully she’d had years of training in dealing with nobles and how to handle their demanding attitudes. What Bianca and everyone else at the table apparently failed to realize was that Josephine  _ had  _ given Bianca a nice room. A very nice room. The only two people in Skyhold who had bigger rooms were Vivienne and the Inquisitor. The room had been reserved for visiting nobles, but Josephine had let Bianca have it because she knew the dwarf needed a comfortable place to sleep and room enough for the baby when it arrived.  _ ‘Be polite, be polite,’  _ she thought to herself over and over. Yet somehow she couldn’t completely hold her tongue either. “If the Orlesian bed we imported for that room is not to your liking, I can see about getting a replacement,” she said, just a carefully measured hint of venom in her voice. “Or is it the decor that displeases you? I did try so hard to match it all nicely. The nobles who visit have never complained, but perhaps we could make some changes for you.”

Cassandra couldn’t resist the urge to roll her eyes, but she did manage to look away from Varric and Bianca as she did it. From Josephine’s words, it was easy to pick up that Bianca had been given one of the nicer rooms, and it still didn’t suit her. She picked up the cards and arranged her hand, then reached under the table and put her hand on Varric’s knee, unaware that Bianca had done the same to his other. She sighed slightly through her nose. They had been having fun playing cards, enjoying the evening with their friends, and now she thought the end of the evening couldn’t come soon enough.

“Actually, I think I’m going to call it a night,” Varric said suddenly, standing up and tossing his hand to Josephine while tossing a few coins into the pot to make up for the sudden departure. “Not sure if my coin purse can take another round of the Seeker’s, ah, bluffs.” He turned his head and gave a wink to the Seeker.

“Neither can we,” Dorian quipped as he shuffled his cards around, casually leaning back in his chair, “Take Cassandra with you. Maybe go over Shepard’s Six again? She was showing so much promise.” He grinned at the look the warrior gave him and he only shrugged in response. “I’d much rather play a hand against Bianca. See if she’s all talk or if she can give Josephine a run for her money.”

Cassandra blinked; it took her a moment to realize this was their chance to escape from Bianca. A smile split her lips and she rose a little too quickly from her chair, scraping it across the floor. “Yes. I should… get to bed,” she said awkwardly. Lying was never her forte. “Early morning tomorrow. Goodnight,” she said quickly and turned to head towards the door. She wanted to grab Varric’s hand, but again thought better of it. No need to cause a scene.

“I should get to bed too,” Bianca said. She wasn’t about to let Varric get away from her like that, without so much as a goodnight. She started to raise from her chair, but paused when Bull spoke.

“I thought you came here to get something to eat,” he said, discarding one of his cards and drawing another. “You haven’t had your dinner yet.”

Bianca sat back down with a scowl, knowing she was stuck. If she didn’t eat something, they’d all think she was a liar and had only come to spend time with Varric. She picked up her cards, then waved over a barmaid, thinking she could eat something quickly and then get to Varric’s room before he went to sleep. She watched as he and the Seeker left the tavern. Together. And it made her see red.

Dorian quickly schooled his expression and made a mental note to properly reward Bull for what had to be the most ingenious move he’d ever seen. Well played. “The food here isn’t as terrible as it is in the Great Hall. At least Cabot knows how to hire people who actually use spices…”

Varric quietly sent up a thank you to the Maker as he heard Dorian start up a conversation with Bianca, perhaps a little too chipper than what was his norm. He shut the tavern door behind him with a solid thunk before he leaned back against it, rubbing at his face. He didn’t say it often, but he hated this turn his life had taken. He hated being put in the middle of those two women. He scrubbed at his face. “Why… why did I even go to see her that night? Why couldn’t I have just let it go? I wouldn’t be in this mess and you wouldn’t be pushed to the damn side. Shit, Seeker.” 

Cassandra raised an eyebrow. “You’d better not be pushing me to the side,” she said. She let out a sigh and leaned against the door beside him. “We will deal with her. I think she’s still just… hung up on you. Eventually she will understand that you and I are serious, won’t she? She cannot deny it forever.” She reached for Varric’s hand and tugged him to walk with her. “She reminds me of a child, throwing a fit to have her way. Not taking no for an answer,” she murmured as they walked slowly. “Sorry. I should not judge. Forgive me,” she said to him, feeling slightly guilty the moment the words left her mouth.

He pulled her to a stop, tugging her to him. “Hey. No. You shouldn’t have to apologize for this mess. It’s not like I don’t understand where you are coming from. Guess I never thought I’d see someone else go through it. Shit,” He ran a hand through his hair, sparing her a look. Her cheekbones stood out starkly in the moonlight that was starting to take over the evening sky.

Cassandra wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her expression softening as she gazed into his eyes. “I know this is hard for you. I know part of you still cares about her, and I understand that. And you care for your child. We can make this work, Varric. I know we can. I am not sure how, but we will figure it out,” she said. She hesitated for a moment before she added, “That is, if you still want this. If it is too much to handle, I… would understand.” It made her heart ache to even say it, but she cared more about his happiness than her own.

He managed a small chuckle as he leaned into her embrace. “You are about the only one right now concerned with what I want. I’m going to put up with this, it’s the bed I’ve made myself. Shit like this… I need to see it through to the end. I just don’t know why I can’t...” He trailed off and hung his head, lifting his hands to rest them on Cassandra’s waist. “Why I can’t let her go. Shitty thing to say, but some part of me does still care for her. Not in that way. Not any more. You’ve stolen that place, Seeker. I’ll be damned for it, but shit. I want to be with you.  I choose to be with you. I don’t want to be with Bianca because I have to be. Shit like that… it’d mess the kid up worse than if I’d just stay with you and support from a distance. Makes me sound like a horrible person.”

“You’re not a horrible person,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “You’re a man trying to do his best to make the situation right. No one could expect more from you.” It made her smile to hear that he still wanted her. She normally didn’t need reassurance so often, but with Bianca there, well… She shook her head and tried to push Bianca from her thoughts. She leaned down and pressed a  long, lingering kiss to his lips. “The night is still early,” she said, biting her bottom lip as she pulled back only slightly. “We could still steal some time for ourselves.”

He felt his heart flutter as she pulled back from him. A person like her shouldn’t look that adorable just by biting her own lip, but there you had it. He smirked at her, giving her a tight hug. “Why, Seeker. You sound positively devious.” He looked around and his grin widened as he turned and led them away from the smithy, taking her down the steps towards the kitchens. “But we have to think two steps ahead here. Tiny and the others will only be able to stall her for so long. I’d rather have more time with you than that. Shit, feels like we haven’t had much time to ourselves in the past week.” He remembered the library he had found hidden in the lower area of Skyhold. No one had been able to find it. A grin split his face. “I have just the place.” 


	19. Chapter 19

Cassandra’s heart fluttered as she let Varric lead her along. A secret hideaway? It made her knees go weak, thinking how impossibly romantic that was. “Where?” she asked eagerly, twining her fingers with his as he led her down the stairs. They finally came to a stop in front of a door, which he opened with a flourish, and she let out a gasp. Books lined every wall and she could scarcely believe that no one had found this place yet. It was quiet, secluded, and no one would possibly bother them down here. “This is perfect,” she breathed as she walked further into the room and he closed the door behind them. She turned and looked over her shoulder at him. “Lock it. Just to be certain.”

Varric chuckled as he turned and bolted the door after he locked it for good measure. He turned back to go and stand next to her, slipping his arms around her waist as he peered around the little space. “Believe it or not, I may have been hiding out here after our spat about Hawke. I was fairly certain you were going to break down my door and stab me in my sleep after the incident, so I did some scouting and found this place. I cleaned it up a bit, hard to write with cobwebs floating down onto the page.” He looked at the desk, a few ink pots and bare pages covered its surface still from the last time he had been there. A small bedroll was off to the side beneath a small alcove. “Almost reminds me of the Hanged Man.”

Something about the idea of him hiding away down here, writing his stories, warmed her heart. She bent her head and kissed him again, taking her time as she let her tongue tangle with his, and a soft moan escaped her throat. Maker help her, she wanted him. She let her hands travel over his shoulders, down his chest, her fingers working open the buttons on his shirt. Nothing else mattered right now, not the bullshit with Bianca or the issues of the Inquisition. All that mattered was him, that they were here together, where no one could possibly bother them. She pulled the shirt from his shoulders and cast it aside as she got to her knees, kissing at his neck, her fingers working the laces of his breeches open.

The chill of the room wrapped around him as she pulled his shirt off, but the thoughts of the cold were quickly chased away by Cassandra’s warm hands. He let his hands slide up her shoulders to her neck before delving into her short locks. His length gave an interested twitch as her fingers brushed against him as she worked to get his trousers off. He wanted this. This quiet with just the two of them. To forget that anything else existed in that moment. He reached down to cup her face, brushing his thumb over the scar there as he met her dark eyes. Something inside of him clicked as he realized that this was the last woman he wanted to fall in love with. He didn’t want anyone else. Maker damn him. He didn’t want to give up what he finally had found. His voice was quiet, affectionate when he spoke, “I’m yours.”

A soft whimper escaped her and she leaned her face more into his hand. That was all she needed to hear. “Mine,” she answered, turning her face to kiss his palm, letting her lips play along it up to his thumb, which she captured in her mouth. The laces finally came free and she pulled his breeches down, a gasp escaping her as his length was revealed to her. She settled down on her knees, sitting back on her heels, then leaned forward to brush her lips over the tip of him. “And I am yours,” she answered before she took him into her mouth.

“Fuck,” Varric gasped out as he stumbled, unprepared for the heat that suddenly swallowed him and he stumbled, reaching behind him to grab the edge of the table to keep himself from falling over. It was amazing how a simple action could just make your mind go blissfully blank. He forced his eyes open, looking down to watch Cassandra. His heart flipped as he watched her eyes dart up to his and holy shit, did she just wink at him? Oh, he was growing on her. He moaned at the sight of his length disappearing once more into her mouth and he swallowed thickly as he tried to control his thrusts, keeping them shallow. “Cass,” he breathed out as he settled back against the desk comfortably, “Yeah. Just like that.”

She moaned softly, encouraged by his words as she took more of him into her mouth. His length was so thick it made her jaw ache, but she breathed deeply through her nose and continued, her hand making up for what she couldn’t with her mouth. She stared up at him as she let him thrust leisurely into her mouth, her tongue working over the head, swallowing down the delicious drops that leaked from the tip. He’d been through so much lately, he deserved this. He needed a break, to relax and enjoy himself if just for a little while, and she wanted to give him as much pleasure as he could stand. She sucked harder at him, working her hand over the hard shaft, her other hand cupping and gently rolling the full orbs beneath. Her center throbbed as she listened to him gasp and moan, her breasts swelling and longing for his touch. 

Very quickly, Varric was trying to come up with all kinds of excuses to just stay hidden down in that library with Cassandra until the whole mess just went away. That it was just the two of them. He gasped out as Cassandra gave him a particularly strong suck that made him see stars and caused his length to throb pleasantly in her grasp. “Shit, Cass. That’s good. That’s so good,” he breathed out as his fingers threaded through her hair, her braid falling out of the perfect circlet she wore. “We should just… ngh… stay down here. Think anyone would… oooh. Oh Maker, yes. Right there.” 

She giggled and had to pull back from him just a moment. “Yes, they would notice,” she answered before she captured him in her mouth again. Maker, she loved everything about this. The solitude, the taste of him, the scent of his skin, the sounds from his throat. Her hands went to her own clothes, stripping them away as quickly as she could while she continued to suckle him. She was wet and throbbing, more than eager to feel him inside of her, and she had to tell herself to slow down. They had all night. She tried to relax her throat, taking him just a little deeper, her tongue drawing circles along the underside of his shaft, running up and down the length of his cock. 

Varric gasped out as he clenched his hands, his dick throbbing under Cassandra’s touch. “Cass,” he breathed out as he gently pushed her back, “I don’t want to rush this.” He gave her a smile and tugged her up so he could meet her lips. Varric groaned into it, tasting himself on her tongue only made him harder and he held her tightly as he ravished her with the deep kiss. “Hop on the table,” he purred out as they pulled back for breath, the smirk back on his lips before he let go of her, turning to fetch an ink pot and quill that he had left. He deftly opened the bottle and set it on the table next to Cassandra. 

Her curiosity piqued, Cassandra sat on the desk and reclined back, watching him with a playfully suspicious gleam in her eyes. “What are you planning?” she asked in a low tone. Maker only knew what that dwarf could dream up. She settled back, her long legs reaching past the end of the desk, and she eyed the quill and ink. “Am I to be your inspiration for your next book?” she teased. “You’ve picked an odd time to start writing a new chapter.”

He had to chuckle at that as he carefully dragged the tip of the feather over her skin, watching as he caressed up over her hip, to the gentle swell of her breast before he let the end circle around a taut nipple. “I think you misspoke ‘wonderful’,” he teased as he watched her expression carefully, “Though, I’m fairly sure I could write sonnets about your beauty with your clothes on. Just imagine what I could do now.”

A blush touched her cheeks at his compliment, but she didn’t have long to think about it as the feather of the quill teased her nipple again. A soft gasp escaped her as the too-light touch sent a shiver down her spine and straight to her core. She could feel herself getting wetter, an ache settling low in her belly. “Varric,” she whined, wanting more, and nearly growled as he teased her again. “You are nothing but trouble.”

Varric swallowed thickly as he watched her for a moment longer. His own length twitching at the sight of her, at the whimpers and whines that came from her throat. “You are in trouble if you are just now figuring me out.” He dipped the quill into the ink and moved over, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before he leaned over her soft curves. He gently used the ink tip to draw a few dark lines around her pert nipples before scrawling a few lazy words as he watched Cassandra take in a sharp breath.

The sharp scrape of the quill tip on her skin sent new waves of tingles through her body. “Oh Maker,” she gasped, trying not to writhe too much on the desk. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand the teasing. Well, to be fair, patience was never her forte. She bit her lip and let her arm hang off the side of the desk, reaching for Varric and wrapping her hand around his cock again. If he was going to keep this up, the least she could do was return the favor.

The feeling of her hand back on him caused the his hand to jump, a splatter of ink falling to her taut stomach and spilling over her side. “Cassandra,” he moaned softly, leaning over to press a kiss to her lips, to her jaw, the side of her neck. He wanted to forget himself in her. Just for a little while. The air in the small space had heated up considerably and Varric was already making plans to spend the night hiding out there with this woman. Maybe a quick trip up to the kitchens later to sneak them some late night dinner. “You are trying to jump to the ending,” he murmured before he dipped the quill again and moved down her chest to her belly button where he scrawled a few more words as he continued downwards, tracing the feather part over the apex of her thighs.

She bit down harder on her lip as the feather touched her. It was far too light, yet it still managed to make her pulse race, made her squirm on the desk even more. “Damn you, dwarf,” she choked out as her legs seemed to move of their own accord, opening her body up even more to him. Her hips rocked, seeking more friction, but all she got was that damned too-light touch of the feathered quill. She released her grip on his cock, instead ever-so-lightly tracing her fingertips along the shaft, her nails barely touching him. Two could play at this game. 

He gasped, the quill dropping from his fingers as Cassandra began teasing him back in earnest. “Shit, I’m starting to see why you being around me is dangerous. I’m not sure if I like you being all sneaky and… ngh… underhanded...” Oh who was he kidding? He loved it. He tossed the ink pot over his shoulder and grasped Cassandra’s hips, turning her on the table towards him before he stepped between her legs and leaned over her to press a long kiss to her neck as he gripped himself carefully, teasing her slick folds with the head of his cock. “We have all night. I’ll finish the story,” he promised before he groaned as he slid inside of her. 

Cassandra cried out as Varric plunged into her body, stretching her deliciously around his cock. “Oh Maker,” she gasped, clawing at the desk, scattering some of the papers there. She wrapped her long legs around his waist, pulling him against her. Being splayed out on the desk like this made a blush touch her cheeks, but she was far too focused on the pleasure he gave her to be distracted now. She met his eyes, panting as he began to thrust, his thick cock hitting all the sensitive spots. She propped herself up on her elbows to see him better and clenched her muscles around him. “Varric… ohhh… Yes,” she hissed, her eyes fluttering as he drove into her again and again.

Varric gathered her up in his arms as he leaned over the table, pressing into her deeply, stilling a moment to catch his breath. Since when did he have trouble with control? Andraste’s tits, it was like he was some young teenager unable to make the pleasure last. He buried his face into the valley between Cassandra’s breasts, breathing in her sweet scent before pressing fevered kisses to her sweat slicked skin. His heart ached at how connected he felt to this human. To this woman. Everything that they had been through had only served to strengthen their relationship, their understanding of each other and he cherished every second of it. He liked the man he was because of the Seeker. “Maker, you are so beautiful like this, Cass.”

It was more than just physical pleasure now. The way he held her, his words, it was a connection between them. It made her heart race and ache; she’d never been so in love with someone in all her life. She clutched at his back, rocking her hips up to meet him, taking him as deeply into her body as possible. One hand traveled up to tangle in his hair. She moaned low in her throat, her pleasure building with every movement of their bodies, her heart swelling with affection for him. “Varric,” she breathed, leaning her head down to whisper in his ear, “I love you.” 

He let his hands trail up the smooth skin of her back, trying to press her tighter to him. It was terrible, romantic, perfect. Nothing else mattered except for her and her breath upon his ear, the bare honesty of her words that wrapped around him. He turned his head, catching her lips with his own in a desperate kiss as the words turned over and over in his mind. “Cassandra,” he breathed, nearly whimpered as he held her close. He couldn’t last after her confession. He had missed it, missed this. Whatever it was forming between them, his body had learned to crave it in such a short amount of time. Honesty was an addictive thing. And exclusivity. The very thought that Cassandra was his and his alone, as he was to her, it pushed him over the edge and his muscles tensed at he cried out her name as he clutched at her tightly. His length was throbbing deliciously as he spilled himself within her, nails scratching at her back.

The sharp, needful thrusts from Varric made her cry out as her orgasm hit, waves of pleasure radiating throughout her whole body. She held onto him just as tightly as he held onto her as they rode out their pleasure together, and didn’t let go even as they stilled. “Oh Maker,” she whispered, trembling as he lay over her. She could barely catch her breath, her mind dizzy from it all. And though she knew she shouldn’t feel that way, part of her heart roared with triumph, to know that what Bianca had tried to pull that night hadn’t worked. He was hers, and she was his, and no one could take that away from them now.

Varric slumped against the table, his face still pleasantly buried in Cassandra’s neck. He smiled against the hot flesh, pressing a few kisses there and up her chin. “Good to know that some of what I plan still actually pans out. Was beginning to think I was losing my touch.” He nuzzled into her cheek before he pulled back with a groan, shivering when he slipped from her heated body. “The one thing I wish I had invested in down here was the damn fire pit.”

A smirk pulled at her lips. “We have survived worse cold than this,” she said as she sat up, her body aching in the most satisfying way. With a sigh, she slipped from the desk, the stones cold on her bare feet. “At least this time we are not surrounded by ice,” she said. “And we are not hoping someone comes looking for us.” The corner of her mouth twitched with an amused smile and she took his hand, tugging him towards the bedroll he’d laid there. “Come keep me warm,” she commanded softly.

The dwarf chuckled, watching Cassandra with half-lidded eyes as she sprawled out over the furs and bedroll he had set out, surprisingly enough, to escape from the very person who was now laid out over it. “Far be it from me to ignore a lady’s request for help.” He smiled as he settled next to her on the roll, pulling her into his arms as he drew the fur up over their shoulders before he settled his head back on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling of the library. His hand drew lazy, whimsical patterns over the bare flesh of Cassandra’s back. “This may be selfish of me, but I think I could get used to this. You know. Being here. With you.”

“What is so selfish about that?” she asked, propping her chin on his chest. The pelts and blankets were warm and soft against her skin, Varric’s fingers trailing along her back left goosebumps in their wake. She snuggled more into the softness of the makeshift bed and the solid warmth of him, then fixed him with a serious gaze. She wasn’t about to let him beat himself up over anything else on top of everything he was already dealing with. “We risk our lives day in and day out to protect the people of Thedas,” she said sternly. “We give and give and give of ourselves. Now tell me how this is somehow  _ selfish. _ ”

He shouldn’t comment on how adorable the determined look on her face made her appear. He really shouldn’t. “You’re cute when you’re flustered,” he admitted, reaching up to brush a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes. He let out a long sigh as he studied her for a moment. “And before you, yeah, I wouldn’t think that this was selfish. Being around you makes me want to be that responsible person. I want to be better. I’ve said it before. Doesn’t that mean taking responsibility for my actions? I couldn’t keep it in my pants and now there’s a kid on the way. Do I even really have claim to sit back and enjoy even a little bit?”

She pursed her lips and scowled at him. “One mistake does not mean you need to go around punishing yourself for the rest of your life. Stop this. Now,” she insisted as she slid her hand down to his thigh. She let her fingers drift along the warm skin to his inner thigh, then pinched his leg. She laughed when he jumped. “If anyone gets to make you miserable for the rest of your life, it is me. No one else,” she said. “And if you keep going around with your head down, there is more where that came from.”

Varric laughed at that, her hands passing over him threatening him with more sharp pinches. His length twitched at the thought and he couldn’t stop the smile that found its way on his lips. “You making me miserable for the rest of my life? Don’t threaten me with a good time,” he teased back at her as he pressed a kiss to her temple, “I’ll just have to keep writing you terrible romance novels to keep you distracted. It’s about all I’m good for.” 

“That sounds like proper atonement for whatever you think you’ve done wrong,” she said. The thought of more of his romance novels excited her and made her heart flutter. What could he possibly come up with next? His writings were already amazing as it was. Could he really have more ideas in that brain of his? She shook her head. She had to stop wondering about it now, or she would never get to sleep. She shifted to kiss his lips, then rolled to her side and pulled his arm around her, snuggling her back against his chest. “Let’s get some sleep. If we rest now, we might be able to steal a couple hours for ourselves in the morning before the others send a search party.”

Varric smiled against Cassandra’s neck as she rearranged them to her liking and he curled around her. It was easy to sink into the warmth that surrounded them and he could only think of how much better it was to share the space with her. Things would work out. Somehow. “Now that sounds like a plan, Seeker.”


	20. Chapter 20

Cassandra adjusted herself in the saddle and frowned slightly as she watched the Inquisitor approach with Sera in tow. They were to accompany Inquisitor Lavellan to the Emerald Graves that day. “I thought Varric…”

“I was going to bring him,” Ellana said as she pulled herself up onto her horse, then met Cassandra’s eye. A dark look crossed her features. “But I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. That little bitch Bianca kept talking over me. I finally said fuck it and asked Sera to come instead.” She pressed her lips to a thin line as she urged her horse towards the gates of Skyhold. She knew neither Cassandra nor Solas would be happy with her. Cassandra would be disappointed that Varric wasn’t coming, and Solas would be irritated that Sera was there. “I can’t win.”

“No one can,” Cassandra muttered, feeling her heart sink. She’d been looking forward to this mission. While it was a dangerous place, the Emerald Graves were beautiful. It was a chance for her and Varric to escape from Skyhold for a few days, escape from Bianca’s ever-looming presence. For the past two weeks, ever since the night of the card game when they’d slipped away, Bianca always seemed to manage to keep tabs on where Varric was. Cassandra couldn’t seem to have a meal or a conversation with him without her showing up and interrupting. The only respite she and Varric seemed to have from Bianca was the dusty little library. She hadn’t found them there. Yet.

“What’s wrong, Cassandra?” Sera called out in an almost sing-song tone. “Don’tcha want me to come? I’m hurt! I thought you liked me!” She shrank back on herself at the look the Seeker shot her. “Yeesh! Sorry, I’m just teasin’,” she muttered. She sat up straighter in the saddle again, her tone more serious. “I know you wanted Varric to come. That Bianca’s a right irritating tit, isn’t she? Hey, I know! I can run back and pop her in the arse with an arrow! That’d get ‘er away from Varric and then he could sneak out and go on this stupid mission with you.”

Cassandra couldn’t help but to laugh. “As much as I would like that, I think we’d better not, Sera,” she said. 

“Well piss,” Sera sulked. “An’ here I thought I’d found my way out of it. You know I hate the Emerald Graves. It’s too much green. Just, trees an’ green everywhere! Makes me greened out.” She shot a mischievous look over her shoulder at Solas before looking ahead again and saying a bit too loudly, “Besides, who wants to think about walkin’ around, steppin’ on all those dead elves?”

If there were any true gods, the Maker, whomever, Solas prayed to them in that moment to help him stay his hand from throttling the young elf. He could remember a time when he himself had been younger, but surely he couldn’t have been as bad as Sera. “Do let me know when you would learn how to communicate with spirits, Sera.” At least it wasn’t the First Enchanter, he reminded himself as he suppressed a shudder.

“Why? You expect me to say ‘scuse me when I’m steppin on their bones?” she countered. At least Cole wasn’t coming this time. She could handle just Solas. But the two of them together was too much for her. 

The Inquisitor sighed heavily. She should’ve thought this through before bringing Sera along. Now she would have to listen to the two of them bicker the whole way to the Emerald graves. Sometimes it amused her, but lately Sera and Solas had been a bit more snappy with each other than she would’ve liked. “Creators damn it all,” she whispered to herself. “You two behave or I’ll make you ride beside each other and hold hands the whole way!” she threatened, and smirked when Sera gagged loudly.

Solas shared a quick glance with Sera and immediately snapped his eyes to the other elf, “Of course, vhenan. You needn’t worry.” He spared the blonde elf another glance as he urged his own steed to slow the pace, so that Sera was ahead of him. It wouldn’t do if she started throwing rocks at him again, claiming that she was trying to take out a fly she’d seen buzzing his ears. He spared a glance at Cassandra as their horses fell in step with each other, “And here I was thinking of enjoying a pleasant trip to the graves. A pity Master Tethras will not be joining us.”

“He would have, had that little…” She trailed off, the leather reins creaking in her hands as her fists tightened. “Had he not been preoccupied,” she corrected herself. She was trying very hard not to speak ill of a pregnant woman, but it wasn’t easy. A deep breath calmed her and she looked to Solas. “Do not let Sera get to you. It’s what she wants. Try to ignore her and perhaps she will stop,” she said quietly. The corner of her mouth twitched. “And if she does not, then perhaps you can convince the Inquisitor to give Sera a taste of her own medicine. I seem to recall you have not yet paid her back for the lizards in your bed.”

A small smirk tugged at his lips, and he spoke a little bit louder than necessary so that Sera would hear, “How do you know I have not already asked several spirits to visit our elven archer? And I am certain Cole could add a tale or two to that.” He struggled to keep the smirk from growing into something more as he watched Sera twitch on her saddle. His voice dropped down lower, “No need to prank when a few words will do.”

Sera turned sharply on her horse and shrieked, “You WHAT?” She cried out the next second as the horse spooked at her outburst and gave a buck, dropping her to the ground. “Oof!”

Cassandra clapped a hand to her mouth to keep herself from bursting into laughter as Sera chased after her horse, spewing every curse word she could possibly think of, and making up more when she ran out. “I believe you just returned the favor,” she said to Solas, barely choking out the words as she fought back her laughter.

“Dammit, Solas,” Ellana huffed. “Dammit, Sera! We’ll never get there at this rate.” She rubbed at her forehead, but giggled too, and decided there was no use in scolding either of them. She looked over her shoulder at Solas and narrowed her eyes. “You’re lucky I love you.”

A little something in Cassandra’s chest squee’d at hearing the Inquisitor say that to Solas. It was like seeing a romance novel in person. She cleared her throat and hoped her face hadn’t gone red, though her cheekbones felt a little hot. But it fell away a moment later as she wished Varric was along so that she and him could have their own banter. She missed it with him. “Can we ride faster?” she asked as Sera returned to their group. She wanted to get this mission over with as soon as possible so she could return to her own romance. And she didn’t want to leave Varric alone with Bianca for long. She trusted Varric, but nothing in this world could convince her to trust Bianca. “The sooner we get back, the better.”

Getting back sooner, rather than later, seemed like such a simple concept to embrace. In theory, anyway. In practice, not so much. The Emerald Graves were a wild and untamed wilderness filled with all manner of beast from tiny cave-bound sprites, to giants. Oh, and one dragon. One dragon that was currently trying to electrocute all of them. 

Sweat dripped down Solas’s brow as he pulled on his last reserves of mana as he threw up a barrier around Cassandra before triggering a mind blast at the beast. It was much, much stronger than the Greater Mistral dragon they had slain when they had first traveled to the graves months ago. “Sera! Look out!” he cried as he saw the dragon preparing to swipe at the archer with his impressive tail.

Sera heard his warning and jumped back just in time as the dragon’s tail swung at her. She loosed an arrow deep into its flank, smirking when the beast roared in pain and frustration. “Take that, bitch!” she cried and drew another arrow. A frown pulled at her lips; she needed to think of better insults than that. The dragon beat it wings against the air, creating a whirlwind beneath it, and she dug in her heels, trying to resist the pull. “Pisshead,” she hissed and shot at it again, but the wind sent the arrow off course. 

Cassandra roared as she slashed at the dragon’s leg, ever mindful of its massive claws. It roared again and turned its long neck to snap its teeth at her. She smacked it across the snout with her sword, leaving a deep gash. She was sweaty and sore already; she should’ve known a trip to the Emerald Graves would end like this. The land was beautiful, but deadly. Nothing was a greater reminder of that than stumbling across a territorial dragon. “Maker take you!” she shouted as she lunged to drive her sword through the beast’s neck. Unfortunately, the dragon moved quickly and she missed. It swiped at her with its front leg and threw her flat on her back several yards away. The air was knocked from her lungs and she drew a deep, gasping breath as she looked up at the sky and saw Solas standing closeby. 

Solas nearly cursed as he saw Cassandra get knocked away. He channelled his magic through his staff, feeling the Fade reacting around him as he picked up a large rock to hurl at the dragon to knock it off balance. He wasn’t expecting the beast, much more agile than he had given it credit for, swirled around and hit the rock with its tail, sending it soaring out of the immediate area. He cursed under his breath and fumbled for his potions pouch for a lyrium vial, if they had any hope of beating the dragon, he needed to replenish magic. He longed for the days of his past where magic was as abundant as water. His fingers, battle weary, fumbled on the cork and the roar of the dragon had him jerking his head up. Something large lumbered from the direction the rock had flown and his eyes widened as he saw a giant carrying the rock he had thrown. “Fenedhis!” he shouted as he lunged out of the way of the boulder and into the path of a second giant swinging his club. 

It was as if time slowed down to a crawl, he only had the briefest of moments to twist his body away from the weapon, shielding himself the best he could. A feeble barrier of magic flickering over him did little to stop the pain that radiated through his chest as the blow connected and he felt himself flying through the air only to connect with the trunk of a tree a moment later, sliding down to the ground as he was stunned. His head was dizzy, he couldn’t see, was that blood in his eyes? His chest hurt and he could swear he could feel a broken rib rubbing somewhere in his side. 

“SOLAS!” Ellana cried as she watched him take the hit. A fierce look crossed her face as she shot an arrow at the giant who’d hit him. The monster roared as the arrow plunged deep into its shoulder and turned its attention to the Inquisitor. 

Cassandra forced herself up, sucking in a lungful of air. They were struggling enough with the dragon, and now there were two giants to deal with as well? There was no chance of defeating all these beasts. She struggled to her feet, quickly surveying the situation before her. One giant was pursuing the Inquisitor, Sera was trying to draw the attention of the other, and the dragon… Cassandra’s heart stopped. The dragon had turned its head towards Solas who lay on the ground, and she could hear the telltale gurgle deep in its throat.

Without a second thought, she sprinted to throw herself between Solas and the dragon. There was barely a second to raise her shield before the blast from the dragon hit and she screamed out as the intense heat struck. It felt as if her arm was on fire, but she held, gritting her teeth against the force of it. 

The giant nearby bellowed in anger as the deflected blast from the dragon’s breath hit it. Raising its club, the giant stormed towards the dragon, swinging at it and drawing its attention from the human and the elf.

“Solas!” Cassandra gasped, sheathing her sword and reaching for his hand with her good arm. “You must get up! We must get away from here! This may be our only chance!”

His head was pounding and it took him a moment to realize that the Seeker was standing in front of him, shield raised towards the deadly flames that would have spelled the end of his life. Solas didn’t hesitate as he reached out with his arm, catching hers and allowing the human to pull him to his feet, stumbling against her. An acute wave of nausea hit him and he thought for a moment he would be sick, but the sudden fear of death was enough to clamp down on it. 

The angered roar of the dragon made him turn his head, blinking through the haze and blood to see that both giants were roaring back at the dragon who had decided that they were the bigger threat to its life now. His fingers clenched around Cassandra’s arm as he held onto her as they headed out of the area towards Ellana and Sera. 

It felt like he was walking through a fog, his limbs heavy as they stumbled over fallen trees and rocks. Every breath felt like fire.  But it could be ignored, for the moment. His mind was replaying the scene that had just happened. The gurgle of the dragon as it had been about to breathe an inferno at him, the look on Cassandra’s face as she pushed herself in between himself and certain death. “You… you saved me,” he murmured as his vision wavered once again and hard earth met his knees as he landed on the ground.

Cassandra was panting, her arm stinging horribly, but she knew they couldn’t stop here. “Of course I did,” she answered as she tugged at his arm again. Now was not the time to discuss who did what. They needed to get back to camp, to the healers. She dug in her pocket for a healing potion as she looked around, wondering where Sera and the Inquisitor had gone. Surely they had made a run for it as well when the dragon took on the giants. But they had been on the other side of the battlefield. Perhaps they had run in the opposite direction. “Shit,” she hissed when she found only one bottle left. She popped the cork off the top and took a carefully measured sip, sighing out when the burns on her arm lessened. “Here,” she said, offering the other half to Solas. “It is not much, but it will help.”

Solas reached out, not wanting to comment on how badly his hand was shaking as he lifted the bottle to his lips, the bitter taste of elfroot spilling over his tongue as he swallowed. The pain in his chest lessened slightly as his vision cleared enough for him to push himself back up. The sounds of the battle behind them were all too close for comfort. “My thanks,” he murmured as he leaned against the Seeker. He was touched. Deeply. Cassandra could have let him perish, saved herself the trouble and the burned arm she now sported. Instead, she had jumped in front of him. He had seriously misjudged the people of this world and it only made the pain in his heart grow. “I will find some way to repay you. Let us get to camp. I am sure both of us need more than half a healing potion.”

She let him lean on her as they made their way back to camp. They hadn’t gone far when the Inquisitor and Sera caught up to them, Ellana nearly in tears and fussing over Solas the whole way back to camp. Even Sera seemed upset about their group being separated during the fight and she kept her teasing to herself for once. 

Cassandra was more than happy to let the healers at camp look at her arm. Her sleeve had nearly disintegrated from the heat of the dragon’s flame and the healer remarked that he was amazed that the shield had held up well enough to protect her and Solas as much as it did. She was given another healing potion, a poultice soothed over her arm which was then wrapped in bandages, and with any luck she would heal with little scarring. It still stung like a hive of angry bees, and part of her was a little jealous that Solas had Ellana to fuss over him while she herself didn’t have Varric there with her. 

She declined any supper and excused herself to bed, thinking she’d rather just sleep off the pain. But there was no use. She dozed off and on for a few hours, but the pain kept waking her up. And soon her stomach began to rumble and she decided to get up. The usual sounds outside the tent had died away; most everyone at the camp had probably gone to bed. 

She was surprised to see Solas sitting alone by the fire when she stepped out of the tent and she went to sit beside him. “You can’t sleep either?”

Solas looked over to Cassandra as she sat down next to him, giving her a faint smile before gesturing to the bandages wrapped around his head and chest. “Not only are they quite uncomfortable, the healers suggested that I stay awake for a few hours more. It would not do if I were to fall asleep and never to wake again from a concussion. That being said, my mind is too restless for slumber.” He rubbed at his chest, feeling the dulled pain pulling at him where he had broken his ribs. He licked his lips as he watched the dancing flames for a moment more. “Thank you. I had not expected you to save my life, but I am more than grateful. I am sorry that you were injured on my behalf.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Solas,” she said. “You would have done the same for me.” It wasn’t an empty statement. They had all worked together for so long now, lived in close quarters together, she felt they were more than just members of the Inquisition. She looked at him, a small smile tugging the corner of her mouth. “We are friends, aren’t we?” she asked. It suddenly struck her that maybe he didn’t feel the same way. The question made her feel a bit vulnerable, like perhaps she’d said something she wasn’t supposed to. She nearly groaned; when would she learn to think before she spoke?

Solas was surprised, so much so that he chuckled at the look on her face as he thought over her words. He certainly didn’t deserve to have any friendship. Everything he touched seemed to crumble away. He studied her for a moment more. Seeker Cassandra as a friend. As much as a friend as he could have.  They had become closer since the Inquisition had formed, close enough to be friends? “Yes, I would say that we are. Forgive me. I am so used to a life lived in solitude, manners often escape me.”

Relief eased through her chest and she settled back a little more against the log. “That must have been very lonely,” she mused aloud. She knew Solas had lived alone for many years before he joined the Inquisition, but they had never really spoken about it. “I imagine it’s been quite the change for you, having so many people around you all the time. Especially the Inquisitor.” She lowered her voice a bit, “I’m surprised she went to bed without you. I thought she’d have been up all night making a fuss.”

“Making herself sick with worry. She sat up with me until she started nodding off, at which point I assured her that there was no reason for the both of us to be sleep deprived in the morning.” He chuckled as he remembered the pout that had appeared on his love’s lips when he suggested it. “As welcome as her presence is, I would be far too tempted to sleep with her curled up against me at this moment in time. And as for the people, it has indeed been quite the change. Many of my views on the world have been drawn into question. I have not had many I could call friends. It is refreshing.” 

There was that slight pang of jealousy in her chest again. “At least you have the option of sleeping next to her,” she muttered. She snapped her mouth shut and her eyes widened, her cheeks flushed. “Forgive me, Solas. I should not speak so. You are not the only one whose manners escape them,” she said, not meeting his eyes. She heaved a long sigh. Solas was her friend, she could speak to him, couldn’t she? “I am… just disappointed that Varric is not here this time,” she admitted. “I shouldn’t act so jealous. It is unbecoming of me.”

He chuckled at that as he moved to pick up another log to add to the fire, wincing as the movement caused a flash of pain to seep through his skull. Oh that was not good. He settled back more comfortably next to Cassandra as he stretched his feet out towards the warmth, watching as the flames licked greedily at the fresh piece of wood. “But not without cause. I can easily understand the frustration you are feeling. I know that Master Tethras was looking forward to this trip as well. Mistress Davri’s presence has been a burden to most of the Inquisition, but mostly to him.” 

Something about the word “mistress” bothered Cassandra more than perhaps it should have. She shifted uncomfortably and chewed her lip. Her mind cursed herself as worry began to curl around her heart. Varric would never betray her. And yet, somehow, she couldn’t help but to wonder what might be going on back at Skyhold now that she was away. Wasn’t that what Varric and Bianca did? They would wait for her husband to leave so they could have time together? She looked suddenly at Solas. “He wouldn’t do that to me, would he?” she asked as if Solas could read her mind. “Varric and Bianca, I mean. Surely he wouldn’t…” She didn’t like the desperate sound of her own voice, the worry in her chest, and she sat back, staring at the fire again. 

The elf looked over to her, seeing the worry evident in her eyes. He reached out to give her shoulder a comforting squeeze. “No. He wouldn’t. I, as many others, have seen the way Varric looks at you when he thinks no one else is watching. We noticed the change in him months ago, ever since you were trapped together in the ice. Even now with Bianca in Skyhold and a child on the way, he only has eyes for you.” He smiled warmly as he moved to rub at her back in soothing circles. He was not used to giving such comfort, but he was willing to make an exception in this case. “Cole has been quick to mention how good the feelings are between the two of you. Pure, good intentions. You have nothing to fear. Varric will not betray you.”

Another sigh slipped from her and she relaxed back into Solas’s hand. “Thank you, Solas,” she said appreciatively. Hearing that Cole had said the same reinforced his words and it eased her heart. “I should not doubt him. I don’t know what has come over me,” she said. “I trust him. I do. I just… do not trust her. It is as if she is always there, trying to interrupt me when I am speaking with him. Every time I turn around, she’s trying to spend time with him. It is frustrating. And I understand why he cannot just send her away. The whole situation is… awkward.”

“I know what you mean. Varric is not the one to be wary of, but Bianca,” he said as he looked back to the fire. “Dorian told me of what happened at the tavern a few weeks ago. Apparently, the Iron Bull spotted her coming into the tavern and sitting close so she could eavesdrop without being seen. I would not put it past her to try something more desperate.” He glanced at Cassandra, seeing the expression on her face. “Varric is only thinking of the child that she carries. If he were to send her away, it is possible both would suffer for the act. It is understandable that he would not wish that upon an innocent.” Solas smiled at the thought the next moment. “And I do believe we have you to thank for his sudden desire to do what is right. Even if it is not easy.” 

“Well thank the Maker for my influence on him,” she drawled sarcastically. “I know why he doesn’t send her away. In truth, I would think less of him if he did. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling towards her the way I do. If she would just understand that he doesn’t love her that way anymore, if she would just let go, I think it would be easier on everyone. The longer she holds on, the more hurt she is going to be in the end. Whether I am in the picture or not, he has moved on. He isn’t hers. And she’s going to have her heart broken even more if she keeps trying to hold onto him.”

“She has been doing this dance with him for fifteen years. If you were in her shoes, would you give the love of your life, father of your child up so easily?” he asked, seeing the look that flashed across Cassandra’s face. “It is not so black and white. But you are correct. Varric has moved on. He is yours and I seriously doubt that she could do anything to change that. Have faith, Lady Cassandra,” he said, his tone mimicking her own as he gave her a small smile, wincing the next moment as a pang of pain went through his head, behind his eyes. 

She raised an eyebrow as he winced. “That’s what you get for mocking me,” she said, though her own arm was throbbing in pain as well. She let out a bitter laugh. “We are a pair, aren’t we?” she asked as her stomach rumbled again. With a groan, she got to her feet and peered into the pot hanging over the fire. There was still a bit of stew bubbling there and she helped herself to it, holding the bowl awkwardly with her injured arm as she sat back down. “I am trying to be sympathetic to Bianca’s situation. But she makes it very difficult.”

Solas reached out and took the bowl from Cassandra, holding it steady on his knee for her. “I’d never hear the end of it from Master Tethras if I allowed you to burn yourself when this spilled in your lap.” He offered a smile for her as he leaned back, settling against the log. “And I do not blame you for thinking that. Bianca has been rather trying on all the members of the Inquisition. You should hear what some of the cooks have been saying about her. Ah, but I shouldn’t gossip.”

Cassandra swallowed a bite of the stew, grateful for Solas’s help. “No, please, gossip away,” she said, only half-joking. It made her feel less guilty for thinking such things about Bianca. She ate as quickly as she could without burning her mouth or spilling the soup on Solas’s knee. “You’re right, of course. We shouldn’t speak of such things. Though I cannot promise not to think them,” she said with a little smirk. She finished off the bowl and took it from him to set it aside. She was tired, but she didn’t want to leave him sitting out there alone. “How long do they want you to stay awake?” she asked, trying to change the subject. She was tired of thinking about Bianca. “Are you hurting much?”

“It is nothing I cannot manage. It would have been much worse without your sacrifice.” He nodded to her arm. He looked over towards the night watch. “The healer was going to get up again when the guard changes out. I believe it is in an hour or two. Understandable. Though I am exhausted from having one too many giants and dragons in the afternoon. We will have to cut back next time.” He gave her a warm smile, “You should get some rest. Especially since you do not have to worry about a head wound. Or if you are not ready for sleep, we could try a game of chess?”

“Do you have a board?” she asked flatly. “I’ve seen you and Bull play that game in your minds. I do not know how you keep it all straight.” To her surprise, he moved and pulled out a game from a nearby chest. The corner of her mouth twitched in a smile and she sat up straighter. “I may not be very good at Wicked Grace, but I stand a better chance at this.”


	21. Chapter 21

The Iron Bull rolled to lay flat on his back, sweaty and panting. He didn’t feel like moving for a long while. And he doubted that Dorian did either. With great effort, he raised his hand to wipe away the sweat, scrubbing the heel of his palm over the scarred place where his eye used to be. “Damn, Kadan,” he rumbled, “that was good.” If he’d had the energy, he would’ve elaborated; probably one of the best go-rounds they’d ever had. 

The room was lit with the warm glow of many pillar candles and the soft light from the fireplace. The only sounds now were the crackling and snapping of the flames, and their gasping breaths. Bull hadn’t been so sure about this “romantic” night in Dorian’s room, but now he thought it was rather brilliant. If this was what his kadan wanted, then damn it all, this was worth it.

The door opened suddenly and slammed shut just as quickly. Bull lifted his head from the pillow just enough to see Varric standing there, his hands pressed against the worn wood as if trying to keep someone out. Bull let his head flop back on the pillow again. “If you’re looking for a show, you just missed it,” he said, still breathless.

Varric stopped short, his eyes jerking over to the bed to see Bull and Dorian reclining in it. “Ah…” The mage was scrambling to pull the covers up over himself, but not fast enough that he didn’t see the silken red cords tied in key places along his body. The whole room was covered in candles that created a soft glow, almost a fairytale atmosphere. Would have been charming if the whole room didn’t smell of sex. His eyes landed on the two men again. “...hey,” he said in greeting, his mind mentally smacking himself, “Shit.” He ran a hand down his face. “I thought you’d be in Tiny’s room tonight.”

“Varric!” Dorian hissed, hiding his nudity the best he could. He wasn’t ashamed of his body by any means. Honestly, he was perfection. But what happened behind closed doors between Bull and himself was strictly for them. “What are you doing! Haven’t you ever heard of knocking before?!” He leaned forward, Bull’s hands moving to his back to undo the knotwork. His head was still swimming from the rather intense orgasm and he would have to agree with his amatus, it was good. “What in the Maker’s name are you doing in here anyway?”

Varric scrubbed at his eyes and shook his head before letting it thunk against the door, his eyes moving up to fix on the ceiling. “Bianca,” he groaned out, “She won’t leave me alone!” He looked back to the two lovers as he tried to express how desperate he was. “She keeps talking about our family, acting like we’re going to be together, no matter how many times I’ve told her I’m with Cassandra now. No going back.” He ran his hand through his hair, taking out the tie. “She’s smothering me, driving me nuts. I can’t think, I can hardly sleep. She’s been picking the locks on my door, I know she has!” 

Bull made a noise somewhere between a snort and a laugh as he casually tossed away the ropes, then propped up a pillow to lean back against the headboard. He’d seen Bianca following Varric all around Skyhold, a look of scheming in her eyes when she thought no one was looking. He had to admit, she was good at playing the innocent victim. There were moments when he himself almost believed it. “So tell her to get out,” he said simply as he arranged the blankets to make sure they covered his lap. “This is why I say that living under the Qun is better. You don’t have to deal with crap like this.”

Varric threw up his hands as he went to an overstuffed chair sitting in front of the fire place and all but threw himself into it as he rubbed at his face. “That’s easier said than done. She’s the soon-to-be mother of my child. My only child. I can’t just throw her out, can I? I know it’s complicated, but we have fifteen years worth of history together. Doesn’t that warrant something on my part? Don’t I owe it to her to try to be the best father that I can be?”

Dorian lifted his hand, rings glinting in the firelight as he flicked his wrist at the hearth, renewing the flame on the logs. He slicked his hair out of his face and curled his mustache back into some form of neatness, then answered, “No. No it does not. It’d be different if she wasn’t married, if she didn’t treat you like her consort, but there you have it. Her husband has always come first, hasn’t he? Her career? I don’t doubt that she loves you, but clearly the passion on your side has been redirected to our resident Seeker and rightly so.  You have to be honest with Bianca. Tell her that a future with you and her getting married isn’t going to happen. Otherwise, this is going to keep all three of you miserable.”  

Bull had to remind himself that he wasn’t living under the Qun anymore, and no one else around him ever had. If he was going to be any help here at all, he had to try to see things the way the rest of them did. “To hell with her husband. Obviously he doesn’t care or he wouldn’t have thrown her out whether it was his kid or not,” he said as he reached for his eyepatch on the side table and slipped it back on. “Bah, doesn’t matter anyway. She got herself away from that and now she’s here. We need to deal with whatever shit she’s stirring up now.” He leveled his gaze at Varric. “She’s never going to stop if you keep beating around the bush. You’re so damned worried about hurting her feelings that you aren’t giving much thought to how Cass feels.”

“What?” Varric’s gaze snapped over to the Qunari’s. “Of course I have! I know this is a shitty situation for all parties involved. Cassandra most of all. I mean, I finally have a chance at a romance as normal as I can manage it and then of course, Bianca shows up, kicked out of her home, with child. You think I’m enjoying having to push Cass aside so I can cater to Bianca’s needs?”

Bull’s eye narrowed. “Having to push Cass aside? Why the hell do you have to push her aside?” he asked, a slight growl in his voice. “You let Bianca stay here, given her a roof over her head, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, and you promised to help take care of the kid. What the hell else do you need to do for her? I’m not very good at how these relationships work, so excuse the shit out of me if I’m wrong, but the way I see it you’ve done enough. And if you don’t want to lose what you have with the seeker, you’ll spend a little more time focusing on her and not this other woman who’s shown up and is intentionally trying to ruin what you have now.”

Dorian leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he rubbed at his temples. “Amatus, I think the situation is a little more delicate than that. Unlike under the Qun, parents should have an interest in having a relationship with their children. I think what Varric is worried about,” he spared a glance at the dwarf whose gaze had drifted over to him, “Is that if he doesn’t cater to her every whim, he might lose that chance.” He sighed out heavily and sat up straighter. “But Bull is right. You’ve given her everything she could want, there’s nothing more that you can do for her unless you want to, Maker forbid, toss Cassandra aside in favor of this family. Which, if you do, I will personally shove my staff somewhere you won’t like for idiocy. You are friends with the Inquisitor. If Bianca threatens to keep you from your child, there are things we can do about it.”

“Right, cause that’s not going to be awkward at all,” Varric muttered, “I can’t play this like the Inquisition is always going to be there to fix my screw ups. It’s my responsibility.” Even as the words passed his lips, the thought of leaving Cassandra now made him sick. He leaned back in his chair, sorting through the emotions he felt. He imagined leaving Cassandra to raise his kid with Bianca and it left a terrible taste in his mouth, his heart felt as if he were ripping it in half. “I’m not leaving Cassandra.”

Bull smirked. “Good,” he said firmly and relaxed back a bit. “The Inquisition might not always be around, but your friends will.” He paused and chuckled. “You know the Inquisitor is always ready to have a go at Bianca. She causes any problems, just turn the Boss loose on her.” He looked at Dorian. “And keeping her here and providing for her,  _ is  _ having a relationship with his kid. As best he can at this point anyway. She’s not going to just up and leave if he pisses her off. She’s got nowhere else to go. She’s damn near taken over the forge, playing with her inventions when she’s not up Varric’s ass. She’s not just going to walk away from all of that. She’s smarter than that. There’s no way in hell she’s going to leave and risk raising this kid on her own in the street.” He stopped and looked at Varric again. “Assuming it really is your kid.”

Varric started at that and shared a mutual look with Dorian before he studied Bull, “Why wouldn’t it be my kid? This isn’t something she would lie to me about.” He stopped short at the raised eyebrow that Bull gave him and he was suddenly reminded of the red lyrium incident back when this all began. She had lied to him about the lyrium, about her being the source of it all. He swallowed harshly and shook his head. “No. She wouldn’t lie about something this serious and she wouldn’t have up and left if the kid was what’s his face’s.”

“Fair enough,” Bull said, holding his hands up in a nonthreatening way. “Just throwing it out there.” He didn’t know Bianca well enough to know if she’d pull shit like that or not. He was still trying to think of something helpful to say when there was a loud rapping at the door. Bianca’s voice called out and she knocked again. “Oh for shit’s sake,” Bull groaned. “Kadan, kill the fire,” he said as he threw the blankets away and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He didn’t bother with getting dressed as he strode to the door and flung it open. “Yeah?”

Bianca blinked and stepped back, sputtering on her words as the huge, naked Qunari stood before her. Maker, she’d never seen anything like that before. “I… ah… is… is Varric here?” she asked, trying to peer around the Qunari into the now darkened room. “I could have sworn I heard his voice.”

Bull scratched his chin thoughtfully as if trying to remember who was or was not in the room behind him. “Hmm. Nope. Haven’t seen him for hours,” he lied smoothly. “No one in here but me and Dorian.” A sly grin split his lips. “Unless you’d care to join us.”

“What? Ah, no,” she said, forcing herself to look up at his face and not stare at the impressive parts of his body that were eyelevel with her. “Are… are you sure? I know I saw him come this way.” She tried to look around Bull again, but he moved to block her view. “Varric?” she called loudly. “I thought we were going to spend some more time together this evening!”

An irritated sigh escaped Bull. “He isn’t here,” he said, his stance turning more menacing. He turned his head slightly as he heard Dorian call out desperately for Bull to come back to bed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m a bit… preoccupied. I’d let you talk to Dorian, but he’s a little... tied up at the moment.” He grinned again and gave the dwarf a wink, then shut the door firmly in her face. He locked it and swallowed down a snicker as he heard her walk away, cursing to herself. “I’m impressed, Kadan. That was convincing.”

“But of course it was,” Dorian said as he watched Bull with a predatory gleam in his eye as the man walked through the darkness to climb back into the bed with him. He tossed a flame at the fireplace before studying Varric who was pointedly looking up at the ceiling, “Serves you right for using us as your hideout. I was trying to show this lummox what a romantic night could be like when you decided to crash the party. Albeit, you had good reason to. Anything to win the fifty royals Bull still owes me.”

Varric chuckled and waved the man off. “Hey, who said this was a loss? More fuel for my next Swords and Shields. It’s practically writing itself with the two of you around.” He grinned and sank down into the plush cushion of the chair he was in, lifting his feet to rest them on the footstool in front of him. “Are the ropes always red or do you mix it up from time to time?”

“I have others, but he prefers the red,” Bull said as he got back in bed and threw the blankets back over his legs. He ignored Dorian as the mage began to slap at him for giving Varric more inspiration for a book. His expression turned serious. “She’s not going to stop, Varric. Not until you get it through her head that it’s really over. I may not know much about relationships, but I know people. And people like her don’t quit.”


	22. Chapter 22

Varric considered himself a very patient man. Acting impulsively could result in a premature death and at this point, he wasn’t even sure if that would save him from the sudden hell he had found himself in. With the Inquisitor fed up with trying to explain to Bianca why she had needed him on the mission, he had been left behind in favor of Sera to avoid upsetting the pregnant dwarf. 

He sighed heavily as he added another log to the fireplace near his table before he sat back down and picked up his quill. It was saying something if he was actually answering his letters from the Merchant’s Guild. He never, in the fifteen years he had known Bianca, thought that he would be doing something to  _ avoid _ the once love of his life. Short of telling her to get out, which he couldn’t do, there was nothing to be done. She wasn’t listening to him when he insisted that Cassandra wasn’t going anywhere. 

Bianca hummed to herself as she entered the Great Hall, a plate of food in each hand. It was so nice to have Varric all to herself without that human around to interrupt them. This was what Varric needed, time with her, alone, so he could remember what it was like. So they could focus on each other, on their future as a family. 

She set the plates on Varric’s table and sat herself down, a cheery smile on her face. “It seems quieter around here,” she commented and nudged his plate towards him. “It’s nice, isn’t it?”

He looked up at her, an eyebrow raising up. “You could just say what you are really thinking. Gosh, I’m glad that Seeker’s gone.” He gave her a look and sighed, pushing his papers away as he pulled the plate towards him. He was hungry, but the way Bianca just seemed to ignore his wishes and trudge on through, left a bad taste in his mouth. “You sure you are up to wandering around, carrying plates of food in your condition? Bartrand would kick my ass if he saw you waiting on me hand and foot.”

Bianca raised her eyebrow, a sultry little smirk on her lips. “Well maybe I’m just hoping you’ll return the favor,” she said. As soon as she said it, she thought she would like nothing more. She took a few bites of her dinner, thinking how nice it would be if Varric did dote on her a little more, or if he would at least seem warmer to spending more time together. There had to be something she could say or do to make him see. “You want me to feed it to you?” she teased. “Maybe later you’ll thank me,” she added with a wink.

Varric let out a heavy sigh. Of course that was what this was about. “Bianca,” he started and then stopped, rubbing at his face. He hurt, knowing he was hurting her and Cassandra because of this entire mess. Why was it that he could talk his way out of any situation, any obstacle, except for this woman? “I love you. You know I always will, but I don’t want you that way any more. I can get you anything else, you just name it. Whatever you need.” He studied her face, the familiar planes of her cheekbones now seemed far too soft, her hair too lightly colored, her eyes the wrong shade of brown. “But Cassandra is here to stay. For the first time in my life, I feel right with her. I don’t have to run around and hide, feel ashamed. I don’t have to share.”

She was determined to not let herself be discouraged. “Varric, don’t you see?” she said in a soft tone, “You don’t have to share anymore. I’m all yours now. I’ve been here for weeks and my family hasn’t caused any problems. Bogdan hasn’t contacted me. There’s no one standing in our way now. I’m here and I’m all yours.” Under the table, her hand pressed against her belly, which had started to slightly swell. “What I need is you. All I have left is you. And our baby. We don’t have to run or hide anymore. We’re free to do whatever we want.”

“No, we aren’t,” he said, trying to match her soft tone. He didn’t quite succeed in hiding the annoyance. He’d never felt so exhausted trying to explain this to her. “What’s his face still cares about you. I’d bet my last royal on it. Even if I somehow fell out of love with the Seeker or if she decided I wasn’t worth the trouble, somewhere down the line, he would show up again to win you back. Just because the bars on the cage are gilded doesn’t mean we’re free.” Varric rubbed at his face, propping his head up in his hand as he studied her. She had that look in her eye again, the one where she was about to put her foot down on something. She was immoveable once she’d decided on something. “You’re doing it again. Not listening to a word I’m saying.”

“Oh, I hear you. I just don’t think you understand,” she said, a little more bite in her tone than she meant for there to be. “He does  _ not  _ want me back. I’m carrying your child. Do you really think he’s going to suddenly wake up one day and decide, yes, I want her back and I want to raise another man’s child?” She snorted and sat back in the chair, shaking her head. What a right mess she’d gotten herself into. She should’ve been more careful. Bogdan wouldn’t have thrown her out, she wouldn’t have lost her shop, and she and Varric could have continued on as they always had. She drew a deep breath and leaned forward again. “Even if he did, which he won’t, I wouldn’t go back. I finally have the chance to have everything I ever wanted with you. I’m not giving up on that dream. On our dream. I refuse to believe you’d give that up so easily either.”

“You think I easily gave it up? Fifteen years we’ve been doing this, slinking around and trying to find happiness when we could. Assassins, the angry husband, and Maker knows what else dogging our steps every damn second. You aren’t going to listen to me, you are just going to keep your nose to the grindstone until something gives. Why can’t you understand that I’ve moved on?” He shook his head, pushing his plate away. “I’ll say it once more, I’ll support you and the baby. I’ll be here for you. Whatever you need. But Cassandra is staying as long as she wants to put up with me and the crazy shit that seems to be my life.” 

Bianca shook her head. This was so like him. She wanted to keep arguing, but she knew it wasn’t going to get her anywhere. She threw up her hands in defeat. “Okay. Okay. You win, Varric,” she said and sat back in her chair. Obviously she was going to have to rethink her tactics. She almost smirked at the proposition, but managed to hide it. It was just like working on one of her machines. When something didn’t work, you just had to try it a new way. “I’ll back off. I won’t push you anymore,” she said softly and carefully pushed his plate back towards him. “But please eat something at least.”

Varric sat there for a moment, his conversation with Bull and Dorian surfacing in his mind. They were right. He had to make a choice and no matter what that choice was, someone was going to end up hurt. Until their child was born, he was doing all that he could to support Bianca. He looked at the food, suddenly hating the choice it represented and he pushed it back, meeting Bianca’s eyes. “No,” he said softly. Any louder and he was sure his voice would crack. No matter what his friends had said, the choice wasn’t an easy one and he wasn’t going to take any pleasure from this. When it came down to it, he had dreamed of a life with this woman for the longest time. “Bianca, I need you to listen to me. It’s over between us.”

She pursed her lips. “You keep saying that. And maybe part of you believes it. But I don’t. I’m not giving up on us,” she said. In her heart, a fear and a pain grew at the thought that he could really be serious. But her head refused to believe it. “I get it. You’re still upset about what happened. About the assassins, about all of it. And I know you… care… for her. But it won’t last, Varric. She won’t stay. She won’t love you the way I can. No one will ever love you as much as I do. You know that. You  _ know it. _ When it all falls apart between you and her, you know I’m still going to be here. That’s why you haven’t sent me away. You know we’re going to be together. You just haven’t convinced yourself that you don’t love her.”

“And you loved me so much that you left me standing at the altar on our wedding day?” he countered, his voice oddly even. He could barely believe what he was saying, but he didn’t like the way she talked about Cassandra. “You don’t know the Seeker like I do. She’s not going to run off because I can’t give her something.” He pressed his lips thin as he watched Bianca’s expression. She had that look on her face again. “The only reason I haven’t sent you away is because of the baby. You know this. You have to know it. I have to close the chapter on what we used to be. Drawing it out is only going to hurt us more than what we’ve already done.” 

“No, you denying what we have is what hurts. It already hurts and it’s going to keep hurting until you pull your head out of your ass and wake up,” Bianca shot back. “And would you stop bringing up what happened? I didn’t want to marry him. I wanted to marry you. You know that, Varric. Maker damn it all, they made me do it!” She stopped herself, for her voice had gone very shrill and she didn’t want to draw more attention than she already might have done. She took a deep breath and leveled her gaze at him. “You don’t love me anymore? Really? You’re just doing this for the baby?” she asked, then leaned forward and dropped her voice to a hissing whisper, “Then why not just set me up in my own place in a town and be done with it? If all you’re worried about is making sure we’re safe and fed, you have enough money to do that without keeping us right here with you.”

“Would you leave even if did?” he countered, knowing that she was bluffing. She had come to Skyhold for a reason and she wouldn’t leave until he agreed to go with her.

She glared dangerously at him. “Is that what you want?” she asked sharply. “Look me in the eye right now and tell me you want me to leave. Say it and I’ll walk right out that door right now and you won’t have to worry about me ever again.”

He sighed, his eyes studying Bianca’s intently. He remembered what he had to do, that the tension in Skyhold was near breaking as it was. It was going to hurt, there was no way that it wasn’t. They had history together and a part of him couldn’t escape that. At one point in his life, this had been his dream. “I want you to leave Skyhold.”

Fury flashed in Bianca’s eyes and her hands clenched into fists. How dare he. “You bastard,” she whispered in disbelief. “I throw away my whole life for you and you just-” She didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence. She was interrupted by the sound of the Seeker’s voice.

“Varric!” Cassandra called, relief in her voice when she saw him at the table in the great hall. She didn’t even care that Bianca was sitting there with him. After a nightmare of a trip to the Emerald Graves, all she cared about was seeing his face. Her long legs carried her straight to him and she threw her unbandaged arm around him in a tight hug. “Maker’s breath. I’m glad to be back,” she breathed against his shoulder.

The sudden surprise on his face quickly turned into a look of brief excitement before settling on concern as he spotted the bandages on her arm. 

“Buttercup bite you on the way back?” He stood up, “Or are we blaming the giants? Shit, I don’t know why she didn’t just take Tiny instead. He would have had a field day out there.” His arm slipped around her waist, holding her just at tightly when he felt a burning gaze tingling on his skin and he looked over to Bianca. His heart clenched tightly, but he stood firm. Bull had been right. He needed to stand his ground on this. 

“A dragon,” Cassandra answered. “A new one moved in it seems after we killed the Greater Mistral. A dragon and two giants attacked us all at once. You’re right. Bull would have thoroughly enjoyed himself,” she said in an almost disapproving tone. “It is not as bad as it seems. The healers did a good job, as they always do.” She was aware that Bianca was there, but this time, she didn’t care. She had missed Varric terribly while she was gone, and she wasn’t going to stand quietly by right now. Bianca had had her time with him while Cassandra was gone. “Have you eaten yet? I’m starving.”

Bianca pressed her lips to a thin line. This bitch. If it weren’t for this bitch, Varric wouldn’t hesitate to come back to her. He’d be hers, completely and totally hers, if this human bitch hadn’t wormed her way into the middle. And Bianca wasn’t going to stand idly by and let Cassandra take him from her. As far as she was concerned, this was war.

Without a word, she stood up so forcefully that she knocked her chair to the floor with a loud clatter, then stormed off. This wasn’t over yet.

Cassandra watched her go, a wide-eyed expression on the Seeker’s face. “Did I say something wrong?” she asked, almost snickering. “Or did I interrupt a lovely meal here?” she asked, wrinkling her nose at the plates on the table. She noticed his plate was untouched.

“Eh, at least this one didn’t end up thrown at my face,” he muttered as he watched Bianca disappear before he turned to look up at Cassandra. He gave her a sad smile. “I told her to leave Skyhold. I’ll set her up with a place to stay and enough coin to get by, but you can see why she’s furious.” 

Cassandra’s eyes widened even more. “You did?” she asked. Her heart leapt in her chest, excited at the idea of Bianca being far away from them. But then guilt set in for thinking like that. And worry for what it would mean for him. “Varric, is that wise? What if she decides to keep your child from you? You couldn’t live with yourself if you couldn’t see your child. I know you better than that. It… may be wise not to anger her at this point. I don’t want her here either, but… perhaps you should reconsider.”

“No.” He winced, but repeated, “No, Seeker.” He reached up to cup her cheek in his hand, his thumb brushing over the deep scar there. “I had an… interesting… conversation with Tiny and Sparkler while you were gone. I can’t and I don’t want to keep having to go between the two of you. Dropping everything with you just so I can cater to her needs personally. I’m not going to condemn the kid, but right now this is the best thing I can do for them. When the kid comes along in a few months, then we will stop and see where we are then. I’m not running away from it. I’m just…” He searched for the right words, he had never wanted for them in the past. “Getting my priorities in line. I don’t want to marry her because of the kid. He’ll be miserable, we’d be miserable.”

He scrubbed at his face for a moment. “I’m doing all that I can, I’m being the best thing that I can be for them despite the shitty situation,” Varric said as he slipped an arm around her waist and turned her back towards the entrance, heading towards the tavern. “Think this arrangement will work, Seeker?”

“Let us hope so,” she said as she let him guide her. It wasn’t her place to tell him how to handle this situation. She didn’t know what it would mean between him and Bianca, how it would affect his relationship with his child. That was the only point of concern for her. She hoped Bianca would not be so cruel as to make a child grow up fatherless just to spite the father. “Let’s eat something and go rest. At least get a night’s sleep before you make a final decision on it,” she said. “Of course I don’t want her here. I just want to make certain that you are sure about this. One more night won’t hurt.”

He chuckled, “You’d be surprised what could happen in one night.” He eyed the bandage on her arm. “Or in the blink of an eye,” he muttered and reached out to gently touch the linen wrapped around her arm, “I’d like to hear the story about this. I’d hate to see the other guy.” He gave Cassandra a smirk, trying to hide the turmoil that swirled through him. No, he didn’t like sending away the one love of his life. The one that was carrying a soon to be child. His only child. He didn’t mention how much it pained him. That he wished Cassandra were the one pregnant with his son instead. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The previous chapter 23 has been deleted. After some consideration and comments from readers, we decided to cut the scene. It did not accomplish what we had in mind. Thank you for honest feedback and hopefully we won't get off track with this story like that again.

At first, Bianca wasn’t sure what to think. Varric had said he would set her up with her own place, that he wanted her gone. But that hadn’t happened yet. It had been weeks, and she’d heard nothing about where she was supposed to go. Granted, he’d gone out on several missions with the Inquisitor lately, but still. If he really meant it, he could’ve sent a raven or something to tell her to leave. He could’ve made arrangements while out on the road. 

But he hadn’t.

As each day passed, Bianca grew more and more confident that he hadn’t meant what he said. He didn’t want her to leave. Their relationship wasn’t over. He was just sidetracked with this fling he had with the Seeker. What Varric really needed was a reminder of how good things were when they were together. And for that to work, the human woman needed to be out of the picture.

Bianca spent the better part of the week plotting different ways to be rid of the Seeker. But every idea she came up with made herself look guilty somehow. She couldn’t just hire assassins; everyone in the Inquisition would suspect her due to the assassins’ previous failed attempts. She couldn’t just poison the woman, or push her off a battlement. Even if it was made to look like an accident, she knew she would be a suspect. She couldn’t intimidate Cassandra into it either. Bianca suspected that nothing intimidated that woman, much less a pregnant little dwarf. No, she needed to be more clever than that.

It occurred to her that just telling Varric that he belonged with her wasn’t enough. She needed to  _ show  _ him. And perhaps, if Cassandra saw it too, the human would understand and finally let him go. Then Bianca could put her life back together. She and Varric could be married, just as they’d always wanted. And they could raise the baby together. Maybe even have a few more children after this war ended. She could open a new shop, he could spend his days writing his novels, and everything would be as it should have been all along.

She was walking along one of the battlements, lost in this daydream with her hand resting over the swell of her belly, when she saw Varric return to Skyhold. She huffed when she saw him walk with the Seeker to her quarters, then kiss the woman before parting ways. 

Well, if Bianca had any say-so in the matter, she wouldn’t have to see any more of those displays. She just had to be careful. And patient. If everything worked the way she intended, Varric would be hers again by morning.

* * *

 

Cassandra sighed as she stepped out of the bath and toweled herself dry. A proper bath, where she could soak and read a book, the water sprinkled with rose petals and a glass of wine in her hand. 

She dressed and headed back to her quarters, thinking of stashing the book back in her room before finding Varric and joining him for supper. Her eyebrow arched when she saw one of the Inquisition messengers standing by her door, a tray in his hands.

“What is this?” she asked.

The messenger offered the tray over. “From Master Tethras, m’lady,” he answered. “There’s a note as well.” He gave her an awkward sort of nod when she took the tray, then hurried off.

She thought it was a bit odd, but he was a familiar face and so she didn’t suspect that the food had been tampered with. Holding the tray in both hands, she nudged the door open and carried the food up the stairs to the little table in the loft. Curious, she tore open the note.

_ Seeker, _

_ Sorry I can’t meet you for supper tonight. I’m tired from our ride back to Skyhold. I’m going to rest for a few hours. I had the kitchens send you something special. Meet me in my room around midnight? _

_ Love, _

_ Varric _

 

Cassandra smiled, her stomach fluttering a bit at the romantic gesture. She lifted the cover off the plate, the steam rising and bringing the delicious scent of roast venison and vegetables to her nose. And beside the plate, a single red rose. Oh, he had outdone himself this time. She ate slowly, savoring every bite and thinking about how she could thank him for this. It didn’t surprise her that he would want to sleep for a bit now that they were back at Skyhold. They’d gotten up early to ride back and Varric had never been a morning person. He was probably exhausted. She was too, if she were honest with herself. After finishing her dinner, she climbed the rest of the steps to her bed and laid down, thinking of getting a bit of rest before she would go to meet Varric that night.

* * *

 

The castle was dark and quiet as Bianca crept along, making her way to Varric’s room. The only people she saw were the guards on patrol along the battlements, and a light from the rotunda where the elven mage was likely painting or studying. She knocked lightly on Varric’s door when she reached it, but there was no answer. Was he really in bed this early? She tried the handle and frowned. It was locked.

No matter. Like a lock was enough to keep her away from her lover. Nothing had ever kept her from him before. Not her family, not her husband, not the miles and miles between them. She wasn’t about to give up now. 

She set the candle on the floor and pulled out a lock-picking kit, then set to work on the lock. She had to give them credit, the locks at Skyhold were nothing to scoff at. But a few moments later, she heard the last tumbler click into place and she carefully opened the door.

The fire in the fireplace was low, and the room was quiet, save for a soft snoring from the bed. She entered, leaving the door open just a crack. A smile crossed her lips as she went to him, staring down at Varric as he slept peacefully. “Maker, you’re so handsome. You always have been,” she said softly, reaching out to trail her fingers through his hair. He didn’t stir. “And as heavy as a sleeper as you’ve always been too, I see.” She moved about his room, lighting several candles as she went, then added a few more logs to the fire until the room was warm and blazing with firelight. 

“That’s better,” she said to herself, then looked at the bed where Varric still slept. So far, so good. Wouldn’t he be surprised when he woke? And what a wake-up she had planned for him. He’d always loved this sort of wake-up on the rare nights where they fell asleep together. She would remind him what it was like. He would see that they were supposed to be together, that she was the only woman for him. She would make him see.

She undressed and tossed her clothing over the back of the chair at his desk. Running her fingers through her hair, she carefully pulled back the blankets on his bed and smirked. “Nothing ever changes with you,” she said, seeing his nude form. Maker, she’d never get over that. The powerful muscles of his chest, shoulders and biceps, the hair on his chest, the thick length between his legs. It made her mouth water and an ache settle into her core. She had to have him. 

She crawled onto the bed and settled herself beside his leg, gently taking his length in her hand. “Wake up, lover,” she purred as she stroked his cock slowly. She teased the head with her lips, flicking her tongue over the tip. She smiled as he stirred slightly, his cock beginning to firm in her hand. “You remember this, don’t you?” she murmured as she swallowed around the thick length, sucking the head and stroking his shaft as she moaned softly.

Varric couldn’t stop the moan that escaped past his lips, pleasure slowly dragging him back to the waking world. He had been exhausted when they returned and he wanted to get a few hours of rest at least before he met the Seeker for dinner at the tavern. His sleep fogged mind haphazard a guess that he must have overslept and the warrior had come to wake him up. He lifted his hand to slide it through Cassandra’s silken threads. “Mmmm, Cass…”

* * *

 

Cassandra trotted up the stairs and down the corridor towards Varric’s room. She was a little early, maybe half an hour or so, but she just simply couldn’t wait any longer. She’d dozed lightly in her own quarters, but kept waking up and wondering what he could be planning. Something impossibly romantic, she hoped. They hadn’t had much time for that lately. Maybe he was trying to make up for lost time. The dinner, note, and rose he’d sent her was definitely a good start. 

The door to his room was cracked ever so slightly and she could see the flicker of candles inside. A smile split her face as she stepped closer, but then she froze in her tracks. Sounds drifted out the door to her, obscene sounds. Varric’s gravelly, throaty moans and the soft, needful whines of a woman. 

Her heart felt as though it had frozen solid and shattered into a thousand shards. She took an involuntary step back, almost refusing to believe what she heard. Did she want to see? No. No, she didn’t want to look, didn’t want to confirm the horror and heartache that tore through her chest. But yes. Yes, she had to look. She couldn’t stand to walk away, wondering. She had to see it for herself with her own eyes. 

She knew she was going to regret it.

Quiet as a Chantry mouse, her fingers curled around the edge of the door and eased it open a fraction more so she could peer into the room. Fury, disgust, and the most gut-wrenching heartache she’d ever felt seemed to swallow her all in an instant. There, right in front of her, was Varric, lying on his bed, his hand in Bianca’s hair as she sucked and stroked his cock. Another moan rumbled from his throat and for a moment, Cassandra thought she might be sick. She was frozen in place, a million options rushing through her mind in an instant. Run? Scream? Cry? Stab? She acted before she could think on any of them and threw open the door with a hinge-rattling bang.

“YOU CHEATING BASTARD!”

Varric was disoriented for a moment, his mind unable to comprehend what was going on. Somehow, Cassandra’s voice was loud and angry. And not coming from between his legs. His eyes flew open and he pushed himself up, horror washing over him as he realized Bianca had her mouth wrapped around his hard cock, his hand was tangled in her hair, not Cassandra’s. The Seeker was standing in the middle of his door, all fury and fire. “Andraste’s ass, get the hell off of me!” He pushed at the dwarven woman. “Cassandra! This isn’t what it looks like! I thought she was you!” He tried to extract himself from the bed, but with the tangle of sheets and Bianca draped over him, it wasn’t easy. “I wouldn’t do this to you!”

Cassandra snorted at him. “You expect me to believe that?!” she spat. She could feel her eyes burning, the tears threatening to fall. She shook her head at him, her lips pressed so tightly together that they trembled. He honestly mistook Bianca for her? Now that was just an insult on top of everything else. “I am such a fool!” She blinked and the tears spilled from her eyes. Maker damn it all, she couldn’t remember the last time she actually cried, but this… this she couldn’t hold back. She wanted to hit him, to throw something at him, but she didn’t want to get any closer to him. All she wanted was to get as far away from him as possible. “Of all the lies you’ve told, this is the worst,” she snarled, her voice cracking as she took a step back towards the door. 

“No,” Varric held up his hands, panic starting to fill him at the way he saw Cassandra back up, the tears in her eyes. He felt terrible, dirty, and furious, but the way she was looking at him... If he didn’t make her see, if he lost her because of this... “Cassandra, you know I wouldn’t do this to you! I was sleeping! I thought you came to wake me up! Shit, you know how I feel about you! Please listen to me!” He was going to throw up. 

Hurt and fury burned in Cassandra’s eyes as she stared at him, at Bianca on the bed who looked just as surprised about being walked in on. She couldn’t stand there, couldn’t listen to another word out of his mouth. There were so many things she wanted to shout at him, she wanted to attack both of them, and yet somehow she just couldn’t seem to get a single word out. She’d never run from something before, but she just couldn’t handle this. And if she did attack, she might not stop. She shook her head again, then bolted out the door.

Cassandra might as well have smacked him for the effect. Varric’s hands went to his hair and he tugged at several locks while he tried to decide what would be best. His eyes flickered over to the bed and landed on a very naked, very smug looking Bianca. “Get out,” he hissed before he dashed after the Seeker, “No! Cassandra! Listen to me!” He cursed his short legs as he hurried after her retreating form. She started running when she heard him and she all but threw open the door in front of her, “Cassandra!”

Maker damn it all, couldn’t he see that she wanted to be left alone? She should’ve turned around and punched him. But she just couldn’t. She ran, not caring where her legs were carrying her as long as it got her away from Varric. Tears streamed from her eyes and she scrubbed at her cheeks as she ran, turning a corner, down the stairs, through another door…  _ WHAM. _

So disoriented and so utterly heartbroken, she didn’t even see Solas until she ran right into him. Breathless, shaking, she doubled over with a sob as he caught her from falling.

Solas’s eyes went wide as he caught the Seeker, his knees nearly buckling from the sudden force with which Cassandra ran into him. She was trembling, sobbing, and it alarmed him. He had never seen the warrior in such a state and the urge to protect her from what had caused this change welled up in him stronger than he could ever remember. His head shot up and peered out the door to see Varric hurrying towards the both of them. He was in a state of half dress, bare chested as he had obviously come from his room. His eyes flickered down to the door that was his room and he narrowed his gaze on the equally half dressed Bianca who was peering out. 

Disbelief went through him at the sight, but Cassandra crying in his arms was no illusion. He leveled a cold look at the dwarf that had him stopping short. He shielded Cassandra from his gaze and wrapped his arms around her more protectively, “NO!” 

Dread was cold as it seeped into the pit of Varric’s stomach as Solas looked ready to move mountains to keep Cassandra from him. Shit, were his eyes glowing? He panted hard as he immediately stopped. “Chuckles, please. It’s not what it looks like, I swear! I would never! Cassandra! You have to believe me. Please, believe me!”

“LIAR!” she screamed at him, turning her face into Solas’s shoulder. She felt so stupid, so vulnerable, it made her sick. She didn’t know how to react. Didn’t know how to handle this. She’d never been in a situation like this before, never thought she would have to deal with something so gut-wrenching. She sniffled and glared in Varric’s direction. “You never stopped lying to me,” she spat. “And I was fool enough to believe you. Get out of here, Varric. Get out of here before I kill you!” And in that moment, she really felt like she might.

Solas watched as Varric opened his mouth to speak again, the look of desperation on his face was unmistakeable, but enough was enough. “No!” he said again and reached out to grab the wooden door as he pinned the dwarf with his gaze. “I believe enough damage has been done. This has gone on far enough. You will not hurt her again,” he said in a deadly serious tone before he slammed the door shut.

Varric cursed and clenched his hands into fists as he stared at the closed door. “I am trying to make this right! Cassandra! I didn’t sleep with her! I told you I wouldn’t!” He recoiled at the masculine, “Go Away” that was thrown at him from beyond and he cursed as he realized that there would be no talking to Cassandra that night. His breathing was hard, his heart hurt and he was still trying to piece together what the hell had just happened. He had woken to Bianca’s mouth on his cock, the woman naked in his bed. He turned back towards his room and he headed towards it. He wasn’t surprised when he found her still naked, still sitting on his bed as if she owned it. “I thought I told you to get out.”   

“You didn’t mean that,” Bianca said in the calmest tone she could. For a moment there, she’d been truly afraid of the Seeker. But now that woman was gone and Varric wouldn’t be so distracted by her anymore. “If you’d meant it, you would’ve sent me away by now.” She slid from the bed, looking him over. “She isn’t right for you. You know it. You and I are meant to be. Come back to bed, Varric. You were enjoying it before she interrupted.”

“Maybe I wasn’t clear enough,” Varric said, a strange feeling came over him. A numbness that spread through his limbs and he could feel an anger he had never felt towards Bianca clawing to the surface. He fixed her gaze with his own. “Get out of Skyhold. Get out of my life. You’ve just managed to fuck up the only decent relationship I’ve had.” He stood there for a moment; Bianca didn’t move. “I’m not joking around, Bianca. Get out!”

Bianca had never seen that look in Varric’s eyes before. Pure venom, like he truly hated her. Shock and hurt ripped through her. He was serious. Without a word, she dressed quickly, wondering where she could go in the middle of the night. She shook her head to herself; she’d really messed up her life. She scrubbed at the tears in her eyes with the heel of her hand and pulled on her shoes, then headed for the door. She paused, taking several deep breaths as she tried to calm herself. “I’ll always love you, Varric,” she said in a small, broken voice, then slipped through the door and closed it behind her.


	24. Chapter 24

Solas had a hard time reigning in the emotions that surged through him as he slammed the door. His arms immediately wrapped around Cassandra as he led her over to the couch to the side of the stairs. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Cassandra was such a strong woman and to see the effect of betrayal, the way it hurt her so, it echoed with thoughts of his own and he winced as he held the Seeker, speaking quietly to her in elvhen the words to calm. “He’s gone now. He will not bother you again tonight, lethallan.” 

Cassandra really gave in to her tears then. Part of her wanted to believe this was all another nightmare, that none of it was real. “How could he?” she gasped as she leaned heavily into Solas. She hadn’t cried this hard since Anthony had died. “I am such a fool,” she growled. “I believed him. I trusted him. And I knew better! He was always a liar. I don’t know why I thought he had changed. I’m going to wring that bastard’s neck.” She shook her head and wrenched her eyes shut as the image of him and Bianca in the bed flooded her mind again. “I hate him,” she said miserably.

Solas held onto Cassandra as she cried, from what he gathered, she had walked in on Varric and Bianca. Judging by Varric’s state of dress, it wasn’t hard to figure out just what it was they had been up to. He was having a hard time imagining Varric betraying the woman in his arms, but there she was. Cassandra was not prone to elaborate tales of fiction. Varric was. Had this whole thing been a ruse? A joke to him? He didn’t want to think so. “I cannot begin to fathom the pain you must be feeling, Cassandra.”

“I hope you never do,” she said and wiped at her eyes. She stood and began to pace back and forth in front of the couch. “How  _ stupid  _ am I?” she hissed, more to herself than to Solas. “I should have known that he wasn’t over her. That he wasn’t done with her. He obviously didn’t have a problem sneaking around behind Bianca’s husband’s back. Why would I think he wouldn’t do the same to me?” The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. “Maker damn him!” she cried and punched the post of the scaffolding. She was so upset, she didn’t even feel it when her knuckles busted open.

Solas stood up, going over to her quickly. He stood back, watching as she panted, standing there fuming, shaking with anger as she stared hard at the wooden structure. There was now a visible fracture in the wood where her fist had made contact. This was agony. He wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. “You saw the two of them together in his bed?” he asked quietly. The evidence was stacked against Varric. 

Cassandra closed her eyes, swallowed, and nodded. “I heard them before I saw them,” she said quietly. “He was… moaning. Had his hand in her hair while she…” She pressed her lips thin and shook her head, her chin trembling. “He sent me dinner and a note, telling me to meet him in his room at midnight. I went early because I was too impatient. Obviously he intended for her to be out of his room before I got there.” She frowned, more tears slipping from her eyes, and she rubbed at her own arms. She felt disgusting. Did he really intend to sleep with her right after he’d finished with Bianca? He was even worse of a person than she’d originally thought.

Solas pressed his lips thin and rubbed at his face. He was having a hard time picturing Varric writing the note, but at the same time, it did rather seem like something he might do. However, he had made it seem as though he wanted nothing to do with Bianca except to help raise the child that was his. “I do not doubt what you saw, but it seems rather odd that Varric would be so careless as to get caught. Sending you a letter to meet him while he planned to meet with Bianca…” He trailed off. It was the perfect way to cut one of them loose. 

“They weren’t very careful when her husband caught them,” she spat. She narrowed her eyes at him. “I know what I saw. I caught him redhanded! All that talk about sending her away, about not being in love with her anymore, that was just so he could have… both of us.” She nearly choked on the last part, feeling disgusted. “He’s a lying, manipulative little bastard. And I fell for it.” She was pacing again, rubbing at the tears that continued to fall, furious with everything around her. “I should never have brought him here. If he knows what’s good for him, he will stay away from me. Or next time, it will be more than his books that get stabbed.”

Solas caught her as her pace became frantic, his hands curling around her bleeding fist. “Shhh,” he soothed as he summoned the bit of healing magic he knew and sent it over the split skin. He reached up and wiped away a few of the tears that rolled down her face. “Appearances are not always what they seem.” A bitter truth if there ever was one. “If I may make a suggestion, your anger would be better directed at the training dummies, but with a sword. Hurting yourself only shows them that they won. Do not give them the satisfaction.” He held her carefully, giving her a tight squeeze. “He will regret what he has done.”

“Appearances are not what they seem. That is the truth,” she muttered miserably. “That is always my downfall. I take things at face value, accept them as I see them. I thought he was being honest for once. He told me he was.” Her lip trembled again and she pulled away from Solas to sit on the couch, drawing her knees up. “I’m so stupid,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around her shins. Another sob ripped from her throat. “I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid,” she repeated over and over as she pressed her forehead to her knees. Along with the anger and the hurt, now she felt humiliated. “I loved him,” she said, disgusted with the sound of her own voice. “And I thought he loved me. It was all a lie.”

Solas considered her for a moment before he went over to her, pulling a folded cover from under the couch and draped the warm blanket around her shoulders. He rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment. “Stay here,” he murmured before he turned and went to the stairs to get to the upper level of the library, heading for Dorian’s nook. It only took a moment to find the brandy carefully hidden away under the mage’s chair. The two cups stored on the shelves between books were easily plucked up by his free hand before he returned to the Seeker. He didn’t like the dead look in her eyes, the disgust and second guessing she was going through. “Here. This will help,” he said as he poured her a glass. 

She raised her eyebrow at the glass he offered, then snatched the bottle out of his hand and drank deeply from it. The liquor burned her throat, and she really didn’t mind. She took several healthy swallows before she lowered the bottle from her lips, gasping. “I should go train with the dummies,” she said quietly, staring blankly at the wall across from them. “I need to hit something.” She took another drink from the bottle, lamenting that the liquor didn't numb her feelings the way she wished it would. 

Solas raised an eyebrow at her before he drank down the glass. It was a fine brandy, Dorian had impeccable tastes, after all. He wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that they didn’t bother with sipping though. He set the glass down on the end table before he stood up. “Come. I have some training in hand to hand combat. If you want to hit something, I can be your opponent,” he said as he retrieved his staff.

* * *

 

Bull woke early the next morning to the sounds of fighting outside. For a moment, he thought it was just Cassandra up and at her dummies. But then he heard Solas’s voice as well and his curiosity got the best of him. Rubbing at his eye, he got out of bed and peered outside. His brows raised when he saw them. Cassandra and Solas attacking each other, and by the looks of it, the two of them had been at it for quite a while. Solas was shirtless, his torso marked with bruises and scrapes; Cassandra wore no armor, her hair was a mess, her lip was bleeding, and even from where he was Bull could see her face stained with tears.

“Kadan,” he said and shook Dorian’s shoulder. “Some weird shit is going on. Solas is sparring with the Seeker.” That was weird enough in itself, seeing Solas sparring with anyone, especially in hand-to-hand combat. But seeing Cassandra looking like that… He shook Dorian harshly again, knowing the mage was awake and just trying to pretend to still be sleeping. “And I could be wrong, just having one eye and all, but it looks like Cass is… crying.”

“Amatus, we’ve been over this before. If it’s before noon, it is still morning, which is an excellent reason to stay in bed.” Dorian felt himself give into his curiosity at the last bit of information and he pushed himself up on an elbow as he scrubbed at his face. “What do you mean she’s crying?” He gave a defeated groan and pushed himself out of the bed to go over to the window to peer out. “Maker’s breath, she  _ is _ crying. And it looks like she’s forced Solas to be her personal punching bag for the occasion.”

“That’s not like her,” Bull said, frowning slightly. “I mean,  _ really,  _ not like her. Something must’ve happened.” He stretched with a groan, then slapped Dorian on the ass. “Get dressed. Let’s go find out what’s going on. Maybe give Solas a break. The Boss will be pissed if we let Cass tear up his face too much.” He smirked at the scandalized look Dorian gave him for the slap. “Don’t look at me like that,” he growled as he pulled his pants on. “You like it.”

* * *

 

After a few hours of sparring, Solas reasoned that the numbness he felt seeping into his limbs was inevitable. The rage and sorrow that was in each hit was palpable, and it did not waver. Whatever Cassandra had seen, whatever the truth was, she had been hurt deeply. It was a wound that he could not touch. He couldn’t undo it no matter how hard he wished. 

Cassandra swung another punch at Solas, hitting him hard in the chest. If she hadn’t been so upset, she would’ve taken the time to be impressed that he had withstood such a long sparring match. They were both bruised and aching, and she reveled in it. The physical pain felt good compared to the emotional pain. She’d long since finished off Dorian’s bottle of brandy, and it barely affected her. If anything, it just seemed to numb Solas’s hits enough to let her keep going. Over Solas’s shoulder, she saw Dorian and Bull approaching, looking cautious. She held up a hand to stop Solas, and wiped at her eyes. “It’s early for you two,” she stated, unsure of why they were up or what they wanted.

Dorian came to a stop and crossed his arms, tilting his head at her. “We normally don’t have two people sparring just outside of our window.” He eyed Cassandra critically for a moment and he stood up straighter. “Maker, something really did happen.” He glanced over at Solas, noting the fresh bruises and cuts from his match with the Seeker, “What’s happened? Where’s Varric?”

A furious, hurt scowl crossed Cassandra’s face and she turned her attention to Solas again. “Probably in bed with Bianca,” she snarled and threw another punch at the elf. “Again.”

“Shhhhhhit,” Bull drawled. His shoulders slumped; it wasn’t hard to figure it all out. “You sure about that?” He sighed when Cassandra tersely answered that she saw the two of them in bed together. Now it made sense why she was so upset, why she was crying and beating the hell out of Solas. “Cass, stop,” he said, stepping closer. He didn’t fear much, but he almost took a step back at the look she shot him. “Hit me. Give the mage a break. Solas, get some water. And maybe a healing potion.”

Solas blinked, Bull’s voice cutting through the weariness he felt and he nodded his head before he moved over to stand by Dorian. He took the water skin the other mage held out to him and he eagerly gulped down several mouthfuls. He took a deep breath when he finished, passing the skin over to Cassandra who took it after a moment. 

Dorian snorted as he watched the warrior drain the rest of the skin before she tossed it aside. “My dear, you are going to need something stronger than water.” His mind rolled over the information. He didn’t want to believe it true. Varric? He didn’t seem the type to want that. Maker’s breath, he had even hidden in his room to escape Bianca. Had it been all for show? He glanced over to Bull, seeing the emotions flickering behind the lone eye. “Kaffas,” he cursed, “This seems like a brandy kind of crisis.”

“I already retrieved your stash from the library,” Solas said. 

“Well, how much did you give her?”

“Not enough,” Cassandra said as she kicked the empty bottle in Dorian’s direction, then turned her attention to Bull. She almost felt herself smirk, but she was far too distraught to allow herself that. Now that Bull was here, she could really let go. “Do not hold back,” she commanded. “Because I’m not going to.”

Bull gave a nod and braced himself as Cassandra attacked. Damn, she must’ve been hurting to attack so ferociously. He let her get a couple hits in before he threw a punch back at her. “This is why the Qunari don’t do relationships. Not the way you people do. Back home, no one in this situation would be hurt right now.” His head suddenly snapped back as Cassandra landed a hard punch under his chin. 

“That doesn’t help!” she spat at him.

Dorian was distracted as the empty bottle clinked against his boot and he leaned over to pluck it out of the grass. Not a drop was left in it. He gave Solas a glance. “Well, at least you didn’t find the other bottle I hid.” He rubbed at his face as he glanced over at Cassandra as she and Bull traded hits. “And where is the dwarf? What does he have to say about all this?” He shouldn’t have sounded as bitter as he did, but Cassandra was… well, they all were a little bit like a large family. Each looking out for the other. It hurt him to think that Varric was capable of such deception, but it hurt more to see what it had done to their resident Seeker. 

“I do not know and I do not care,” Cassandra answered flatly. She was trying to hard to shut down her emotions, to rid herself of them just as she had done in her training. But it was not an easy thing to do. Not when she’d let herself feel so much for Varric. “He’s probably still sleeping. You know he’s far too lazy to get up before lunchtime.” That wasn’t exactly true anymore. He’d gotten into the habit of getting up and eating breakfast with her most mornings. A fresh stab of pain lanced her heart as she realized she would go back to eating her breakfasts by herself. 

Bull side-stepped and Cassandra countered, keeping the space between them even. Good. A couple more steps, taken carefully and discreetly, and he had traded sides with her, keeping her back to the Great Hall. He knew their routine better than they did, it seemed. If Varric was coming down to the tavern for breakfast, Bull didn’t want Cassandra to have to look at him. Or murder him. He and Cassandra lunged at each other at the same moment, locking their hands together, each trying to overpower the other. “I’ll give him this,” he grunted against the strain, “Varric’s a better liar than I gave him credit for.” Though he wasn’t entirely sure Varric was lying. Something wasn’t right here.

“Indeed,” Solas echoed as he watched Dorian turn the bottle over in his hands until a movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He stood up and straighter and narrowed his eyes as he watched Varric walking down the steps of the Great Hall. He looked miserable with a sadness in his eyes, dark shadows evident under them as though he did not sleep at all.

Dorian frowned at the dwarf. He wasn’t sure what to believe. He knew better than to judge before he had all the information, but the evidence was quite damning. He raised the bottle and hoisted it above his head as he shouted at Varric, “Hey! You owe me a new bottle of Backcountry Reserve! I’ll let you know now, it isn’t cheap!”

Cassandra wasn’t paying attention to Dorian. She was still trying to overpower Bull, her arms starting to shake under the strain. She glared at him, baring her teeth as she growled. But he wasn’t letting up. “Varric has always been a liar,” she snarled, pushing harder against the Qunari’s strength. “He will always be a liar. He doesn’t know how to be any different. Nor does he want to be. And I am the fool who believed he could change.” Frustrated that she couldn’t push Bull back, she suddenly slammed her head forward in an attempt at a headbutt. But Bull tipped his head just quick enough that her forehead collided with the base of his horns, and she fell back hard on her ass with a cry of surprise and pain. An angry red mark appeared immediately on her forehead and began to swell.

Bull stood up straight and heaved a breath, his eye flashing over towards Varric. The dwarf had heard, he was sure of that by the look on his face. He felt like marching over and interrogating the shit out of Varric, to demand the truth, use his Ben’hassrath skills to find out the whole story. But he couldn’t. Not now, not in front of Cass. And not when Varric himself looked just as heartbroken as Cassandra did. There was more to this story, he was certain of that now. But until he heard all of it, he felt he needed to guard Cassandra. He looked to her again. “On anyone else, that would’ve worked,” he said, extending a hand and pulling her back to her feet before he took a defensive stance again. “Never try to headbutt a Qunari, Cass.”

Varric nearly drew back at the poisonous looks he got from everyone surrounding Cassandra. Solas looked like he could attack at any moment if he tried to get any closer. His heart ached for Cassandra and he wanted to go to her, throw himself at her feet and make her understand that he had no part in what Bianca had done to him last night.  _ ‘Once a liar, always a liar,’ _ he thought to himself bitterly. He couldn’t blame them, he didn’t have the best track record as is, but shit, he wouldn’t take what he had with Cassandra so lightly. “I didn’t betray you,” he managed to get out, his voice thick with fatigue. 

Cassandra’s head whipped around at the sound of his voice. She hadn’t expected to see him so early in the morning. In truth, she’d hoped to not see him for quite some time if she could avoid it. But there he was, looking sad and exhausted, and all she could think about how miserable he looked was ‘ _ good.’  _ She wanted him to feel as awful as she did. Her face wrenched with anger and sadness, and she turned to square off at Bull again. “No, I suppose I just dreamed that I saw you in bed with…  _ her,”  _ she said tersely and threw a punch at Bull, who choked back an oof of pain. 

“I didn’t invite her into my bed. She broke into my room. I’d been sleeping ever since we got back with the Inquisitor.” He could see the doubt in Dorian’s eyes before Solas took a step towards him, putting himself between the Seeker and his gaze. Damned if the elf didn’t look like a protective wolf with that gleam in his eyes.

“Whatever has happened, it is too soon to be talking about it. Unless you rather fancy Cassandra beating the shit out of you this early in the morning?” Dorian spared a glance over his shoulder at Bull and the Seeker. He had no doubt the woman was acutely tuned to the dwarf, listening to what he had to say. Varric certainly wasn’t acting the smug bastard who had been playing two women. It wasn’t his character. Just like crying wasn’t in character for Cassandra. “You were in bed with Bianca. That is the only fact that we have at the moment, I don’t think the Seeker would be bawling her eyes out otherwise.” 

Cassandra wiped her eyes on her sleeve, glaring in Dorian’s direction. “I am not bawling!” Her face burned with embarrassment; she knew they saw her crying, but announcing it just somehow made it worse. She swallowed harshly, looking at Varric, and another tear spilled from her eye. Maker damn it all, it just wouldn’t stop. She scrubbed at her face again. “What do you want, Varric?” she spat, venom dripping from her voice. “Haven’t you toyed with me enough? You’ve had your laugh, tricking me into believing that you were a good person, that you… you cared… for me.” She had to stop talking, her voice was threatening to crack and she really didn’t want to break down in sobs out here in the open. The sun was climbing higher in the sky and more people were beginning to move about Skyhold. She didn’t need an audience. 

Varric swallowed thickly as his eyes met the Seeker’s. Guilt washed over him at the immense pain he could see there. One of the things about her was that she took things at face value, a woman of action. He found himself shaking his head, his fingers itched as he wanted to go to her and draw her into his arms. “You only saw what she wanted you to see. I didn’t…” He started, looking at the way the men around her seemed to draw up, preparing to defend the warrior against him. His voice was thick and he felt exposed as he spoke a silent plea, a promise, “I didn’t betray you. I don’t want anyone else. I’m yours.” 

Oh, he might as well have stabbed a dagger straight into her heart. How many times had they said that to each other, whispered it in the night, cried it out in moments of passion? And he had the nerve to say it to her now? “You are not mine!” she shouted, taking an aggressive step towards him. “You were never mine! You’re hers. You belong to her! You have always been hers!” She could feel her control slipping, her throat closing off as sobs tried to rise up in her chest, and she took a step back again. “Just stay away from me,” she breathed. Her vision went blurry as more tears welled up. How could he stand there and say that to her? She suddenly didn’t feel like sparring anymore. And she for damn sure wasn’t going to stand out here in the open and make a spectacle of herself. She turned on her heel and marched straight for the smithy, calling over her shoulder, “Dorian, bring me more brandy! I know you have more!” before she slammed the door behind her.

“Well then, best not to keep the lady waiting,” Dorian said as he shot a look at Varric before he shook his head and looked at Solas, “I may have something for the number she did on you as well. Who knew you were hiding such a body under those baggy apostate clothes?” He chuckled and led the way to the Great Hall, Solas falling into step with him.

Varric winced as the door slammed behind her and the looks that the men gave him were no better. He watched as Dorian and Solas headed off to the rotunda and he rubbed at his face. The Seeker’s words rung true in his mind, he belonged to Bianca. Bianca considered him to be hers and she would use him as she saw fit. She had, once again, turned his life upside down and expected him to hang on. He could feel the gazes of everyone in the courtyard on him and he knew the rumors had already made their rounds. Shit. He looked over to Bull who was standing there looking at him with a sharp eye. He met it unwaveringly. “I didn’t betray her. I was asleep, I thought Cass came to wake me up and then next thing I know, Bianca’s in my lap and the Seeker is at my door screaming.” It was his fault. He should have sent Bianca away when she first came to Skyhold. 

Bull raised an eyebrow skeptically. “That’s a shit story,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared down at Varric. Claiming to be sleeping through an affair with a previous lover when the new lover walks in? It was clever enough, he supposed, something he hadn’t heard before. And yet, somehow, too unlikely. The lies Varric told were believable lies. Not ridiculous bullshit like this. Which meant, if Varric was claiming that he’d been asleep when Cass walked in on him, he was probably telling the truth. 

And not only that, but Bull could just tell by the look in Varric’s eyes, his body language, the tone of his voice, that the dwarf wasn’t lying. No one was that good of a liar. No one. He sighed and shifted his weight to one leg. “You know it’s gonna take a shit ton of work to convince Cass that you’re not lying to her,” he said finally. 

Varric felt a weight lift from his shoulders, a small weight, but every little bit helped. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and he nodded, “No shit.” He rubbed at his face before he looked up at the Qunari again. “She’s going to be in her stabbing mood for a while. I should have listened to you sooner. I didn’t think Bianca would be so desperate that she would stoop this low to try to get me back.” He ran his hand through his hair, taking out the tie and staring down at it for a moment. “I kept meaning to make arrangements for her to leave, but the Inquisitor kept taking us out on missions. Probably to get us away from Bianca. I never got around to it.”

“You sure you wanna send her away now?” Bull asked, scratching at his chin. “You wait until after the Seeker catches the two of you in bed for you to send Bianca away? Might make Cass suspicious. If you send Bianca away and then try to convince Cassandra that you didn’t do anything to hurt her, she’ll think you’re still lying.” He sighed heavily again. Of course, Cassandra wouldn’t want to see Bianca around Skyhold either. “You’re up shit creek no matter what you do,” he said, “But maybe if Cass sees you still keeping your distance from Bianca, maybe she’ll listen. Aargh, I dunno. I’m not the one to talk to about this relationship crap.”

“Yeah. Not exactly my strong point either,” Varric groaned and tied his hair back again. “I’m going to go make myself scarce. I have a feeling Buttercup is going to put bees in my bed or some shit like that. Not that I can blame her. I’ll just… do better. I have a feeling it’s going to take more than a few crappy romance novels to fix this mess.” He gave a bitter laugh.

“No shit.”


	25. Chapter 25

Cassandra spent the next few days hiding in her room, being absolutely miserable. This wasn’t like her, to let something affect her so deeply, and she realized then just how much she loved Varric. Damn him. Damn herself for falling for his lies. And damn everything around her that made her think of him. His scent on her pillow, his books beside her bedroll, the table below her loft where they would sit together and practice Wicked Grace. She hated all of it now. And no matter how desperately she willed it, she couldn’t hate him. She wanted to. Oh, how she wanted to, but her heart wouldn’t let her. And that made it hurt all the more.

Solas and Dorian kept coming by to check on her, Josephine offered to listen if Cassandra needed to talk, but she kept sending them all away. She wanted to be left alone, to somehow put this all out of her head. And Cole may have come to her once or twice, but she couldn’t quite remember. Somehow, seeing everyone else just reminded her how normal their lives seemed and how turned upside down hers had become. She hated the day sounds that filtered into her room, soldiers talking and laughing. Their perceived happiness just seemed to amplify how broken her heart was.

She prayed to the Maker for strength, for healing, to harden her heart so she would never feel this pain again. This agony. This horrible, curl-in-on-yourself burning in her heart that seemed relentless. But her prayers seemed to fall on deaf ears. There was no relief from this, not even in the brandy that Dorian offered or the dreamless sleep from Solas. 

Fuck romance. It wasn’t worth it.

She was lying on her side, staring at the stack of books beside her bed when she heard footsteps on her stairs one evening as she tried to fall asleep. She kept thumbing the cover of the most recent book, the one Varric had sent her with the flower pressed inside it, listening to the dull  _ thwop, thwop, thwop  _ every time it slipped from her thumb, and thinking that she should burn them. Or shred them and send the pieces to Varric. Leave them outside his room with daggers stabbed through every cover.

“Leave me,” she mumbled when the footsteps reached the top of the stairs. She didn’t know who it was and she didn’t care. It could have been Corypheus himself and she wouldn’t have given a shit. She curled in on herself more and wiped at her eyes. 

Dorian sighed as he walked towards her, his eyes darting around the normally kempt area. It rather looked like Sera had torn her way through. He clicked his tongue as he stopped next to her bedroll. “Now now, my dear, this simply won’t do. One cannot drink themselves into a stupor alone. Well, they can, but it’s hardly the fun way to go about things.” He knelt down next to her. “And you are all out of the good wine. A tragedy if I have ever seen one.”

“I’m not drunk,” she muttered without rolling over to look at him, though she did look at the empty bottles sitting there. In truth, she didn’t feel like drinking. She didn’t feel like doing anything except lying there and feeling sorry for herself. With a sigh, she rolled slightly to finally look over her shoulder at him. “What do you want, Dorian? I do not feel like listening to someone try to cheer me up. Andraste knows Josephine already tried it. If she couldn’t manage it, neither can you.” She knew she shouldn’t be so rude to him, he’d been so supportive over the past few days, but she just couldn’t seem to help it. Bitterness just seemed to ooze from her like a poison. And she didn’t know how to make it stop.

“What? You think this is about you? I need someone to come keep me company while I wallow in my own sorrows and drink myself into a stupor. Solas just started working on the finishing touches to his frescos. We should go watch and make drunken commentary. I’ll even tell you a tale or two about those templars and feathers, if you’ve a mind.” He gave her a sad smile and rubbed at her back soothingly. “It tears me up inside to see you like this, my dear.”

Cassandra let out a heavy sigh. “Why do you care? Why does anyone care? He doesn’t care,” she spat, then bit her lips shut. She really shouldn’t speak that way to one of the few friends she had. “Forgive me, Dorian,” she said, her voice softer. After being so hateful, maybe she owed it to him to go with him, try to make up for being that way. “I don’t suppose you’re going to leave until I come with you,” she asked. He didn’t even have to answer. She could see that gleam in his eyes. “Alright,” she finally said and got up, her body feeling stiff from lying around so much. “You realize Solas is going to hate us for this.”

Dorian chuckled as he slipped her arm in his, patting the top of her hand. “My dear Lady Cassandra. When are you going to realize that you have friends who care for you very much? Your pain is our pain. This may come as a shocker, but we love you. Don’t we owe it to ourselves to take care of a loved one when they are in pain?” he asked as he led her towards the stairs. “Besides, you will find heckling Solas to be both therapeutic and entertaining. Until he decides to retaliate for a book landing on his head. That wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t actually aiming for him when I tossed that drivel over the railing.” 

For the first time in days, Cassandra smiled. She didn’t manage a laugh, but for just a moment, the pain faded a bit. She let Dorian lead the way, ignoring the few curious stares of others passing through the courtyard. Surely her situation couldn’t be that interesting that she warranted such looks. Then again, this was Skyhold. Most of the people there thrived on gossip, loved to spread it through the place like wildfire. “You need to cause a scandal,” she muttered as they walked up the steps and through the Great Hall. She pointedly looked at Dorian so she didn’t have to see Varric’s table there; she didn’t even know if the dwarf was at his table or not and she didn’t want to. “Give them all something new to gossip about.”

“It is what I am good at, isn’t it? Hmm, what could I do that would really turn some heads?” He smiled and grinned at her. “I don’t suppose you have ten silk scarves?” he asked her as he opened the door to the rotunda and bowed as he let her pass him before he pulled the door shut behind them, locking it for good measure. “Alright Solas, I found her!” he called up to the scaffolding as he went to the desk and reached for the bottle there and poured a few glasses of the dark amber liquid. “He’s gotten really tired of me I must say, Cassandra.”

“Perhaps it is because you keep trying to make suggestions as how to improve my clothing. It suits me just fine, you should know,” Solas said as he finished a line and set his brush aside, grabbing up a turpentine soaked rag to wipe his fingers with before he peered down at Cassandra. A flash of sympathy went across his face and he tossed the rag away before he climbed down. “How are you holding up, Cassandra? Have you been eating?”

“Yes,” she lied. Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t quite remember when her last meal was. Didn’t matter, really. She wasn’t hungry. She accepted the glass from Dorian and sipped at it. She’d have to be careful; if she drank too much or too fast, she’d be drunk. And then she’d be a mess again. And she was really tired of that. “I am just…” She paused, trying to choose the right words. “Just ready for this part to be over. I want to move on, get back to the way I was before all this happened. I am ready for it to stop hurting.”

“Like all things, it will take time,” Solas said as he gave her shoulder a squeeze before he led her over to his couch so they could sit down. He wanted a look at the wall from a distance before he continued his work. His eyes flickered over to Dorian who knocked back his measure of brandy before he poured another. “Perhaps something from the kitchens would be wise. I would hate for you to trip over one of my paint cans again.”

Dorian drew in air, puffing up his chest as a bright blush crept across his cheeks. “You purposely left that blasted can in front of the stairs, right where you knew I would be walking!” he hissed before he shook his head and took a sip of the burning liquid, “But I am feeling a little peckish. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes as Dorian wandered off. “I do not know what I am doing, Solas,” she admitted, covering her face with her hands. “This is not me. This is not who I am. I am not some broken, withering lady who sits by and lets her life go to shit because of something like this.” She dragged her hands down her face, groaning. “I need to snap out of this. I need to focus on my work. That would be better than lying around, feeling sorry for myself. At least I would accomplish something. Stop wasting my time, spending every moment thinking on someone who does not care for me.” A bitter snort of a laugh escaped her. “I expect he has not wasted any of his time or thoughts on me. What he did to me.”

Solas managed a small smile at that, studying her eyes for a moment. “I am not certain if it is a comfort, but he has.  The times that I have seen Master Tethras, he looks much like you. No doubt he regrets his actions, most likely because they led him to being caught. It is odd though, since the incident, I have not seen him with Bianca at all. Perhaps they are both equally miserable,” he offered. Varric had insisted that he didn’t invite Bianca into his chambers, but it was a weak excuse. 

“They should be,” she muttered bitterly. She snorted. “And he’d just told me that he was going to send her away, provide for her and their child, but that she would no longer be here. I suppose he doesn’t have to keep up that lie anymore either. I know she has not left.” Not that Cassandra really cared much about that at the moment. She was far more angry with Varric than she was Bianca. “I need to stop thinking about him. There is no point in it anymore.” She sighed through her nose. “I wish the Inquisitor would send him away. He never wanted to be here in the first place.” Though even if Ellana told Varric to leave, Cassandra doubted it would help. She would still see him in all of it, be reminded of him every time she walked by his table in the great hall, every time she ate a meal at the tavern. It was hopeless and she nearly choked on the knot in her throat. 

“Well, of course she hasn’t left,” Dorian said as he came back into the room, holding a tray of crusty bread and a spread of cheeses that he sat down on Solas’s table before he reached under his arm and set a large bottle of spiced wine next to it. “Varric put in the request ages ago, but like the ceiling in Bull’s room, the Inquisition has decided that its resources are better used elsewhere.” He picked up a piece of bread and smeared some of the cheese on it, then refilled his glass and went over to the couch, handing the Seeker the slice of bread and sat down on her other side, taking a long drink from his cup. “Not that I am on Varric’s side, but that woman hasn’t exactly helped him so she could leave the castle.”

“Why should the Inquisition take care of his problems for him?” Cassandra asked. “It’s resources  _ are  _ better used elsewhere. He created this mess for himself, he should handle it himself. It is not Josephine’s job to fix it for him. It is not the Inquisitor’s job. He is wealthy enough that he could easily afford to help Bianca get settled somewhere else. And why am I still talking about this?!” She suddenly huffed, irritated with herself. Hadn’t she just said she needed to stop talking and thinking about Varric? “This is going to make me into a drunkard. Dorian, pour me some of that wine.”

The mage made a sound with his throat before he groaned and pushed himself back up. “You’ve been avoiding the subject, my dear. Ignoring it won’t make the pain go away, it will make it worse,” he said as he poured a healthy glass for Cassandra, “Besides, I need to talk to you about that. Just something for you to think about. That lummox whose bed I keep finding myself in. He said he cornered Varric with that Ben-Hassrath thing he does.” Dorian waved his fingers in the air for emphasis before he went back to the couch and sat down. “You aren’t going to believe this, but he says Varric is actually telling the truth. I told him he needed to get that eye checked by the healer.”

It was Cassandra’s turn to snort. “Bull is good at what he does, but I’m not certain I trust his judgement in such matters. He’s made it abundantly clear how Qunari view these things. They take no issue with multiple bed partners.” She took the glass from him and sipped at it, a stern look on her face. She didn’t care what Bull thought; Varric was guilty. And there was nothing that could change her mind about that. “Varric is a good liar. It would not surprise me if he could fool even someone like Bull.”

“Ah, that’s what I was thinking as well, but romantic involvements aside, Bull knows liars. Varric is one of the better ones,” Dorian said as he shared a look between the three of them, “So then, why is it Varric’s saying that he woke up to an unwelcome Bianca in his bed fondling him? The resident storyteller I know could come up with no less than five lies on the situation and each one more believable than ‘I didn’t betray you.’”

Solas frowned. “It still does not negate the fact that Cassandra is right. Varric has the money and influence to send Bianca away without the aid of the Inquisition. He could have prevented the entire ordeal if he had done just that. Instead of acting, he waited and now everyone is paying the price of the inaction.”

“Exactly,” Cassandra said sharply. She shot Dorian an accusatory look. “At least Solas is on my side,” she said, though she knew it sounded very childish the moment it came out of her mouth. She slowly swirled the wine in her glass, staring down into it, wondering if she should just go outside and beat the hell out of her dummies some more. At least the dummies didn’t judge if she said something stupid. And she really felt like hitting something. 

The Inquisitor trotted through the rotunda, coming to a dead stop when she saw the three of them sitting together on the couch, glasses of wine in hand. “You three aren’t drunk already, are you?” she asked. “You know, sometimes we actually have to work around here,” she said, the corners of her mouth twitching as she fought the urge to smile.

Dorian snorted. “And here I thought getting drunk was part of the job description. You should join us, Inquisitor. We are helping Cassandra cope. If we let her drink enough wine, you might actually see her stab Varric in the back. Don’t worry, I’ll be certain to alert the healers if that’s the case,” he said as he drained his cup before setting it aside, “What is this work you speak of?”

The Inquisitor pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose. “Don’t bother with the healers,” she said. She was furious with Varric too for what he had done to Cassandra. “We’re going to the Arbor Wilds to stop Corypheus. I want you three with me.”

Cassandra perked up at that. Hitting people who deserved it? Killing people who deserved it? “I’m ready,” she said a little too eagerly as she got to her feet. She set aside the half-drank glass of wine. “Let me put on my armor and I will meet you at the gates.” She almost felt excited. This was what she needed, to throw herself into her work and keep herself busy doing something productive. To hell with lying around feeling sorry for herself. She had better things to do with her time.

Solas was happy that Cassandra would have something to take her mind off of current events. It would be just what she needed. He stood as well, setting aside his glass as he smiled at the Inquisitor. He had been hoping he would be invited to visit the Arbor Wilds. He wasn’t sure what they would find, any remnants from his past, but at least he would be there. “Thank you, ma vhenan,” he said, “It is just what we need.”


	26. Chapter 26

“ ...and she still hasn’t left. I don’t know what more I can do, Tiny.” Varric leaned back in his chair, picking up the tankard of ale next to him and took a long drink from the mug before he looked over at the Qunari sitting at his table in the Great Hall. It had been a week since the Inquisitor and most of the forces had traveled to the Arbor Wilds. A skeleton crew was left at Skyhold just in case the enemy wanted to try and catch them all with their breeches down. At present, Varric would prefer that Corypheus attacked. Anything would be better than the bitter looks he kept getting, the pout that Bianca had on her lips every time he told her to leave. She never did, choosing to ignore him. He had stopped trying, she was too close to the end of her pregnancy to be traveling anyway. A few more weeks and he would be a father. 

“Don’t think there’s anything you can do,” Bull answered. He settled himself comfortably in his chair, draping his elbow over the back of it. “There’s too much to deal with right now. Wait until after this crap with Corypheus is over. Then worry about getting her set up somewhere comfortable.” For once, Bull really wasn’t sure what to say. All he knew was that it was bullshit that everyone was giving Varric such a hard time. Bull narrowed his eye as Cole muttered something, a look of shock and anger flashed across Varric’s face, but then a second later it was gone. Bull shook his head quickly, trying to clear his mind. “You’re doing that thing again, aren’t you?” he deadpanned as he took another deep swig of his ale, watching Cole over the brim of the tankard. “What are you trying to say, Kid?”

“Forget.”

Varric felt drained from it all and leaned back, rubbing his face as he looked from Cole to Bull. He could tell that the kid was trying to help, but he just felt worse and worse the longer he sat there. “I just don’t know Tiny. I’ve royally screwed up this time. I think you and the kid here are the only two people in Skyhold who don’t want to put a knife in my back right now. Sera’s put three different bags of snakes in my room. Ruffles looks at me like I’ve stepped in druffalo dung. Even Curly is giving me this disapproving father look.” He leaned his head back for a moment, staring up at the ceiling before he let out a heavy sigh, then drained the rest of his tankard and pushed it back across the table. 

He missed Cassandra.  

Shit, for him to even think of that, it spoke volumes of how much he had fallen in love with the woman. And now, she thought he had betrayed her and it hurt him more than a knife in the book ever could. “She’s never going to believe me again, is she? She won’t even listen to me. Not that I could even get close enough to try to explain myself. I thought Chuckles was about to bite my head off the last time I even looked in her direction.”

“Yeah, not sure what to think about that either,” Bull said. He gave a growling sigh and held out his mug for the barmaid to refill. “I tried to tell Dorian, but he wouldn’t listen. Thought that maybe if I could get it in his head that you weren’t lying, maybe he’d talk some sense into Cass. But you know how he is when he gets an idea in his head.” Bull looked down into his tankard, swirling the ale around as he muttered under his breath, “Stubborn Tevinter asshole.” He threw the drink back again, paying no mind as the barmaid ducked to avoid the swing of his horns. “Argh, let ‘em go kill some shit with the Inquisitor. That’ll put ‘em in a better mood when they get back. Maybe then someone will listen.”

“Shit, I hope so, but I doubt it. Don’t think I don’t know that this is exactly what Bianca wanted. I should have known she would have done something like this, but I didn’t want to believe that she could be that person,” he snorted, “I didn’t want to believe that she hadn’t changed.”

“Despair, hurt, longing. Maker, I want to do the right thing, but not at the cost of her. Doesn’t that make me a terrible person? It’s not the kid’s fault. The baby shouldn’t be punished.” Cole winced and shook his head. “But you don’t understand.  She wasn’t hurting you before, but now she is. I’m trying to heal the hurt, but it only makes it worse. Why don’t you understand? You know her.”

Bull had gotten used to Cole over the months of being together at Skyhold. But the one thing that still bugged him was that he couldn’t read the spirit the way he could other people. And Cole really didn’t make sense to him. “People don’t change unless they want to,” Bull said, choosing to ignore whatever it was that Cole was muttering about now. “You can force people to do a lot of things. But change isn’t one of them.” He paused and listened to Cole again for a minute, trying to make heads or tales of what the spirit was saying. He leveled his gaze at the young man. “And you can’t heal someone if they aren’t ready to deal with it,” he said in a low voice. 

“But, The Iron Bull,” Cole said, his eyes searching the Qunari’s trying to help him understand, “If it doesn’t happen soon, it will be too late!” He pressed his lips thin a moment later and looked back to Varric before he shook his head. “I’ll try another way,” he murmured before he stood up and walked away, heading out of the tavern. 

Varric watched as Cole left, then gave a half smile to Bull. “Well, at least he’s learned how to use the door. That’s something,” he muttered before he shook his head. His heart felt heavier than when he had first walked in and he frowned at his empty cup, “Shit. There’s not enough ale in the world that can help me right now. You think I should be worried that the Inquisitor is most likely helping the Seeker to plot my death?”

Bull couldn’t help but to chuckle at that. “Nahhh. I don’t think the Boss would do that to you. She’s saved you from Cass before after that deal with Hawke. But they may be plotting an accident for Bianca,” he said. “A few more weeks and she should be due, right? Damn.” He shook his head, glad he didn’t have to worry about shit like that. “No drink is gonna fix this crap, but something stronger might help,” he said as he waved the barmaid over again.

Varric nodded at that. “A few more weeks.” He shook his head as he thought it over. “And then what?” He suddenly felt suffocated, everything had happened the way that Bianca wanted. He was alone once again, free to be with Bianca and his child. It had once been his dream, now why was it making him sick to his stomach? Trapped. He bowed his head and pinched at the bridge of his nose, trying to stop the sting of tears that threatened. “Shit. My life is messed up. I never thought I would see a day where I didn’t want anything to do with the mother of my child.”

He pushed his cup back, waving off the barmaid from refilling the tankard. “Think I’ve had enough,” Varric muttered as he reached into his pocket for some coins and tossed them onto the table, paying for both of their tabs. He could feel the looks being shot at him by the soldiers that had been left behind to protect Skyhold. Cassandra commanded a lot of respect and now that they thought he had been playing her, he was suddenly on the receiving end of many hateful glares. It made him feel sick to his stomach that these people actually thought that about him. “I’m going to get some rest. If you don’t see me in the morning, means I’ve been stabbed in the back.” 

Bianca hesitated nervously in the darkened corridor. It had been weeks since she’d set Cassandra up to find Varric and herself in bed together. And he hadn’t spoken a word to her since. She’d given him some space, stayed out of sight. He wasn’t the only one getting dirty looks. But the Seeker wasn’t around now and Varric had had time to calm down. Her stomach twisted in knots when she saw him walking towards her. “Varric,” she said, wishing her voice sounded a little stronger. When he didn’t answer, didn’t say a word, she felt as though he’d slapped her in the face. “Varric, please! Talk to me!” she begged as he walked by like he hadn’t even seen her.

The sheer amount of pain that lanced through his heart at Bianca calling for him, the sight of her standing there in the shadows, hand on her round belly as she waited for him, was enough to stagger a normal man ten times over. He felt ill, physically sick that this is what his life had been reduced down to. He wished he could be happy about the pregnancy, about the little kid that would soon be introduced into his life. He couldn’t hate the kid for his own mistakes and he vowed to love the little one as much as he could, but he had nothing left for Bianca. She had shattered all chances he had with Cassandra and burned the bridge. He couldn’t do their dance any more.

He stopped only when he came to his door and he pulled the key from his belt, feeling Bianca’s gaze on the back of his head. “Did you need something for the kid?” he asked quietly, keeping his gaze on the splintered wood in front of him.

A knot formed in her throat. She still couldn’t believe he was being so cold to her, that he had cared that deeply for another woman. It hurt to know that he didn’t love her anymore. It hurt to see him hurting. She frowned, her lips pressed tightly together as she took a moment to try to level out her voice. There was only one thing she needed for her baby. “You.”

Varric closed his eyes at that, lost in the swirl of emotions that surrounded him. The pain never went away. He bowed his head, his hand frozen on the doorknob as he licked his lips. “Is that why you did it? So that the kid would have my undivided attention?” He turned, his eyes meeting hers as he clenched his free hand. “Is that why you wrote Cassandra that letter and signed my name to it before you broke into my room and used me so you could show her just how faithful I was?”

Bianca silently hung her head. When he said it like that, it sounded so horrible. She drew a deep breath through her nose and looked up to meet his gaze again. “I did it for us. Because I still believe that we’re supposed to be together. I don’t want a broken family. Not for me, or you, and especially not for our baby.” She swallowed harshly; why couldn’t he see it? Why couldn’t he see what she did? “She was distracting you. How else was I supposed to get her out of the way so you’d finally wake up and see what you’re missing?!”

“So the obvious conclusion you rushed to was to make me look like an unloyal ass in front of the entire Inquisition? Have everyone here alienate me so the only choice I would have would be to crawl back to you and our kid? Oh, well that just makes everything right in the world, doesn’t it? And you didn’t even stop to ask me what I wanted, even after I’d told you what my role in the kid’s life was going to be. It wasn’t acceptable to you, so once again, you went right on ahead doing whatever you damn well pleased.” 

“You’re damn right it wasn’t acceptable. Making me raise your child while you send money and visit once every five or six years, if that?” Her voice was going more shrill, but she couldn’t help it. The more she thought about that, living like that, the more panicked she became. “While you get to go off and do whatever you want, whenever you want, never minding the fact that you’ve sent me off somewhere to raise your child. You really think that’s acceptable? Leaving me to raise a baby all on my own? Because I don’t! That’s not the Varric Tethras I know.”

She might as well have slapped his face, the words bringing the thoughts of his parents to the forefront of his mind. A cold fear wrapped itself around his chest and squeezed tight. She was right. He was dangerously on the edge of becoming his parents. “I was going to be a part of his life. I am going to be a part of this baby’s life. Cassandra was going to support that, but you were so damn jealous of her you wanted to do whatever you could to get her out of the picture. I was doing the best I could and it still wasn’t good enough for you!” 

“Of course I wanted her out of the picture! I love you! How do you think it made me feel seeing you with her? At least I never made you watch while I kissed Bogdan or held his hand or any of the other shit I saw you do with her! It’s one thing to know it’s happening, but seeing it? Having it blatantly rubbed in your face? That’s another thing entirely!” She could feel her temper slipping, her nerves on edge, and she knew she was close to screaming or crying or perhaps both. And she could see that yet again, this was another conversation that wasn’t going anywhere. “It wasn’t good enough. And it probably never will be. You keep promising to be part of our baby’s life. But everyone knows what a liar you are, Varric. So pardon me if I’m skeptical.” With a snort, she turned on her heel and stomped away, blood pounding in her ears and tears burning at her eyes.

Varric stood there, he wasn’t certain for how long after Bianca left him. Her words swirled around in his head, serving only to drive the feeling of loneliness and pain to the point of being unbearable. He quickly turned and went into his room, shutting the door hard as he turned and leaned against it, sliding down to the floor in the darkened space. He had loved Bianca. He had loved her so much, that everything she did only served to hurt him further. Now here he was in the Inquisition. Cassandra and everyone else hated him, pushed him away for what had happened when he woke up with Bianca on his lap. The unborn baby was the only reason he hadn’t promptly sent her away. 

It was complicated.


	27. Chapter 27

Any day now.

Any day Varric was expecting someone to burst through the doors of the Great Hall or his humble room and announce to him that Bianca had gone into labor. Nine months were up and any day now he would be a father. 

He scrubbed at his face with his free hand, pushing around the letters on his table next to the fireplace. Most of the Inquisition were still in the Arbor Wilds dealing with Corypheus. He had to admit, while he hadn’t been keen on traveling to the forest with Morrigan, it still had to be better than being stuck at Skyhold. His heart ached as he thought about Cassandra, watching her leave for the Wilds without so much as a goodbye. Everything they had been working towards had been crushed and it left nothing but a bitterness that ached in his chest.

Trying to see his future without Cassandra in it was something he couldn’t seem to do. 

He sat back in his chair, tossing his quill on top of the stack of papers and he let out a heavy sigh and stood up. He had been avoiding Bianca at all costs, but it was petty. He couldn’t punish his child for the wrongs she had done against him. And as it was, that kid would be the only person worth having in his future. 

Varric turned and headed out the doors and down the steps, letting his feet carry him to the healers. He could look into buying a few things for the little one, some toys or maybe a bookshelf. Something. 

The healer looked up from tidying a bed as Varric walked in. She recognized him, who wouldn’t around Skyhold? Well, perhaps she knew him a bit better than most, seeing as how she was also Bianca’s midwife. Part of her felt sorry for him. Rumors spread around Skyhold like wildfire and she knew his popularity had dropped since that incident with Bianca and the Seeker. But the healer felt it wasn’t her place to judge, so she offered him a smile as she glanced him over. “Did you need something?” she asked. “You don’t look hurt. Headache? Something else?”

Varric managed a sad smile for her. “If you have something for the pain I feel, we should go into business together. There’s a fortune to be had there.” He leaned against the bedpost as he watched her finish tucking the sheets under the mattress. “I just need to know Bianca’s due date. I know, I know, I’m terrible for not asking sooner. I just need to know if it will happen in the next few days or if I have a little bit longer to order a few things for our new addition.” 

She gave a laugh as she smoothed the bed and straightened up, stretching her back a bit. “You men. You always want an exact answer for everything. Don’t you know there’s no way to tell an exact date for this sort of thing?” She shook her head as she moved about, busying herself with straightening potions as she talked to him. “I suppose we could try one of those old wives tales to predict when it’ll happen. You want me to tell you if it’s going to be a boy or a girl too?”

“No, no, it’ll ruin the surprise,” the dwarf chuckled at that and waved his hand at the woman, a smirk tugging at the edge of his lips, “I was just hoping for your best rough estimate. I mean, it’s been nine months already. You’ve probably delivered enough kids to give your best guess, right? I mean, I know it’s different for every woman, but you could give me your best guess, right?”

“Hmmm,” she hummed in agreement as she made herself a note that they were running low on elfroot. “I’ve delivered enough to know that she’s nowhere near nine months yet,” she said as she wrote more on the parchment. “You might want to recount. Bianca’s still got at least six more weeks to go if not more. She’s just seven months along. You’ve got plenty of time to order whatever you like for the little one.”

Varric frowned at her words, his brow furrowing. “After the expedition to the Hinterlands she insisted on was the very last time I was with her. Period. I don’t care what you might hear from anyone else. And that was at least nine, hell maybe even closer to ten months, ago.” He looked to her, watching her reaction, challenging what she had said. It was ridiculous. Human error. 

She arched an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure?” she asked. “I know Bianca started showing early, and to most she probably looks like she’s ready to have that baby any minute, but I know what I’m talking about.” It didn’t add up in her head as she thought back. Bianca had told her everything about this pregnancy, but it didn’t matter what was said, there were some things you just couldn’t lie about. She swallowed at the look on Varric’s face, her stomach twisting in knots. “You… ah… m-might want to talk with Miss Davri…” she finally stammered, unsure of what else to say to him.

The ground lurched beneath Varric and he found himself scrabbling to grasp the nearby bedpost before he lowered himself to sit on the mattress, his vision fading away as the implications hit him. 

He was not the father of Bianca’s child. 

He was not the father. 

Anger would have swept him away in a tide were it not for the immediate rush of sadness as he thought of Cassandra in the next moment. There was no way that the Seeker would even look at him again, let alone listen to him try to conveniently explain everything.  Bianca had managed to take away everything from him. 

“Ohhh, no you don’t,” the healer muttered under her breath as she quickly grabbed up a pitcher of water and poured a cup for him so fast half of it spilled over her hand. Varric looked like the blood had drained from his face and she was not about to watch him pass out on her. “Drink this,” she commanded and shoved the cup into his hand. “I’m sure there’s…” she trailed off. No, there really wasn’t an explanation. She grabbed up a book and fanned his face, trying to do anything she could to keep him from going into some sort of shock. “Breathe.”

The motion of the fan finally drew his attention back to reality and he reached out, catching the healer’s hand to stop her. He shook his head as he drank the water she had given him, his mind becoming numb as he thought about what the truth had to be. He stood up, pressing the cup back into her hands. “Thanks. I’ll be fine. I just,” he paused and looked towards the door, feeling more lost than ever. He needed to hear the truth, “need to go have that talk.” 

* * *

Bianca’s brow furrowed as she concentrated on the tiny screw, adjusting it just right. Since her plan with Varric had backfired, she’d resigned herself to just spending her time here in the undercroft, working on her inventions. Dagna and Harrit didn’t seem to mind her presence, and though Dagna could be annoyingly cheery, she didn’t mind them either. Plus it was out of the way, most people didn’t bother to come in there, so she didn’t have to suffer the looks of everyone in Skyhold judging her all the time. 

She let out a sigh as she finished adjusting the screw, then sat back. She turned to reach for a drink of water and let out a shriek of surprise. “Varric!” she gasped, seeing him standing over her. “You scared me.”

Varric wanted to be angry with her. He could feel it just beneath the surface, but he couldn’t reach it. So he stood there, studying her for a moment before he finally met her eyes. He could see it. The gears of her mind turning away like they always did. The fire and passion for her work that could not be extinguished. She was a woman who got what she wanted. No matter the cost. 

“I’m leaving Skyhold.” 

The tool slipped from her hand and clattered to the stone floor with a resounding ring. “What?” she breathed as she struggled to get to her feet. “Varric… why?” she asked, her eyes narrowing in confusion. She reached to touch his arm, but he moved out of her grasp before she could even touch the sleeve of his coat. She swallowed and lowered her hand, but she wasn’t about to just let him leave like that. “Talk to me. What in the world is going on? Why would you leave?”

“Bianca,” he whispered harshly, the emotions evident in his voice, “Stop. Just stop. I am not doing this any more. I know about the kid.” He studied her face, feeling that deep numbness inside of him growing with each passing second. 

Her expression faltered for a minute. How could he… oh shit. To be fair, when she’d first come to Skyhold, the whole plan hinged on him just taking her in without a second thought. When he hadn’t, she’d tried desperately to make it work. She hadn’t taken into consideration that they would get this far without him taking her back. But he was smart and she couldn’t pull the wool over his eyes forever. “Varric, I…” She trailed off, unsure of what to say. “This wasn’t the way I meant for all of this to go.”

Varric closed his eyes at the admission. “I loved you, once. So much that I thought I would do anything to keep you happy, but this?” He looked back at her, feeling his throat catch. “Go back to Bogdan. He’ll want to know he’s the real father.” Half of him wanted to shout at her, to break something, anything, to show her how much she had hurt him. Be that as it was, he couldn’t see any hate in her eyes towards him. Just the same Bianca as always. Hawke’s voice echoed in his head, things had changed. 

Bianca shook her head. “He’s not-” She clamped her mouth shut before she could finish the sentence, but it was too late. Her stomach turned unpleasantly and she breathed hard through her nose as she took a step back. She couldn’t even look at Varric now. Everything had gone wrong. One bad decision led to another, one lie followed the next, and now she’d dug herself so deep she could barely remember how it all started now. But it didn’t matter, because in the end, she’d lost. She lost her husband, she lost Varric, she’d lost her shop. “Dammit,” she choked out, her voice a whisper as she scrubbed at her eyes.

Those two simple words reached Varric as though he were in a tunnel and the sounds around him were muffled. The sense of betrayal only grew larger as the picture became clearer to him. The desperation Bianca must have felt, a need to do anything to bring the two of them together again. The cost was too high. He let out a heavy sigh, “Josephine is handling the paperwork of the place I found for you. She’ll let you know when it’s ready. Shouldn’t be more than a few more days.” He watched as the red faced Bianca scrubbed at her tears, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything for her. “Don’t contact me again.” 

Guilt washed over her and she nearly choked on the emotion. “You… you don’t have to,” she managed to get out. Even after everything, he was still going to make sure that she was taken care of. She swallowed and took several deep breaths to try to calm herself. Maker damn it all. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, how it was supposed to end. She wanted to beg him to stay, to tell him how sorry she was, but there was no use. With great effort, she forced herself to look at him and nearly cringed at the numb look in his eyes. “Varric,” she whispered, fearing her voice would break, “I’m sorry.”

Varric let himself look at her for a moment, all the memories they had together. The good times and bad. Yet, the wound she had inflicted this time was far too great. “I hope you find your happiness,” he said quietly before he turned back towards the door, “Goodbye, Bianca.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, everyone. Rewriting took longer than expected.

**Author's Note:**

> Updated every Monday.


End file.
